From "genius" to "normal", what happened to me?

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I think the only thing that matters to a person's success in life is whether or not you are someone who grows and learns.

I've seen people with a amazing skill get satisfied too soon, and replace learning to be good with expecting to be good. This will only make you frustrated and cause you to stagnate. Know that there is always more to know, and try to learn a little bit of something new every day. Growing and learning little by little over a long enough time will produce amazing results.
 
You have to remember that nurture plays a significant role even more so than nature in a lot of cases. So you may have been born naturally smart but the environment that you grew up in didn't fully facilitate and enhance your natural skills.
 
What the OP and others describe reminds me of child actors. They were advanced for their age but get spoiled rotten in one way or another. Intelligence is all about the decisions you make, and your success will be determined by what, who, and how you know.
 
Young children should never be labeled (or at least told that they are) gifted since a lot of the time it is just precocial development, and by puberty their peers catch up. They are left with inflated expectations or opinions of their ability that don't really match reality. That might have happened with you.

Just try to better whatever position you have in life, and don't get caught up on what ifs.
 
Don't be too harsh on your mother she may be the cause of it all, when she decided not to put you on a special school. She put you on a context where everything was easy to achieve, and so you lack motivation and right stimulus.

I'm also sorry to tell you that going back to what you were is extremely unlikely
 
My experience is similar to the OP. I always excelled in school, was placed in advanced classes, top 5% of scores on standardized testing, etc.

In 7th grade I moved in with my mom and that's when things went downhill. Not only did puberty strike me in a bad way (tall, skinny, bad acne) but the support structure I previously had available no longer existed. In between getting picked on, bullied, and beat up at school I would come home to a mother who barely worked (essentially living off her boyfriend who at the time wanted nothing to do with being responsible for me) and didn't support me. There were many days I was left with no food, no clean clothes to wear (if my mom didn't go to the laundromat as we had no washer and dryer), and no way for me to get to school. Quite often I had to rely on neighbors to get me there, if I happened to attend at all due to any of the factors mentioned. The funny thing is that by then end of middle school I still managed to make honor roll several times and still managed to stay in advanced classes.

When high school rolled around I was still dealing with the same things but on top of that I now suffered from extreme anxiety. It got to the point where I simply could not handle being in school and instead would just stay home and hide in my room. Eventually missing so much school caught up with me. My grades dropped, I failed classes, and became credit deficient. I distinctly recall a classmate telling me he's going to hate supporting me when I am 30 and living on welfare.

Midway through my junior year it was determined that if there was any hope of graduating I would need to stay an extra year. This was a best case scenario given that I was still suffering from the same crappy home life and support system previously mentioned. At the time my principal mentioned on other option. They had started an "alternative" high school in partnership with the local technical college. There were only 12 or so students and learning was self paced. Depending on how many credits you had you could either continue to earn standard high school credits or you could work towards your HSED then start taking tech classes and earn college credits.

I ended up going to the alternative high school and chose the HSED option. With the smaller group of people I had very little anxiety issues and since I now was old enough to drive I could take myself to school everyday. I didn't worry about being judged or getting bullied or picked on. I actually got over a lot of issues I had. I started dating a girl from my regular high school and even managed to go to my senior prom and her senior prom. (she was a year younger than me) I ended up progressing really fast and earned my HSED as well as some college credits before the end of my senior year. I also took the ACT and scored rather well. (30 and 31's in all topics except math which I got a horrible 22 in) At the time that was still enough to be in the top 10%. Not bad for a guy who likely missed 1/3 of his entire high school experience.

For some reason I passed up a free ride through the technical college and took a 2 years off from school to work full time. I ended up applying to another school and was accepted. At age 20 I was a freshman college. Unfortunately I was paying my own way and halfway through the year I lost my job. With the other responsibilities I had on my plate I had to make the choice to leave school.

Unfortunately I never made my way back, but I have been at the same employer for almost 10 years. Not having a college degree has been an uphill battle when it comes to promotions, but through hard work I have earned the respect of me peers and management. I have been given opportunities to work on projects as a business analyst , establish process documents and flows, and act as a trainer for new hire classes. Although I now finally make an okay living, I also realize that things could have been a lot easier for me. Sometimes that makes me depressed, but then I think to myself how wrong that classmate was so many years ago...and that makes me smile.

(I typed this on my phone, so sorry if it's not the best quality writing wise)
 
Thanks for this thread OP. I'm kind of in the same boat, without the kids but with a uni degree. I'm currently pursuing all avenues to find the cause(s) and solutions. Reading the replies and trying to formulate an answer to this thread has spurred really interesting food for thought.
 
