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[Finale Fireworker]

I managed to go all twenty-five years of my miserable life only dancing on two occasions: forced square dancing in eighth grade gym class and one uninspired slow dance at my then-girlfriend's senior prom. Neither of these count.

I don't like dancing. It's something I never learned to do, or wanted to do, and my life was nonetheworse for it. I love musical theater, and react positively to other people dancing, but I have never felt compelled to do it myself. When people asked me to, I would decline. When people asked if I could dance, I admitted without hesitation that I simply could not. Like a lifelong allergy, I just avoided it. It became part of my personality, really. Media gave me the validation I needed to be comfortable being a bad dancer. Hearing enough men on TV say "Oh, I don't dance" was the perfect model for a guy like me.

"Oh, me? Ha ha, I don't dance. I'll be over here pretending to text if you need me."

My current girlfriend, who will inevitably be my wife, loves to dance. She loves music and responds to it in ways I do not. Music makes her want to move - and she does - and she seems so at home and in tune with tunes. It's not just that she loves to dance, but that she's just naturally very good at it, and I am naturally an actual sack of potatoes. As a couple, we have always challenged each other to do things we thought we could not. So when my company party was coming up, and she asked if I would dance with her, I knew I had a moral obligation to say yes. Also, because I love her, and she really wanted to dance with me. I didn't want to dance, but I wanted to do it for her.

I only started this job in January. It's my post-college job and it's the first place I've worked that would have an annual company party at a classy venue. I already had anxiety about going because I didn't know what to expect, but knowing I was going to have to dance made me repeatedly consider driving my Camry into the ocean. But, again, I love my girlfriend and am still making payments on the car. I chose, this time, to live.

And, dear readers, it was the most humiliating thing I have ever done. I cannot exaggerate how uncomfortable I was and how desperately I wished for it to end. Song after song after song, my girlfriend was so happy. I, the potato-man, was not. I have never been more uncomfortable in my life. It was so unnatural, so unpleasant, and extremely embarrassing. I had no idea how to move with the music. Notoriously tone-deaf and unfamiliar with most of the songs, I just stood there shaking completely independent from whatever was playing. I constantly scanned the crowd in hopes of finding somebody to emulate, but I couldn't even wrap my head around the most basic rhythmic movements.

I decided that my only escape would be to embrace the bad-dancer shtick and really ham it up. I tried to, if nothing else, be funny. But I couldn't even do that. As I was trying to look like I was too cool to dance, an actually talented dancer took the same route and became the laugh-magnet of the dance floor. The guy was awesome, talented, and made me want to walk the 280 miles to New York City and leap in front of a subway train.

But my girlfriend was so happy. I just kept looking at her. She would occasionally grab my arms and move my body for me to "give me some structure". She didn't care that I was the worst dancer to ever be abandoned on the planet as a baby by aliens who had not invented music yet. She was just... happy. Happy to have me out there with her. We danced for a couple of hours. I was repeatedly told she was the life of the party and she is such a good dancer. I thanked them and silently wished I could match her. Doesn't she deserve a better dancer than me?

I ended up thinking a lot about it on the drive home. Why was I so uncomfortable? Why is it so easy for her, and that one guy who playfully took his shoe off and pretended to "call me on my cell phone"? What is happening in their bodies and minds that does not happen to me?

I realized that I hate myself - and my body. This is why I can't dance. It takes so much energy to just walk around and live life normally that I do not have the mental bandwidth to let loose. It's a mode I am programmed without. It is not supported by my operating system. Asking me to dance is like asking me to fly. The best I can do is maybe run in circles and flap my arms. I will never get off the ground.

The embarrassment I feel is an extension of my rock-bottom body image. Constantly stressing that I wear clothes badly, sucking in my stomach, making frequent trips to the bathroom just to make sure there's nothing on my face, I am the ultimate physical neurotic. How can I be expected to dance?

It would be very easy for me to say "oh, you know how us white guys are!" But I don't want to be like that. I don't want to resign to the fact I am a rhythmic idiot and never try to get better. But I don't know where to start. I don't know how to gain all the skills and senses I am currently without. There are no Elite Beat Agents to help me here. There is only me.

What would you guys do? Let me illustrate exactly how musically inept I am. In high school, I was in a mandatory chorus class. I was a baritone, so I didn't even have to sing the melody. In the middle of a song we were singing, my chorus teacher stopped us all. He pointed to the kid next to me, played a note on the piano, and told him to match it. He did.

