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[GilloD]

When we last left Fat Roommate, she was eating all of our food, not washing her dishes and throwing buckets of water wall over the bathroom. A dubious series of events, but merely a prelude to Cat-Nap Wakeup.

Monday night I went out to a CMJ Kickoff party. I drank way too much, met some great people, got to meet Cause Co-Motion, wandered around the LES drunk and fell into bed around 5. Work sucked the next day, I put on my PJs after I got home, laid in bed all night and went to sleep around 11 completely exhausted.

I awaken to the sound of Fat Roommate: "Scott." "Scott." "SCCCOOOTT" "SCCCCCOOOOOTTT" and I'm thinking, "WHat the **** time is it? I must have dozed off".

I turn over to check the time on the cable box. It's 4:13 AM. Fat Roommate is standing in the doorway with a cat, mewling unhappily in her chubby, ice cream stuffed arms.

"What?"
"I found this cat outside! He was digging through the garbage. Here. Let him lay with you"

The cat is now on my bed. He smells like shit. He has a chicken bone in his mouth. There are bits of garbage stuck to him and, now, on my bed.

"God. what. okay. i pet him. go away."
"Do you think <otehr roommate> would want to see the cat?"
"Not at 4 AM, Fat Roommate."

And now all I hear is the cat howling in her bedroom where she sleeps under the thick veil of an Ambien induced psuedo-coma. Hilariously, I'm pretty sure the cat belongs to the people downstairs.

UNTIL NEXT TIME: This has been another edition of Fat Roommate!

 

[demi]

Dude she wants you raw and nasty. Just give it to her.

 

[Escape Goat]

Grow a pair! Tell her to shut up you are sleeping. Don't open the door. Tell her you don't want cats in teh apartment. You let her in at every possible turn!

 

[GilloD]

Grow a pair! Tell her to shut up you are sleeping. Don't open the door. Tell her you don't want cats in teh apartment. You let her in at every possible turn!

It was 4 AM! She just walked in! I had my door closed for this very reason.

EDIT: She let it out to wande rthe building on her way out this morning, but now it's just sitting in front of the door to our apartment howling.

 

[Escape Goat]

And you arent mad she came into your room without permission? At 4 am no less? I think the issue is less her being a fat incosiderate bitch and more you not sticking up for yourself. If someone put a homeless stinking cat on my bed I would be infuriated.

 

[GilloD]

And you arent mad she came into your room without permission? At 4 am no less? I think the issue is less her being a fat incosiderate bitch and more you not sticking up for yourself. If someone put a homeless stinking cat on my bed I would be infuriated.

I am furious, but at 4 AM I was more confused than angry.

 

[castle007]

Your Fat roommmate really sucks.

I don't know how you can stand living with her

 

[GilloD]

They made a movie about her Mom: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117624/

I'm not even kidding.

 

[Zep]

Man, stop lying...You hit it and love her living there.

 

[3kuSaS]

Yeah, shes annoying, but why point out the fact that she's fat? Does making fun of fat people to make you feel better? Just because its socially acceptable to do so doesn't make it right, and it doesn't make you cool,funny or witty. Just makes you an ass, sir.

A real man would tell the bitch how bad roommate she is. Thats how you get shit done, not smile and act nice to her to her face and then whine about it on the internets.

 

[demi]

Just say "Hey, do you want to have sex?" and see what her reaction is. Then nervously look around and shrug it off with laughter like "HA, PSYCH BITCH, have a nutty buddy."

 

[Joe Molotov]

If one of my roomates had put a stray cat in my bed at 4am in the morning, someone would have been moving out.

 

[PhoenixDark]

If you had taken my advice about the laxatives you wouldn't have this problem

 

[Tauntaun]

Well that seems like a pretty pussy thing to do......GET IT GET IT!?!?!??! PUSSY = CAT so I used it cause this story has a cat in it, GET IT?!?!?!? ok i'm done.

 

[Carl2282]

Wheres the FHUTA response?

Dude, FHUTA!

 

[castle007]

Wheres the FHUTA response?

Dude, FHUTA!

it is getting old

 

[Triz]

FAP into her icecream.

 

[BlueTsunami]

FAP into her icecream.