I can only blame myself for not reaching my potential. It always boils down to how much you want to improve yourself.

You're on that situation because you let it happen but it's never too late to change.

It's good you know something is wrong and you want to change but doing is better than saying. You need to move forward to stop planning and start doing it.

You can't go back to what you were but you can be better than what you are now.

Also, don't plan to try. You do what you plan.
 
i find a lot of people like this like to use "laziness" as an excuse for them just not being as smart as they were told their entire lives
 
vicissitudes said:
As a sidenote, I remember a research related to this phenomenon. They had two cohorts of kids: one cohort was praised for how smart they are. The other was praised for how much effort they put in.

Then they had the two groups work on a puzzle. More kids in second group were able to solve the puzzle successfully. The reason? Those kids, on average, tried to solve the puzzle for a longer period of time before giving up. The first group, praised for their intelligence, expected to get the puzzle naturally since they were naturally smart, so when they didn't, they gave up. The second group kept working on the puzzle because they were praised for being hard workers.

The second group are also more open to trying out new problems and taking more risks, whereas the first group shyed away from such activities, fearing that others' assessment of their intelligence would be proven wrong.

There's quite a bit of research that suggests the deleterious effects of praising kids on "being smart."
Click to expand...

This is a great read. Never thought saying you're smart have such a negative impact on a kid's mind.
 
I want to thank all the replies, and all the people who wanted to share his experiences and knowledge on this subject, I've read each and every one of the replies and I feel like I've learned a lot about me and my views on everything.

I cannot thank enough the guy who posted about ADD, the symptoms list was like if someone I haven't met in my entire life could describe me with 95% accuracy.

When I really focus on something it can turn pretty well, but at the expenses of everything else as it becomes almost nonexistent.

I would also like to thank the guy who posted about passion, you are spot on.

I'm making an appointment with a psychiatrist to see if it really is ADD

Thanks everyone
 
Nekofrog said:
i find a lot of people like this like to use "laziness" as an excuse for them just not being as smart as they were told their entire lives
Click to expand...

Depends on the case. The poster a few posts up with the horrible home environment was never going to be in a mental state conducive to learning even if he was smart. Environment plays a huge roll.

The "I flunked out of university, but I totally could have been a 90s student if I wasn't lazy" types get an eyebrow raise from me though. If you live a more or less normal life, and are not going through some serious mental or emotional issues, high school and university are not that hard for someone with high intelligence, even if they are on the lazy side.

FuuRe said:
I want to thank all the replies, and all the people who wanted to share his experiences and knowledge on this subject, I've read each and every one of the replies and I feel like I've learned a lot about me and my views on everything.

I cannot thank enough the guy who posted about ADD, the symptoms list was like if someone I haven't met in my entire life could describe me with 95% accuracy.

When I really focus on something it can turn pretty well, but at the expenses of everything else as it becomes almost nonexistent.

I would also like to thank the guy who posted about passion, you are spot on.

I'm making an appointment with a psychiatrist to see if it really is ADD

Thanks everyone
Click to expand...


Keep in mind that ADHD is a childhood onset disorder. If it didn't arise in elementary school (6-12 years old), you don't have it by definition.
 
vicissitudes said:
As a sidenote, I remember a research related to this phenomenon. They had two cohorts of kids: one cohort was praised for how smart they are. The other was praised for how much effort they put in.

Then they had the two groups work on a puzzle. More kids in second group were able to solve the puzzle successfully. The reason? Those kids, on average, tried to solve the puzzle for a longer period of time before giving up. The first group, praised for their intelligence, expected to get the puzzle naturally since they were naturally smart, so when they didn't, they gave up. The second group kept working on the puzzle because they were praised for being hard workers.

The second group are also more open to trying out new problems and taking more risks, whereas the first group shyed away from such activities, fearing that others' assessment of their intelligence would be proven wrong.

There's quite a bit of research that suggests the deleterious effects of praising kids on "being smart."
Click to expand...

Though not exactly the same, the "Monster Experiment" conducted by the University of Iowa is perhaps one of the most damning examples of how early encouragement or discouragement can impact development.
 
Wait, schools reject kids out of kindergarten for being too smart?

I was pretty bright heading into school but I don't think the school would have had any way of knowing unless my parents went in there and told them before I got there. As far as I know you just enroll and go to school, there's no selection process at 5 years old. I'm in New Zealand though, could be different to other parts of the world.



Edit: Also, OP, you talk about a shift in which things changed. It might be worth considering if you became depressed at this point in time. Many very intelligent people, for lack of a better phrase, become 'cognitively impaired' while suffering through depression. It's normal, reversible, and nothing to be ashamed of.
 
kswiston said:
Keep in mind that ADHD is a childhood onset disorder. If it didn't arise in elementary school (6-12 years old), you don't have it by definition.
Click to expand...