He then pointed to the kid on the other side of me. He played another note on the piano and asked him to match it. He did.

Then he pointed to me. He played the note on the piano. My brain immediately fried. It was like being asked to define a word from a language I have never heard. Match the note, he said. And I couldn't. I didn't even know how to try. He just kept playing it over and over while I sat there sweating. Finally, he started making the note.

"Aaaaaah-" he said.

"Aaaaaah-" I said, totally off.

"AAAAAH-" he says louder.

"AAAAAH-" I say again, totally off from both his and my previous note.

We just stared at each other yelling "AAAAAAAH" while I randomly adjusted my pitch in an attempt to land on whatever note he was making. Finally he kicked me out of the class because he thought I was doing it on purpose.

He confronted me later and I told him I wasn't doing it on purpose. I really just didn't know how to make the note. All I could tell him was that the notes were different, not what they were or how to match them. He felt bad, consoled me, and then politely requested I drop out of chorus.

Which I did.

I have a ton of problems here and I definitely feel hopeless. I don't know how to dance and have no idea how to improve or where to start. I am having trouble being calm, cool, confident, and sexy, so I figured I would ask a bunch of gamers on the Internet.

I know the healthy answer is probably "who cares if you are a bad dancer?" But I'm currently drinking a Diet Pepsi in the shower as I hammer this out on my iPhone. I care that I'm a bad dancer and I want to get better to keep up with my girlfriend.

What should I do? This is my first Off-Topic thread, it's that important.

 

[PAULINK]

Just play Dance Central, great game to start getting rhythm in dancing. I'm a big dude and I can still pull moves.

 

[-COOLIO-]

being able to hold a note isn't at all important when it comes to dancing. and even then, being able to dance well doesn't really matter either.

i am not a great dancer but usually the first one out there because moving your body as naturally as you want to music that you love is super fun. when people say they don't like dancing i honestly think that 90% of the time they mean "i don't like the super uncomfortable feeling that i look stupid and i'm being judged when i'm out there". but as long as you're letting yourself have fun, you probably look great.

you're right that confidence plays a huge part in it because it's not going to be fun until you learn to let go and not give a fuck. but if you learn to do that it'll serve you well in life even off the dance floor.

edit: oh, also, if you lose the rhythm, keep counting the beat to 4 and just do a movement, any movement, to the beat.

edit: but then again, even if you're offbeat, not a big deal. whatevs. do yo thang.

 

[old manatee]

It's awesome that you put yourself out there even though it was the last thing you wanted to do.

Spend some time looking up dancing tutorials on YouTube and practice them with your girlfriend at home. It'll be fun without anybody looking at you and it sounds like she would appreciate the effort.

 

[shintoki]

They said I dance to much like a female stripper....

So I decided to take off all my clothes.

 

[weemadarthur]

You are handicapping yourself by refusing to practice at home, in private.

If you didn't code on a daily basis, would you enter a game jam? It's the same thing.

 

[Stinkles]

Dancing was a mistake. It's all trash.

Do yourself a favor OP and learn to sway rhythmically at the bar while sagely nursing a beer. Channel Road House Swayze and make people think that you could dance if you wanted, but you are busy vigilantly protecting them from drunkards and evildoers.

 

[Zombine]

I really wish this was my avatar.

 

[bennywhatever]

I was this same way before my now-wife and I decided to take ballroom dancing lessons. A friend of a friend taught it at a local school gym for a few weeks, so we decided to do it as a couples-building activity.

We on-and-off kept up with it and 6 years later, we now go to monthly dances and are much better. We still suck because I am not smooth and she has little rhythm, but it's fantastic couple-building and it gives us a chance to laugh together and learn together.

Also, there are thousands of youtube videos to help you learn. I recommend you two learning how to waltz or rumba together - that'll get you timing and teach you how to lead. I'm sure, since she's a good dancer, she can help you out too.

 

[Alphahawk]

Sounds like you're too self conscious. No one really cares that much about how you dance: this isn't middle school, no one's laughing behind your back. Having said that, I find it odd that if it was such a stressor you didn't practice with your gf first, or at least became aware of some of the more popular songs so that you'd have some idea what you'd be dancing too.

But yeah, people tend to only notice really great dancers and not mediocre ones m. So I doubt you have much to worry about.

