Dealing with a constant state of anxiety

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LakeEarth

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So I'm getting married in a few weeks, spending most of my savings in the process (I will get a lot of gifts back I understand, but I have no clue how much that'll be). The planning is a headache and is endless.

I bought a house two years ago, and water is mysteriously getting in. It's where the cement front porch is, no obvious cracks, it's a complete mystery on how it's getting in. It only gets there when the rain is heavy and the wind is towards that side of the house (which is thankfully rare), and there's a water detector down there in case it gets in so I can clean up. Luckily it's in a tiled area so it's not causing any carpet damage. I contacted a professional waterproofing place which has yet to respond.

The amount of jobs and responsibilities in my work has exploded, as I work at a University lab where multiple students have graduated, leaving their projects for me to complete. There's also my own projects, one extensive, expensive and scary, on top of the fact that I am in charge of a lab moving to another building due to a University mandate.

Car is fucking up at least once a month, I put in $1300 into it just the last two months. I'm getting a new car after the wedding, but I'm basically driving a ticking time bomb in the meantime, hoping to god it doesn't fuck up until after my wedding.

As a result, I'm having many sleepless nights and I am in a constant state of anxiety. Last night I fell asleep at 8:30am because my body needed it, but I woke up to dreams about work that doesn't actually exist (which is the worst).

How does everyone deal with this level of stress?
 
Go to therapy, practice mindfulness meditation, and maybe go to the doctor to get some medication.

Anxiety is a tough thing to overcome. In fact the best thing is not to try and "overcome" it, because anxiety is a natural process - you need it and you don't want to get rid of it entirely. You just need to find ways of accepting and living with it, and in theory that should lessen its impact.
 
bigstock-Whiskey-And-Natural-Ice-80724569.jpg
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(thelatestmodel's suggestions are probably healthier, though)
 
Is there a window on the side where the water is getting in? If not of the first floor, how about a second floor window? Sounds like you should caulk around the window if you have one and also get the siding checked out.
 
My wife and I thought about having a big wedding when we got married, but we ultimately decided that the money spent would be better put to us building a future. The amount of gifts you receive still won't compare to what you could have spent with that money. It's not like you couldn't have a small wedding at a house/beach/wherever and couldn't receive those gifts.

That said, sounds like the ball is already rolling and there's no stopping that train. Stress is unique to each person, especially in how we deal with it. My suggestion is to not deal with it alone. Talk your fiance or family(maybe a brother/sister/mom/pops) or even co-workers and let them know what you are dealing with, maybe they can help you in ways you hadn't realized.

What I do for stress relief is try and lose myself in a few hobbies I enjoy. I enjoy playing/listening to music. I'll have a few drinks(or smoke a bit) and try and just relax. Or play a game that maybe let's me explore. When my wife and I had a miscarriage, we both played Skyrim and spent a lot of time just exploring the land and listening to the music. It was a great reprieve from the shit we were going through.

Just don't let it overwhelm you. Realize that life can be stressful, but it's more than likely eustress and will be behind you soon and you'll be better for it. Hang in there man!
 
Meditate to clear your head.

Then plan for every item you just listed and ways you'll mitigate each and every risk.

Once you have a plan in place and know exactly what you need to do, you'll feel less confused and worried.
 
Take a step back. Breathe. Go for a walk, a gym session, or even just pick up a video game. Have at least 30 mins to yourself to just clear your mind and relax.

When you're ready, make a list of everything you think needs to be done. Sort it in order of priority and then work your way through each item, one at a time. Remove the things that are unnecessary and create a plan to tackle the issues that actually matter.

You can do this, you just need to manage things in smaller chunks instead of being overwhelmed with everything all at once.
 
The Second Spitter said:
Meditation - 1/2 hour in the morning, 1/2 hour in th evening
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Jesus man. Why do people do this? I love meditation, but if someone would have said 1 hour a day when I got started I would never have started!