I read this, I had the idea ADHD was a childhood disorder exclusively, dunno about the accuracy of the article though but I will try to discard this thing at least, it feels nice to pinpoint a cause, for a change.
 
FuuRe said:
I read this, I had the idea ADHD was a childhood disorder exclusively, dunno about the accuracy of the article though but I will try to discard this thing at least, it feels nice to pinpoint a cause, for a change.
Click to expand...

You don't actually know if you have ADHD though.
 
FuuRe said:
I read this, I had the idea ADHD was a childhood disorder exclusively, dunno about the accuracy of the article though but I will try to discard this thing at least, it feels nice to pinpoint a cause, for a change.
Click to expand...

ADHD can be a lifelong disorder, but even Adult ADHD has to have had its onset in childhood (prior to puberty, from 6-12 years old). The disorder is rooted in brain development that happens in that time period. If your symptoms developed at say 16-17 years old, it is probably something else. If your issues began in elementary school and perhaps got worse over time, it could be ADHD.
 
Hard work and ambition are much more important if you want to be successful compared to raw intelligence. When I was a kid I wasn't the smartest in my classes but still way above the average and things came relatively easy. Moving to high school I leveled off a bit compared to elementary school grades but in grades 9-10 I still had top grades. In the senior years of high school I was still smart but my grades dipped because I didn't try as hard because school inherently bored me. Despite that, my University entrance average was 89. Looking back and discussing high school with some of my secondary school peers I probably graduated in top 10 intelligence.

University was a significantly different story though. The people in my classes were just as smart if not significantly smarter than me (I did engineering). My grades in 1st and 2nd year struggled because I didn't work as hard as I should of due to distractions and an inflated sense of intelligence (this is probably the most important thing. I was not as smart as I thought, I needed to work much harder to achieve fractions of what I did in high school with little effort). Unsurprisingly, when I cast aside pride and put in tons of hard work and cared about my performance, my marks significantly increased. I also became much more involved in school activities and growing out social skills. 3rd and 4th year were much better marks wise and my peers respected my intelligence but more importantly my work ethic.

Hard work is the most important thing someone can learn. Elementary school means nothing. The grades are not important, the soft skills and work ethic are way more relevant.
 
Yeah, I thought I was the shit, too, until long division came around. I had to unlearn how to tie my shoes to make room for it.
 
Peagles said:
Edit: Also, OP, you talk about a shift in which things changed. It might be worth considering if you became depressed at this point in time. Many very intelligent people, for lack of a better phrase, become 'cognitively impaired' while suffering through depression. It's normal, reversible, and nothing to be ashamed of.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I think this is quite common.
 
Regained my "genius" in University. I was top of my class as kid, average student in high school and back on top in university. I don't think I'm a genius, but I know that a conscious decision to improve one's life can have incredible results.


Just make better decisions, set some goals and put in the work you need to in order to fulfil them. Rather than compare yourself to your younger self, imagine what your kids' lives will be like in 10 years if you continue to regret "not being a genius." Don't miss out on your biggest responsibility- your kids.
 
Intelligence, just like anything takes practice. To a certain extent, there is some intelligence which is innate. Some people are naturally more intelligent than others. But if you don't exercise that intelligence on a regular basis, you'll become duller as time goes by. It happens to me sometimes when I forget to do anything other than consume media on a break from school or work. It sounds like you just let yourself go. Give it some work and maybe you'll be smarter again.
 
At some point innate "geniuses" get passed up by those that study and work smart/hard. Even athletes have to train, even scientists have to continue research, writers keep on writing and reading, musicians keep playing. there's no finish line in life where you get to and achieve everything you needed to.
 
Uncle_Classy said:
Intelligence, just like anything takes practice. To a certain extent, there is some intelligence which is innate. Some people are naturally more intelligent than others. But if you don't exercise that intelligence on a regular basis, you'll become duller as time goes by. It happens to me sometimes when I forget to do anything other than consume media on a break from school or work. It sounds like you just let yourself go. Give it some work and maybe you'll be smarter again.
Click to expand...

Intelligence (even expanded models of intelligence that include things like artistic and athletic ability) is actually pretty heavily based on genetics. Most studies peg the environmental share at around 30-40% of total correlation when comparing IQs of related and unrelated individuals. Identical twins raised apart have much more correlation in their IQ scores than fraternal twins raised together.
 
Peagles said:
Also, OP, you talk about a shift in which things changed. It might be worth considering if you became depressed at this point in time. Many very intelligent people, for lack of a better phrase, become 'cognitively impaired' while suffering through depression. It's normal, reversible, and nothing to be ashamed of.
Click to expand...

