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[Jsisto]

Never thought I'd be making a thread like this but I'm at my wits end....

My father has been a lifelong addict. He is 71 now.....Admittedly I probably don't know the full extent of it as my mother did everything she could to give my brother and I a fairly normal upbringing while keeping the family together. But I do know that he smoked pot, did coke, trips to the methadone clinic, went through a couple year period of alcoholism that he was able to kick, and is now currently addicted to prescription oxycodone for "pain" that he's been on for probably almost two decades at this point. He has countless stomach and gastro issues that I'm sure he wouldn't have, at least to the same degree, if he wasn't on this. To be clear, he does not currently do any other hard drugs, but the oxycodone is literally killing him. He has constant anxiety, barely ever leaves the house, his body is atrophying. He has fallen three times in the last month, the first in which he fell on his face on the kitchen floor, fractured his nose and nearly died. Its honestly amazing he didn't.

As his overall health has gotten worse, he has not been able to control himself and has been running out of his pills earlier and earlier. My mother has been doing everything she can to hide them, but he always manages to find them, which makes her scared to even leave the house in fear that he'll find them, fall again, or worse. I should have fucking taken some of them to my place so that this wouldn't happen but I had too much faith. He's now currently out of them until May 3rd and in for a REALLY bad time.

It's at the point where we honestly just don't know what the fuck to do. If he was younger and relatively healthy I feel like rehab would be a good route to take. But I legitimately fear at this point in his life coming off of them might actually kill him. It might just be getting to that point due to his health regardless. We live in NJ where medical marijuana is a thing and I was thinking maybe he could overtime ween himself off and start doing that. He already takes recreational gummies sometimes...(yes I know, another thing...) My brother and I want to do what we can to help but he refuses to see any doctor other than the one that prescribes him his pills(hes a piece of shit quack), and we also don't want to take any action that would result in his doctor refusing to fill them, which again I feel at this point would probably kill him. My parents also are both the type that will not let us know anything is wrong until they're practically about to die and will NOT see a doctor until it gets to that point. It's a constant source of frustration for my brother and I....we both have our own lives and want to do right by them but they make it incredibly difficult.

I honestly am not sure what I am even asking here.....has anyone dealt with a family member suffering from addition at THIS late stage in life? What did you do? Anyone know any resources to look into?

Thanks for listening.

 

[Mistake]

I'm quite honestly amazed he's still alive and his liver works at all. If he is a danger to himself at this point, you can probably get him committed to a rehab center if you have documented cases of incidents. I'd talk with different places and ask what the process is. I'd also look into getting a power of attorney if your mother isn't taking care of him right. Not sure if a court will grant it or how much mess you're willing to go through, but sometimes being able to say "I did everything I could" is worth it in the end.

 

[T-0800]

That sounds terrible. Sorry mate.

 

[Jsisto]

I'm quite honestly amazed he's still alive and his liver works at all. If he is a danger to himself at this point, you can probably get him committed to a rehab center if you have documented cases of incidents. I'd talk with different places and ask what the process is. I'd also look into getting a power of attorney if your mother isn't taking care of him right. Not sure if a court will grant it or how much mess you're willing to go through, but sometimes being able to say "I did everything I could" is worth it in the end.

Thanks man....I take some comfort in the fact that my brother and I haven't inherited any addiction issues whatsoever. So at least we can say the cycle has been broken(his father was an addict, too). It's truly horrible to see someone you care about engage in self destructive behavior and not be able to control their impulses. Addiction is truly demonic. But yeah I really don't know what to do and increasingly feel like there is nothing TO do. I truly appreciate the advice but it IS at the point where I feel like anything outside of his normal routine will cause him so much stress that it will kill him. Even going to his routine doctor appointments causes him so much stress. Power of attorney probably is a legitimate option but increasingly I'm feeling like it's at a point of no return. The thing that's killing him is also the thing that's keeping him alive and dominating his thoughts. It kills me to see it play out. I was just visiting them for Easter and he's talking about trying to see a teledoc to refill his script early(he won't, he has no idea how to even do that), oblivious to the fact that the landscape has changed dramatically and he's lucky to even have a doctor that's giving it to him in the first place. Obviously I feel sorry for him but even more so I feel deep sorrow for my mother who has sacrificed so much of her life for him....

