Ever miss people that aren’t in your life anymore?

My best friend committed suicide 20 years ago and I really miss him much. He wanted to talk to me and I was studying for an exam, and he says he really wanted to talk to me, only give him a few minutes and I asked him to leave. They found his body hanging from a tree a couple days later. I still feel shitty about it after all these years hence why I have difficulty connecting with people in general.
 
The epitomy of my brother and mother. Both passed on the same day in 2016.

To say my heart has a gaping hole is the understatement of a lifetime. I tear up even typing this.

Not that I actively share that but there you go.
 
Im sorry guys, I came in here to post about random girls i hooked up with online, and how I had such great times with these women and then missing my chances with further having great times with them.(I miss that "missing the chance" part) I only miss these people that registers on the horny scale.
I didnt think of people's loved ones that have passed. Outside of that

I dont miss many people that are not in my life anymore.
Ill be serious and say that they are not in my life anymore for a good reason, most of them. Even High school friends

Most of these people probably try to take advantage of my friendship or were really toxic and I was being used.
I accepted toxic people in my life thinking thats just the way they treat others but not me becasue, I am such a nice devoted friend , until they become toxic to you.
Even my close co worker, that I am not longer friends with, if anything, Ive been used. The same toxic spewing everyday about everyone else, I am so glad I dont hear that shit anymore.
I dont have to hear about his toxic relationship with his wife, step kids, blah blah blah. Its so refreshing.
 
Had a falling out with a friend in high school. Before that we had been tight (small school in a rural area, we were basically the only hispanics there) but for a while we hated each other lol. We were on better terms after high school but he died less than a year after graduation from a medication overdose or severe allergic reaction. It was never made clear. I think about him sometimes.

Otherwise, I still communicate occasionally with just one guy from high school and a handful from college. I wish I was better at keeping up but I'm just not. Occasionally I'll see that an old friend of mine was actually in my city recently and didn't reach out. That used to hurt but now it is what it is.
 
3x


sad thred
 
I worry not so much about friends of mine as I never truly had friends I could see being close for life. I do have 1 best friend that I've known my whole life and we will remain close forever. We are practically like brothers.

In terms of people that aren't in my life anymore, well, I come from a fairly large Italian family on both sides. Family "issues" arise and sometimes when people from the "outside" come in, it makes certain family members change.

For example, on my dads side (my dad is the eldest of 8 kids) he has 4 sisters and 3 brothers. Me and my 2 youngest brothers grew up very close with my dads side of the family. They aren't really all that much older than me (I'm 41 and my youngest aunty just turned 50). Anyway, for some reason the family has taken sides, and it appears like my dad is one "leader" and my dads 3rd eldest is the other "leader". And leader is probably not the right word but, my uncle doesn't talk to my dad anymore, so a few of the siblings decided to side with my uncle so they are on his team, whereas a few of the other siblings decided to side with my dad so they talk with us! It's so petty and childish. My dad hates it and wishes for peace but no matter how many time he tried to reach out to not only his brother but his other siblings, he gets the cold shoulder. In the end he has realized it's more important to focus on his kids and now grandkids than to worry about family who don't want a bar of him.
We used to frequent footy games with this uncle when myself and my middle brother were younger and now we don't speak at all. Sad state of affairs as we were all really close and now we have missed out on birthday parties and special occasions. My uncle's eldest daughter is getting married in November and none of are were invited. My brother got married a couple of years ago and he didn't invite any of them. It hurts but this is "family"...
And I honestly feel if people parked there fucking ego's this would all get solved but we have aunties of mine who hate my mother and aunties and uncle's who hate my dad. I'm sure they all have legit reasons in their minds but we are all adults and sitting down to talk should not be out of the question. Unfortunately there are some though that have gone too far and I will probably never speak to them again. Sad fact is, I have 4 kids that many of these family members have never met and never even reached out for. Hurt me and say shit to me all you want and I can move on but fuck with my kids, who are completely innocent and it is another ball game altogether. All it would've taken was a simple phone call when they were born and things would've been far better...
 
I had a GREAT friend who was in his early 40's passed away back in 2013. not a day goes by I don't miss him. out side of that, no. if they're gone from my life, there IS a reason.
 
