Ever been stuck in a car with a Conspiracy theorist nutjob?

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gdt

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So, I did my cousin a favor (for some cash too) and went to pick him up at the airport, which is like an hour and a half away.

I'll start off by saying that I like driving, but only if I control the music (I always have a stack of CDs or my MP3 player). I'm that guy.



Anywho, I pick him up (after circling for AN HOUR because of some problems with his luggage or some shit) and we start driving back.

So, he starts going on a rant about how airport security is just to keep us in fear or some such, and they are another tool of the "New World Order, Bro!" (as he kept calling me every five fucking seconds) to instill fear and control us.

AND THEN THE REAL DELUSIONS STARTS.

So, apparently The United Nations owns the CIA, FBI, etc

The Federal Bank started WWI,

Kennedy was assassinated by the New World Order,

The government puts fluoride in our drinks to control us...somehow,

The Free Masons are a faction of the New World Order,

I'm naive, and blind, and a slave because I'm not researched, and he told me he knows these are facts because he's dedicated his life to researching them (he's a highschool dropout with no job, btw)

He recommended ZEITGEIST,

Atheism is bullshit (I'm atheist) because Science can't create itself,

America is not an actual country, again because the United Nations owns all our agencies,

When he asked me what I thought of all this stuff (after smiling and nodding my head), I tried not to say anything. But I was so angry (this was going on for 45 mins at this point) I told him he was "fucking insane", and that just set him off more :/,

and a bunch of other insane crap I can't remember right now. I'll post more when it comes to me.


I don't think I've ever been more mentally drained in my life. The $20 (cheapo!) WAS NOT WORTH IT.
 
I actually heard theories that the United States entered World War I not to prevent Russia from falling to Communism but to protect Britain in order to get paid back on debts.
 
gdt5016 do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk... ice cream. Ice cream, gdt5016, children's ice cream. You know when fluoridation first began? Nineteen hundred and forty-six. Nineteen forty-six, gdt5016. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works.
 
Tamanon said:
What does "science can't create itself" even mean?:lol
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Man discovered Science, sheeple. And if they DISCOVERED Science, then that means that somebody PUT IT there. DUH.

Possibly, it was the real Time Cube God (not the fake alien god worshiped by the Illuminati, the Freemasons, the Jewish World Order, and the Knights Templar).
 
The one I heard was that the Bank of England started WW1 because they were afraid of the rising power of the German economy.
 
KratosKilla said:
I actually heard theories that the United States entered World War I not to prevent Russia from falling to Communism but to protect Britain in order to get paid back on debts.
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Correct.
 
My professor last class was a conspiracy theorist. In one of the classes he devoted half the class time explaining why Global warming and Al gore are fraud and how Bildebergs control the world.
 
The worst thing about it, is that now that he's revealed himself as a nutjob...IT WILL NEVER END.

For the rest of my life, when we see each other at family functions, IT'S GONNA START ALL OVER.




Another gem, LOOK AT THE DOLLAR BILL! LOOK AT WHAT IT SAYS ON THE BOTTOM!
 
gdt5016 said:
The $20 (cheapo!) WAS NOT WORTH IT.
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Well duh, especially since fiat currency is controlled by the Freemasons. Waddya think that pyramid with the creepy eye is huh? Him paying you in government notes (backed by the fed no less) just shows that HE'S IN ON THE WHOLE THING!
 
eznark said:
gdt5016 do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk... ice cream. Ice cream, gdt5016, children's ice cream. You know when fluoridation first began? Nineteen hundred and forty-six. Nineteen forty-six, gdt5016. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works.
Click to expand...

Supposing a bit of water has gone off, eh? And certainly one can never be too sure about those sort of things. Would you look at me now. Do I look all rancid and clotted? You look at me, eznark, eh? Look, eh? And I drink a lot of water, you know. I'm what you might call a water man, eznark. That's what I am. And I can swear to you, my boy, swear to you, that there's nothing wrong with my bodily fluids. Not a thing, eznarkie.
 
BravoSuperStar said:
You don't sound like a very open minded person.
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Oh man, he said that alot. He said the "real world" is like The Matrix, and he wishes he could go back to being "plugged in." He sees control everywhere now, he said. He said he wishes he was still a slave like me :lol .
 
dyls said:
Supposing a bit of water has gone off, eh? And certainly one can never be too sure about those sort of things. Would you look at me now. Do I look all rancid and clotted? You look at me, eznark, eh? Look, eh? And I drink a lot of water, you know. I'm what you might call a water man, eznark. That's what I am. And I can swear to you, my boy, swear to you, that there's nothing wrong with my bodily fluids. Not a thing, eznarkie.
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:lol

It's the only thing I can ever thing of when someone brings up fluoride.

