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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|

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Maybe don't go overboard and just try to see it for what it is without allowing your feelings to become a runaway train or something that's escapist? I only find that it particularly sucks when I get too attached too quickly and really I only have myself to blame for that when it happens because I'm so willing to go along with it. Just getting hurt isn't as bad as it often sounds, ime, but often we can add to that hurt by the degree that we attach ourselves to the outcome. I don't know about your situation but I'd maybe say to try to strike a finer balance or middle-point between attachment/detachment. It doesn't really have anything to do with being hurt by others (in particular), just that strong attachment in general lends itself to suffering when the thing we've attached ourselves to inevitably leaves us.
 
Marius_ said:
How do you guys avoid the honeymoon phase, I keep falling then end up getting hurt
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I would say try and only start relationships with guys that you have enough in common with or would hang out with as a friend even if you weren't dating. The best relationships in my eyes are with someone who is also your best friend anyways. That way when the honeymoon period ends you'll still have something solid that keeps you together, and I would hope that they would care enough about you by then to not want to hurt you.

It's like what Alcoori was saying before about love and infatuation - infatuation can be instantaneous, but the sort of love that lasts longer doesn't usually happen at first sight.

Tell us more about the situation, are you rushing into things or just having bad luck with guys?
 
GothPunk said:
I would say try and only start relationships with guys that you have enough in common with or would hang out with as a friend even if you weren't dating. The best relationships in my eyes are with someone who is also your best friend anyways. That way when the honeymoon period ends you'll still have something solid that keeps you together, and I would hope that they would care enough about you by then to not want to hurt you.
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Pretty much. My ex and I are completely different people with nothing in common. We like different kinds of music, movies, he doesn't like games... pretty much everything one of us likes the other doesn't really care about. Needless to say it was a pretty short 6 month relationship. The sex was great and I think we got carried away because of that. By the end I think we both lost interest and whole weeks would go by without any kind of communication whatsoever.
 
GothPunk said:
Tell us more about the situation, are you rushing into things or just having bad luck with guys?
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Its probably a mixture of both, I'm not a patient person so taking it slow doesn't work for me
 
neojubei said:
Wow Cid I wish i even had an ounce of your love life. Seems like everything I do is wrong.
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Yeah he's pretty lucky. I did stuff like that for my ex, like last Christmas I gave him a walkman with a mixed tape which took a lot of effort and he never listened to it :(
 
aw thanks guys. Next up for us is my birthday coming up! I'm having it at The Viper Room night club in Hollywood where his last show of the month is going to be. It should be fun since we both get to celebrate- his concert/CD release party and my birthday at the same venue!
 
So this is my first time here.
I'm a guy and I've been dating girls my whole life. I know I like guys too but I've never really bothered with it... until now I think. I have this friend who is gay, we have a lot in common, we talk about everything, I know he would help me if I have a problem and I would help him too. I mean, we're really good friends and it has been like this for some years. Recently I just realized I like him a lot and I'm dying to tell him, but I know he is dating someone.

I'm pretty sure he is not going to stop seeing the other guy for me, so it would be just for nothing and I would probably end up like a fool. I also think that maybe if I tell him it would help me forget about this and just move on. I don't even know what to do. Help?
 
I'd tell him. It's better to get it out there and face it head on rather and potentially lose a friend then just bottle it up and spend months to years wondering what if. Short term pain, long term gain.
 
At the same time , what do you (Nlroh) expect by telling him?
I mean, lets say you tell him, he admits he's also likes you and stops seeing the other guy. What next?
Are you gay? bi? curious? Do you see yourself going out in dates with the other guy? Telling everyone about how much you love him? Or is this some kind of first step, were you'll like to be with a guy, date him, but leave it as a secret in case things don't work out...or something?

Is that, in your post you start by saying "I'm a guy and I've been dating girls my whole life. I know I like guys too but I've never really bothered with it... until now I think. I have this friend who is gay"; but never mentioned anything about you. Do other people know about you liking guys?

