Gay and Bisexual Coming-out thread |OT|

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Rez said:
I don't doubt it's a possibility, and maybe it's a cultural thing, but from all the experiences I've heard of, the opposite usually happens. It can bring families closer together or help them understand some of the misery you've may have been going through.

Your parents gave birth to you. Chances are they love you now and they'll love you after, especially if you're "a good kid" prior to this.
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Most parents are like that, yeah. But some are terrible. Some parents drown their children. Some abuse them. Some abandon them for being gay.
 
AvidNobody said:
God, I don't want to sound offensive by any means, but most of the gay men I have talked to at my school have really high voices, ya know? How are their voices like that?
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I don't wanna sound offensive but most of the Asians I know are bad drivers, how are they like that?
 
TheSeks said:
Super Fem.

AKA: FABULOUS!
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Super fem is usually too much for me to take. I'm a low key guy and anyone who is bouncing around being drama queens gets on my nerves fast.

I'm going to grow up alone and resentful :(
 
Teh Hamburglar said:
Super fem is usually too much for me to take. I'm a low key guy and anyone who is bouncing around being drama queens gets on my nerves fast.

I'm going to grow up alone and resentful :(
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This. I don't get it. That sort of ultra-flamboyant, distorted version of femininity is the last thing in the world I'd be attracted to. I see it way too much as well. So yep, alone and resentful here as well.

Like Rez, I can't even comprehend parents like that. I thought Australia had its fair share of religious crazies, but perhaps it really is something else over there.
 
Yeah, I don't go for the 'mega camp' thing myself. Fabulous guys and all, but tiring to be around, if that makes any sense. I personally can't deal with that level of energy and attention whoring.
 
Alcoori said:
It pains me to see gays hating on other gays simply because they are different. Seriously guys.
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Who is hating? Just not my cup of tea is all. I can't stand to be around bubbly girls either, does that make me a girl hater? :lol
 
Yoshiya said:
Misogynist scum. GTFO.
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But... but, some of my best friends are girls. I cannot be misogynist! ;____;

One of my girl friends is almost too perky, she definitely walks the line some days where it annoys me to be around her. Being around high energy personalities makes me want to find a quiet room some place.
 
Roto13 said:
In a perfect world you could just say "It's nobody's business but my own" but on planet Earth, people care. You can say you don't care if people are "ok" with you, but see if you can say that when your friends and family you've had since you were born suddenly want nothing to do with you.
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Well my father wanted nothing to with me before I was born, for no good reason at all.

Thus I don't think coming out will be the end of the world for most people, even if their experiences are negative. It's apart of growing up.
 
I'll be honest, a lot of the guys who call themselves "straight-acting" i roll my eyes at. Girlfriends are in denial.
 
i_am_ben said:
I'll be honest a lot of the guys who call them self-straight acting i roll my eyes at. Girlfriends are in denial.
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nothing like a misused hyphen to really give it to those gays-in-disguise.

right?
 
blame space said:
nothing like a misused hyphen to really give it to those gays-in-disguise.

right?
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i shouldn't eat and type at the same time :(


Anyway I think you misunderstood me. What i meant to say there are a large group of gay people who like to refer to themselves as "straight-acting" i.e. not effeminate or stereotypically gay. Let me assure you, many of these people are anything but straight-acting.
 
TheSeks said:
You know, I've always have had this lingering desire to see a photo of you. I don't know why, because you don't generally post in gaming side in the threads I do and I barely am around the gay thread (er-gay threads), anymore. Mostly because I don't have any gay drama to list to where I don't bother to post in it and generally ignore it (and ignore OT as well. *shrug*) :lol
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How do you even remember me?
 
Delio said:
I dont really like the super femmy guys. Just a bit femmy is fine by me myself i'm pretty low key with it also.
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I've always maintained that I'm not particularly attracted to overly feminine guys - but I still admire the heck out of them. For better or for worse they're the face of our community. They're who we are to many people in the US and around the world, they represent us. They ARE us. And because of that, because they're just that bit different - a difference we share at a basic level - because of that and because they're identifiable - or even because they're SUSPECTED - they get a lot more shit than a non effeminate man does, gay or straight. They've been the section of our community that has ALWAYS taken the most heat from everyone, and they bear it.