Seriously though OP, you can't complain about how much you were paid and still consider it a favor.
 
I worked with a guy like this. How is this not highly entertaining for you? I used to love having these conversations and it's the only thing I miss about that shitty job :p
 
Haha! Same exact thing happened to me last summer during a car ride with a childhood friend who I hadn't seen in a long time, including this:

gdt5016 said:
He recommended ZEITGEIST
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I was like, "Holy crap! People like you exist outside of the internet??"
 
180px-Jackface.jpg


Closest I've ever come to this kind of blind insanity is talking to creationists. Nutjobs are infuriating people.
 
No no, look him right in the eye and say "I know, I'm one of them" and then fucking nail the gas and take the wrong exit while laughing maniacally.
 
Does the rest of the family know your cousin is insane? Anyone who spouts off all that bullshit is clearly nuts. Maybe not violent, or unable to function, or socially crippled, but crazy all the same.
 
Garou said:
How about saying "Sorry, I'm not interested in conspiracy theories."
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I said that! I told him I just didn't care.

HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE ABOUT BEING A SLAVE, MAN? I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOU HERE!

I swear to [whatever] that is exactly what he said. And then he kept going.

Deku said:
I worked with a guy like this. How is this not highly entertaining for you? I used to love having these conversations and it's the only thing I miss about that shitty job :p
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Five minutes? Okay, it was kinda funny listening to his paranoid delusions.

90 minutes? It was probably the single most mentally draining ordeal of my life. It was just him (Stereolab's Switch On was paused because I didn't want to be rude) ranting and screaming the entire time.
 
You should have confessed to him that you weren't actually his cousin, and that you were "with" the New World Order to take him away because he knows too much

you have to be wearing sunglasses while you do this
 
Full Recovery said:
You should have kept changing to subject to LOST. At least, that's what I would have done.
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gdt to his cousin: "Yeah man, that New World Order shit reminds me. Do you think that maybe Jacob and Smokey are the same person?They control EVERYTHING on the Island!"
 
Oh, and Global Warming is a global scientific conspiracy to......well, he wasn't quite clear on that one.
 
gdt5016 said:
Kennedy was assassinated by the New World Order,
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See, this is a common misconception. It was actually the New York Yankees. They had to get back at Kennedy for taking Monroe away from DiMaggio. They were assisted by Daley and the Rat pack.
 
Back in High School I knew someone convinced there was a spaceship behind comet Hale-Bopp that was going to enslave or kill us all. Surprised he didn't follow those Heaven's Gate people and kill himself.
 
My similar stories:

For a month after seeing Zeitgeist, my brother went crazy on conspiracy theories and tried to convince me they were all legitimate. He eventually came around.

My friends friend went to a concert with us. On the train home, we somehow got onto the topic of global warming. Exactly what the girl said: "I don't think global warming is happening yet. It's just a normal amount hotter. But I think it's possible global warming could be part of the rapture. It's good that as soon as the world actually starts flaming and melting, Jesus will come to save us." Our whole row on the train was just silent.
 
At one of my previous jobs, it was 3 of us driving around alot. One of them was exactly like this. He lived alone with his cat in a basement suit.

Its sad when these kind of people think everyone else are sheep for following societies rules yet these guys are so desperate to find meaning to their meaningless life that they believe anything some youtube guy says.

People need to realize life is just plain boring. Humans make mistakes.
 
At the beginning, as he was starting off (and when I still thought he was just joking around) talking about the New World Order, I jokingly said

"What's wrong with a world government? Sounds like a cool idea to me"

I was just joking, and thinking of the Ender series :lol .

He got this crazy look in his eye as soon as I said that :lol .
 
gdt5016 said:
At the beginning, as he was starting off (and when I still thought he was just joking around) talking about the New World Order, I jokingly said

"What's wrong with a world government? Sounds like a cool idea to me"

I was just joking, and thinking of the Ender series :lol .

I swear he got this crazy look in his eye.
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You should have told him you were jockeying to be hegemon.
 
RustyNails said:
My professor last class was a conspiracy theorist. In one of the classes he devoted half the class time explaining why Global warming and Al gore are fraud and how Bildebergs control the world.
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Try being stuck in a hospital waiting room next to one, a smug looking 20-something, and a howling baby for 3 hours on a sunday afternoon.. I experienced Hell on Earth
 
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