This is why I rarely go out anymore.
A good friend of mine is promoting a night at a club downtown, so I make plans to come out and support him, right? Righty. I grab a few friends, we head down to the place and end up having a really good time. Heavily subsidized drink bill, good music, cool people to talk to...everything is just peachy fucking keen.
Closing time comes around...and my one buddy who's been messing with this girl he works with....who happened to be there tonight...and was messing with him just as she separated from her husband...just happened to show up with her NEW boyfriend....who's been dogging out my buddy bigtime to anyone will listen...decides to start shit with my boy.
Now if you don't know him (we'll call him Paul), you don't realize that he's not the type to back away from anyone, at anytime - and when he saw the new boyfriend, things started escalating. Veiled threats, the girl starts beaking off, our promoter friend starts getting upset because he doesn't want any fights on his night, everything starts popping off from there. Once we get outside, Paul wants to fight, new boyfriend is talking shit, my other two friends are ready to throw down, and the Vancouver Police Department's paddy wagon is fifty feet away and they're looking over at our commotion.
You ever try to calm down three inebriated guys, all of whom are ready to fight, even when the situation bloody well DEMANDS that you settle down and prepare to deal with things another day? Not pretty, especially when this bitch is getting off on the drama and yelling shit about pregnancies, whose dick is bigger, how much of a bitch my man is for "starting shit", yada yada yada. So I'm the peacekeeper, right? Somebody has to be the fucking adult here. So I grab one friend, point him firmly in the direction of our vehicle, ask the other friend nicely to quit fucking around and save the bullshit for later...and the chick hauls off and slaps Paul in the face TWICE. Fucking HARD. He starts laughing, the cops start walking over to us, and I'm like fuck this shit, it's time to bail. I throw him over my shoulder (he's 6' 5", I'm 6' 3" but I outweight him by about 40 pounds) and start heading towards our vehicle. Asshole sticks his thumb IN MY EYE and rips out my left contact lens, all the whiule screaming "YOU FUCKING CUNT" at the top of his lu ngs. And she's screaming back at him about all the STDs he supposedly gave her while everybody from the club is watching with this trainwreck look on their fac3es. Jesus Christ.
So I pack everybody into the car, drive 'em back to Paul's place and now he's angry at ME because I didn't go punch new boyfriend in the face like he deserved. Even though it's all about picking your spots and quite frankly, I don't need assault charges hangin g over my head like the sword of FUCKING damascus and that's exactly what would have happened with the cops standing right fucking there. But I digress.
Now I'm at work (the original plan was to stay at his place overnight but fuck that) and I'm blind in one eye and I'm going to sleep on the couch in my work area. All because my friends are fucking idiots.
Fuck me. Rant over.
A good friend of mine is promoting a night at a club downtown, so I make plans to come out and support him, right? Righty. I grab a few friends, we head down to the place and end up having a really good time. Heavily subsidized drink bill, good music, cool people to talk to...everything is just peachy fucking keen.
Closing time comes around...and my one buddy who's been messing with this girl he works with....who happened to be there tonight...and was messing with him just as she separated from her husband...just happened to show up with her NEW boyfriend....who's been dogging out my buddy bigtime to anyone will listen...decides to start shit with my boy.
Now if you don't know him (we'll call him Paul), you don't realize that he's not the type to back away from anyone, at anytime - and when he saw the new boyfriend, things started escalating. Veiled threats, the girl starts beaking off, our promoter friend starts getting upset because he doesn't want any fights on his night, everything starts popping off from there. Once we get outside, Paul wants to fight, new boyfriend is talking shit, my other two friends are ready to throw down, and the Vancouver Police Department's paddy wagon is fifty feet away and they're looking over at our commotion.
You ever try to calm down three inebriated guys, all of whom are ready to fight, even when the situation bloody well DEMANDS that you settle down and prepare to deal with things another day? Not pretty, especially when this bitch is getting off on the drama and yelling shit about pregnancies, whose dick is bigger, how much of a bitch my man is for "starting shit", yada yada yada. So I'm the peacekeeper, right? Somebody has to be the fucking adult here. So I grab one friend, point him firmly in the direction of our vehicle, ask the other friend nicely to quit fucking around and save the bullshit for later...and the chick hauls off and slaps Paul in the face TWICE. Fucking HARD. He starts laughing, the cops start walking over to us, and I'm like fuck this shit, it's time to bail. I throw him over my shoulder (he's 6' 5", I'm 6' 3" but I outweight him by about 40 pounds) and start heading towards our vehicle. Asshole sticks his thumb IN MY EYE and rips out my left contact lens, all the whiule screaming "YOU FUCKING CUNT" at the top of his lu ngs. And she's screaming back at him about all the STDs he supposedly gave her while everybody from the club is watching with this trainwreck look on their fac3es. Jesus Christ.
So I pack everybody into the car, drive 'em back to Paul's place and now he's angry at ME because I didn't go punch new boyfriend in the face like he deserved. Even though it's all about picking your spots and quite frankly, I don't need assault charges hangin g over my head like the sword of FUCKING damascus and that's exactly what would have happened with the cops standing right fucking there. But I digress.
Now I'm at work (the original plan was to stay at his place overnight but fuck that) and I'm blind in one eye and I'm going to sleep on the couch in my work area. All because my friends are fucking idiots.
Fuck me. Rant over.
Do something, nurse!
