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Funniest present day comedian ?

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D

DJ Sl4m

Member
Chris Rock ?
Robbin Williams ?
Dave Chappelle ?
Jim Carrey ?
Someone else ?

Who in your own opinion is the absolute funniest comdian at the moment ?

I'm going with Dave Chappelle, the guy's an absolute riot, plus I love how bal;sy he gets in his skits, although I don't think very much of his stand up.
 
S

Saint Cornelius

Banned
I would've said Chappelle, but the stand-up special he just did on Showtime was SO shitty compared to the the first one he did on HBO.

I would have to say Chris Rock, David Cross, Mitch Hedberg, or The Daily Show's writing team.
 
I

IAmtheFMan

Member
Chappelle's Show is awesome, but his standup isn't that great.

Dane Cook, Mitch Hedberg, and Stephen Lynch (the latter two have a touring show right now.)
 
W

Willco

Hollywood Square
I can't stand Mitch Hedberg or Stephen Lynch. There are the most obnoxious, annoying people on the face of the planet. I don't know how anyone could like them or even more, pay money to see them. I could save you money by smashing your face in with a hammer.

Now Dane Cook. He is one funny motherfucker.
 
M

Minotauro

Finds Purchase on Dog Nutz
mac said:
George Carlin isn't dead yet you know.
Click to expand...

Listen to this man.

Carlin has been relevant for nearly fifty years. Seriously, go back and listen to his complaints about the FCC...they still apply today.
 
D

Dujour

Banned
Bog said:
Mitch Hedberg.
Click to expand...

Definetly.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.

I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide..."

...and then at the end of the letter I like to write "P.S. - this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated."

I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.

Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It is very dangerous to wave to people you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. "Look what I got, this thing is useful...I'm gonna go pick something up"

On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the hell did you get that banana at...

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store oftentimes I will drop it, so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.

I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear music." As though there's any other way to take it in. You're not special. That's how I receive it too...I tried to taste it, but it did not work...

2-in-1 is a bullshit term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.

I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.

If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptible...

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get a hold of me they just say, "Mitch," and I say, "what" and turn my head slightly...

I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number. Something like, 222-2222. I would say sweet. People would say, "Mitch, how do I get ahold of you?" I would say, "Press 2 for a while, and when I answer, you will know that you have pressed 2 enough"

I wrote a script for a guy, and he said he liked it but he thought that I need to rewrite it. I said, "Screw that, I'll just make a copy."

I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said Please Try Again because they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I though I might have opened the yogurt wrong...or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me, c'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I can't do a backflip, much less several simultaneously with two other guys.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're freakin' relentless.

I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laidback company. They said "Screw it. Cut em up."

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs."

Because of dropping acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine. I saw through the bullshit.

I went to see a band in New York. The lead singer got on the microphone, and he said "How many of you people feel like human beings tonight?" Then he said "How many of you feel like animals?" And everyone cheered after the animals part. But the thing is, I cheered after the human being part because I did not know that there was a second part to the question.

People teach their dogs to sit, it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufrane, party of two. Dufrane, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufrane, party of two, Dufrane, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, what happened to the Dufranes. No one seems to give a shit. Who can eat at a time like this - people are missing. You fuckers are selfish....the Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct take over their mouths, and they're hungry. Bush, search party of three, you can eat when you find the Dufranes.
 
J

J2 Cool

Member
Dane Cook. Awesome material, fantastic energy.. he just always puts on a show and by the end is simply drained
 
C

Cerebral Palsy

Banned
Mama Smurf said:
Is that the same David Cross that's in Arrested Development? If so he's great in that, though I've never seen him do stand up.
Click to expand...

Yup, that's David Cross from Arrested Development, and Mr. Show with Bob and David. Ontop fo Mr. Show, he also wrote for The Ben Stiller Show, and Tenacious D (HBO Series). His standup is fucking excellent.




Rob: [Hammering noises in the background] Fuck!

Carrie: Rob, give it a rest.

Rob: I am making a birdhouse.



Cross rocked in Eternal Sunshine.
 
M

Mama Smurf

My penis is still intact.
Wait, who the fuck did he play in Eternal Sunshine!

His comic timing, as is true for the entire cast of Arrested Development, is absolutely superb.
 
arter_2

arter_2

Member
Paoblo Fransisco, Robin Williams, George Carlin, Brian Reagan, Chris Rock in no paticular order other than carlin being first.
 
N

Ninja Scooter

Member
When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufrane, party of two. Dufrane, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufrane, party of two, Dufrane, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, what happened to the Dufranes. No one seems to give a shit. Who can eat at a time like this - people are missing. You fuckers are selfish....the Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct take over their mouths, and they're hungry. Bush, search party of three, you can eat when you find the Dufranes.
Click to expand...

:lol :lol
 
R

Richiban

Member
My vote goes to Russell Peters.

A Canadian Comic, but damn funny.

See if you can find the torrent of his last act and take a look. Priceless.
 
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