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[Souldriver]

I mean no offence at all to Mr_Zombie, as he is definitely not alone in being unsure or ambiguous about his preferences. But for me there was never any doubt. Both physically and emotionally, it's so clear to me that I'm attracted to men, from as long as I can remember.

Physically, and this is the most obvious of the two, I get aroused and my dick gets hard from the male sex, while the female sex does nothing for me. Can't get much clearer than that.

Emotionally, I mean, being smitten by someone, or getting a crush on someone. In this case, occasionally I can find a woman very attractive or interesting, in the same way straight guys can develop a "guy crush" on their favorite celeb or whatever. Maybe it's because that woman is intelligent, or interested, or very nice to me, or funny, or downright gorgeous.... But no woman could ever make me weak in the knees, faint in the heart, light in the head, ... like certain guys can. It's such a powerful emotional reaction, that -if someone were to have this-, it must be a clear sign of "who" they're attracted to.

Soooo, if we go by the idea that sexuality is a spectrum, I'd place in the "obviously pretty damn gay" category. I know this doesn't really help anyone on the subject, but I thought I'd share.

 

[lenovox1]

. . .My (maybe poor) advice is: just take your time, nobody rushes you, right? Just do what makes you happy and makes you feel comfortable, although this is a cliche

No, your advice is great. As has everyone else's. In fact, I think anything from anyone that's been through the stuff Mr_Zombie is going through right now is helpful.

Mr_Zombie, it's okay to be confused, and it's okay not to be sure about what you want right now. As long as you remain honest with yourself and honest about your feelings, everything will workout.

About the non-hookup website, I've downloaded a polish gay social app on my phone, but for some reason I'm still afraid of "coming out" (which is weird, because I just did this on a huge international gaming forum; but it's different than talking to someone you can later meet up in person) which usually ends up with me just quiting the app whenever someone starts the conversation; not to mention, a hydepark chat in the app is full of guys asking to meet up for communal masturbation... so yeah :/..

Well, I think the act of downloading the app was good, healthy step.

I mean no offence at all to Zombie_leech, as he is definitely not alone in being unsure or ambiguous about his preferences. But for me there was never any doubt. Both physically and emotionally, it's so clear to me that I'm attracted to men, from as long as I can remember. . .

Yeah, that's similar to how I've felt about it. Some of my earliest memories are of the guys that were in their Speedos at the beach. And my first sexual experiences were with other boys, too. When puberty hit, things started to get confusing, but I just try to live openly, honestly, and freely. I've made more mistakes than Robert Downey Jr. on crack, but I've turned out pretty okay.

ETA: There's a coming out thread that Replicant made concurrent to this one. It's filled with more stories and advice from Gaygaf.

 

[Alcoori]

I only like strong, powerful women. Does that make me gay?

 

[red13th]

Yes.

 

[mantidor]

Emotionally, I mean, being smitten by someone, or getting a crush on someone. In this case, occasionally I can find a woman very attractive or interesting, in the same way straight guys can develop a "guy crush" on their favorite celeb or whatever. Maybe it's because that woman is intelligent, or interested, or very nice to me, or funny, or downright gorgeous.... But no woman could ever make me weak in the knees, faint in the heart, light in the head, ... like certain guys can. It's such a powerful emotional reaction, that -if someone were to have this-, it must be a clear sign of "who" they're attracted to.

This is also very important! actually the sex stuff is not definitive, you really can have sex with any gender and enjoy it at the physical level in some way, and I remember I did get aroused by naked women specially when I was little. But getting a crush or falling in love are the definitive proof, and is weird because that mind state is very difficult to describe yet everyone knows when they are in love.

 

[i_am_ben]

Hi GayGAF.

I've been lurking here for months pucking a courage to ask a question: how do one know that one is gay? I know this is probably a stupid question and probably many of you laugh at this right now, but... for someone who doesn't have anyone to talk to about this (no gay friends here; the only gay guy I know I lost contact with long time ago and I've learned about his sexuality after that), it's not that simple :/

I've been attracted to male body (well, body and facial hair >_>) since I remember. Even as a teenager I've paid more attention to male actors than female actresses in porn movies, photos or even various TV shows but back then I thought this was normal ("hey, I'm just checking him out to see what a man should do during sex", or "I'm just comparing dicks"). But as I grew older I found that I've simply stopped being interested in female-only scenes to the point I've started watching gay porno or even live cam feeds. And I've been enjoying it. Right now I have like 4 tumblr galleries with guys photos at my smartphone.