They are who they are, and they have the strength to be themselves in a world that despises them. Not in the abstract, I can walk down the street and the average person would never ever guess I'm gay - unless I was with someone i was involved with I guess. But a lot of more effeminate guys cannot because of the way they dress, or act, or even talk in casual conversation. And so they get flack for it, and judged for it... and they go on, being themselves.

So I agree with you, I'm not interested in them particularly romantically. But I still admire them.
 
The first few times I went out to gay clubs I explored being effeminate. I didn't know if I had been repressing that as well since I remembered my aunt telling me that I might want to start aping the men around me. I fall somewhere inbetween the the two extremes.
 
The "Straight-acting" VS "Campy/lispy/limpy" thing is pretty much just human beings wired so tightly to two distinct traits about men and women.

It's expected that men should be masculine while women should be feminine. A permutation in this expected behavior seems looked down. This is especially true with feminine male.

And for some reason, feminine male is being associated with being gay even though the reality is that there are some legit heterosexual who are feminine.

In fact, for most gay guys, masculinity is still the prefer traits when they look for other guys. I think it makes sense to me because gay guys like....guys, thus they like the masculine traits that come in most guys.

Because masculinity is the desired traits in most gay guys, some gay guys up-sell themselves using that "straight-acting" tag. Which is kinda ironic because if you're straight-acting, then doesn't that mean you're actually not like that and just 'acting'?

I personally can't identify with feminine guys nor am I interested in them. I find it interesting though that some guys are completely scared of them to the point that they don't even want to label themselves as gay, thus the "men who have sex with men" moniker was born.
 
I am not sure it is a good thing that the femmy gays are the 'face' of the community. A little flamboyancy is okay; but when you are fall all over yourself gay 24/7 it wears a little thin on everyone.

If one of our messages is that we are just like everyone else; these guys did not get the memo. When the pride level gets that high, I think it hurts more than helps.
 
All of my siblings know (I have three sisters), but my parents are in the dark. My sisters were taken by surprise by it but they took it well. Even the oldest sister was very calm and rational about it, and she's easily the most religious of my sisters. I hadn't even planned on telling them this year, but I started feeling distraught at the fact that no one I knew personally understood what I was going through. On more than one occasion, I'd be eating a meal with them and my inner voice would be screaming "I'm gay!" nonstop inside my head. The stress of not being open about it to anyone was slowly gnawing away at me.

I expected much worse reactions from them and wound up pleasantly surprised. What your mind predicts and what actually happens can differ drastically, especially when the worst case is the only case you pay attention to.

Teh Hamburglar said:
I had a friend who came out to his "Christian" parents. They took his laptop hostage, his cell phone, cut him off completely financially. Thankfully some people from his church helped him out so hes not homeless (he lives away at college, but can stay with them whenever he wants).

His facebook also went nuclear with his religious friends going off on him for his sin, hating the sin but loving the sinner and everything inbetween. Was a awful situation that thankfully ended in a somewhat positive note. That is he could have had zero support.
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This right here is pretty much my worst fear, and a large part of why I haven't told them yet. I'm no longer willing to bend over backwards to try to appease everyone, and depending on how stubborn my parents are about trying to "help", escalation might be the most plausible outcome.
 
BlazingDarkness said:
Guys like that intimidate me - I usually regress and go mute when I'm around them, loud personalities and all that
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I love being around extremely flamboyant gays, provided they aren't catty and mean -- that's the one [stereotypical] aspect of camp queers that bothers me. If they're in a good mood then these are the sort of people that can actually make me forget my depression temporarily, relax a bit and enjoy myself.

My attractions lie with the somewhat more reserved femme gay boys.
 
