Getting Over Girl-Age (Depressed-AGE?)
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ThoseDeafMutes
Member
In China the age of consent is 13 years old, so unless there is an additional law in effect (such as the lower limit only applying if the other partner in the relationship is under 17 or something like that) this would not be illegal.
Now, my advise is to avoid until she is older, even though it wouldn't be illegal, assuming you really can't let go. Best case scenario is find another, older woman and try to forget all about this.
Zenith said:
casablanca said:
Lay off the name calling. He's a human being, and he didn't decide to be attracted to her. It is in no way his fault for feeling what he's feeling. What is important is his actions, not the underlying personality traits that he has zero fucking control over. He hasn't done anything, and he's come to us to talk him through because he's struggling with this issue.
You ought show him some god-damn respect for even being willing to bring this up, because he knew exactly the reaction he would get. You should not be punishing him for trying to do the right thing, you should be encouraging him and trying to help him make the right decision without debasing him.
Tornado Condor
Member
There used to be a gaffer that was in the same situation as the OP. If I recall correctly, Evilore banned him for being a pedo.
So OP, it's either going for that 14 year old or your gaf account. Choose wisely.
So OP, it's either going for that 14 year old or your gaf account. Choose wisely.
Lionheart1337
Member
I wonder if pedos will become a protected class one day...
Dynamite Ringo Matsuri
Member
It was some dude who taught english in Taiwan or China, wanted to bang his underage student. Shit was fuckin' creepy. And I'm with ThoseDeafMutes, at least the OP is reaching out and trying to put all of this out of his mind. As they say, the best cure for a woman... is another woman.Spartacus said:
Actually, I have a friend whose parents have a canyon sized rift between them in age too. When my friend's mom was in college... her dad was in kindergarten... They've been married for decades... It's all very Terry McMillan, without the gay undercurrent lolTouch said:
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
14!? Holy shitsnacks and crackers! You've got issues, son! So did the Romans!
Aad
Member
I said I knew I'd never have a chance at it. I know its wrong, I didn't do anything. I was asking for advice on getting back on track and forgetting about the whole ordeal. I am not a pedo.
I am not attracted to young children, she looks older and I didn't mean to have these feelings.
I am not attracted to young children, she looks older and I didn't mean to have these feelings.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
You want advice? You like em young? At least hit the 18 yo.
Sho_Nuff82
Member
threenote said:
But in China and half of South America, it'd be legal. Perspective.
Personally, I would never date a 14-16 year old, but we can't all lie and say that none of these girls aren't deceptively developed. If she's 14 and looks 11, then you have a problem.
ChackanKun
Member
I think you guys are overreacting, 14 to 22 isn't exactly the same thing as 14 to 32 c'mon, my ex-girlfriend parents had a 10 years distance from each other age-wise, and even she dated a 27 year old guy when she was 16.
Anyway OP, there is still a very big gap in both your ages, she still has lot's of space to mature and since it's not exactly legal (I think?) best thing to do is to bailout.
Anyway OP, there is still a very big gap in both your ages, she still has lot's of space to mature and since it's not exactly legal (I think?) best thing to do is to bailout.
Poindexter
Member
I think everyone has had that moment of "daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn! who's that??"
followed by...
"she's how old???? wtf!"
followed by...
"she's how old???? wtf!"
Respect? For being oh so brave to confessing on an internet forum that he was considering abusing his teaching position and starting up a relationship with a 14 year old girl? GTFO. It's completely sick and we shouldn't humour him by pretending "he's ionly human". Pedo defense force is strong here. I think some people have been on the internet way too long.
ThoseDeafMutes
Member
threenote said:
Thanks for your really helpful contributions to the thread. I hope you get banned.
Zenith said:
Yeah bro, he totally woke up one morning and said "today I'm going to become attracted to a 14 year old". Just like the gays, yeah? If he had actually gone through with it you might have had something, but he didn't. He isn't going to go through with it, and wasn't asking people if he should. He was asking people how to get over her, because he isn't going to get with her.
He didn't even want to bring the reasons it was a taboo thing up, he just wanted advice for getting over a girl, but of course GAF had to pester him for the info, then rewarded his honesty with open insults when he hadn't done a single god-damn thing wrong.
This isn't pedophilia defense force, this is being a rational human person.
sooperkool
Member
ChackanKun said:
Don't be stupid. Using this logic is like saying its OK for a 16 year old to date an 8 year old. The problem isn't the age gap, its when the age gap occurs. She's 14. She has no life experience, no ability to make life changing decisions and she's not even finished growing yet. The fact that this guy is in "love" with her means he has a problem. And this is coming from a 41 year old dating a 32 year old.
schroddycat
Member
ThoseDeafMutes said:
.........
Puberty? Bolivia?
POWERSPHERE
Member
Finding naivety appealing over equality and maturity is always a worry.
ChiTownBuffalo
Either I made up lies about the Boston Bomber or I fell for someone else's crap. Either way, I have absolutely no credibility and you should never pay any attention to anything I say, no matter what the context. Perm me if I claim to be an insider
I'm not going to call you a pedo.
I'm going to call you emotionally underdeveloped and immature.
And, hope that someone slaps some sense into you. First to get over this whole situation.
Second, because it's a fucking 14 year old you loopy freak.
I'm going to call you emotionally underdeveloped and immature.
And, hope that someone slaps some sense into you. First to get over this whole situation.
Second, because it's a fucking 14 year old you loopy freak.
ryutaro's mama
Member
A few things:
1) Regardless of local law, isn't the person bound by the law of their country? For example, if you go to a country where the age of consent is lower than your home country, that doesn't automatically make it legal for the person, right?