I still like to look at nice looking women, but I don't feel attracted to them sexually.

However, I haven't even thought about making out with a guy; never been fantasizing about this; never been in relationship either (gay or straight). It sounds crazy, but to try myself out last summer I even went to nude beach near the place I live (which basically is a gay beach nowadays - the men to women ratio is like 100:1 and there were men literally giving blowjobs to themselves in the open) and I felt nothing; went to steam bath the other day and a guy (quite good looking, although with a beer belly) sitting in front of me started jerking off and at first I felt excited, but then started to feel kind of uncomfortable (felt even more uncomfortable since the guy started following me when I was trying to change room >_>).

I have no idea whether I'm scared of admitting this to myself (although I feel that I accepted it, slowly but finally accepted), am I not gay or am I simply just not ready for a relationship or a casual sex with a guy (and I'm almost 26yo ffs :/). Whenever I think about this (and it's hard not to when you constantly hear "hey, do you have a girlfriend?" or see your colleagues marrying and having kids) I feel confused as hell about myself.

Sorry for this rant; I usually don't like bothering others with my own problems, especially as personal as sexual life, but I felt I just had to share this with someone because it simply drives me crazy.

Try and avoid gay bath houses. They tend to have high rates of STDs.

 

[Dead Man]

Also don't forget sexuality is not binary. Don't worry if you don't fit some stereotype.

 

[PowderedToast]

hello all

i broke up with my girlfriend 2 months ago. it was a hard time, lots of tears and anger but we've remained very good friends. one of the main reasons for the split was that i wanted to explore sexual relations with men, it was a relatively new feeling and surprised the hell out of me. the relationship was stable and going down a serious route so i really had to think hard about what i was feeling. it was difficult as hell, she's a beautiful person and i adore her, but i knew i had to do it. it was on my mind constantly and i couldn't live with myself if i had never tried (she was life-time material, which made it even harder).

so basically im at that point now where i'm ready to start looking/being available, im really excited but also sort of lost. i feel like i should make myself known or be around gay hotspots occasionally? i dunno i dont have a clue how to go about it, i just don't want to be waiting forever and leaving it to chance, surely i can do something.

i know a couple of gay bars but:

a. im scared and have no one to go with
b. im not ready for action or sex yet, AT ALL

thx all. btw i have no patience :X

 

[Replicant]

so basically im at that point now where i'm ready to start looking/being available, im really excited but also sort of lost. i feel like i should make myself known or be around gay hotspots occasionally? i dunno i dont have a clue how to go about it, i just don't want to be waiting forever and leaving it to chance, surely i can do something.

i know a couple of gay bars but:

a. im scared and have no one to go with
b. im not ready for action or sex yet, AT ALL

thx all. btw i have no patience :X

Depends on what you want. If it's just a date, try dating sites like OK Cupid. But if you want sex, try Grindr (most gay guys who have iPhone is more than likely to have this app). This way you eliminate the need to have to go to gay bar or gay places if you don't feel like going there.

 

[lenovox1]

Well, you've already climbed your first big wall, and now you're ready to go out and socialize. Hopefully you're comfortable about where you are right now, and I know I don't have to tell you that you're in a good place. Ricky Martin went through a similar thing, so you're not alone either.

Now about the socializing part, do you have a close and accepting female friend? That's who the guys around my age usually go to the clubs and bars with their first time out. If you really have no one, there's nothing wrong with signing up for a Grindr account just to look for friends.

 

[PowderedToast]

Depends on what you want. If it's just a date, try dating sites like OK Cupid. But if you want sex, try Grindr (most gay guys who have iPhone is more than likely to have this app). This way you eliminate the need to have to go to gay bar or gay places if you don't feel like going there.

i suppose i want a date, but i've never actually been on one before. i met my girlfriend through a friend circle and was with her for 3 years (i'm 20). my ideal situation is to meet someone casually and got to know them without the stress of making impressions and date politics. i was wondering if there were places i could hang out or signs i could give that would let others know i was interested and available.

but maybe i should just go for the dating sites, it will just take some time to psyche myself up.

 

[PowderedToast]

Well, you've already climbed your first big wall, and now you're ready to go out and socialize. Hopefully you're comfortable about where you are right now, and I know I don't have to tell you that you're in a good place. Ricky Martin went through a similar thing, so you're not alone either.