So I have a question for Gay-GAF.

I'm not gay. I know this because a long time ago I experimented with another guy to test it and I realized it wasn't for me. However, I have a few "gay" mannerisms (e.g. the way I hold my hands and other shit that apparently other people notice). In your experience, does this sort of thing really hold a lot of weight with women (and/or gay men), or is it all a bunch of bullshit?
 
Sharp said:
So I have a question for Gay-GAF.

I'm not gay. I know this because a long time ago I experimented with another guy to test it and I realized it wasn't for me. However, I have a few "gay" mannerisms (e.g. the way I hold my hands and other shit that apparently other people notice). In your experience, does this sort of thing really hold a lot of weight with women (and/or gay men), or is it all a bunch of bullshit?
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Well, being feminine/effeminate is not exclusively gay traits. Like I said before, there are legit straight guys with effeminate traits.

As for whether it'll be problem with women or gay men, it depends on each individual. Many gay guys like masculine men while some don't. Same with women.
 
"Mega camp" is annoying as hell; and to be fair, I find the "uber dudebro" straight types almost as equally annoying.

I'm a pretty quiet, laid back dude and just don't like loud people in general though.
 
PhoenixDark said:
"Mega camp" is annoying as hell; and to be fair, I find the "uber dudebro" straight types almost as equally annoying.

I'm a pretty quiet, laid back dude and just don't like loud people in general though.
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I have a low tolerance for anyone who defines themselves by their sexuality.
 
Replicant said:
Well, being feminine/effeminate is not exclusively gay traits. Like I said before, there are legit straight guys with effeminate traits.

As for whether it'll be problem with women or gay men, it depends on each individual. Many gay guys like masculine men while some don't. Same with women.
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All right, cool. I'm just tired of gay guys hitting on me when I am absolutely uninterested. It is really annoying.
 
Rez said:
I have a low tolerance for anyone who defines themselves by their sexuality.
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Agreed 100%. If someone is more flirty than the average person, fine. But when that is literally ALL they're about publicly, pass.
 
Ive only met one gay guy I would have messed with about 12-13 years ago, he was very cute and effeminate but also dressed like a girl. Not extreme tranny style, a more scene girl look. Low rise pants, tight shirts..basically resembled a flat chested scene girl, but you could tell he was a guy without a doubt, just very cute and such.
Given the time in my life we were friends, and since he was actually my GF's good friend I admit given the chance I would have acted on it to have them both, and had a part of me hoping one day I would. Yet I would have never shared my GF with another straight guy..odd I know.

Had a few over the top friends who never went as far as him and a couple who you would have never known, never had an attraction in the least bit. Seemed to gruff, manly etc..Even the flamboyant ones.
But he seemed more "smooth" "ladylike" and also unlike times when I had shared a woman with friends I instead would have had an attraction to the other male. Thus making for a new experience, I might like or not.

Strangely Ive never even had a double take at another obvious male, sure a few trannys on the net have made me and Im sure many other guys say.."Hmm..fuck it, Im doing it"
but this dude was obvious male, just his female act wasnt flamboyant and he didnt over do the tranny ful female garb.
 
Sharp said:
All right, cool. I'm just tired of gay guys hitting on me when I am absolutely uninterested. It is really annoying.
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Do you regularly hang out at gay district or something? Because unless the guy is really camp, the likelihood of a gay guy hitting on a straight guy in public is pretty slim.

Despite popular belief, many gay men are shy. Many would spend hours just looking at each other from far away instead of coming over and introduce each other.

Second of all, due to bigotry from society, the last thing a gay guy would want is to hit on the wrong person. Getting yelled at or worse, punched is not fun.

So unless you go to obvious gay establishment, I don't understand why a gay guy would openly hit on anyone.
 
Replicant said:
Do you regularly hang out at gay district or something? Because unless the guy is really camp, the likelihood of a gay guy hitting on a straight guy in public is pretty slim.

Despite popular belief, many gay men are shy. Many would spend hours just looking at each other from far away instead of coming over and introduce each other.

