Is it?
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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|
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Is it?
dragonlife
Member
It is.
umop_3pisdn
Member
I guess if Cosmic says it's cynicism I have to believe him, but I'm generally an optimist and the whole romance thing doesn't really do it for me anymore either, but that's probably because I generally consider the notion of an ultimately fulfilling romance to be one of the last great modern myths, and also I'm most likely to pursue a solitary vocation. Also I'm allergic to sap.
Eh, of all the myths and delusions we cling to that's the last I want to lose. I don't have god, total annihilation of my being is but a matter of time, I don't have happiness or satisfaction nor any higher good to aspire to, so can't I at least have someone to wallow in my existential misery with?
umop_3pisdn
Member
I'm not opposed to romance itself, for all my idiosyncrasies I'd actually consider myself a 'romantic'. The problem as I see it is simply that it is ill suited to occupy the 'ultimate' position in our lives, or rather I think our yearning for happiness far outreaches what romance can provide, too much is promised (ie: 'happily ever after') but this is a convenient lie that only serves to make people stop searching short of the 'real' answer. Granted most people wouldn't care to pursue that depth of inquiry, I just find the suggestion to be disingenuous for those that might. So it's not romance itself, but rather romance used as an excuse for complacency.
If I had to base my objection on one point, it's that we all die alone
This brings to attention that romance is just a departure that cannot be relied upon for happiness. It can be a source of happiness, but if it's our 'ultimate' then profound suffering is inevitable when we invariably become aware of the limitation, and suddenly we realize that we've only been distracting ourselves from the real problem all this time, a problem that can only be adequately addressed by some form of introspection.So my problem isn't romance itself, rather that it often acts as a kind of escape for a lot of people, or that the position it often occupies is more lofty than it deserves. My position is basically this: death is certain, its time is uncertain, and the only adequate means of addressing this (or defeating the fear of death once and for all) is spiritual cultivation. Everything else will fall short and ultimately leave us or reveal itself as an unreliable or conditional form of comfort when the time comes that we're finally confronted with our end.
edit: how can you say that you don't have any higher good to aspire to when "shared misery = (relative) happiness" seems to be your reasoning!
If you can define happiness as the absence of suffering I would say that happiness should be the ultimate aim. As someone who has struggled with existential angst for most of his life and has only now become committed to what he feels is a reasonable and adequate philosophy I would say you'd be better off addressing that.An interesting point that I shall consider further.If I had to base my objection on one point, it's that we all die alone
edit: how can you say you don't have any higher good to aspire to when "shared misery = (relative) happiness" seems to be your reasoning!
Oh I agree, I meant that the notion of an ultimate good distinct from the personal defeat of discontent is a fallacy.
umop_3pisdn
Member
Honestly, I love mindfulness of death. You could die before you even get the chance to take your next breath! Not only does it make one thankful for the time that we do have, but it instills a kind of urgency in our lives that frankly I think should be there. Every moment we're inching steadily closer towards death, and since we don't know when that is we perhaps don't even have the time to afford any distractions (as I post on GAF, lol, hypocrite). We don't do ourselves any favors to push it from our minds, then all we're ensuring is that it will be a surprise to us when it does come (and should it be? it's one of the few true certainties) and then that only means that we're sure to be ill equipped to deal with it.
I think that we can find unconditional happiness, personally (ie: nibbana), but I essentially consider myself a Buddhist so I would think that. But to me it seems intuitive: get rid of craving, and suffering goes with it
You could argue that it's impossible to eliminate craving, but personally I'm not so sure. Even if that's true (and I'd be more inclined to argue the other position), it can most certainly be restrained or reduced, so moving closer to a perspective free of craving is enough of a good that nibbana being an unattainable goal doesn't bother me. Just being made aware of the core issue or flaw (craving) inspires enough confidence to try regardless of if the result falls short of the ultimate fruition. But that's me, all I'm meaning to say is that judging from my own experience (with a lot of time spent as an existential nihilist), an appropriate perspective or view is more of a comfort than company could ever be, since it cuts to the heart of the issue (us, or how we relate to the reality that we're confronted with.)Aww, cute couple.
Is it too much to expect to speak with your boyfriend on a weekly basis? Like talk on the phone for a nice amount of time(2-3 hours). Especially when he lives like 70 miles away and see him on a biweekly basis.
uh no? not at all. when i was dating my ex, we would see each other most of the week. when he was away for a while, we would talk on skype or whatever and an hour conversation would be the norm.
ZephyrFate
Banned
So you ascribe to cynicism more than you think you do. Romance hasn't died out.
ZephyrFate
Banned
Yes. It depends on if it becomes a pattern, though.
What do you mean? Constant fighting?
ZephyrFate
Banned
Constant fighting to the point where forgiving and forgetting becomes a bit old hat.
THIS
Ah,that has not happened to me yet thankfully.
Sadly this cant happen when a ocean is between us :/
umop_3pisdn
Member
No I don't, unless by cynicism you mean 'criticism on the grounds of realism'. I nowhere even remotely suggested that romance has died out, only that on a cultural level it tends to be overblown or overemphasized as one of the highest human attainments where its inherent limitations would to me suggest that it couldn't possibly be. I'm not even criticizing romance itself so much as the cultural belief system we have built around it.
Necromanti
Member
I feel kind of sleazy for this, but...I recently tried Grindr for fun. So far, only men aged 36-49 have said anything. I...I wonder if that's the only age group that I attract. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I...I wonder if that's the only age group that I attract. Not sure how I should feel about this.I feel kind of sleazy for this, but...I recently tried Grindr for fun. So far, only men aged 36-49 have said anything.