Now about the socializing part, do you have a close and accepting female friend? That's who the guys around my age usually go to the clubs and bars with their first time out. If you really have no one, there's nothing wrong with signing up for a Grindr account just to look for friends.

thank you!

i did have a close female friend but i recently fell out with her somewhat and she didn't seem keen on the idea of joining me at a bar (i had mentioned it quite recently). other than that i have no one who's really conventionally appropriate, just straight male friends. but i guess it can't harm to ask. they are very accepting and usually up for anything.

 

[fernoca]

Don't go to:
-Adam4Adam
-Manhunt
-Gay.com
Not as a starting point, at least.
Though, in the end list depends on where you live; since OkCupid around here is full of the same guys from Manhunt, Gay.com and Adam...then again, so are the local bars and support groups. :/

If anything, make a list (even if it's just a mental one) about not only stuff you want and like, but you want and would like in others and use that as a starting point (online at least).

Conversation and topics are vital of course, but don't try to talk about everything the first time, since then in day two you'll barely have nothing to talk about; and you'll probably end with the whole "Do I say something? If I talk to too much would he hate me? If I don't talk much would he hate me?"..and so on.

And online, yeah pictures are important, so if you're comfortable enough post a few of your face on the sites you choose (Manhunt, Adam are more sex-related, Gay.com can go either way; so keep in mind the focus of the site before posting a picture); and wearing clothes. If you're not looking for sex, shirtless pictures or pictures just of your chest give the wrong impression to many.

If you're not interested in sex (at the moment) then put said info on the profiles (just in case) and related to that, don't mention your size, sexual positions, preferences, likes, etc..in that aspect.

If you'd like to go out to bars/clubs/etc., yeah...make sure to at least try to don't go alone; since you'll probably hate it, get bored, etc. At the same time, you could try to go alone if you feel comfortable enough, just to see how are things in there, listen some music, some drinks, food; just to get to know the place; just don't go expecting to make friends and meet the love of your life.

In the end, just have fun...and take care.

 

[Dr. Malik]

Well, you've already climbed your first big wall, and now you're ready to go out and socialize. Hopefully you're comfortable about where you are right now, and I know I don't have to tell you that you're in a good place. Ricky Martin went through a similar thing, so you're not alone either.

What in the world

 

[Replicant]

i suppose i want a date, but i've never actually been on one before. i met my girlfriend through a friend circle and was with her for 3 years (i'm 20). my ideal situation is to meet someone casually and got to know them without the stress of making impressions and date politics. i was wondering if there were places i could hang out or signs i could give that would let others know i was interested and available.

If dating were that easy in RL, most of us are not still looking around the lecture (if you're a student), throwing glances in the gym, or going to gay bars. Nope, I'm afraid dating life as a gay guy is as difficult as dating life as a straight guy.

IF you just want sex though, there's plenty of willing participants online and offline. What with guys being horn dogs and all.

 

[lenovox1]

What in the world

Oh yeah, Ricky Martin detailed several deep, long term relationships he had with women in his book.

i did have a close female friend but i recently fell out with her somewhat and she didn't seem keen on the idea of joining me at a bar (i had mentioned it quite recently). other than that i have no one who's really conventionally appropriate, just straight male friends. but i guess it can't harm to ask. they are very accepting and usually up for anything.

Straight men can be the best wing men and great "bait." And good friends will keep you entertained. So go for it!

 

[Vazra]

I'm a mess...
that is all I need to say for now.

 

[SpaceBridge]

hello all

i broke up with my girlfriend 2 months ago. it was a hard time, lots of tears and anger but we've remained very good friends. one of the main reasons for the split was that i wanted to explore sexual relations with men, it was a relatively new feeling and surprised the hell out of me. the relationship was stable and going down a serious route so i really had to think hard about what i was feeling. it was difficult as hell, she's a beautiful person and i adore her, but i knew i had to do it. it was on my mind constantly and i couldn't live with myself if i had never tried (she was life-time material, which made it even harder).

so basically im at that point now where i'm ready to start looking/being available, im really excited but also sort of lost. i feel like i should make myself known or be around gay hotspots occasionally? i dunno i dont have a clue how to go about it, i just don't want to be waiting forever and leaving it to chance, surely i can do something.

i know a couple of gay bars but:

a. im scared and have no one to go with
b. im not ready for action or sex yet, AT ALL

thx all. btw i have no patience :X

Where are you located?

 

[ciD_Vain]

I'm a mess...
that is all I need to say for now.

Are you okay?

 

[branny]

My bday is today Hitting the ripe ol age of 24. At least I look good.

