Support NeoGAF

[ZackieChan]

Ok, my advice to you, which GAF won't agree on ofc, is to get out of the friendzone you're in right now.

How do you do this?
This will be hard, and will take a decent amount of courage.
You gotta stop being her friend and make it clear what you want dude. Really, painfully clear.
You tell her you're not interested in hearing about all her dude problems and that you want her. That you're interested in taking her on a date and that you think you'd be good together.

Don't hesitate when talking about this. Be strong.

That's if you really want her ofc.
She's never going to decide one day that she's going to go out with you randomly.
Right now she doesn't see you in that light. You gotta show her dude.

We're talking about a guy who posts "I've got another situation," with no further info. We then have to ASK him to actually tell us what is going on. Do you really think he'll be able to be forward about his intentions with a girl? He can't even do it with GAF!

 

[Nakayumi]

Hey guys, first time here on dating-age. Just wanna drop a bit of a story here cause I need to get stuff off my chest and y'all seem like nice and rational folks.

My ex-girlfriend and I decided to break up about two weeks ago, after a relationship of more than 5 years. During this period she moved to my country, we lived together for two years during our student days (some of the best memories) and last year I moved to her country, where we tried living together for over a year. Our situations had changed however, we both started working full-time and our schedules didn't align, we grew distant, lost respect for each-other, and eventually things happened on both sides that made us lose each-others trust as well. The last half year was all ups-and-downs, and we finally decided to break it off while we still didn't hate each-others guts, and can wish each-other the best, on good terms, so to say.

So far, so good right?

We've both been moving on, and since the country I moved to (Japan) was a place I wanted to live for a long time anyway, I am not eager to move back to my home country all of a sudden. So, I found myself single for the first time in 5 years. First thing people tell you is not to go for the rebound right? Well, I guess I did. There was this one girl, from work (red flag number one, I know), who I had kind of an eye on since I met her. So I figured, what the hell, and started texting her. Before we knew, we had a date, and then another, both outside in a nice restaurant, as well as at my own place. She took a bottle of wine, we cooked together, watched a movie (she's suggested Back to the Future even!) and soon made plans to go and do all sorts of things together. She surprised me a bit when she told me that she had suggested to her mother that we'd go on a small trip end of October to visit her hometown (we were only two dates in), but I figured these were all great signs. Mind, we hadn't gotten physical at all yet, so when she came over a few days ago, I decided to get a little closer, massage her a bit, hold each-others hands, but no kissing. After a romantic day and evening she thanked me and told me she looked forward to next time. Here I was in total bliss thinking we could move a bit closer on the next date right?

Wrong.

So in a few days time, I notice her messages getting shorter, and her enthusiasm going down. Then tonight, I received a long message of her saying that she is basically confused about a ton of things in life right now, and cancels the trip we had in mind, telling me we should hang out again with friends after everything has calmed down. I knew what this meant, so I just decided to play it openly: I told her that I liked hanging out and that I felt it was going somewhere, that we can take things slow but that I do wanna continue seeing her. Her response was clear enough, she saw me as a good friend all this time, and can't really see me as more than that. She apologized for not being more clear about it earlier. So yeah, I guess that's what it means to be friendzoned huh?

I kind of accepted it and feel I should just move on and look forward to the next one. But I can't deny I'm kind of confused and bummed over this. I kinda fell for her big-time, and the signs she gave me makes me wonder: do girls really chat for days on end with guys, plan all sorts of stuff together, and even want to introduce parents, when they just want to be friends?!

I'm too long out of this dating game, so if that's the way it is, I really need to approach the next one differently, and probably get to things faster to make sure it isn't another just friends thing...

For those who stuck to my story to the end, thanks for the read. Appreciate it.

 

[Jindrax]

I guess we would.

We're like vitriolic best buds with some belligerent sexual tension.

Just gotta make it clear man. Get it out there no point in keeping to yourself

We're talking about a guy who posts "I've got another situation," with no further info. We then have to ASK him to actually tell us what is going on. Do you really think he'll be able to be forward about his intentions with a girl? He can't even do it with GAF!

Allthough it's true I'm just trying to help the guy

 

[Jindrax]

Hey guys, first time here on dating-age. Just wanna drop a bit of a story here cause I need to get stuff off my chest and y'all seem like nice and rational folks.

My ex-girlfriend and I decided to break up about two weeks ago, after a relationship of more than 5 years. During this period she moved to my country, we lived together for two years during our student days (some of the best memories) and last year I moved to her country, where we tried living together for over a year. Our situations had changed however, we both started working full-time and our schedules didn't align, we grew distant, lost respect for each-other, and eventually things happened on both sides that made us lose each-others trust as well. The last half year was all ups-and-downs, and we finally decided to break it off while we still didn't hate each-others guts, and can wish each-other the best, on good terms, so to say.

So far, so good right?