Grindr is a bit of a game. I've actually only met two guys off of it in all my time using it. It's super hit or miss, but there might be someone there. Keep expanding the search, you'll also get a different set of people. Old guys on Grindr/A4A/etc can be creepy. Just block em.
Pfffft, hardly. I'm surrounded by people. People on the streets, in the buildings, people in my house, people in my hair, under my feet, in the walls, in my clothes- I'm certain I've ingested and excreted my fair share of the deceased. So no, I don't die alone, everyone else just has a head start!If I had to base my objection on one point, it's that we all die alone
But to be serious for a moment: life is as much a solitary experience as death is, something to be reported and recorded yet never directly experienced. The life of the first can be as alien to the second as his death, yet the isolated experiences of both are a commonality. Together by virtue of being alone, wacky little universe we have here.
Masked Man
I said wow
I feel kind of sleazy for this, but...I recently tried Grindr for fun. So far, only men aged 36-49 have said anything.
Yeah, I get that on Jack'd, too: creepy older guys who are often twice my age and/or size. :/ That said, I've been able to meet some decent people on there, but I agree with ivysaur that it's pretty hit-or-miss.
Necromanti
Member
I can only block 10 people per day, though! :d But yeah, it doesn't seem too reliable. I won't take it too seriously...
*checks every 10 minutes*
If only people my age were as shameless as those old enough to be my grandpa. Glad to hear that it's not all bad, though.
videogamer
Banned
Older guys have their plusses to-- they can be more mature, wealthier, and have a stable job. If you they are messaging you, it's a plus because someone finds you attractive.
Old dudes are creepy. I wish grindr would work like okcupid and allow you to block everyone 10 years older than you*
*has never used grindr, but has seen its creepiness in action
That was to cute and a good way to get the message across.
I feel kind of sleazy for this, but...I recently tried Grindr for fun. So far, only men aged 36-49 have said anything.
I met my bf through Grindr. We actually talked for 2 weeks on it before meeting each other in person because he had favorited me and decided to first message me on it a day before traveling across the country for 2 weeks ^__^ We're doing great so far, it's been 3 months!
Nazgul_Hunter
Member
Seconded on grindr. I met my best friend friend there and a few other really good friends.
Not a whole lotta luck on the dating department (at least in the serious dating sense) but you can get out of it what you want is been my experience
Not a whole lotta luck on the dating department (at least in the serious dating sense) but you can get out of it what you want is been my experience
Dead Prince
Banned
post it here.
videogamer
Banned
What did you see?
If you're over 18, I don't see anything wrong with an older guy messaging you. If I were 40, I would probably find 25 year olds attractive. If anything, the worst thing about gay dating sites are the mean guys.
He did a few months ago
Dead Prince
Banned
orly. anyone have a link.
hmm my pics are horrid.
there's nothing we can really say to make you feel better, but it will get better. my ex (dated for 2.5 years) dumped me a couple months ago and it came completely out of nowhere. it really broke my heart, but i've felt so much better as time has passed. i know it seems incomprehensible that you'll actually feel normal again, but it will come. i didn't sleep for a couple days and cried for far longer, but now i can actually think of him and not feel bad.
my advice is to just spend time with family/friends, keep yourself busy, and realize that this is a chance to change your life for the better and have new experiences. the new experiences is hard to want right now, but it will be awesome! just give yourself as much time as you need and have fun as much as possible.
EDIT: also gaygaf, i don't know if i mentioned this already, but i DID read all of your responses to my break-up posts a couple months back and took a lot of them to heart. you guys are really great. this is a very belated thanks!!
StalkerUKCG
Banned
Best thing to do is stay busy and hang out with your mates alot, eventually time will help things.
Escape Goat
Member
Don't reject what you're feeling or try to ignore it. I believe the only way around grief is through it. But don't allow yourself to succumb to self pity and despair. Recognize your self worth and have faith you'll end up where you deserve to be in time.
I am right here with you, like I have mentioned a few times, my boyfriend of over 3 years left me a month and a half ago. Believe me, it has been rough, believe me, I still want him back, but believe me, I know its over, done, gone for good.
Time does heal all, but the other factor is is that we all heal in our own ways and different ways.
Be introspective, but be social amongst the people you know that you care about, and have not been able to spend time with because of the relationship.
remind yourself that you have more than just your relationship with your ex, and focus on the relationship between you and yourself.
i_am_ben
running_here_and_there
I met my last bf on Grindr as well, we dated for 6 months but just recently split due to a difference in lifestyle choices and poor communication. It was a great time though so I have no doubt that it's possible to find guys on it.
So far I've met quite a few just to hang out and have a couple drinks. They were all pretty cool. As for the the older guys, I usually just block them immediately. Not because of their age, but because they tend to initiate overly sexual conversation without even saying hi first.
My only real issue with Grindr is the number of closet cases on it and the list of demands people make before you can actually approach them. Other than that, I still think it's a useful app, and would much prefer to use it than an online dating site. Too bad it's a POS if you're running Android or BB.
HappyPuppy
Member
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You could ask him.
Well I broke up with my bf on Saturday and stuff happened at that moment that convinced even more that I was making the right decision. My friend is breaking up with his girlfriend today because he doesn't see the relationship going anywhere.
Now both of us can focus on this relationship we are having with one another, I have really strong feelings for my friend and he is going to explore if anything can happen with me (He is straight), and it all happened cause I expressed my feelings.Wuuuuuuu.
i've never talked to him though. please tell me you've gone up to a stranger at school and asked if they're gay..
Escape Goat
Member
does he know you're gay? Try to cultivate a friendship and if he is receptive then you have a new friend. Then you can learn more about him and you'll know 1) if he is gay and 2) if you're compatible enough to move beyond friends.
i may use this as a tactic in the future. i unfortunately just found out (by being a creep) he is definitely straight. what a bummer.
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