 

[Stinkles]

I really wish this was my avatar.

This is peak white people. The British Empire at its glorious world spanning zenith wasn't as amazing as this cat.

 

[zeemumu]

I really wish this was my avatar.

No matter how hard you train, you'll never be as good as Duane

 

[old manatee]

Dancing was a mistake. It's all trash.

Do yourself a favor OP and learn to sway rhythmically at the bar while sagely nursing a beer. Channel Road House Swayze and make people think that you could dance if you wanted, but you are busy vigilantly protecting them from drunkards and evildoers.

My move is to walk through the dance floor bobbing my head and smiling at people on my way to and from the bathroom. I have to pee a lot if I'm drinking so anybody I'm with will catch me out there a couple times and think I'm dancing. I smell like a genius.

 

[Bedlam]

People are different. I'm similar to you, OP - from the dancing to the note thing. Music class was hell for me in school. Later I picked up the hobby of playing guitar out of my own volition and while I didn't become a musical Wunderkind, I now know how to hold certain notes because I "hmmm"'d along to the notes I played on the guitar many times.

As far as the dancing goes, I think that has more to do with what kind of person you are - introvert, extrovert, likely something in between leaning towards introvert (like me). You can consciously take a couple of steps into the opposite direction (take measures that make you feel better about yourself and your body; do sports!) but you cannot completely change your behavior type. I feel comfortable jumping around at a concert when the music grips me and I can rhythmically move in a club when I'm in a good mood so it looks like dancing but I accepted that I will never be an outgoing dancer kind of guy. I have different qualities and so do you.

Loved reading that post, btw. Have you considered writing as hobby?

 

[Ran rp]

ask her to teach you or just dance with her occasionally. quit being so dramatic.

 

[Crayolan]

If your girlfriend likes dancing so much she'd probably be ecstatic to help you learn.

 

[Hayvic]

Well, at least you know how to write. The read was very entertaining

 

[Goro Majima]

I mean you're also a guy so you're lucky enough to basically only having to do minimal movements while holding a beer like me.

This isn't junior high anymore so I haven't known many people who can dance while sober. It gets easier with the more drinks you have. It also gets easier the more you do it so take your girlfriend dancing more often.

 

[CarpeDeezNutz]

What kind of music do you like OP? I don't like to dance but I have always known rhythm, playing the drums and djing. I would suggest listening to a minimal house track to get the flow of the beat.

Or pick a song you like and listen to like just the snare hit and pay attention to when it hits.

 

[wenis]

Unless you're a professional dancer getting paid to do the same routine over and over again until it's perfect

no one gives a fuck what you look like while dancing

They probably look just as goofy as you think you look, but the difference is they're just doing it without caring. Figure out your personal rhythm and then find a rhythm in a song and just go. If it helps watch other people dance first and mimic their movements and find the rhythm in that and apply.

It's not rocket science. It's dancing. Have fun.

Video content (don't mind the hat)

 

[Bedlam]

no one gives a fuck what you look like while dancing

People do note when someone looks like he feels miserable though. Letting loose is easier said than done for introverted people. Alcohol did help me to some degree with that.

@people in this thread recommending dance courses: this is missing the point here in my opinion. The problem isn't dance technique, rather it's not giving a fuck.

 

[Holundrian]

Can you not sign up on a course with your gf(honest question cause time/money/availability are possible issues). I'm sure she's going to be the best motivator for you judging by your story. Also if you haven't already I think this could be stuff you also want to tell her?

Basically if dancing/music does little for you make it about her.
Make it a game of how well you can match her rhythm, how well you can synchronize with her movements instead of the music. But also start with easy stuff.

Edit: Actually if a course is not possible why not let your gf teach you at home first since you said she's good at it. Probably an environment that's going to be the most comfortable for you.

 

[Elwood Blues]

Try the full body dry heave set to music

 

[mm04]

Just play Dance Central, great game to start getting rhythm in dancing. I'm a big dude and I can still pull moves.

This is seriously good advice. I was in a dance crew in high school/college and was never shy on the dance floor. When my nephews wanted to learn how to dance, I bought them this and it worked like a charm.

 

[cooltrainer]

Practice with your girlfriend at home. When you go out don't pay attention to anyone else but your girlfriend. If she's loving it and you are unaware of anyone else then it should be much more comfortable.