Second of all, due to bigotry from society, the last thing a gay guy would want is to hit on the wrong person. Getting yelled at or worse, punched is not fun.

So unless you go to obvious gay establishment, I don't understand why a gay guy would openly hit on anyone.
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It's a long story. But at my particular college there's not really a stigma about gays, so people are more bold. Alcohol was also involved on the occasions I'm discussing.
 
Sharp said:
It's a long story. But at my particular college there's not really a stigma about gays, so people are more bold. Alcohol was also involved on the occasions I'm discussing.
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I don't think there's stigma about gays either at the uni where I work but I've never seen anyone behaving that brave. But if alcohol is involved maybe that's a different story.

But yeah, in my experience, gay guys are frustratingly shy in public places. And I live in Sydney, one of the biggest gay cities in the world. Their idea of coming on to someone is like Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow in this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tv49bC5xGVY

That's: longing looks, shy smiles, unsure eye contact, etc....from a safe distance, of course. That's how gay guys act in public place. Because no one likes to hit on the wrong person. I actually had the same experience in the gym a few days ago. We were just staring at each other alternately and in the end, neither of us said anything. He did wait for me outside the gym after he finished but since I didn't expected that and I didn't want to come off weird/creepy, in the end nothing was said.

I've had occasions where some campy guys flirt with me but again, even with them, the worst I got was them giving me some form of slutty expression. And since I normally just ignore them (ie. not saying anything or look in their direction), they don't go beyond that.

My straight workout partner at the gym actually is far more bold than any gay guys I've met. He's groped me on many occasions in the gym and in response, I just do nothing because I don't want to offend him. Apart from that the most I ever got in a public place from a stranger was a wink and a "Hi". Again, that's from a straight guy (his wife was walking behind him).
 
Be careful if you come out to ANYBODY. Even if they are someone you trust and are buddy buddy with, they might still out you. If you tell someone you are gay, the information will spread like crazy.
 
videogamer said:
Be careful if you come out to ANYBODY. Even if they are someone you trust and are buddy buddy with, they might still out you. If you tell someone you are gay, the information will spread like crazy.
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yep faster than the speed of light.
 
that's not necessarily true.

and it's not necessarily a bad thing. I've never quite understood 'kind-of' coming out. If you're having sex with the same sex, chances are it will eventually spread anyway.
 
Rez said:
that's not necessarily true.

and it's not necessarily a bad thing. I've never quite understood 'kind-of' coming out. If you're having sex with the same sex, chances are it will eventually spread anyway.
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It's not that hard to have anonymous sex--craigslist in another city and a fake name should be good enough.
 
Maybe i have trust issues but I never tell my friends anything I don't mind getting out. You know how people are "You can't tell anyone! Promise?"
 
I actually had a pretty great coming out experience. Parents were both great. Mom was a little emotional, but not in a bad way, just the drama of it all I think.

I made the stupid mistake of telling my quasi-homophobic brother before telling my parents. I wanted to make him feel like it was something we could talk about if he had a problem and not just something he would be forced to accept by my parents. Thought it would be a nice gesture.

He basically just decided to flip out instead, threatening to tell my parents himself and saying that they're not going to be as accepting as I think. Real nice. My parents proved him fucking wrong, of course. :D

I was lucky in that I had been seeing my boyfriend for about four months before I told my parents. I was very much in love with him (still am!) and was able to approach it that way. It was nice to have something other to say than "Hey mom... I've been looking at gay porn and I think I like it." Instead it was, "I'm gay. And I'm in love with an amazing guy."

All drama aside, coming out was both a major and minor event in my life. I felt totally liberated and free to just be myself, and at the same time, life goes on! My BF and I have been together almost a year and a half and are crazy crazy in love.
 
I'm not really good with the whole coming out thing so for me it's just better if people hear about it from someone else than me. Of course I had to tell my parents personally but other than that I don't really care. It's not like it's some national secret.
 
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