Before telling, or not telling your friend; make sure to at least be true to yourself. Like, don't go telling him you like him, just so the next time you both are hanging out you're with a new girlfriend or something.

Oh and sorry if I sound angry or something, english is not my first language so I've been told that I tend to sound pissed off. :p

(Which is why I use ":p" a lot ... :p)
 
fernoca said:
At the same time , what do you (Nlroh) expect by telling him?
I mean, lets say you tell him, he admits he's also likes you and stops seeing the other guy. What next?
Are you gay? bi? curious? Do you see yourself going out in dates with the other guy? Telling everyone about how much you love him? Or is this some kind of first step, were you'll like to be with a guy, date him, but leave it as a secret in case things don't work out...or something?

Is that, in your post you start by saying "I'm a guy and I've been dating girls my whole life. I know I like guys too but I've never really bothered with it... until now I think. I have this friend who is gay"; but never mentioned anything about you. Do other people know about you liking guys?

Before telling, or not telling your friend; make sure to at least be true to yourself. Like, don't go telling him you like him, just so the next time you both are hanging out you're with a new girlfriend or something.

Oh and sorry if I sound angry or something, english is not my first language so I've been told that I tend to sound pissed off. :p

(Which is why I use ":p" a lot ... :p)
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You ain't tellin nothin BUT the truth with that.

Don't tell him. If he's really your friend you won't use his emotions as a tool to help you figure yourself out.
 
Nlroh said:
So this is my first time here.
I'm a guy and I've been dating girls my whole life. I know I like guys too but I've never really bothered with it... until now I think. I have this friend who is gay, we have a lot in common, we talk about everything, I know he would help me if I have a problem and I would help him too. I mean, we're really good friends and it has been like this for some years. Recently I just realized I like him a lot and I'm dying to tell him, but I know he is dating someone.

I'm pretty sure he is not going to stop seeing the other guy for me, so it would be just for nothing and I would probably end up like a fool. I also think that maybe if I tell him it would help me forget about this and just move on. I don't even know what to do. Help?
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You need to figure out yourself before you go chasing after him. And you know what, if it's meant to be, he probably had a crush on you before but since you're straight, he moved on with his life. I don't think it's fair to put his life on hold while you figure things out/your sexuality. So IMO, figure out your sexuality first on your own. And then when you are sure and you still want your friend and he's single, go after him.

So my short answer: don't tell him (yet). Figure things out yourself and on your own.
 
Younger guys, yay or nay? Whats the window for someone being too young? 5 years younger?

Most of my straight friends would go for girls as young as fricking 13, but most of my gay friends cannot fathom the idea of dating a guy younger than them, or they got to be at least bigger than them physically.
 
The Abominable Snowman said:
Younger guys, yay or nay? Whats the window for someone being too young? 5 years younger?

Most of my straight friends would go for girls as young as fricking 13, but most of my gay friends cannot fathom the idea of dating a guy younger than them, or they got to be at least bigger than them physically.
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Your age divided by two, plus seven is generally the younger rule. :p

It doesn't really matter, it's all bullshit if you're both happy.
 
I'm bi. Some of my friends know about it. I don't go hiding everyone the fact that I like guys it's just that I'd never felt this way before... it had never been more than physical attraction.
And yes I could see myself dating other guys and telling everyone about it. I can even see myself living with a guy!

I don't think I have a problem with that stuff it's just that, as I said, I've only felt like this for girls. To be honest, this feeling is stronger for him than any of the girls I've ever been with, I think I'm pretty sure about that.
 
Rez said:
It doesn't really matter, it's all bullshit if you're both happy.
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All that really needs to be said.

I'm only interested in younger guys; nearly everyone I know, along with the general 'vibe' in this area, seems to think older guys, daddies, salt-and-pepper beards are the greatest things. *shrug* The idea of getting involved with someone older (or even my own age) makes me cringe a little, hah.
 