 

[daegan]

do you drink? it helps stave off my initial embarrassment, and then I usually have a good time and so the next time I socially "need" to dance (once or twice a year, usually, work or family functions) it takes less cajoling and I'm more okay with it.

edit: also what the posters said about lessons of some kind. you may really enjoy that, even if you still never feel "good" at dancing. really it's one of those things that almost nobody thinks they are "good" at unless they're LUDICROUSLY good.

 

[wenis]

People do note when someone looks like he feels miserable though. Letting loose is easier said than done for introverted people. Alcohol did help me to some degree with that.

@people in this thread recommending dance courses: this is missing the point here in my opinion. The problem isn't dance technique, rather it's not giving a fuck.

I've been dealing with it my entire life. I know. Maybe I've found the trick to it tho is that no one is paying attention to you when music is involved. Even if you think they've marked you as a sad sack that's just you projecting onto them. It's just playing head games with your own head. It's a tough cycle to break, but yea I guess alcohol. I hate that it seems to be the solution to everything, but it unfortunately is in this regard. a couple stiff drinks (not beer, no one likes feeling bloated on the dance floor) and anyone should be good to go. That and dancing to music you actually like and enjoy.

 

[Curiocity]

That was an adorably written OP, so funny to read, but I feel for ya

So as someone who enjoys dancing and teaching new people, especially swing, in which the steps specifically don't line up with the music (don't ask it wasn't my idea), what I try and suggest is to make a simple pattern of steps in your head (right-left-right is fine) and literally just ignore the music until your feet get some muscle memory. Don't worry about being fancy or on beat yet. Just side to side. Do it without music. Do it to music that you know very well. Do it for a few minutes; until you can think about other things. Then while your feet are moving try to lift both your arms above your head, or mimic typing on a keyboard, or some other simple movement that requires both hands. The goal is to be able to do something with your arms while your feet are totally on autopilot. This will help you stay on rhythm while you focus on what you want to do next. Want to spin her? Put your feet on autopilot, then lift one arm up over her head, she'll help you finish the spin. Partner dancing is that: putting your feet on autopilot while thinking of simple commands to tell your partner through body language. Spin left. Spin right. Cuddle. When she tried to "give you some structure", what she was doing was trying to make your body language a little easier to read by making you less noodly. Of course you're thinking "KIIILL MEEEE" and your body language hasn't learned anything else to say, so naturally giving you "more structure" without anything to do is about as helpful as putting a fish on skis.
But that's where it starts: simple pattern, simple commands. The guy with the shoe gag was simply so used to the pattern that he could play with it until it looked like a totally new thing. Don't worry about that guy.

Most people who dance, and I do mean the vast majority, started out just as awkward and uncomfortable as you. When they see you dance, they're not judging. They either don't care at all, or they see themselves and want to say "see, it gets better, when it gets fun it's SO FUN" and they want to encourage you because in their mind you're not defined as Awkward Sweaty Guy, you're New Guy Who Is Putting Himself Through Hell For His Girlfriend and that is noble and sweet and you deserve props, man.
I dunno if this helps at all, but it might be worth a shot, and I wish you luck!

 

[TheSpoiler]

Look up lil b.
Learn how to cook.
Enjoy your increased sex.

 

[TheOctodad]

I feel your pain OP. Many of my friends are professional theater performers and dancers, my wife is a great dancer ... and then there's me. I don't mind dancing so much, but I just don't have the chops to keep up with them. Unfortunately, hanging out with them does cause attention (they're really damn good) and then I end up having to distance myself a bit because I don't want to be lumped into the the "OMG these people are amazing" group.

 

[Messofanego]

Even if you believe people may think you look silly while dancing, at least you're dancing while they're just staring and judging you. They'll see at least you get down and like to have fun. Not caring how you look is a sign of confidence, and for some is an attractive quality.

 

[1871]

Play the long game. Self-confidence is obtained after years of learning how to relax, improve your own health, etc.

Also, no one cares about you as much as you care about yourself. I can't imagine going to a social gathering like that and judging people. Grown people do not look at others trying to belittle them. The only people who do that are the kind of people who are looking for self-reassurance. Talk to your girlfriend about it, it being self-confidence, not dancing.

 

[clearacell]

Everyone can dance. Babies dance. It's really about letting go. If you want to learn to have rhythm, listen to some music with a good bass line, and alternate your feet everytime that bass hits a new note. Dancing is more of a feeling rather than a listen and do type thing. I know deaf people that dance, hell, they do it with a partner even.