We've both been moving on, and since the country I moved to (Japan) was a place I wanted to live for a long time anyway, I am not eager to move back to my home country all of a sudden. So, I found myself single for the first time in 5 years. First thing people tell you is not to go for the rebound right? Well, I guess I did. There was this one girl, from work (red flag number one, I know), who I had kind of an eye on since I met her. So I figured, what the hell, and started texting her. Before we knew, we had a date, and then another, both outside in a nice restaurant, as well as at my own place. She took a bottle of wine, we cooked together, watched a movie (she's suggested Back to the Future even!) and soon made plans to go and do all sorts of things together. She surprised me a bit when she told me that she had suggested to her mother that we'd go on a small trip end of October to visit her hometown (we were only two dates in), but I figured these were all great signs. Mind, we hadn't gotten physical at all yet, so when she came over a few days ago, I decided to get a little closer, massage her a bit, hold each-others hands, but no kissing. After a romantic day and evening she thanked me and told me she looked forward to next time. Here I was in total bliss thinking we could move a bit closer on the next date right?

Wrong.

So in a few days time, I notice her messages getting shorter, and her enthusiasm going down. Then tonight, I received a long message of her saying that she is basically confused about a ton of things in life right now, and cancels the trip we had in mind, telling me we should hang out again with friends after everything has calmed down. I knew what this meant, so I just decided to play it openly: I told her that I liked hanging out and that I felt it was going somewhere, that we can take things slow but that I do wanna continue seeing her. Her response was clear enough, she saw me as a good friend all this time, and can't really see me as more than that. She apologized for not being more clear about it earlier. So yeah, I guess that's what it means to be friendzoned huh?

I kind of accepted it and feel I should just move on and look forward to the next one. But I can't deny I'm kind of confused and bummed over this. I kinda fell for her big-time, and the signs she gave me makes me wonder: do girls really chat for days on end with guys, plan all sorts of stuff together, and even want to introduce parents, when they just want to be friends?!

I'm too long out of this dating game, so if that's the way it is, I really need to approach the next one differently, and probably get to things faster to make sure it isn't another just friends thing...

For those who stuck to my story to the end, thanks for the read. Appreciate it.

I don't want to be mean, but you struck out bro. That one super romantic date. SHould have kissed her. She probably got turned off by you not making a move. Happened to me before.
Or she sees it as you don't like her enough and you're just sorta into her but not enough.

Point is should have kissed her, not doing it rekt things.

I'm guessing the train of thought is that if you'e not able to make a move it sets the tone for the possible relationship where you would be rather passive.

Learn from your mistakes, gotta read the signs. If she's letting you hold her hand etc etc just give it a try at the end of the date.
Same thing I said to the last guy, gotta be clear about what you want, in words and actions.

 

[Cronen]

Ask her out.

Just ask her out.

Got a reply, she's interested in meeting up! I'm excited! Thank you for giving me that push!

 

[Jokab]

Got a reply, she's interested in meeting up! I'm excited! Thank you for giving me that push!

Congrats man! Being assertive is an attractive quality.

 

[gaiages]

Happens quiete a lot dude. Stared noticing it after paying a little attention.
Like most girls who break up with a dude already have at least an idea of a guy they could get together with before they go through with the break up.

In my case I did the breaking up, but when I did she got together with this dude she had around for years. I'm guessing a friendzoned dude and when I left her rather than being alone and deaing with her shit she took him in instead.

Kinda sad actually. Heard from her cousin a couple of months after, he treats her like garbage but yeah. Deal with your choices I guess.

I dunno, I'm not saying you're lying, that's very much the truth in some cases, but I think that just may be the people you're around. My friend circle didn't have anyone that jumped to a 'back-up man' when they broke up with their boyfriends. They often times didn't have anyone they wanted to go after for multiple months.

But we've certainly seen plenty of examples of the back up man based on what others have said in this thread. I mainly meant don't judge the entire population based on what your friends say. Or what my friends say. And I was being melodramatic about it.

I guess we would.

We're like vitriolic best buds with some belligerent sexual tension.

You didn't answer the question of "Is she in a relationship?"

Don't fuck with other people's relationships, no matter how shitty/toxic/whatever they may be. If she cheats on him with you, she can easily cheat on you with another man.

I swear we must have this conversation with a GAFfer every other page. (Not directed at you, Gooch, it's just funny)

do girls really chat for days on end with guys, plan all sorts of stuff together, and even want to introduce parents, when they just want to be friends?!

Well, let's put it this way. What do you do with your friends? You...
- chat with them (close ones quite often)
- plan and do things together
- likely eventually meet their family/other people in their lives

So... yeah. Friends do that.

My snarky answer aside, it just sounds like she was moving too fast, then freaked herself out. I'd just let it be. You probably got friend-zoned, yeah

Got a reply, she's interested in meeting up! I'm excited! Thank you for giving me that push!

Congrats :3

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

You didn't answer the question of "Is she in a relationship?"

Don't fuck with other people's relationships, no matter how shitty/toxic/whatever they may be. If she cheats on him with you, she can easily cheat on you with another man.