Thanks for listening. I really feel like theres not much to be done and just needed to get this off my chest...

 

[diffusionx]

You can't make someone do something they don't want to do.

 

[Dacvak]

I swear I responded to this thread with a huge post about my personal experience, and it got reactions too… am I going crazy? Where's the other thread?

Edit: Ope. Nevermind, just read about the forum issues.

 

[SlimySnake]

At this point, you need to let him go. You have to realize that this is not your fault, and just focus on your mom and her mental health. Be there for her after your dad. She should be your biggest priority right now, not the selfish dude who needs to have pills hidden from him just so he doesnt overdose and die.

Stay close with your brother and your family. It's only a matter of time now and you all need to be prepared. In your mind, you need to let him go so you can move on when the time comes. And from what you are saying, it will be sooner rather than later.

 

[MaestroMike]

old people get colder easier make sure whatever room he is in hes warm enough with decent heat and clothing especially during winter and now that we're in spring and its getting warmer put a jacket on him and he can spend more time outside and enjoy the weather walk to the park and feed some ducks or something whatever old ppl like to do outside he can eat more calories when its warmer like ice cream and burgers to put on weight too thats what i do with my dad i give him some full fat kefir and reeses pieces and chocolate whenever i see him so he can get more calories in (i still tell em to eat mostly vegetables/fruit) since he got thinner and got sick from the cold weather last year he wasn't warming up enough. i text my parents the weather conditions all the time so they don't end up getting sick and to make sure they're staying warm and eating healthy

 

[AJUMP23]

I know if you ask the pharmacy they can make pill packs for each day. Usually no cost. So you could dole out the daily pack as needed and take away everything else.

Dealing with addiction is tough and people cut off from their addiction often lash out.

You can confront your dad with the truth but you cannot get angry just express your love for him. Encourage him to seek treatment.

 

[Northeastmonk]

My dad started falling a lot more before he died, but he wasn't on drugs. I did deal with drug addicts as a teenager. I knew the kids who slowly started on that roller coaster that eventually had them smoking and shooting up meth. I went to many different rehab and substance abuse counseling. That life feels like it doesn't exist anymore, probably because I hit all the rehab stuff early in my life.

You're suppose to get rid of the substance by substituting it with something else. Which sounds impossible unless it takes his cravings away. Marijuana might help especially if he can find something potent that stops his craving for the pills. He's got to want to quit and he has to make that a goal of his.

You also need to put up some boundaries if he decides to keep doing it. You can love him from afar. If he's toxic then he'll just drag everyone else down with him. He should go to N.A. (Narcotics Anonymous), which is like AA. They might know or at least have other people struggling with the same addiction. NA are found all over the place. You can't imagine how many small midwestern towns have N.A. groups. A lot of these small towns struggle with their meth labs and narcotic addictions.

 

[DreamcastSkies]

I am really sorry you are having to deal with this.

 

[UltimaKilo]

That's terrible. It's true you cannot force him, but a rehab facility is important. Secondly, if you haven't already, tell him how he being around along time is important to you and you need him to not only get off the opioids, but get in the gym and reverse some of the damage (addictive personalities need a healthy alternative to get addicted to).

Finally, consult an attorney to find out what your local laws are and send him to a facility possibly gain a power of attorney. While he is gone, have your attorney or a letter for the physician.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

I'm quite honestly amazed he's still alive and his liver works at all.

It's the opposite of Murphy's Law - addicts have batshit insane organs, it's people that take care of themselves get cancer at the age of 30 and die.