Yes, but specifically friends I drifted apart from. I realize sometimes that I really don't have many friends in my inner circle who play video games. Just a couple, and they're more casual. I grew up playing sports, so most of my closest friends are sports nuts and they'll play video games, but not the hardcore gamer types who love to talk gaming and such. I used to have a close friend like that but we kinda drifted apart. More of his doing than mine, and I just never pushed it. Miss talking gaming with him from time to time.
 
I miss people, a lot. All the time. It's especially rough now, as pretty much all of my close family are dead & gone, and most of my close friends have moved away.

It's fucking brutal, actually.
 
Not really. There's usually a good reason why they aren't part of my life anymore.

And even if there isn't, it's just how life goes. People come and go and rather than think what was missed it is better to remember what was gained by once knowing them.
 
Just my brother who moved to Florida. He didn't really want to move but he has MS and is pretty dependent on his wife so he didn't have much choice.
 
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Occasionally. I put effort into keeping up with most people I meet. But they aren't always as receptive. And sometimes, I just get tired of being the only one making an effort and let them drift away. I've only once ever had to completely cut someone out of my life for my own mental health. Sometimes I miss him. He was like a brother to me. But I know it was the best thing for me.
 
Yes. A few. Two whom I don't know what happened to but their aunt said they're never coming back. She sounded sad and almost on the verge of tears. I hadn't thought about that in years... So maybe they're... Gone? Those brothers were always into something... One was a wannabe pimp in 9th grade. Always spending at least one year of school in Mississippi ... Came from Chicago and stayed with their aunt ... So I don't know.

Another was someone I should have treated better. I wanted so much to be liked and we both were nerds and kinda outside the cliques. I wonder whatever happened to him. I hope he's doing well. He was a really good kid.

Most everyone I kinda miss is someone from childhood whom I lost touch with in HS and moved away or I don't know what happened.

I didn't really have many friends growing up. That's the saving grace of the internet and the publication I used to.work.for... I made actual strong connections with people and made real Friends!

Still tho... Sometimes I wonder...
 
my best friend as a teenager in beijing, german guy named Paul.. he started off my love for drawing that directly lead to my style today ('show me your arts, gaf" thread), he showed me bob dylan and david bowie (i showed him tool, belle and sebastian and mogwai), we would go out to bars and sketch together.. i was a dick though, i was more sexually active and i remember once he and i were in a woman's apartment and i asked him to please leave so i could bang her... what a wanker lol

anyway, when our time in beijing ended and we left the country (around age 19) we were prefectly happy to stop communicating, it wasan't a negative thing we were just very level-headed and we were happy with the time we shared, we walked halfway across beijing on our last night together lol, him listening to tool on his ipod, i listening to david bowie (diamond dogs, my 'theme of beijing' album) by the end i was walking on the sides of my acheing feet lol

he was like the one and only 'bromance' style friendship i ever had

anyway it's like over a decade later now and i started thinking about our good times around the same time my master degree got serious lol, but he's still not replied (half a decade later), i know he's a pretty cool dude - an artist i think - and he never uses facebook, but part of me wonders if he's ignoring me because i asked him to leave that apartment that time, or was just in general a cocky self-absorbed wanker back then..

so, there, paul if you're out there i still think you're an awesome dude and loved our time together. wish we could do it again, though we can't unless u move to japan lol.

EDIT: this whole thing is a big deal because in my entire adult life i've had a grand total of 2 long term best friends, and they've both lived on the other side of the world and i've only met then 3 or 4 times since 2004. Well there's one more dude from israel, who is awesome, but our emails generally take about 3 months to elicit replies lol
 
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Tschumi said:
but part of me wonders if he's ignoring me because i asked him to leave that apartment that time, or was just in general a cocky self-absorbed wanker back then..
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Let me tell you it's not. That's basically all forigners I've been friends with that I've met in China. They are your best friend while they are there and as soon as they get on a plane back home they forget all about you. I honestly think people like that are just using you for an emergency friend because they don't have any Chinese friends.

Nothing to do with you banging that bird, he should have read the room and excused himself before potentially cock blocking you by also going to her apartment.
 
nush said:
Let me tell you it's not. That's basically all forigners I've been friends with that I've met in China. They are your best friend while they are there and as soon as they get on a plane back home they forget all about you. I honestly think people like that are just using you for an emergency friend because they don't have any Chinese friends.