I swear we must have this conversation with a GAFfer every other page. (Not directed at you, Gooch, it's just funny)

Yeah, she is.

but the way she told about her new relationship seems to be all because she wanted to get back at her EX.

I was going to her how petty she was being but eh let it be.

 

[Llyranor]

So you want this girl who is cheating on her current relationship and who you presume is trying to get back with her ex?

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

So you want this girl who is cheating on her current relationship and who you presume is trying to get back with her ex?

It's a little complicated for me to explain. Maybe I should have ask her out first instead?

Better yet, I still we're better off as friends.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

I dunno, I'm not saying you're lying, that's very much the truth in some cases, but I think that just may be the people you're around. My friend circle didn't have anyone that jumped to a 'back-up man' when they broke up with their boyfriends. They often times didn't have anyone they wanted to go after for multiple months.

But we've certainly seen plenty of examples of the back up man based on what others have said in this thread. I mainly meant don't judge the entire population based on what your friends say. Or what my friends say. And I was being melodramatic about it.



You didn't answer the question of "Is she in a relationship?"

Don't fuck with other people's relationships, no matter how shitty/toxic/whatever they may be. If she cheats on him with you, she can easily cheat on you with another man.

I swear we must have this conversation with a GAFfer every other page. (Not directed at you, Gooch, it's just funny)



Well, let's put it this way. What do you do with your friends? You...
- chat with them (close ones quite often)
- plan and do things together
- likely eventually meet their family/other people in their lives

So... yeah. Friends do that.

My snarky answer aside, it just sounds like she was moving too fast, then freaked herself out. I'd just let it be. You probably got friend-zoned, yeah



Congrats :3

Seriously, telling him to chase after her is such terrible advice. You're really that head over heels for someone who admits they cheat constantly? Do you like constantly getting kicked in the nuts also?

 

[War Peaceman]

Seriously, telling him to chase after her is such terrible advice. You're really that head over heels for someone who admits they cheat constantly? Do you like constantly getting kicked in the nuts also?

Realistically he is looking for justification to chase her, not objections.

You've got to believe that people have the capacity to change and be better; more moral and more loyal.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Realistically he is looking for justification to chase her, not objections.

You've got to believe that people have the capacity to change and be better; more moral and more loyal.

Eh, if you say so. I'm not saying people can't get better but I would wait until they at least start progressing that way. Someone who is still doing it and perfectly fine with her bullshit justification isn't changing or growing as a person. There's a difference between giving people a chance and just being stupid.

 

[War Peaceman]

Eh, if you say so. I'm not saying people can't get better but I would wait until they at least start progressing that way. Someone who is still doing it and perfectly fine with her bullshit justification isn't changing of growing as a person. There's a difference between giving people a chance and just being stupid.

Oh no lol I don't believe that, just saying what he wanted to hear

 

[Nakayumi]

I don't want to be mean, but you struck out bro. That one super romantic date. SHould have kissed her. She probably got turned off by you not making a move. Happened to me before.
Or she sees it as you don't like her enough and you're just sorta into her but not enough.

Point is should have kissed her, not doing it rekt things.

I'm guessing the train of thought is that if you'e not able to make a move it sets the tone for the possible relationship where you would be rather passive.

Learn from your mistakes, gotta read the signs. If she's letting you hold her hand etc etc just give it a try at the end of the date.
Same thing I said to the last guy, gotta be clear about what you want, in words and actions.

Well, let's put it this way. What do you do with your friends? You...
- chat with them (close ones quite often)
- plan and do things together
- likely eventually meet their family/other people in their lives

So... yeah. Friends do that.

My snarky answer aside, it just sounds like she was moving too fast, then freaked herself out. I'd just let it be. You probably got friend-zoned, yeah

Thanks guys. Not sure about the whole thing still. She apologized for not refusing me outright when I got a bit more physical during last date, and thinking back on it, she did seem to be in more of a hurry to go home/less eager to stay around afterwards. So yeah, I think part of her probably liked what we were building up, but for her it was probably a close-friends thing first and a semi-romantic getaway second?

I guess kissing her could've gone both ways, but I'm glad that I didn't, since I do see her at work every week, so this way it at least won't get awkward and stuff.

I'll miss hanging out with her, and part of me does want her to be a close friend. But I know it's probably best not to keep having these semi-dates where we cook, hang out and watch movies together, now that I know it's not gonna go anywhere from that. I guess continuing that will only end up hurting myself more, and while getting into a platonic relationship might be the comfort I'm looking for right now, but I don't think it will benefit me in the long run. Meh, time to move on I guess.

 

[Unai]

I think platonic relationships are awsome if that's what both want and expect, but in cases like yours where it'd be platonic only because it couldn't be romantic, it's a fucking hell. Believe me.

 

[Daria]

welp, think it might be done because of my stupidity. I guess you only get a couple chances.