Happy birthday! (i'm way late)

Hi GayGAF.

I've been lurking here for months pucking a courage to ask a question: how do one know that one is gay? I know this is probably a stupid question and probably many of you laugh at this right now, but... for someone who doesn't have anyone to talk to about this (no gay friends here; the only gay guy I know I lost contact with long time ago and I've learned about his sexuality after that), it's not that simple :/

I don't know what you are, but it doesn't really matter. You should take things at your own pace and really analyze what you want. This seems like a recent revelation for you so it'll likely take a while before you'll be super comfortable. Honestly, I think you shouldn't stress on figuring it out at all; there are perfectly functioning people who still have no damn clue. I just don't know about the casual sex route...

This is also extremely good advice:

Also don't forget sexuality is not binary. Don't worry if you don't fit some stereotype.

There is an unhealthy fixation within this community on binary ideas like masc/fem, dom/sub, gay/(bi)/straight--stereotypes and role expectations--that can sometimes cause distress for people who are lost or just consider themselves "normal." You are what you are and shouldn't feel obligated to do certain things just because you fall into a category, or, worse, force yourself into a category because you don't fit some ridiculous label.

And online, yeah pictures are important, so if you're comfortable enough post a few of your face on the sites you choose (Manhunt, Adam are more sex-related, Gay.com can go either way; so keep in mind the focus of the site before posting a picture); and wearing clothes. If you're not looking for sex, shirtless pictures or pictures just of your chest give the wrong impression to many.

Haha, yeah. There are basically two types of people on those sites: the ones who show their face and PM the rest of their body, and the ones bare it all and PM their face. It's a little easy to figure out which ones want a more serious relationship. :lol

I'm a mess...
that is all I need to say for now.

We're here if you need a hug.

 

[Sagitario]

Don't worry. I go through the whole "am I really gay?" phase damn near monthly. It happens.

Seriously? :O

Thanks man! I hope your "Coming out to a coworker" goes better than mine! "Overly gay friendly" coworkers can be so annoying!

It's all cool with him [so far], today it was like if nothing happened, all normal, no awkwardness. He did get a little friendlier last night, but it was all in an innocent/supportive/good intentions way (he had drunk a few beers, so that probably made him waaaay friendlier than usual ).

How was it with you?

I still picture myself getting married with a women and all, lol

Until a few years ago, I did the same. Since I was very a small child, I always pictured myself growing up -> getting a job -> getting married [to a woman] -> having 2 kids [I even had their names ready].

I'm a mess...
that is all I need to say for now.

 

[dragonlife]

I love this image so much.

 

[branny]

Until a few years ago, I did the same. Since I was very a small child, I always pictured myself growing up -> getting a job -> getting married [to a woman] -> having 2 kids [I even had their names ready].

Oooh, what are they? I still haven't figured any out myself. =\

 

[sphinx]

I was just reading the other thread about what races people like most and a question ocurred to me:

do you guys think there is a particular race (or races) that has a tendency to do more intensive stuff (like full anal, joyful embracement of cum, etc.), whereas other race(s) take a more conservative approach (Kiss+cuddling+masturbate and that's it) in sex??

I am no slut but since my professional life has taking me to very different places in the world, I gotta say, that one guy from Brazil was like the horniest pig ever (in a good way) compared to that one guy from sweden I once dated..

(not trying to reach conclusions here, just want to share impressions and experiences)

 

[beje]

I was just reading the other thread about what races people like most and a question ocurred to me:

do you guys think there is a particular race (or races) that has a tendency to do more intensive stuff (like full anal, joyful embracement of cum, etc.), whereas other race(s) take a more conservative approach (Kiss+cuddling+masturbate and that's it) in sex??

I am no slut but since my professional life has taking me to very different places in the world, I gotta say, that one guy from Brazil was like the horniest pig ever (in a good way) compared to that one guy from sweden I once dated..

(not trying to reach conclusions here, just want to share impressions and experiences)

Correlation, causation, blah blah blah...

It depends on the person, never found any link in sexual behavious vs. ethnicity myself.

 

[PowderedToast]

Where are you located?

northern UK =)

 

[moggio]

northern UK =)

Are you on Gaydar? That is the most popular gay dating/hookup site in the UK. Bit of a meat market but there are plenty of people on there who are looking for friendships/relationships rather than just a quick bumming.

Also you could go on Meetup.com and see if there are any groups near you.

 

[Deleted member 30609]

Don't worry. I go through the whole "am I really gay?" phase damn near monthly. It happens.