If all else fails take a class, everyone else in that class would be in the same boat as you.

 

[aceface]

Practice at home in private, have your wife teach you some moves. She'll be excited that you are putting in the effort and it will make you closer as a couple.

Or alternatively you can just dance to one or two songs at functions like this and spend the rest of the time getting as drunk as possible. Besides dancing, drinking and chatting with your coworkers is also a socially acceptable thing to do at work gatherings.

Incidentally, my dancing most closely resembles Thom Yorke from the Lotus Flower video. All spastic flying elbows lol. I don't really have much rhythm.

 

[RecRoulette]

Your problem has nothing to do with dancing OP.

 

[EmptyCanO'wupass]

I was like you once, OP. Didn't dance, no natural rythm, no musicality, felt disconnected from my body when on the dance floor.

The thing is that many of the people who you might think of as 'natural' dancers, really aren't. Yes, some people have a better natural connection to music than others, but for most it takes a lot of practice. I started learning ballroom about a year and a half ago (my first time really trying to dance with any effort), and now I go out dancing between 2-4 times a week. I love it!

I think the problem a lot of people have, maybe you feel this way, is they don't feel in tune with their body enough to comfortably dance in a free-form by themselves like you would at a club or a wedding. I used to hate dancing by myself because I never knew what to do with my flopping arms.

The solution for me was getting into beginner partner dancing. I would suggest trying something more structured and pattern-based like ballroom if you really want to get better at dancing. There are several advantages to starting with ballroom dances:

1. More structured- You don't need to really 'feel the music in you', you just need to be able to memorize and execute specific footwork patterns. No improvisation required.

2. You're always dancing with someone else. You don't have to worry about looking awkward by yourself in the middle of the dance floor, you have a partner to help you at all times. This is great to do with your girlfriend too!

3. There's a clear learning curve. No one expects you to be good right away. Ballroom classes often expect you to come in with no prior dance experience, and will teach you at a pace that is comfortable for you.

You'll find that you loosen up with practice as you get more comfortable moving to music in general. Then you can progress to looser, more improvisational dances like swing or blues (my true love) over time if you want to become a more 'natural' dancer.

 

[breadtruck]

Just do the robot.

 

[Finale Fireworker]

Your problem has nothing to do with dancing OP.

I have read all the comments and have been considering everything here, but it just so happens that this is the most recent post, which also happens to be absolutely correct. So I should also elaborate a little.

I am hoping that gaining the confidence to dance comfortably will also improve my confidence issues in general, which has been true in the past. Being able to say I used to suck at something, and used to be afraid of something, is freeing. Because then it's one less thing that "I am" and on more thing that "I was."

My girlfriend would be thrilled to teach me to dance, as others have suggested. But I think there is a bit of a disconnect because it's so easy for her. She doesn't make fun of me and is really supportive, but she doesn't know how it feels to not even know where to start. She says "just try moving in a way that feels good," and it's strange and foreign to her that I cannot. None of it feels good. It doesn't feel natural, you know? I have to find something that feels natural, and not like I'm forcing myself at gunpoint to perform.

And another thing that's funny: that gif/video of that kid dancing? Damn, I wish I could move like that kid. That kid rules.

 

[Milchjon]

Love the OP.

Your girl was enjoying herself and people probably weren't paying much attention to you. So why does it matter.

 

[theusedversion]

I watched a video some time ago about a girl who wanted to learn how to dance. She just started watching YouTube videos. She would emulate what they would do on-screen. There are a lot of tutorials on YouTube. She would learn a little move here and a little move there. And soon enough she was able piece all thosw moves together and she ended up being a badass dancer just by watching YouTube videos. So try that!

I too can't dance but will reluctantly get out there if I'm drunk enough.

 

[n64coder]

I was this same way before my now-wife and I decided to take ballroom dancing lessons. A friend of a friend taught it at a local school gym for a few weeks, so we decided to do it as a couples-building activity.

This. Learn the foxtrot and swing and you'll be all set. you might have to take multiple weeks but that's the only way to get better.

 

[No Love]

OP, if I might be honest with you, you have self-loathing issues and it's dragging you down.

Here is what I suggest:

1. Get in better shape, start working out every day. This will make you feel awesome, grow your confidence, and eventually make your body feel great.