 

[gaiages]

welp, think it might be done because of my stupidity. I guess you only get a couple chances.

Care to elaborate?

 

[Daria]

I've been pretty bad with communicating with my last ex of almost 3 years (bills under my name and whatnot). current (ex)girlfriend doesn't care for it and asked me to stop. a couple weeks ago it got to a point where she wanted that and I agreed. I messed up by texting my ex about my brakes when they went out because she knows a friend who works on cars and her grandpa is a mechanic. that turned into a snapchat or two. and a text from them.

last night she went to look at the stories and saw her name. then she saw the text from the other night which I admit was totally my fault because i replied when I was working my second third. I shouldn't have because it wasn't right. I didn't want to. I wanted to talk someone else. but it didn't go over well when she saw that and i didn't know how to react. I didn't know what to say for the longest time and listened to all of her valid concerns and reasoning. I want to talk to her about working through this but i don't know if she'll listen because trust issues. and I'll be honest, I don't have the same feelings for my ex still because we're just friends now (which current doesn't want) IMO and I don't think it'll work again anyway. I hate losing people out of my life so I try to keep them in. I know it's probably selfish and disrespectful to others but it's hard.

I told her I'd drive her back home today after work (4 more hours) and hopefully try to reconcile everything between us. this sucks. I know I didn't treat her the best I could and I realize that. I wish I could just be a better person.

e: don't just bash me by saying it's my fault, I know it is. I should've listened and done more. I legitimately need to change my ways or else I'm going to ruin every bond I have with someone.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I've been pretty bad with communicating with my last ex of almost 3 years (bills under my name and whatnot). current (ex)girlfriend doesn't care for it and asked me to stop. a couple weeks ago it got to a point where she wanted that and I agreed. I messed up by texting my ex about my brakes when they went out because she knows a friend who works on cars and her grandpa is a mechanic. that turned into a snapchat or two. and a little conversation.

last night she went to look at the stories and saw her name. then she saw the text from the other night which I admit was totally my fault because I was working my second third ever and I had someone to talk to for a hour or so. it didn't go over well when she saw that and i didn't know how to react. I didn't know what to say for the longest time and listened to all of her valid concerns and reasoning. I want to talk to her about working through this but i don't know if she'll listen because trust issues. and I'll be honest, I have feelings for my ex still because we're friends IMO but I don't think it'll work again right now. I hate losing people out of my life so I try to keep them in. I know it's probably selfish and disrespectful to others but it's hard.

I told her I'd drive her back home today after work (4 more hours) and hopefully try to reconcile everything between us. this sucks. I know I didn't treat her the best I could and I realize that. I wish I could just be a better person.

e: don't just bash me by saying it's my fault, I know it is. I should've listened and done more. I legitimately need to change my ways or else I'm going to ruin every bond I have with someone.

You really should cut that ex out of your life plain and simple. You current gf is right for not wanting to continue. It's hard to have a relationship with someone when they are always on about with their ex. You aren't going to be able to have a happy relationship while that girl is still a constant in your life.

 

[Unai]

I've been pretty bad with communicating with my last ex of almost 3 years (bills under my name and whatnot). current (ex)girlfriend doesn't care for it and asked me to stop. a couple weeks ago it got to a point where she wanted that and I agreed. I messed up by texting my ex about my brakes when they went out because she knows a friend who works on cars and her grandpa is a mechanic. that turned into a snapchat or two. and a little conversation.

last night she went to look at the stories and saw her name. then she saw the text from the other night which I admit was totally my fault because I was working my second third ever and I had someone to talk to for a hour or so. it didn't go over well when she saw that and i didn't know how to react. I didn't know what to say for the longest time and listened to all of her valid concerns and reasoning. I want to talk to her about working through this but i don't know if she'll listen because trust issues. and I'll be honest, I have feelings for my ex still because we're friends IMO but I don't think it'll work again right now. I hate losing people out of my life so I try to keep them in. I know it's probably selfish and disrespectful to others but it's hard.

I told her I'd drive her back home today after work (4 more hours) and hopefully try to reconcile everything between us. this sucks. I know I didn't treat her the best I could and I realize that. I wish I could just be a better person.

e: don't just bash me by saying it's my fault, I know it is. I should've listened and done more. I legitimately need to change my ways or else I'm going to ruin every bond I have with someone.

And that's yet another example why you can't be friends with exes.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

I've been pretty bad with communicating with my last ex of almost 3 years (bills under my name and whatnot). current (ex)girlfriend doesn't care for it and asked me to stop. a couple weeks ago it got to a point where she wanted that and I agreed. I messed up by texting my ex about my brakes when they went out because she knows a friend who works on cars and her grandpa is a mechanic. that turned into a snapchat or two. and a little conversation.

last night she went to look at the stories and saw her name. then she saw the text from the other night which I admit was totally my fault because I was working my second third ever and I had someone to talk to for a hour or so. it didn't go over well when she saw that and i didn't know how to react. I didn't know what to say for the longest time and listened to all of her valid concerns and reasoning. I want to talk to her about working through this but i don't know if she'll listen because trust issues. and I'll be honest, I have feelings for my ex still because we're friends IMO but I don't think it'll work again right now. I hate losing people out of my life so I try to keep them in. I know it's probably selfish and disrespectful to others but it's hard.