Wait, what?! That can't be healthy.

 

[Vazra]

Sorry for not being here but my mood simply went from happy go lucky to messy depressive for no reason. Maybe the lack of work is getting to me and the computer issues at the same time. I guess I'm getting tired of those issues. Also economic issues on the house aren't helping either. So I'm getting stressed and depressed.

 

[Arcipello]

Where is London Gaf when I need them... Infanct am I the only one?

 

[MidnightScott]

Where is London Gaf when I need them... Infanct am I the only one?

yeah it's only like 10 PM there right? You should just move to Texas and come say hi to me :3

 

[Delio]

I you only like strong, powerful women. Does that make me gay?

I run into this whenever I write. I make strong females who can defend themselves I have to remind myself nothing is wrong with a girly girl.

 

[CHEEZMO™]

yeah it's only like 10 PM there right? You should just move to Texas and come say hi to me :3

If he goes to Texas can I come with?

 

[MidnightScott]

If he goes to Texas can I come with?

The more the merrier ;D

 

[Delio]

If he goes to Texas can I come with?

O come visit me

 

[Prez]

O come visit me

I'm on my way!

 

[Yoshiya]

Wait, what?! That can't be healthy.

Given the whole binary/spectrum thing, intensely personal nature of the matter and obvious philosophical complications of it all this would seem to be a solid choice out of things to be insecure over.

 

[orioto]

Where is London Gaf when I need them... Infanct am I the only one?

At least you got a London Gaygaf!
I don't have any Parisian Gaygaffer! But i can still come to you: There is just a long deep tunnel between us

 

[Deleted member 30609]

Given the whole binary/spectrum thing, intensely personal nature of the matter and obvious philosophical complications of it all this would seem to be a solid choice out of things to be insecure over.

It seems like complete over complication of a beautiful, healthy thing to me. Like an eating disorder.

 

[Prez]

What does GAF think of my new avatar?

 

[Arcipello]

Was just drinking and dancing with Ian mcellan/ Gandalf/Magneto.... See what you miss out on when yu don't party with London gaygaf !

 

[Sagitario]

Was just drinking and dancing with Ian mcellan/ Gandalf/Magneto.... See what you miss out on when yu don't party with London gaygaf !

And I just had a microwave dinner! BEAT THAT!!!

Spoiler

Actually, I am in a really nice restaurant having dinner and drinks ^_^

Did you take pictures?

 

[lordfroakie]

What does GAF think of my new avatar?

Cute :3

 

[woodypop]

What does GAF think of my new avatar?

I don't remember what your old one was, but I'll go out on a limb and say this is an improvement. =)

And I envy your sunshine. =p
(It's cold in Seattle, and snowing in some spots.)

 

[RatskyWatsky]

No, at least I didn't. This is also the #1 question I get asked when I tell gay guys I pledged. My roommate is also "mortified" his roommate is a "frat bro", so that's cool.

Bromosexuals ahoy.

Oh. Do you know (of) anyone IRL that has?

went to steam bath the other day and a guy (quite good looking, although with a beer belly) sitting in front of me started jerking off and at first I felt excited, but then started to feel kind of uncomfortable (felt even more uncomfortable since the guy started following me when I was trying to change room >_>).

That sounds kinda hot, but I'm sure if I were in your position I would be uncomfortable as well.

 

[woodypop]

went to steam bath the other day and a guy (quite good looking, althoughand with a beer belly) sitting in front of me started jerking off

Fixed for ChaserGAF.

 

[SpaceBridge]

Took a break from Deus Ex (what a frustrating game), and stopped by to say, "Hello".

What're we chatting about tonight?

 

[lordfroakie]

Took a break from Deus Ex (what a frustrating game), and stopped by to say, "Hello".

What're we chatting about tonight?

Jerking off in lockerrooms and Magneto.

 

[Dr. Malik]

Until a few years ago, I did the same. Since I was very a small child, I always pictured myself growing up -> getting a job -> getting married [to a woman] -> having 2 kids [I even had their names ready].

YAS! If I picture my wedding I can only picture a woman in a white dress coming down the aisle, picturing a guy just seems weird. I just want a fairy tale wedding ;_;

 

[SpaceBridge]

YAS! If I picture my wedding I can only picture a woman in a white dress coming down the aisle, picturing a guy just seems weird. I just want a fairy tale wedding ;_;

Thats because youre the one in the dress....

Spoiler

Im kidding Marius, Im feeling catty tonight.