Nothing to do with you banging that bird, he should have read the room and excused himself before potentially cock blocking you by also going to her apartment.
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Well we started off being friends in high school and we were like the only people from our school who lived in our part of the city (near sanlitun, lots of embassies there) instead of some satellite walled compound neighbourhood, so i think our friendship had a bit more, er, integrity to it, but on the same token i do take your meaning and it does make me feel somewhat better about things

Incidentally, that girl wasn't even any good, i think i was the first westerner she had and she couldn't handle it.. i met up with Paul half an hour later to buy pirate dvds lol...
 
I miss my dad. Losing him changed me. I have friends who I haven't seen irl in twenty years at this point. We talk occasionally on fb messenger. I'm not sure who's to blame for it. Partially me for sure. I'm at the point where I'm not sure if I'll ever have a "best friend " again. Idk. I've had a few and this is not a good evening for me. Cheers gaf.
 
Pretty recently actually. Had a really good friend that I hung out with all the time for years.
Made the mistake of hiring him at my small business. Just was not working out at all. I kept him around for far too long because we got along so well outside of that. I had to let him go explaining it was only business and nothing personal. He seemed to take it well and we still occasionally talk but of course it has never been the same.
 
Yeah, I feel it's hard to make friends as an adult. My other friends are local and always shoot me down when I try to make plans with them so I've given up.

On top of that some of them have become really materialistic which has been a turn off to me, at the same time kicking up my own insecurities about wealth and values.

One friend is that typical FB person that only posts all of the amazing vacations or sporting events he goes to. He always uses his wife as an excuse when I ask him to hang, saying she'll be mad or whatever, but then he can go to a football game all day and get smashed.

The other friend, again, his wife is a piece of work. Total feminist, opinionated, lawnmower parent. Last week their daughter told mine on the bus that they're millionaires, and now my kid is asking if we are millionaires and I'm like "wtf? why are kids discussing this shit?"

I get that people have kids and get busy, but they're getting busy with other people and not me. So yeah, maybe the problem is me and not them, but I'd rather they just cut me out of their lives entirely then if that's the case.
 
Can't say I really do. For various reasons, the type of "friends" and dates / girlfriends I had for many years were not quality. Some were downright horrible. And in terms of outside presence, I was quite the douche for a long time.

Only now that I've developed stronger self-esteem, became more mature, established boundaries and standards, and recognized what toxic people are (thanks Google!), have I started to attract some better people and acquire better social skills. Only looking forward now.
 
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I think most people are self centered. All people age and would rather not be seen going downhill. High school/college is typically the peak for most.
 
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chixdiggit said:
Just was not working out at all. I kept him around for far too long because we got along so well outside of that. I had to let him go explaining it was only business and nothing personal.
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One of my good friends hired me to to work for him and I already knew the rule of "Don't hire friends or family" and in one of the first conversations we had after I was employed was me addressing that head on. I told him when we are here and working you're the boss, tell me what to do, kick my ass when needed and don't second guess. It's just business. When we are outside the office we are friends, it's all good. So I took the pressure off him.

Best job I've ever had. When the company closed we were still cool.
 
COVID basically postponed most of my friendships. Everyone is busy with kids and we used to have hangouts with the kids so we could socialize. Its been dead since COVID and the uncertainty/safety of our kids surrounding it.
 
I guess this will sound stupid but fuck it, i'll put it here anyway. It isn't a person but a city... New York City.

I'll preface this by saying I'm 41. From a very young age I was obsessed with NYC. I was born and raised in Australia (Melbourne) but watched plenty of Letterman and many films based in NYC from a young age. I have had dreams about walking through the city, almost like I've been there before.
Anyway, I got married at 28 years of age and decided that a perfect place for our honeymoon would be to go to the USA. 1st stop- NYC. We arrived late at night and it was dark and raining so we didn't see any of the sights of New York on the flight. The taxi took us to our hotel and on the way I managed to glimpse the Empire State Building and I legit started to cry. I honestly felt like I was home.
We were scheduled to stay in NYC for 3 weeks, then Vegas for 1 week and finally LA for a week. A week and a bit into our honeymoon we got a call from back home saying my Uncle (whom I worked for) had died. We flew home the next morning. I know we did the right thing but I didn't get to see much of New York and funnily enough, only having spent about 10 days there I can remember every corner, every street, every shop, everything! And I miss it so much. I almost feel like I should be living there and it is my real home, as weird as that sounds...
The pain of not being there has subsided a little since going there some 13 years ago but every now and again I get those feelings of loss not being in New York City. Anyone I tell thinks I am crazy thinking this way (who in the FUCK misses a city???) but this is how I feel. I feel like it is my spiritual home. Crazy as I was only there for a week and a bit but there it is!
 