I told her I'd drive her back home today after work (4 more hours) and hopefully try to reconcile everything between us. this sucks. I know I didn't treat her the best I could and I realize that. I wish I could just be a better person.

e: don't just bash me by saying it's my fault, I know it is. I should've listened and done more. I legitimately need to change my ways or else I'm going to ruin every bond I have with someone.

What is a second third?

 

[Daria]

What is a second third?

I just started a new job, Thursday-Friday I had to work 11p-7a.

 

[Osaka]

I know it's probably selfish and disrespectful to others but it's hard.

This and the previous party episode are both you being selfish and disrespectful to others. At least you know it's a problem if you want to have relationships.

 

[Daria]

yeah, I don't know what to do about it. try to talk to a professional about just my behavior or something? I want to figure out something I can do in the short term to make this better. I don't know if she'll see anything worth it if I just send a text to my ex saying I can't communicate anymore or just delete her from my phone and other service.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

yeah, I don't know what to do about it. try to talk to a professional about just my behavior or something? I want to figure out something I can do in the short term to make this better. I don't know if she'll see anything worth it if I just send a text to my ex saying I can't communicate anymore or just delete her from my phone and other service.

Umm, that's some terrible logic. You should be cutting contact with the ex you shouldn't be talking to because it's the right thing to do. Whether or not your current gf sees it as meaningful enough where you feel like actually doing it is irrelevant.

 

[Daria]

I only mentioned that because she asked me before what I told her after I agreed to drop contact with the ex. I know I shouldn't have even replied in the first place, I should've gave my girlfriend now 100+% and I tried to. my ex knew I had something new starting before we were even officially dating. I want to make it up to her, and I want to be a better person for myself. dropping exes is something I need to learn how to do and quick. it's time to do a 180 on some things. hell, my HS ex just got engaged yesterday and moving 2000 miles away. that's good for me since I don't talk to her anyway.

 

[gaiages]

yeah, I don't know what to do about it. try to talk to a professional about just my behavior or something? I want to figure out something I can do in the short term to make this better. I don't know if she'll see anything worth it if I just send a text to my ex saying I can't communicate anymore or just delete her from my phone and other service.

Yeah, the whole situation does put you totally in the wrong, I'm glad you do see that.

You don't really need to see a shrink about this. Just cut toxic people out of your life. You're friends with your ex, you say... but you still had her bills under your name, and you make it seem that you were talking to her quite often. Yeah... I'm not that's not really against an SO of mine being friendly towards their ex, but that seems a little far. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone like that either.

Just cut contact with her. Don't even text her about it. That'll probably just start an argument or something. Just delete her number, block her on social media, and considered this a lesson learned for your next relationship. I don't know if you'll be able to salvage this one.

hell, my HS ex just got engaged yesterday and moving 2000 miles away. that's good for me since I don't talk to her anyway.

Uh...

If you don't talk to her, how do you know that? Are you friends with all your exes on various social media outlets?

Drop them all now, stop those damn habits already.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

I only mentioned that because she asked me before what I told her after I agreed to drop contact with the ex. I know I shouldn't have even replied in the first place, I should've gave my girlfriend now 100+% and I tried to. my ex knew I had something new starting before we were even officially dating. I want to make it up to her, and I want to be a better person for myself. dropping exes is something I need to learn how to do and quick. it's time to do a 180 on some things. hell, my HS ex just got engaged yesterday and moving 2000 miles away. that's good for me since I don't talk to her anyway.

But it doesn't matter. The point is, you're being selfish again. When you realized you fucked up you should have sent the message about not talking anymore and deleted her contact information. Again, her reactions don't matter. If you were really committed to changing then you would be taking steps yourself to resolve the issue instead of weighing how the other person will react or if they'll care. It seems like you're trying to have an out by saying she probably won't care if you did do that stuff to cut contact so you still haven't done anything. This is the third time now that it seems like you've only thought about yourself and no one else. You don't want to cut contact so you still haven't done anything.

Also, why are you following what an ex from high school is doing? You really have to move on and cut contact.

Yeah, the whole situation does put you totally in the wrong, I'm glad you do see that.

You don't really need to see a shrink about this. Just cut toxic people out of your life. You're friends with your ex, you say... but you still had her bills under your name, and you make it seem that you were talking to her quite often. Yeah... I'm not that's not really against an SO of mine being friendly towards their ex, but that seems a little far. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone like that either.

Just cut contact with her. Don't even text her about it. That'll probably just start an argument or something. Just delete her number, block her on social media, and considered this a lesson learned for your next relationship. I don't know if you'll be able to salvage this one.



Uh...

