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[Wellington]

It's not very good, but here's mine. Someone's bound to have a drop dead funny anecdote.

Last night we had a company holiday party at some hotel here in the city, and I knew it was going to be some big event, so I had decided that maybe I shouldn't attend. My PM asks me if I was going yesterday afternoon, and I told him that I didn't plan on it. Needless to say, he sent me home early so i could change and show up at the event. So I'm all doled out in a suit and shit and I head out over there and I talked to the few people I knew, met some others and it was boring typical coporate schmoozing crap. If not for the open bar, I'd have pretty much keeled over from boredom.

I knew i was leaving within an hour, so I knocked back as many as I could within that time frame, knowing that I wouldn't really feel the reprocussions until after I had left. However, this one dude, Mike, that works in the same area I do decided he wanted to drink whenever I did, which is fine, but he was going to stay for the duration of the night...

So I left at my scheduled time, went home, lost my game of Madden and went to bed all pissed off. Woke up this morning and came to work, on the front door I saw a picture of Mike with his pants down at his ankles sitting on a toilet bowl throwing up into a waste basket he had apparently positioned in front of himself. After getting up and dusting myself off from rolling on the floor laughing, I tried to find out what happened. Apparently, Mike was so bent last night that he started throwing food, urinating on the dance floor, telling random people to take shots with him, and finally trying to take a shit and vomit at the same time. They found the poor bastard in one of the bathroom stalls the same way he was in the picture, barely speaking coherently. They carried the guy out of the hotel and threw him into a cab, of course he lives out in East Bumblefuck New Jersey so my boss paid the cabbie a hundred bucks to take the guy home. :lol Man I wish I had stayed to see all that, I wouldn't have lost my Madden game either. :lol

 

[All Hail C-Webb]

I've done the cough/sneeze and fart, but I've never been able to puke and shit. I imagine it would be quite an experience.

 

[Ninja Scooter]

dude i remember one time when i was like 8 years old, my family all went on vacation to France...but they FORGOT about me?!? I was all by myself for like 2 weeks, and these burglers tried to break into my house and shit, but i couldn't call the cops, i dont' remember why?

 

[Incognito]

my father at a christmas party a few years ago playing quarters by rolling them off his bald dome. yeah, he was drunk. :lol

 

[Goreomedy]

I've done the cough/sneeze and fart, but I've never been able to puke and shit. I imagine it would be quite an experience.

Oh yes, it's the best! Well, not during , but afterwards, it feels almost as if someone's performed an exorcism on you.

 

[Eminem]

well....not a christmas party, but a halloween party this year.

needless to say, we were all really wasted. so we decide it's a good idea to break onto the roof of the apartment complex at midnight.

So yeah. There's about 10 of us up there with a nice cooler of beer and jungle juice, screaming obscinities at anyone we see walking outside. We start throwing beer cans at random people. We made a game out of trying to hit people. Then we hit the wrong guy, apparantly. He said he was gonna come "kick all [our] drunk fucks' asses"
And he walked into the building to try and find us. but, us being so suave, we locked the janitor's closet we used to access the roof from the inside. So that bastard couldn't get us. When he finally came back out on the street we all tried to pour our beer on him. We failed miserably, but hey, we tried. We thought he was gonna go call the cops, so we got our cooler and went back inside. Good times. I'm surprised no one fell off that roof, to be honest.

 

[AlphaSnake]

I'd hit all of you. :|

 

[Dilbert]

Back in my coffee shop management days, two of the hottest girls at the store decided to throw a holiday party. When they answered the door, they were wearing red velour with white fur trim Santa dresses that stopped about an inch below...well, you know. They were both rolling on E, and for whatever reason, were VERY happy that I stopped by. Good times.