2) The age thing is one thing but I think the worst thing here is that the OP is a teacher--a position of trust. He had feelings for a 14 year old that he deemed "mature and looking 18". Perhaps his definition of what is mature is skewed due to his immaturity when it comes to relationships with women. It seems that way based on his responses.
3) Also, the notion that the OP couldn't help how he felt and needs to get over it is a little on the coddling side, imo. If you are gonna pursue a profession that puts you around kids that age, you should have you mind and convictions all sorted out. Teaching isn't just about passing on literal, book education. It's about nurturing youth and creating a setting of trust.
What happens if you happen on another student in the future that has similar traits to this one? And what if this particular students reciprocates those feelings? Will the OP be strong enough to resist?
I really think that he might want to re-consider teaching in general until he can get professional help sorting these feelings out.
1) Regardless of local law, isn't the person bound by the law of their country? For example, if you go to a country where the age of consent is lower than your home country, that doesn't automatically make it legal for the person, right?
2) The age thing is one thing but I think the worst thing here is that the OP is a teacher--a position of trust. He had feelings for a 14 year old that he deemed "mature and looking 18". Perhaps his definition of what is mature is skewed due to his immaturity when it comes to relationships with women. It seems that way based on his responses.
3) Also, the notion that the OP couldn't help how he felt and needs to get over it is a little on the coddling side, imo. If you are gonna pursue a profession that puts you around kids that age, you should have you mind and convictions all sorted out. Teaching isn't just about passing on literal, book education. It's about nurturing youth and creating a setting of trust.
What happens if you happen on another student in the future that has similar traits to this one? And what if this particular students reciprocates those feelings? Will the OP be strong enough to resist?
I really think that he might want to re-consider teaching in general until he can get professional help sorting these feelings out.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Aad said:
If you ever get into trouble, I know a pretty good lawyer that goes by the name of Lionel Hutz. PM for more details.
Harry Dresden
Member
Jason's Ultimatum said:
ryutaro's mama
Member
Aad said:
Mental therapy.
And I'm not sure you can truly guarantee it "won't happen again". According to you posts, you didn't expect it to happen this time, right? It just "did".
If you are gonna continue teaching, seek help.
ThoseDeafMutes
Member
Aad said:
If you wanted professional guidance you should seek some sort of Councillor, a psychologist or psychiatrist is preferred. They will be happy to talk you through it, give you general advice and so on. I'm not entirely convinced you need it, but it definitely wouldn't hurt if you wanted to give it a go.
Mammoth Jones
Member
Control yourself.
dragonflys545
Member
Woah....
ChiTownBuffalo
Either I made up lies about the Boston Bomber or I fell for someone else's crap. Either way, I have absolutely no credibility and you should never pay any attention to anything I say, no matter what the context. Perm me if I claim to be an insider
Gaf, I need said to apologize for what I said earlier.
I just remembered I took a freshman to my senior prom.
I am a monster.
I just remembered I took a freshman to my senior prom.
I am a monster.
Sho_Nuff82
Member
I wouldn't say you need professional counseling, but like ryutaro said, you're in the profession of teaching. You're a young teacher, so these kinds of urges are going to be more prevalent (and probably more often reciprocated by students). However, you have to realize that there should be a fucking wall of curt stoicism between you and your students. Their parents put them in your hands because they trust you to guide them into knowledge, not into your bedroom. Your students should not be your friends. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't be nice to them, or respect them, or care about them, but you should not be going to dinner, movies, and drinks with them. It's not acceptable behavior going forward, just nip that in the bud, forever. Not only is it a gross conflict of interest (if you happen to be grading their work, especially if it's relative to their peers), but it also gives rise to inappropriate scenarios that you may regret and could cost your your job.
I've been a TA for college students a few times during my grad school stint, and even then (when the age gap was maybe 24 to 19 or 27 to 22), you have to know that when students are in your class, they are off limits. For HS teachers, I'm pretty sure that goes for everyone in your school district, regardless of age. Even if the girl you'd fallen for was 19 (like the older students in your class), it would still be inappropriate.
I've been a TA for college students a few times during my grad school stint, and even then (when the age gap was maybe 24 to 19 or 27 to 22), you have to know that when students are in your class, they are off limits. For HS teachers, I'm pretty sure that goes for everyone in your school district, regardless of age. Even if the girl you'd fallen for was 19 (like the older students in your class), it would still be inappropriate.
radioheadrule83
Banned
Didn't expect that to be what you were talking about, but honestly, at least you're fessing up to feeling something you're uncomfortable with. You shouldn't be chastised and shunned for it, some real dickheads in this thread. If we do that to everyone, is it any wonder we end up with people who bottle things like that up and maybe later act on it? You haven't done anything wrong, it's not a thought crime - just do what you've already done and avoid acting on what you feel. Distract yourself and seek out something safer and healthier.
In response to the title of the thread more generally, getting over a girl-age -- no easy answers. I'm struggling with the idea of having to get over someone myself and I don't really know what to do. I guess I'm gonna go out a lot more and do things that I enjoy. I'm going to drive around and find some nice scenery, enjoy a drink with friends, play games and guitar, do web design work and other things that are constructive, that I enjoy, things that make me feel positive as opposed to absolutely horrible...
In response to the title of the thread more generally, getting over a girl-age -- no easy answers. I'm struggling with the idea of having to get over someone myself and I don't really know what to do. I guess I'm gonna go out a lot more and do things that I enjoy. I'm going to drive around and find some nice scenery, enjoy a drink with friends, play games and guitar, do web design work and other things that are constructive, that I enjoy, things that make me feel positive as opposed to absolutely horrible...
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