If you don't talk to her, how do you know that? Are you friends with all your exes on various social media outlets?

Drop them all now, stop those damn habits already.

Yeah, the whole having bills in his name would probably make me end it too. I can't imagine a relationship where we didn't try to sort that ASAP.

 

[Daria]

the bills situation is only one and its car insurance. we lived together before breaking up and it was cheaper to put both cars under my name because of her age or whatever. I guess I should really change that because it's like an excuse to be in contact if I wanted to.

I want to drop communication with her but I want to show my current one that it really is done with, I am trying to make changes and move on. I'll start by blocking them on social networks and whatnot. I'm confusing myself trying to keep track of everybody I was friends with because it brings back memories of which I don't need. hopefully this will be salvageable and I can learn a few things from this situation. being a hour and half away from each other doesn't help make this any easy either.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

the bills situation is only one and its car insurance. we lived together before breaking up and it was cheaper to put both cars under my name because of her age or whatever. I guess I should really change that because it's like an excuse to be in contact if I wanted to.

I want to drop communication with her but I want to show my current one that it really is done with, I am trying to make changes and move on. I'll start by blocking them on social networks and whatnot. I'm confusing myself trying to keep track of everybody I was friends with because it brings back memories of which I don't need. hopefully this will be salvageable and I can learn a few things from this situation. being a hour and half away from each other doesn't help make this any easy either.

To the first bolded: Ummmm, you broke up right? Who gives a shit what's cheaper for her?

To the second bolded: How is there still a but in this sentence? You can drop communication AND show her that it's over. Why are these mutually exclusive choices? Maybe it won't be enough but how can you justify keeping contact if you want your current relationship to succeed. Stop being selfish for once. The reason you're not cutting contact is because you want an out if you she winds up still leaving you so you don't want to make these changes unless you're positive she'll come back. That's bullshit and isn't trying to fix the situation at all, instead you're just trying to do everything possible to keep your relationship and what you've been doing.

 

[Thorgal]

I am still looking for the one and a friend said i haven't found her yet is because i put my standards too high and i wonder if that is true ?

in my eyes my perfect girl would be/have :

(just to be clear ,the girl i am looking for does not need to meet all of the following criteria because if she does meet all of them , she would be that one in a billion perfect goddess in my eyes which i dare not hope for .)

- Soft of character
- someone who isn't a 24/7 busy body and can appreciate time to relax .
- has long hair ( no colour preference )

- a cute round face.
- a sexy slim body .
- carries no extra baggage of any kind.
- not older /younger then me than 5 years . (i am 26)


- optional bonus : likes to play games or if not at the least accepts and respects that i like to game very much .

so what do you think GAF ? Am i being unreasonable ?

 

[norm9]

Am i being unreasonable ?

Yes.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

I am still looking for the one and a friend said i haven't found her yet is because i put my standards too high and i wonder if that is true ?

in my eyes my perfect girl would be/have :

(just to be clear ,the girl i am looking for does not need to meet all of the following criteria because if she does meet all of them , she would be that one in a billion perfect goddess in my eyes which i dare not hope for .)

- Soft of character
- someone who isn't a 24/7 busy body and can appreciate time to relax .
- has long hair ( no colour preference )

- a cute round face.
- a sexy slim body .
- carries no extra baggage of any kind.
- not older /younger then me than 5 years . (i am 26)


- optional bonus : likes to play games or if not at the least accepts and respects that i like to game very much .

so what do you think GAF ? Am i being unreasonable ?

Unreasonable is always a weird thing because it's so personal. I'll speak for myself that the older I've gotten and the more I've dated, there's less a list of must haves and more a list of definitely can't haves. No one will ever hit all the notes you fantasize about and if they do you should take a hard look because that's usually more you building it up in your head than reality and sets yourself up for a heavy fall. This may be sort of depressing to some but I liked how an older guy at work put it: "It's not about finding someone with no faults, it's about finding someone who's faults you're willing to accept".

Also, my gut reaction is your lack of success is more that your list is 99% physical attributes instead of anything about them as a person.

Also, are you going on dates and just not feeling the other person or are you just not finding people that you even want to ask out on a date? That's a big thing to determine if you're having problems or not.

 

[Thorgal]

Unreasonable is always a weird thing because it's so personal. I'll speak for myself that the older I've gotten and the more I've dated, there's less a list of must haves and more a list of definitely can't haves. No one will ever hit all the notes you fantasize about and if they do you should take a hard look because that's usually more you building it up in your head than reality and sets yourself up for a heavy fall. This may be sort of depressing to some but I liked how an older guy at work put it: "It's not about finding someone with no faults, it's about finding someone who's faults you're willing to accept".

Also, my gut reaction is your lack of success is more that your list is 99% physical attributes instead of anything about them as a person.

Also, are you going on dates and just not feeling the other person or are you just not finding people that you even want to ask out on a date? That's a big thing to determine if you're having problems or not.

As a person she should be smart, funny , a joy to be around.