Nlroh said:
I'm bi. Some of my friends know about it. I don't go hiding everyone the fact that I like guys it's just that I'd never felt this way before... it had never been more than physical attraction.
And yes I could see myself dating other guys and telling everyone about it. I can even see myself living with a guy!

I don't think I have a problem with that stuff it's just that, as I said, I've only felt like this for girls. To be honest, this feeling is stronger for him than any of the girls I've ever been with, I think I'm pretty sure about that.
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That's better. :p
In any case, with a friend it's always difficult. There's always the doubt about if it's love, attraction, comfort. Then there's the doubts about if "telling him" will change things for better, worse.

If anything whatever you decide to say, make sure there are no expectations in hand. Don't tell him expecting he might break off with the other guy, don't tell him expecting that he will say "OMG, me too!" and live happily ever after.

Tell him, if you want to clear your mind or tell him if you want to feel better with yourself.

Some time ago, I went through something similar. My mistake, were the expectations. I expected him telling me anything from "OMG me too" to "Hey, I don't feel like that but I still like you as a friend". What followed was a wave of insults, ways to make me feel like shit and other things (when someone calls you on your birthday instead of wishing for a happy birthday, to demand you to give him some money that" he needs"; you know you have to cut that "friendship". It helped that the guy moved out of the country too. :p

So, in the end do it (or not) for yourself.
 
The Abominable Snowman said:
Younger guys, yay or nay? Whats the window for someone being too young? 5 years younger?

Most of my straight friends would go for girls as young as fricking 13, but most of my gay friends cannot fathom the idea of dating a guy younger than them, or they got to be at least bigger than them physically.
Click to expand...

13 year old girls can look like women whereas 13 year old boys look like 13 year old boys.
 
The Abominable Snowman said:
Younger guys, yay or nay? Whats the window for someone being too young? 5 years younger?

Most of my straight friends would go for girls as young as fricking 13, but most of my gay friends cannot fathom the idea of dating a guy younger than them, or they got to be at least bigger than them physically.
Click to expand...

Hm, I think it'd be a little weird to date someone a hell of a lot younger than myself (I'm 20) if only because every kid I knew in high school (including myself) was annoying as fuck. There were some cool kids, but the ratio of annoying/clingy to chill/laid back was totally stacked in favor of annoying. :/ But assuming they were a cool person, uhh...I don't think an age difference matters at all.
 
Hello Gay-GAF! Finally I can unveil the surprise I've been concocting all this time!

As some of you know, I've been in a distance relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years now. He lives in Norway and I live in Spain. Anyway, today the 7th it's his birthday, so I decided that I'd give him a surprise.
Around a month ago I contacted his sister through Facebook, and asked her if it was fine to pick me up at the airport on this past Saturday (the 5th), because I had booked a flight without telling him and I wanted to keep it as a surprise. I managed to keep silent about it, and even if it took a huge effort on my side to keep quiet, I managed! His sister picked me up at the airport and we were both hysterical and excited about the idea to see his face!

So, we finally get to his home and I am literally shaking in excitement! His sister comes in and says "Hallo!", I do the same, but not with my usual voice, because I wanted to surprise him (he was in his room). So I peek inside his room and he did the most genuinely surprised face I've ever seen anyone do, haha. It was amazing!! He was like O: HOW WHAT WHAT WHAT for like 3 minutes, haha. Some tears came out and we hugged and it was really cute!

Since it was his birthday today, we decided to open his presents in advance, which had already been shipped here. He really enjoyed them, and I decided to make it Studio Ghibli themed, because we love those movies. I paint in watercolours so I had made him a catbus painting, from Totoro! His real presents were 2 movies, Ponyo and Nausicaa! Also, 375gr of chocolate from a franchise well-established in Spain (ChocolatFactory). They're okay, but I should have brought more!