She may enjoy that

 

[Carl2282]

it is getting old

ok in all seriousness, pad-lock the fridge

or take out all the good stuff and replace it all with rice cakes

 

[7Th]

Wheres the FHUTA response?

Dude, FHUTA!

LOL Jr. Members.

 

[GilloD]

I actually did move out all the food, so there's one issue. But now I may have to bar the door from the outside.

 

[BobJustBob]

gif?

 

[Prince of Space]

If one of my roomates had put a stray cat in my bed at 4am in the morning, someone would have been moving out.

At the very least.

Maybe this was covered in Chapter 1 of this epic saga, but is your roommate (at least) slightly retarded? I mean, who picks up a stray cat and dumps it on their roommates' bed at 4 AM?

 

[Der Kommisar]

I awaken to the sound of Fat Roommate: "Scott." "Scott." "SCCCOOOTT" "SCCCCCOOOOOTTT" and I'm thinking, "WHat the **** time is it? I must have dozed off".

I turn over to check the time on the cable box. It's 4:13 AM. Fat Roommate is standing in the doorway with a cat, mewling unhappily in her chubby, ice cream stuffed arms.

"What?"
"I found this cat outside! He was digging through the garbage. Here. Let him lay with you"

The cat is now on my bed. He smells like shit. He has a chicken bone in his mouth. There are bits of garbage stuck to him and, now, on my bed.

"Why the **** is this ****ing piece of shit on my bed?"
"Do you think <otehr roommate> would want to see the cat?"
"Not you ****ing fat bitch, get the **** out of my room before I shank you"

I then grab the cat in an Ambien/Fat Roomate induced rage and throw it out the window.

UNTIL NEXT TIME: This has been another edition of Fat Roommate!

FIXED!!!!!

 

[Koomaster]

For some reason, your discription of her always reminds me of Ruth from the comic strip "Jim's Journal". Especially this thing with the cat, this is exactly like something Ruth would do. I'd watch out man, Jim ends up married to Ruth toward the end of the strip's run! :lol

*realizes nobody has probably read this comic*

 

[3kuSaS]

Same thing I was thinking. I think she has to be, either that or the OP is really exaggerating the whole situation (likely scenario)

 

[Bezz]

I dont blame your fat butt room-mate, I BLAME YOU!!!

You could fix so much problems if you say all that to HER.

 

[Booser]

I cant wait to hear further adventures from Fat Roomate and her less fat roomates.

 

[Whimsical Phil]

For some reason, your discription of her always reminds me of Ruth from the comic strip "Jim's Journal". Especially this thing with the cat, this is exactly like something Ruth would do. I'd watch out man, Jim ends up married to Ruth toward the end of the strip's run! :lol

*realizes nobody has probably read this comic*

...I actually have the books...

 

[Chairman Yang]

Well that seems like a pretty pussy thing to do......GET IT GET IT!?!?!??! PUSSY = CAT so I used it cause this story has a cat in it, GET IT?!?!?!? ok i'm done.

I dont quite understand, sir, please elaborate.

 

[MaverickX9]

I lived with a fat roommate once.

She too would always wake me up in the middle of the night - just to see if I was home.

She had the foulest attitude I've ever seen on a girl - incredibly pessimistic about EVERYTHING in life.

My solution to the problem was just to never come out of my room. I moved my TV from the living room into my bedroom. I'd always have my door at least half way closed. I would purposely never talk to the girl because it was always a big hassle to do so. I'd go out in the mornings and not come back home until 10pm at the earliest. I'd spend the weekends at other people's places. It was kind of a weird situation, I guess, but I didn't really mind. It was better than the alternative of actually attempting to socialize with her.

My old roommate doesn't sound nearly as bad as yours, though.

 

[Koomaster]

...I actually have the books...

Wow, I haven't run across anyone who's ever even heard of it, much less own the books. I only have "The Pretty Good Jim's Journal Treasury" which contains all the strips.

 

[Alucard]

I cant wait to hear further adventures from Fat Roomate and her less fat roomates.

That's what I'm talkin' about. I want this to go on all term!