Someone who likes the outdoors and nature .
someone who likes to make long walks or bike trips and doesn't complain about getting a bit dirty if it comes down to it.

Someone i can trust and who can trust me instead of being jealous or paranoid when i am not around her.
someone who is not high maintenance.

You are right of course that the perfect girl does not exist.
no one is perfect , we all have our flaws . no matter how beautiful the rose, it will still have thorns.

I know and accept that, i simply feel like i want to aim as close as possible to that perfection ,but with the knowledge that it is unobtainable.

if i where to condense my criteria on physical features to only 2 it would be the long hair and the slim body .
both arouse me far more then any other ,

i have gone out and met with girls but nothingserious came from it.

 

[gaiages]

Someone with a slim body typically won't have a round face (as round races usually come about with some fat in the face).

Also, "low maintenance" women tend to be more.... for a lack of a better word, realistic looking. They tend to not have super slim, "no extra baggage" figures and long hair because all of those require a lot of maintenance, whether that means financially or time wise.

If you want a super model type figure, you're gonna have to drop that whole low maintenance bit.

...

You're a bit overly picky, in my opinion. I mean, you're attracted to what you're attracted to, but this seems a bit overly specific.

 

[Dr Duncan Steel]

Met a girl at bar through friends and we both got pretty drunk but I can safely say we hit it off pretty well. She took selfies with me on her Snapchat and was kinda touchy and all that good stuff. I didn't want to grow attached to her cause I'm leaving the country for two and a half weeks. I told her this and she was playfully joking how I'm leaving her and her friends. She even remembers the date I come back.

Was with friends the entire time and never had any extended time with her alone to really know her. So as we were walking home with the group she held my arm and was just a great person all-around. As we were approaching her home, She asked what everyone's doing the next day and I whipped out the phone and she was quick to give the digits (She lost her shit about the fact that we share the first three digits) and called it a night and that was it.

Next day I did the questionable decision of texting her saying if she's heading out with the group and she said she was trying to recover from the day before cause she was really hungover but was down to go out some other time Saturday with friends. I really just wanted to see her again and she was down also but those plans fell through cause not enough people were down. I have her number and she seemed nice when I texted her (just grateful she remembers me really) but I don't want to get into a situation where things go great but then, "Alright see ya in two and half weeks!"

I just don't know what to do and I'm leaving in about three days. No chance of delaying said trip. Should I call her to see her or just let this run it's course and move on?

 

[Sayers]

- carries no extra baggage of any kind.

If you're referring to emotional or personal issues here, EVERYONE has those. The difference is how you handle them.

 

[gaiages]

If you're referring to emotional or personal issues here, EVERYONE has those. The difference is how you handle them.

Oh... whoops. I thought he meant that in a physical sense, i.e., no extra fat.

That makes more sense.

Also, you speak the truth there.

 

[DJ Jazzy J]

Met a girl at bar through friends and we both got pretty drunk but I can safely say we hit it off pretty well. She took selfies with me on her Snapchat and was kinda touchy and all that good stuff. I didn't want to grow attached to her cause I'm leaving the country for two and a half weeks. I told her this and she was playfully joking how I'm leaving her and her friends. She even remembers the date I come back.

Was with friends the entire time and never had any extended time with her alone to really know her. So as we were walking home with the group she held my arm and was just a great person all-around. As we were approaching her home, She asked what everyone's doing the next day and I whipped out the phone and she was quick to give the digits (She lost her shit about the fact that we share the first three digits) and called it a night and that was it.

Next day I did the questionable decision of texting her saying if she's heading out with the group and she said she was trying to recover from the day before cause she was really hungover but was down to go out some other time Saturday with friends. I really just wanted to see her again and she was down also but those plans fell through cause not enough people were down. I have her number and she seemed nice when I texted her (just grateful she remembers me really) but I don't want to get into a situation where things go great but then, "Alright see ya in two and half weeks!"

I just don't know what to do and I'm leaving in about three days. No chance of delaying said trip. Should I call her to see her or just let this run it's course and move on?

I don't think 2 weeks is enough time to completely erase someone from your memory. To me it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. If you're able to see her before you leave cool but if not, just hang out when you get back. Maybe send a couple of texts while you are gone to maintain contact. But even if you don't, you have mutual friends, just do a group thing when you get back. Don't overthink it, just go with the flow I think.

 

[Dr Duncan Steel]

I don't think 2 weeks is enough time to completely erase someone from your memory. To me it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. If you're able to see her before you leave cool but if not, just hang out when you get back. Maybe send a couple of texts while you are gone to maintain contact. But even if you don't, you have mutual friends, just do a group thing when you get back. Don't overthink it, just go with the flow I think.

That's exactly what my dumb brain wants to hear. Overthinking gets you nowhere. Thank you.