Definitely try meditation, try 10 minutes a day whenever suits you best (my GF is before sleep, I am a lunch break meditator). There's an OT about meditation here in neogaf somewhere, start where you are comfortable. I did UCLA guided meditations to start and then created my own practice. It really works!

edit: Try the 12 minute one here :)
 
Dude, you sound exactly like me. Work, family, money, house anxiety. I did the dream thing, too, the other night, before a presentation. I freaked out that I had forgotten some document I should have prepared... I even unlocked my phone to type out the name so I'd remember in the morning, all the while vaguely thinking it wasn't real. Sure enough, it wasn't.

I'm not really sure what to say to help except that talking about it is good, so therapy is helpful. You have to try not to jump to the worst scenarios in your head. Looking back to prior anxiety times, nothing has ever turned out as bad as I feared. That's good to focus on, and try to apply to right now.

Good luck -- you're not the only one.
 
Try to slowly reduce the amount of stressors you have. Maybe you should list them like you just did, and discuss with your wife or a friend to see how you can tackle some of them. Start small, make sure you let your future wife know that this stuff is really weighing you down. She'll probably understand and will work with you to try and solve the problems together. Slowly but surely you will be able to breathe again.

Also, plan ahead. If you start your day knowing that you'll spend X hours on this and Y hours on that it makes you feel more accomplished when you actually work these hours and it grants you a feeling of being in control. The goal is to not feel guilty when you're trying to relax, just every day, do what you set out to accomplish and the rest of the time is your time.

Also, try and incorporate little windows of 'you-time' in your weekly planning. When your work for the day is done, take a few hours a week to really do what you love. Sit in the garage and do some woodworking while listening to music, try taking up modeling or little fun electrical engineering projects like Arduino or something. It's a form of meditation in itself, and you'll learn something neat in the progress.
 
My anti-depressants. They're good.

Take a break. Just do something else for a little while. I don't find meditation to work due to invasive thoughts.
 
The side projects are a big thing, too. I haven't said no to anything in a while (fomo and all) and I am getting crushed. My wife and I take maybe half an hour break in the evening and then it's like... on to my second/third job. When I can bring some things to conclusion, I'm going to scale back -- you need a similar plan.
 
Life will have moments like these. You need to figure out if therapy and meditation and hobbies are good enough to cope with it or if you need medication to cope with it. Either way, you need to cope with it, because the physiological effects of stress and anxiety in the body over time are damaging.
 
catapult37 said:
The side projects are a big thing, too. I haven't said no to anything in a while (fomo and all) and I am getting crushed. My wife and I take maybe half an hour break in the evening and then it's like... on to my second/third job. When I can bring some things to conclusion, I'm going to scale back -- you need a similar plan.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I felt exactly that burn a few months ago.

I juggled three sidejobs, a research project and a fulltime medical education all at once. I never said no to anything and if there was something relevant out there to apply for, I did.
I felt like I had to stand out from the crowd. And while I did, it was slowly but surely draining me.

Getting work experience and making connections while in university is certainly a good thing, but you really have to pace yourself to not get lost. At my worst I spent 12-14 hours a day working or studying, 7 days a week. Not a single night was my own and I basically had zero time for fun hobbies or socializing. Since then I graduated my bachelors' and i'm doing medical research full-time with only a single side-job for a total of 48h a week. While that sounds like a lot to some, it feels like a godsend to me. I actually have evenings now and no pressure to study. Fucking bliss.

Edit: Oh yeah, and like backflip10019 mentioned below me, get into an exercise routine. Nothing feels better than coming home after having hit the weights. Treat your body right.
 
Spending most your savings on a wedding is pretty nuts to me, but I am sure where you are from that is a normal thing to do?
 