Anyway, it's been great and even if my stay here is small (I'm leaving tomorrow) I feel like I "needed" to do this for him. (: It felt great making him feel this awesome, and of course, I needed to see him too! Next time we are together will be during the Christmas break, he's coming to my parents' house and we'll have a nice family time. I can't wait!

Sorry for the long post, but I felt like I needed to share. So happy!! (:
 
Sai-kun said:
Hm, I think it'd be a little weird to date someone a hell of a lot younger than myself (I'm 20) if only because every kid I knew in high school (including myself) was annoying as fuck. There were some cool kids, but the ratio of annoying/clingy to chill/laid back was totally stacked in favor of annoying. :/ But assuming they were a cool person, uhh...I don't think an age difference matters at all.
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DIAMOND!!! Why would anyone ever consider dating someone in high school? Like you said, just think back at how stupid and annoying everyone in high school was. I'm 23 (24 in a few days), and I can't even imagine dating someone under 20, and that's pushing it. They'd have to be a really mature 20 year old for me to even consider it.
 
@SpiffyG: Is that a Marina avatar? :3

Marius_ said:
Its probably a mixture of both, I'm not a patient person so taking it slow doesn't work for me
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You're in a bit of a pickle alright - you're either going to have to learn to try and steel your emotions a bit and try not to rush into things - or perhaps there is a way to keep yourself from falling too fast, like say a relationship built up online over a dating website or something like that?

Then again, falling hard and fast for the right guy who feels the same way wouldn't cause the same problems, so are there any new ways or places you could go to meet different guys?


Sofo said:
Sorry for the long post, but I felt like I needed to share. So happy!! (:
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Why should you be sorry for the long post - keep posts like this coming! I love reading your posts Sofo because for someone like me who is also in a long distance relationship it's nice to see someone who is making it work, as I know how hard it can be at times.

So yeah, thanks for sharing. :)

I would love to do what you did for my boyfriend - he actually said to me that he wants to learn how to get to my apartment from the airport so that he can surprise me some day. Knowing me I would cry too. :P

I'm flying over to my guy in two and a half weeks and meeting his family for the first time - so excited and nervous. :$
 
SpiffyG said:
DIAMOND!!! Why would anyone ever consider dating someone in high school? Like you said, just think back at how stupid and annoying everyone in high school was. I'm 23 (24 in a few days), and I can't even imagine dating someone under 20, and that's pushing it. They'd have to be a really mature 20 year old for me to even consider it.
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Just saying, I've known/seen some ridiculously hot kids that are in HS. >_> I was at a Girl Talk show and this amazingly hot guy was totally making eyes at me, so i moved over a bit to stand next to him, and we were talking a bit, and the last part of our conversation went something like this:

Him: What year are you?
Me: Oh, I'm a junior, what about you?
Him: I'm gonna be a junior next year!
Me: Oh, cool, you go to <my university>?
Him: Huh? No, I go to <local high school>
Me (to myself): Ffffuuuuuucckkk

:lol After that I just kinda moved back over to my friend who I was there with. Oh god, that was slightly surreal.

Also: Diamond for life <3
 
Hehe, yeah. I don't mind age plus maturity is not related to age anyway.
But sometimes, looking around to then realize or discover that said guy is "too young"..I kinda feel like:

TRB98.png
 
The Abominable Snowman said:
Younger guys, yay or nay? Whats the window for someone being too young? 5 years younger?

Most of my straight friends would go for girls as young as fricking 13, but most of my gay friends cannot fathom the idea of dating a guy younger than them, or they got to be at least bigger than them physically.
Click to expand...

Younger people can be attractive, though he would have to be pretty mature for his age for me to dip below 20 (if that). I have certainly been attracted to people younger (and smaller) than myself on quite a few occasions, though it is less probable.

I'd tend to describe my personality as 'maturely immature', or basically immaturity developed into a kind of maturity. So if I have to be the more mature one (practically speaking) it kind of cramps my style and I resent being forced into a sort of pedagogical role :P I find I tend to prefer 'immaturely mature' people if anything.
 