MacReady13 said:
I guess this will sound stupid but fuck it, i'll put it here anyway. It isn't a person but a city... New York City.

I'll preface this by saying I'm 41. From a very young age I was obsessed with NYC. I was born and raised in Australia (Melbourne) but watched plenty of Letterman and many films based in NYC from a young age. I have had dreams about walking through the city, almost like I've been there before.
Anyway, I got married at 28 years of age and decided that a perfect place for our honeymoon would be to go to the USA. 1st stop- NYC. We arrived late at night and it was dark and raining so we didn't see any of the sights of New York on the flight. The taxi took us to our hotel and on the way I managed to glimpse the Empire State Building and I legit started to cry. I honestly felt like I was home.
We were scheduled to stay in NYC for 3 weeks, then Vegas for 1 week and finally LA for a week. A week and a bit into our honeymoon we got a call from back home saying my Uncle (whom I worked for) had died. We flew home the next morning. I know we did the right thing but I didn't get to see much of New York and funnily enough, only having spent about 10 days there I can remember every corner, every street, every shop, everything! And I miss it so much. I almost feel like I should be living there and it is my real home, as weird as that sounds...
The pain of not being there has subsided a little since going there some 13 years ago but every now and again I get those feelings of loss not being in New York City. Anyone I tell thinks I am crazy thinking this way (who in the FUCK misses a city???) but this is how I feel. I feel like it is my spiritual home. Crazy as I was only there for a week and a bit but there it is!
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I feel the same way about hawaii.

One day Im going to be that super-dark-from-the-sun-bum, on the beach with island grown weed inside my guitar asking tourist if they want to buy some good weed at the local farmers market.
The smell, the slow vibe. Once all my kids leave the nest, Im renting out my house to live in a shack in hawaii.

Surfs up
 
I've pretty much always had a pretty tight circle of friends since middle school, and they are still my best friends today.
A few of them dropped off however, and I've always been the guy to keep connections alive, but it really has to go both ways so I just stopped doing it after a while.
There's two of them who I occasionally still talk to, and everything is business as usual then, but there's one that just disappeared as soon as I stopped reaching out (he's also the kind of guy that would vanish every time he got a girlfriend).

It's really weird that some people just don't make an effort for the other people in their life, I mean friendships are relationships too.
I also have a couple of female friends, but they are just annoying to connect with, sometimes react right away, sometimes a week later, sometimes never.
 
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StreetsofBeige said:
Some decently hot chicks from high school which I was part of the pack of guys and gals who hung out at school (not outside friends, but in class friends). When we all went to university, we never spoke to each other again (no internet at the time and I lost their phone numbers).

When the internet came about, FB, Linkedin etc.... A ton of people in high school all linked up. Even people you didn't really know as there's always those couple of people that added everyone when FB got popular. Which is good because then you see their list and add people yourself.

None of them showed up on any friend's lists. Doing google searches turn up nothing. Linkedin/FB turned up nothing. I even messaged various people on FB if they ever heard from them (even one guy who went out with one of them). All of them had zero info what happened to them.

Who knows. Maybe they died.
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Haha, well that's creepy :messenger_grinning_sweat: maybe they changed their name? :pie_thinking:
 
Of course. Some exs were great, but were so stubborn the best way to maintain personal integrity was to either ghost them or not yield to their power plays. To this day I am sure a couple are waiting for me to flinch. Life's too short to play games like that. But yea, I miss those good times we had.
 
jufonuk said:
An old friend grew apart deliberately from me. I Tried to find out why. In the end I couldn't be assed to try an reconcile. Apparently he does this to other people as well. According to one of his older friends.
But no I don't miss them now.
More like why me ?!? Kind of thing.
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I have had some similar people around me too. Don't take I personal, those people just move for people to people
 
I'm lucky enough to not have had tragedy among my close family or friends so far. Relatives die and friendships fade or end, but that's life.

I'm more of a "Thankful for what I have" person rather than wanting what I don't.
 
DGrayson said:
Ya for sure. besides my parents (RIP) I miss one of my best friends. We became best friends in high school and we were roommates in college as well for a couple of years. I was in his wedding etc. I moved far away and I probably didnt keep in touch like I should but he ghosted me pretty hard as well.

Hard to say who was right and who was wrong in this situation but this wasnt a good friend this was like my brother.