You're definitely right. The change it can cause in academic ability is astounding. I wish there was a quick fix. :(
 
I lost my photographic memory.

I remember when I was playing Mega Man 2 I had every grid password memorized.

I used to have people write stuff in the air with their finger and I could easily read it.

These abilities and more are lost on me now.
 
kswiston said:
Depends on the case. The poster a few posts up with the horrible home environment was never going to be in a mental state conducive to learning even if he was smart. Environment plays a huge roll.
Click to expand...

To put a twist on this, it wasn't learning that was an issue. When I showed up I would pass my tests/exams but that doesn't really help much when it's only a certain percentage of your final grade. When you take attendance and homework into account it was impossible for me to get where I needed to be grade wise.

I'll always be disappointed that I will never live up to what I consider to be my full potential, but I think I've done alright for myself. I have a decent place to live, I have a respectable job (some might even say it's good), I drive a nice car (and have owned several others in the past), and I have a wonderful girlfriend (who does have a college degree but thinks I'm the smart one).

I just wonder what life would have been like had I been dealt a better hand in other things.
 
Graffgor said:
I lost my photographic memory.

I remember when I was playing Mega Man 2 I had every grid password memorized.

I used to have people write stuff in the air with their finger and I could easily read it.

These abilities and more are lost on me now.
Click to expand...

I get what you are trying to say, but that is not a photographic memory.
 
I went from having to go to class in an RV after lunch to being on the Dean's list. I'm thinking it's working in the opposite direction. The RV was for kids with problems. They had games on old computers with these massive headphones.

I wonder if the cycle is starting again.

They did a test on me to test my intelligence when I was a kid. I had the opposite childhood because of my laziness.
 
:lol
Didn't know there were so many potential "geniuses" on GAF.

I always did great in school/college, never top of my classes, however. Didn't really care. I still graduated cum laude in Electrical Engineering, but had no desire to go for my Masters. I learned from my dad & older bro that a strong work ethic and determination will get a person further in life than intelligence.
 
Generally speaking super smart kids tend to level out as they age. Most child prodigies end up being fairly normal. Maybe you were that type when you are younger, and you just ended up leveling out.
 
Sounds normal yep.

I was way ahead of kids in my grade back in the day. I did well until about 6th grade when I remember getting my first B, then my first C.

Was still able to breeze on by with As and Bs trying a little harder, but after my first year of college and a concussion that summer- it got a lot harder.

So besides the concussion, its fairly normal.
 
Your parents probably spent time with you as a kid giving you a headstart compared to other kids.

I learned most of the stuff you learn before your 4th year of elmentary school from my grandparents before I started elementary, they thought me to read and write and basic math and spent time with me (they made it fun and interesting which motivated me)

Had mostly maxed grades without paying attention or doing any work until I turned 10

I wasn't particularly more intelligent than other kids though and definitely did not have more motivation to learn about things I didn't care about.
As I got older my grades normalised and there were some smarter kids who got better grades doing the same amount of work.

Coasting through the first several years so easily probably made me really fucking lazy later on in school:p it was weird suddenly having to study for things I didn't know.

In the end what is even more important than intelligence (unless you are some Einstein level genius that retains all information instantly) is knowing how to study and more importantly having the motivation for and interest in the subjects you are studying.
Once you have those you also need the discipline to actually study in advance (cramming right before exams is worthless as you won't retain most of that stuff in the long term)
 
LosDaddie said:
:lol
Didn't know there were so many potential "geniuses" on GAF.

I always did great in school/college, never top of my classes, however. Didn't really care. I still graduated cum laude in Electrical Engineering, but had no desire to go for my Masters. I learned from my dad & older bro that a strong work ethic and determination will get a person further in life than intelligence.
Click to expand...
Reminds me of the old thread about "geniuses" lol
 
Having potential isn't enough. It's having the grit and drive to EXECUTE on this potential that makes one successful.
 
LuffyZoro said:
You were somewhat above average as a kid but didn't put in any work. No mystery there.
Click to expand...

It was this in my case.

Given that there'd be no one constantly looking over my grades and hassling me about the occasions in which I didn't get 100% after they got rid of the gifted students programme at my school. I felt no need to excel. Let alone put any effort into school.

It got so bad though that I wasn't permitted on school grounds in my final year until I had a meeting with the school and parents. I could feel the dissapointment ...

In that year I just got the bare minimum for University entrance and played CoD while everyone else was studying for their finals.
 
I had to retake a lot of tests because I'd get one of the highest scores in the class but I hardly did any homework, teachers always thought I was cheating.
 
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