Hey guys! Sorry for not checking in after posting it. (: Had to pick him up from work and also got distracted! Now I just left him at his workplace now, and we said goodbye ): I'll be taking the flight in a couple of hours and even though I feel sad right now (at least we didn't get to cry this time!) I think that this visit was well worth it! He keeps saying it's the best surprise ever, and I think we can all agree! Yesterday it was great, we had a carrot cake with 27 candles that he had to blew (he wasn't too good with them, haha) and we had a relaxed visit with one of his sisters, two nieces and his mom! It was a lovely time and we had a lot of fun! I love his family so much. It's sad, because we both love our families, and one day, well, a decision will have to be made! But I keep telling myself that it's no "goodbye", after all if I had a distance relationship with him, I can keep a very good relationship with my family!

It was really great, and we spent the rest of the evening watching shows (The Walking Dead and Homeland!). This is basically what we do, haha, but we really enjoy it! Oh, and he opened my eyes to ICO! Aaaah, it was such a cute experience! It had its rough parts, because I'm used to auto-saving and such, and I was a bit nooby, but it was a really good time, I recommend it!

Thanks everyone for the nice comments! I just love him so much I think nothing is ever enough. (:

Oh! I had a clumsy anecdote, lol. Yesterday when I picked him from work I wanted to surprise him, so I drove him to a local retailer (elkjøp) so that he could pick any blu-ray or game to take home! But alas! When I was about to pay, they didn't accept my card, because it doesn't have a chip .____. so he had to pay for his own birthday surprise present, lol. Oh well. haha ):

Thanks HappyPuppy, GothPunk, RatskyWatsky and ciD_Vain! (: You're all very sweet!<3

Pd. HappyPuppy! I haven't, is it good? One day I want to watch ALL of the Ghibli films. (: We'll check it out! (:
 
Sai-kun said:
Just saying, I've known/seen some ridiculously hot kids that are in HS. >_> I was at a Girl Talk show and this amazingly hot guy was totally making eyes at me, so i moved over a bit to stand next to him, and we were talking a bit, and the last part of our conversation went something like this:

Him: What year are you?
Me: Oh, I'm a junior, what about you?
Him: I'm gonna be a junior next year!
Me: Oh, cool, you go to <my university>?
Him: Huh? No, I go to <local high school>
Me (to myself): Ffffuuuuuucckkk

:lol After that I just kinda moved back over to my friend who I was there with. Oh god, that was slightly surreal.

Also: Diamond for life <3
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For me, they usually end up looking better a few years after high school. A fresh, young face isn't all that appealing to me. Not to say my taste in necessary old bears, but I think guys looks better with facial hair and some fine lines ("character"). High school boys' personality AND looks don't do it for me. Unless it's some beefy, stubbly faced teen, I won't look twice. But hey, to each his own.

And yes GothPunk, that is Marina in my avatar. She turns me radioactive! I'm pretty much obsessed with that mess.

Edit: I have to say though, I went to a high school swim meet with my friend one time and we had to get out of there fast. There were just too many young bulges and we felt like their parent's could see us staring.
 
Today is Halo 2's 7th anniversary!

oh yeah, and also my BF and I's 3rd :lol yay! We aren't celebrating anything today, but we're going out for some legit ramen thursday night :) So that'll be fun!
 
The Abominable Snowman said:
Younger guys, yay or nay? Whats the window for someone being too young? 5 years younger?

Most of my straight friends would go for girls as young as fricking 13, but most of my gay friends cannot fathom the idea of dating a guy younger than them, or they got to be at least bigger than them physically.
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I'm 18 and I have a range of about 3 years younger and 12 years older. It'll probably change when I get older, but IDGAF right now.
My sexual range doesn't even matter right now cause I'm a virgin. :'(

What do you guys think of gay bars/clubs? Where I live I can legally drink and go to clubs and whatnot but I don't really think that sort of scene is for me. I'm kind of scared to go to any club/bar alone also. I just want to meet someone who's actually gay... where I live it's nigh impossible to see a gay person who's not following the feminine stereotype (they wear disgustingly tight skinny jeans that don't fit them correctly, force their voice an octave higher, do the "gay hand flip", etc). None of them play video games and they would rather go shopping with girls than hang out because apparently it's boring.