Kurdel said:
Spending most your savings on a wedding is pretty nuts to me, but I am sure where you are from that is a normal thing to do?
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Yeah, I wish I did something small too, but the ball is rolling. My fiance wants the usual "dream" wedding, and unfortunately it's mostly coming out of my pocket. Just the photographer was two grand.

xxracerxx said:
Is there a window on the side where the water is getting in? If not of the first floor, how about a second floor window? Sounds like you should caulk around the window if you have one and also get the siding checked out.
Click to expand...

There is eventually a window, but where we first "see" the water is a few feet away from it. I guess it could be trickling that way, it's so hard to tell. I JUST did my roof, and with the wedding/car, I don't have the money to hire professionals to look into it. Luckily it only happens when the rain is heavy and the wind is from the north, most storms that hit my area come from the south.

Thanks for the advice guys, I think I'll add jogging to my daily ritual after work. I'm pretty out of shape cardio-wise, so it won't take much to get my heart pounding.
 
I still don't get how people waste so much money on a party basically.

Financial stress for a young marriage doesn't seem wise.
 
I haven't seen it mentioned, but if you drink a lot of coffee, try to wean that off too. It can definitely exacerbate anxiety.

Exercise is also very important. Regular cardio has been shown to reduce anxiety in studies.
 
My anxiety medication helps me for sure, they take the edge off but don't make me sedate or anything.

I've been using Headspace to meditate first thing in the morning and it helps a lot. Exercising and eating right help a lot as well.
 
proxy.jpg


(I haven't read it but I find it funny that Dan of all people wrote a book on that)

backflip10019 said:
Exercise every day. Seriously, I never feel more clear-headed than after a hard run or lift.
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Bad advice. The unhealthy part of stress is that your body has a constant adrenaline surge. Obviously exercise, while removing the unpleasant stress, doesn't lower your adrenaline levels.
 
life gets tough man, thats all i can say. all the advancement youre doing in life (getting married, having a good? from what it seems job, having a car) come with the price of responsibilities and stress. I just got married last year and spent a ton of money on the wedding and it's been non stop ever since. events, friends, car problems, job responsibilities up and down, hobbies, wife's needs, but i think it's worth it.

there are days when i think on my life earlier when it was literally just me palying video games and working a retail job, but things change for a reason.
 
KDR_11k said:
proxy.jpg


(I haven't read it but I find it funny that Dan of all people wrote a book on that)



Bad advice. The unhealthy part of stress is that your body has a constant adrenaline surge. Obviously exercise, while removing the unpleasant stress, doesn't lower your adrenaline levels.
Click to expand...

I can only say what's worked for me. Exercising both relaxes my mind and gives me a strong base energy to focus and get things done. It's by far the best thing I can do for my personal mental health.
 
KDR_11k said:
Bad advice. The unhealthy part of stress is that your body has a constant adrenaline surge. Obviously exercise, while removing the unpleasant stress, doesn't lower your adrenaline levels.
Click to expand...

No, this is very good advice. Exercise does in fact lower your adrenaline and cortisol levels, while promoting the release of endorphins.

Exercising is one of the key parts of staying healthy and combating stress and anxiety. Get as much exercise as you can fit into your schedule.
 
I isolate myself from everyone I know, and I take sleeping medication to ensure at least 1/3 of my day is spent asleep. Sometimes more. It's completely unhealthy, but it's the only way I know for now.
 
I pretty much avoid people as much as I can because they stress me out.

I used to do therapy, but then my old therapist moved away and I didn't want to start over with a new person.
 
Accept that anxiety will always be there.

Make a list and work through it. Thinking about it all at once becomes overwhelming.
 
IronRinn said:
bigstock-Whiskey-And-Natural-Ice-80724569.jpg


(thelatestmodel's suggestions are probably healthier, though)
Click to expand...

I'd second this, with a caveat.

Alcohol's effect as a bodily depressant can give relief from the physical effects of anxiety, which can then reduce the mental effects, but the more often you drink the less effective it is. One or two drinks once or twice a week is about the limit you should set and observe.
 
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