2. Begin practicing dancing with your girlfriend. You already have the perfect instructor that won't judge you and will be more than happy to help you.

3. After working out for a few months and practicing multiple times every week with her, go to a club together and dance.

All this energy and anxiety you have about dancing is energy better put towards improving yourself and this problem can be easily solved so stop being a huge baby and handle it.

 

[Messofanego]

I have read all the comments and have been considering everything here, but it just so happens that this is the most recent post, which also happens to be absolutely correct. So I should also elaborate a little.

I am hoping that gaining the confidence to dance comfortably will also improve my confidence issues in general, which has been true in the past. Being able to say I used to suck at something, and used to be afraid of something, is freeing. Because then it's one less thing that "I am" and on more thing that "I was."

My girlfriend would be thrilled to teach me to dance, as others have suggested. But I think there is a hit of a disconnect because it's so easy for her. She doesn't make fun of me and is really supportive, but doesn't know how it feels to not even know where to start. She says "just try moving in a way that feels good," and it's strange and foreign to her that I cannot. None of it feels good. It doesn't feel natural, you know? I have to find something that feels natural, and not like I'm forcing myself at gunpoint to perform.

And another thing that's funny: that gif/video of that kid dancing? Damn, I wish I could mov like that kid. That kid rules.

Have you told your girlfriend of how you feel with your anxiety towards dancing and feeling like a failure for not being able to match with her skills? Everyone starts somewhere, and if she suggests to go for a lesson together, jump on it. Dance in your house with her for fun, no judgments. You never know, you might start liking it.

 

[CoffeeJanitor]

you guys should take dance lessons together

would be fun and you would get practice at something new

good on you for going for it

 

[ghostofsparta]

I used to be like you OP. My GF LOVES to dance but I always hated it. It made me feel vulnerable being on a dance floor "busting" my lame moves. I felt like everyone was staring at me laughing.

How did I fix it? I told my GF that she would have to teach me how to dance so that I didn't stick out like a sore thumb. I'm a lot better now andI don't feel like people are staring at me anymore. They could very well be staring at me the same amount, but I just fell way more confident and I can actually enjoy dancing with her.

My biggest tip would be to practice dancing alone, just the two of you. Practicing on the dance floor with 50 other people is a terrible idea. Practice in private, get more confident, and show them other bustas you can dance!

 

[Apple Turnover]

My current girlfriend, who will inevitably be my wife, loves to dance. She loves music and responds to it in ways I do not. Music makes her want to move - and she does - and she seems so at home and in tune with tunes. It's not just that she loves to dance, but that she's just naturally very good at it, and I am naturally an actual sack of potatoes. As a couple, we have always challenged each other to do things we thought we could not. So when my company party was coming up, and she asked if I would dance with her, I knew I had a moral obligation to say yes. Also, because I love her, and she really wanted to dance with me. I didn't want to dance, but I wanted to do it for her.

But my girlfriend was so happy.I just kept looking at her. She would occasionally grab my arms and move my body for me to "give me some structure". She didn't care that I was the worst dancer to ever be abandoned on the planet as a baby by aliens who had not invented music yet. She was just... happy. Happy to have me out there with her. We danced for a couple of hours.

The fact you put yourself out there for her almost assuredly means much more to her than your ability to dance. You two sound lucky to have each other. Try to hold onto that, and if you learn to dance, all the better. Not everyone shares the same skill sets after all, and there's nothing wrong with that.

 

[Rell]

This is probably the best-written OP post I've ever read.


Everyone has been there. Moving your body in any way (rhythmically, athletically, sexually) is very embarrassing and easy to get wrapped up in your own head about if it's not something you do on a regular basis.

Regular basis might be the wrong term. It takes work, but once you "get it" then the work is done and it's with you pretty much forever.

Just put in some time and figure it out. Not much else can really be said.

 

[JJMorris]

Don't use rhythm games. Don't use rhythm games. Don't use rhythms games. Don't use "rhythm" games.

Borrow moves from them, and use them in something you want to dance to. But nobody dances like that naturally or professionally on stage.

 

[Raiden]

As with most things in life the answer is alcohol.

 

[Beartruck]

You are wayyy overthinking this. Ladies dont mind if men dance bad, they're just happy that you do. My wife and I have a height difference of 1'3", so our pace we dance at is totally desyncronized and sloppy. She still has a blast. Just relax and practice.