 

[Smo21]

So this girl I've been seeing for the last couple weeks is out of commission sexually for about the next 2weeks. She gave me a free pass and even said she'd help. Not sure if I'm comfortable with this. I have no clue what to do. Help me gaf

 

[FaintColt388301]

So this girl I've been seeing for the last couple weeks is out of commission sexually for about the next 2weeks. She gave me a free pass and even said she'd help. Not sure if I'm comfortable with this. I have no clue what to do. Help me gaf

Just wait. It's two weeks.

What is this situation anyways? Why does this girl you are seeing feel the need to get you laid elsewhere?

 

[Smo21]

We're not bf or gf just been seeing each other but iunno she's basically been saying since she can't do it for 2 weeks I can get it else where.

I think it's because I've been joking about how much having to wait sucks.

 

[ampere]

So this girl I've been seeing for the last couple weeks is out of commission sexually for about the next 2weeks. She gave me a free pass and even said she'd help. Not sure if I'm comfortable with this. I have no clue what to do. Help me gaf

We're not bf or gf just been seeing each other but iunno she's basically been saying since she can't do it for 2 weeks I can get it else where.

I think it's because I've been joking about how much having to wait sucks.

Just say you were kidding and you'll wait.

Or if you do want to hook up with someone else and she's cool with it... do it. Not really anything else to say here.

 

[davepoobond]

We're not bf or gf just been seeing each other but iunno she's basically been saying since she can't do it for 2 weeks I can get it else where.

I think it's because I've been joking about how much having to wait sucks.

If you don't think you're gonna be very serious with her then just get her to hook you up, why not?

 

[Jindrax]

So I've done something questionable...

So I posed this: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1078346&highlight=

Thought some more about it and just dropped it.
Then I got a text today from my very very very first girlfriend, nothing too serious just 4 months when I was 15-16. We were both eachothers first so I guess we have this bond or whatever.

She asked how I was doing etc etc haven't seen her in about a year. Said we should meet up sometime. I told her yeah fine wednesday, She said I should choose where, and to surprise her. I told her this nice lounge in town, and she had to dress nicely. She seemed excited. I chose the place because it's down the road from where I'm doing an internship at a law firm, and I'll be dressed nice anyway.

Jump ahead 3 hours, when best friend asks me what I'm doing on wednesday.
He says I'm totaly taking her on a date. I didn't agree.

What do you guys think?

 

[DJ Lushious]

I'm sitting here heartbroken. My ex has moved and we've talked and it turns into hashing out previous relationship. Well, last night we talked and it turned into the same thing. Basically all of my faults, her faults, where we went wrong, and that there's no fixing it. It's over, she says very clearly, and to move on.

Not being supportive of her decision to move for a $12,000 Americorps position only reinforced her biggest complaint about me, that I was never supportive. She always talked of moving away and I am a homeowner so I never had that freedom. She never understood that selling a home is a process that could take a year or more and she wasn't going to wait.

There were issues that caused our breakup in February. She was always so busy with her Americorps work, thesis, and her own personal time. I would see her once a week some times. She didn't want to commit to ever being labeled as my girlfriend and I was getting increasingly unhappy by that. I worked 60 miles away and had a four hour commute, so my time and energy levels were zapped, plus I loathed that hint. What little time I had I wanted to spend with her, but we couldn't go places on account of her workload. And she lived with her parents, so she could only spend the night here, which some times she just didn't want to come over. And I could never go over there and spend the night.

She was unhappy about my lack of support for her leaving, it's just that it was like a death sentence. She would send me jobs when we were together before and I would wince at them, but I tried to be supportive, though from her perspective I never was. I guess I wasn't when the chips fell down. It's just that the thought of her leaving always meant leaving me and I couldn't handle that.

Well, long story short I suppose neither of us were truly happy with another. Maybe we weren't in the same place for each other. Either way, it hasn't stopped my heart from feeling like it's being torn to shreds. I've cried so much and so hard since she's moved.

All the women I've met that I've been interested in, since our breakup in February, have been not ideal for one reason or another. One lives 60 miles away (I met her through work) and though I don't work with her any more, I just couldn't stand that long of a distance. And another woman I met through martial arts is religious (huge problem for me) and 11 years my junior, plus lives with her parents. We've started hanging out and it's been fun, but I just can't let it turn into anything.

I know I need to move on from my ex. She said we could be friends after we've healed, and maybe I'll want that, but right now I am a wreck. I want her in my life and I want her here, but I can't have that. And it hurts so bad.

What do you guys think?

If you don't see it as a date, then it's not a date. Be clear about it when you meet her, if you don't see it as a date. And if you do, well, then carry on.

 

[gaiages]

Stop talking to your ex. Seriously. It's not going to make you feel better. Delete her number, block her on social media, the works. You can't move on if you're constantly talking to her.

 

[DJ Lushious]

Stop talking to your ex. Seriously. It's not going to make you feel better. Delete her number, block her on social media, the works. You can't move on if you're constantly talking to her.

Yes. Moving on is always the most painful part, though. Cutting someone out of your life that holds a special place in your heart is something that never gets easy.