I wish him nothing but the best just wish we could hang out and chat like we used to.
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That's the hardest part, to lose a very good friendship.. I hope you guys can reconnect someday 💗
 
Shelbutt said:
All the time tbh. Life has a funny way of bringing people back to you tho. My best friend in high school (who I only knew for 6months but she had made such a massive impact on me I never forgot her) moved away during the summer break and this was riiight when myspace was getting big so I didn't have a way to contact her. For the next 11 years I thought about her off and on. Searched for her on FB for those years...then one day last year when I needed a good friend, I was scrolling FB and randomly on those "people you may know" things...there she was . I had forgotten her last name and barely remembered her first name, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. We're the best of friends and love each other dearly now. And her little girl is my best buddy.
But I do miss the people that have left my life and the ones that left in a huge fight, turns out their true nature comes out...those just make me mad. Make me upset that I wasted so much time and energy on them.
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That's amazing how you guys found each other again after so long! I'm happy for you! 💗
 
SuperBabyMethod said:
I have similar thoughts. Sometimes I think about what and how they are doing; I'll look them up on Facebook but never bother to add or message them. There's a solace in knowing they are doing ok (at least at face value from their profile). I have 1 main friend since high school that I chat and hang with regularly and whom I've know for 15 years.

I currently have a strong friendship with someone with whom I met at my job. Since it's rare for me to have any friends, this one seems like such a great change of pace; however I cannot scratch the feeling of eventually growing apart. It's a sad feeling to experience.
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I know the feeling and it's scary to think about, but live in the moment, cherish the time you spend together and take care of the friendship and it will last for a really long time 💗
 
DGrayson said:
I wish him nothing but the best just wish we could hang out and chat like we used to.
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I felt like this, I left it too long and googled them only to find out they died. life is too short so please reach out and say hello.

After that, I made more of an effort to contact other people I hadn't spoken to for ages, in some cases we had just both moved on too much and had nothing to talk about and drifted back apart, but a few others I managed to rekindle with and now we're good friends (again). I can't think of anybody I regretted reaching out to, so learn from my mistake.
 
MacReady13 said:
I worry not so much about friends of mine as I never truly had friends I could see being close for life. I do have 1 best friend that I've known my whole life and we will remain close forever. We are practically like brothers.

In terms of people that aren't in my life anymore, well, I come from a fairly large Italian family on both sides. Family "issues" arise and sometimes when people from the "outside" come in, it makes certain family members change.

For example, on my dads side (my dad is the eldest of 8 kids) he has 4 sisters and 3 brothers. Me and my 2 youngest brothers grew up very close with my dads side of the family. They aren't really all that much older than me (I'm 41 and my youngest aunty just turned 50). Anyway, for some reason the family has taken sides, and it appears like my dad is one "leader" and my dads 3rd eldest is the other "leader". And leader is probably not the right word but, my uncle doesn't talk to my dad anymore, so a few of the siblings decided to side with my uncle so they are on his team, whereas a few of the other siblings decided to side with my dad so they talk with us! It's so petty and childish. My dad hates it and wishes for peace but no matter how many time he tried to reach out to not only his brother but his other siblings, he gets the cold shoulder. In the end he has realized it's more important to focus on his kids and now grandkids than to worry about family who don't want a bar of him.
We used to frequent footy games with this uncle when myself and my middle brother were younger and now we don't speak at all. Sad state of affairs as we were all really close and now we have missed out on birthday parties and special occasions. My uncle's eldest daughter is getting married in November and none of are were invited. My brother got married a couple of years ago and he didn't invite any of them. It hurts but this is "family"...
And I honestly feel if people parked there fucking ego's this would all get solved but we have aunties of mine who hate my mother and aunties and uncle's who hate my dad. I'm sure they all have legit reasons in their minds but we are all adults and sitting down to talk should not be out of the question. Unfortunately there are some though that have gone too far and I will probably never speak to them again. Sad fact is, I have 4 kids that many of these family members have never met and never even reached out for. Hurt me and say shit to me all you want and I can move on but fuck with my kids, who are completely innocent and it is another ball game altogether. All it would've taken was a simple phone call when they were born and things would've been far better...
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It's really hard when it's family, it effects the entire family. But it's better to as your dad and focus on the part of the family that you want to keep in touch with. Sadly it's hard for some people to change when it's been going on for several years. Focus on your kids and family 💗
 
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