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[Richiban]

I've just started seeing a girl, but her past hasn't been so kosher. It's obviously bothering me if I can't stop thinking about it.

We went on our first date on Tuesday as the obligatory 'getting to know you' date, and I found that her and I have a lot in common with similar upbringings and that her and I can sympathize on certain life events.

We got to talking about growing up and she admitted, laying it right out on the table, that she had a bit of a wild past. She dabbled with drugs of all sorts and stuff like that.

I've kind of come to the conclusion that the past is what it is, and that I shouldn't worry about it, because if that kind of crap was still going on, I wouldn't go near that.

Opinions or thoughts are appreciated.

 

[DarienA]

Some people can change... rise above past mistakes... some people can't.... some relapse but you can't look at someone and know which person they will be.

You just have to go with your own feelings.

 

[rs7k]

Just because she used drugs in the past doesn't mean she was a junkie. Or was she? What kid of drugs is she using? More importantly, does she look like the type of girl who would use drugs?

 

[Tommie Hu$tle]

does she look like the type of girl who would use drugs?

I think the anwser to this question is yes.

 

[Richiban]

She wasn't a junkie, nor was she a regular user.

More like a casual user.

She's clean now, and I had to respect the fact that she just came out and told me. It wasn't a "Oh God, do I have some funny stories for you" type conversation. It was more of a: "I was a bit wild, and here are the things I did in my youth, but I've learned and don't do them anymore"

I was a bit stupid when I was younger, only because I was dealing with some stuff and acted out because I didn't know how else to to deal.

I'm not going to apologize for any of it, I don't expect any of you to apologize for things you've done in the past, and I definately don't expect her to apologize for it.

 

[brooklyngooner]

Do you have some sort of moral objection to drugs? That seems to keep coming up in your post. Because if she was a casual user of, say, weed, and dropped a tab now and then, it isn't the same thing as having shared needles and been in and out of rehab.

Or is it to you?

 

[Dilbert]

The short answer: People DO change. What's the chance that your boss didn't party his/her ass off in college at least a couple of times, right?

In general, I wouldn't hold someone's past against them, since what matters is what they are doing with their life NOW. There should be clear signs about where she's headed with her values, her career, her health, and her goals. If you don't like what you see...move on. When dating, you don't own anyone anything -- you can decide that someone doesn't make the cut for whatever reasons you choose, and past could be one of them. You run the risk of missing out on a really great person, though, so hopefully you'll take the time to date and get a better read on this girl.

With that being said, there are some kinds of things that people go through which are difficult to overcome, and finding out about them can be a red flag: sexual abuse, drug abuse, severe illnesses, etc. Knowing about these items just helps you clue in on specific kinds of behaviors which you should be looking for...the test is STILL whether or not they've changed.

As for drug use specifically, I think that it would depend on the drug. Occasional pot use? Probably not a problem -- lots of people I know experimented and moved on. Tried X or a hallucinogen once or twice? A little scarier, but still not necessarily a deal-breaker. Used X a lot? No thanks...that shit wrecks your brain, and you won't figure that out until later. Crank, coke, junk? Hell no.

 

[bionic77]

Personally a person's past is a huge factor in whether or not I will date them.

 

[pnjtony]

casual drug use isn't a deal breaker for me...now if she was a DLB...she gots to go.

 

[Cerebral Palsy]

No, I'm not a hypocrite.

 

[Cool]

There was a similar thread in the past to this.

And, I'd have to say it'd depend on the girl. If she's one that you can look past that stuff because you dig 'er so much, then fo'get about it. But, personally, drugs to me are a TURN OFF onna chick.

 

[border]

If casual "dabbling" with light drugs is enough to disturb you and make you not want to be with someone, then it might be time to see a doctor about getting the stick removed from your ass.

 

[Richiban]

Drugs don't bother me much.

I'd be lying if I said I've never done any drugs, because I've mentioned before that I've done some stupid things when I was younger.

She smokes pot, which isn't a big deal because I do as well, but I've steered clear of the major shit like Coke, Meth, Heroin etc, while hitting some other ones once or twice.

To be honest, the whole thing isn't really bothering me that much. I just wanted to see what other people thought, because I'm going to go out with her again tomorrow.

The past is just what it is.

 

[Richiban]

If casual "dabbling" with light drugs is enough to disturb you and make you not want to be with someone, then it might be time to see a doctor about getting the stick removed from your ass.

My ass is stick-free, thanks!

 

[Ramirez]

It depends...I dated a girl once that was widely known to be pretty easy,and indeed she was!Got what I needed and moved on,no way I'd ever consider getting serious with someone I knew couldn't change their ways,but I'll give them a chance at least.

Test the water,maybe it'll work out fine...

 

[Manabanana]

That wouldn't bother me at all. I have some close friends who were drug users and even addicts at some point. They've been over all that garbage for years, and it's not like it comes up. They regret their mistakes and won't make them again. Now if this "past" you talk of includes HIV, genital warts, herpes, etc., I'd say steer clear of a relationship.

 

[open_mouth_]

Hit it first, then decide a course of action later. Kind of like a Shock and Awe attack, Bush style aaaaawwwwww yeeeeah!.

 

[Escape Goat]

Sexual history? It'll probably bother me more than if they were druggies.

 

[Shouta]

It would really depend on the past and the severity of the event in question. I mean, if she cheated on her last three boyfriends, then that's a fat red flag there. I wouldn't say her past would bar her entirely but it would weigh heavily against her. There really isn't any sort of guidelines or rules to follow, it's honestly a judgement call about how comfortable you are and how much you think you can trust her.