Ugh, I also bought a jar of peanut butter today when I went grocery shopping and it's like dark brown. It looks so strange... would it even be safe to eat?

I'm in such a whiny mood. Whine. Whine. Whine.
 
Yaceka said:
What do you guys think of gay bars/clubs? Where I live I can legally drink and go to clubs and whatnot but I don't really think that sort of scene is for me. I'm kind of scared to go to any club/bar alone also. I just want to meet someone who's actually gay... where I live it's nigh impossible to see a gay person who's not following the feminine stereotype (they wear disgustingly tight skinny jeans that don't fit them correctly, force their voice an octave higher, do the "gay hand flip", etc). None of them play video games and they would rather go shopping with girls than hang out because apparently it's boring.
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Gay clubs, they are fun but hard to get a guy imo. They all come with their partners already or with their girlfriends who they just cant leave for a while and those who are there just dancing alone... well there is a reason why they are just dancing there alone. I don't know about bars


----

Last night I went on a date with this guy it was just a complete waste of time. We had nothing in common and he completely bored the hell out of me. I now know I cant stand guys with the 'lisp'
 
The Abominable Snowman said:
Younger guys, yay or nay? Whats the window for someone being too young? 5 years younger?

Most of my straight friends would go for girls as young as fricking 13, but most of my gay friends cannot fathom the idea of dating a guy younger than them, or they got to be at least bigger than them physically.
Click to expand...

I dont see anything wrong with younger men. My bf had just turned 18 when I met him (he;s 20 now and i'm 25.) If you connect with the person then whatevs.
 
BlazingDarkness said:
There's a load of websites for finding dates, it's a perfectly acceptable way of meeting people, gay or straight
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Yep!

Yaceka, have you tried online dating at all? I bet you could at least meet a gay gamer there, if not a potential gay gamer boyfriend. Are there any local groups for young gay people in your city? That could be one way of meeting some new people.

You're still pretty young after all, who knows where you might end up for work or study in the near future, right?

We need a Gaf dating database of Gaffers and lurkers. :P
 
Just came out to my best (girl) friend. We had dinner together and then I basically just blurted it out when we got in the car. Honestly, it felt sort of weird. I thought I was dreaming for about a minute after I told her, couldn't believe I said it. She was very accepting (I knew she would be), but it still felt kind of awkward. I just haven't really talked to anyone about it, so I wasn't quite sure what to say and neither was she.

Next step: sister. My best (male) friend will be extremely difficult. He'll be accepting, but it's gonna be hard.

I should note this is the first person I've ever come out to. My parents found porn on my computer. :|
 
Good job Fantastical. You'll see it gets easier with time. The more you come out the more it become inconsequential.

As for you best friend, when I came out to mine he hugged me and told me I was an awesome guy and that it didn't change anything. You might think it'll be hard but it won't necessarily be that way.
 
So I just saw that thread about squeezing your left hands thumb in between your fingers to stop your gag reflex. It works...and then someone posted how it helps them suck a cock, rofl XD

I know random lol.
 
MidnightScott said:
So I just saw that thread about squeezing your left hands thumb in between your fingers to stop your gag reflex. It works...and then someone posted how it helps them suck a cock, rofl XD

I know random lol.
Click to expand...
This sooo reads like someone's Facebook status update.
 
MidnightScott said:
So I just saw that thread about squeezing your left hands thumb in between your fingers to stop your gag reflex. It works...and then someone posted how it helps them suck a cock, rofl XD

I know random lol.
Click to expand...
Damn, I have no bananas to try this with... off to grindr
 
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