 

[Whimsical Phil]

Wow, I haven't run across anyone who's ever even heard of it, much less own the books. I only have "The Pretty Good Jim's Journal Treasury" which contains all the strips.

Yeah, I used to read in in The Onion back, well, during the early days of The Onion (the strip was done by one of the co-founders). I was quite pleased when they started releasing the books. And apparently that treasury is worth a few pennies nowadays.

 

[mugwhump]

My brother is also chubby, and he gets the bathroom wet all the time! :O

Maybe there's a connection between fatness and wetness? Like water gets stuck in the folds of their blubber, and when they move around it gets squeezed out and squirts all over the walls?

 

[Triumph]

Find a live leopard, or maybe a badger and let it loose in her room while she's sleeping.

 

[Dynamite Shikoku]

Fat Roommate is boring. Bring back Cheating Girlfriend.

 

[White Man]

Fat Roommate is boring. Bring back Cheating Girlfriend.

How about if I introduce Horny Slut Roommate? The stories will be fake, but they'll be horny, and slutty.

 

[Koomaster]

Yeah, I used to read in in The Onion back, well, during the early days of The Onion (the strip was done by one of the co-founders). I was quite pleased when they started releasing the books. And apparently that treasury is worth a few pennies nowadays.

I hadn't had any previous experience with the strip till I saw the book in a bookstore one day. I was just starting college so I had a lot of similar experiences that were at the beginning of the comic's run. Plus I found it funny, so I bought it for some light reading in between studying.

 

[AlanHemberger]

How about if I introduce Horny Slut Roommate? The stories will be fake, but they'll be horny, and slutty.

I'll be the patron for these stories!

 

[the year 20XX]

WAIT...

are people really getting tired of FHUTA? That's so sad!

Anyway, it's awesome to rescue cats, but your roommate shouldn't have made you look after it at all.

 

[GilloD]

Fat Roommate is boring. Bring back Cheating Girlfriend.

Sometimes I hate you, but then you say shit like this and I love you all over again.

 

[sprsk]

I will never have a room mate ever againe!

 

[LordMaji]

:lol :lol I love the Fat Roomate Saga's!

Keep em coming please!

BTW that chick sounds like she seriously has a mental problem. Wow.

 

[GilloD]

Same thing I was thinking. I think she has to be, either that or the OP is really exaggerating the whole situation (likely scenario)

WTF? Are you fat roommates secret GAF alias? That's 2 posts in a row where you hate on the FR saga.

 

[McColinCake]

Why are you living with chicks?

 

[emomoonbase]

How about if I introduce Horny Slut Roommate? The stories will be fake, but they'll be horny, and slutty.

It was barely 4am. Gillo was sound asleep dreaming of pumpkin pie and whip cream. Suddenly he felt himself jarred awake by the sound of a creaking door.

"Who's there?" asked Gillo peering into the darkness.

"It's me baby, your super size love goddess." whispered a sultry voice.

Gillo felt a stirring sensation in his nether regions. He reached out into the darkness towards the voice. His quivering hands can to rest on the clammy mammeries of his forbidden love.

"Take me in your big, huge, flabby arms!" whispered Gillo as he struggled to roll aside as his massive concubine fell into his waterbed next to him.

"Oh Gillo, we're out of donughts again! If I do that thing you like with my fat rolls on Mr Happy will you go get me some? Pretty please?" asked the sultry sow coyly.

"Of course my pet, now let me mount you like a bareback rodeo rider!"

NEXT ON FAT SEXY WHORE OF A ROOM MATE: Fatty brings her friend for a 600lb threesome and someone is getting broke in half!!!

 

[White Man]

NEXT ON FAT SEXY WHORE OF A ROOM MATE: Fatty brings her friend for a 600lb threesome and someone is getting broke in half!!!

GUEST STARRING A GARBAGE CAN FILLED WITH NUTELLA.

 

[Slurpy]

I am furious, but at 4 AM I was more confused than angry.

Erm, I'd think it would be the opposite for me. I would be damn angry, ESPECIALLY at 4 am. Maybe you should have thrown the cat out the window. Show some balls, and she may think twice before acting like such a bitch.

 

[WedgeX]

You've got fleas!

Also, reading the thread while listening to the Superman theme made it 100% better.