Mengy
wishes it were bannable to say mean things about Marvel
OK, my turn for a girl age thread. I'm a wreck right now. I'm looking for both opinions and sympathy here, please be frank and honest.
I'll start with the TLDR version for you short attention span types:
My girlfriend of three years broke up with me two weeks ago. Her reasons are that she doesn't see us as long term anymore because if we were going to get married it would have happened by now, even though she knows full well I was going to propose this fall. She says a year ago she would have said yes in an instant, but she feels like her love has waned for me now due to time. So I don't talk to her for a week, she calls me one night and tells me she baked me a pie and wants to talk. We do, kissing and makeup sex and all and I think she wants to work on things. Now, a week later again I find out she still thinks of us as broken up and not long term but she cares so much about me and wants me in her life. I tell her I don't want that. She wants to remain friends, I tell her I love her too much and can't be just friends, so I leave and tell her goodbye forever.
That's the summary. Now, more details to fill it out.
She is a beautiful, intelligent, awesome woman. We have had three fantastic years together. I love her so incredibly much, I love her daughter from a previous marriage, hell I even love her family. But this all started about three weeks ago, and to me it's come as a huge surprise. I never knew she had a timetable for getting engaged, she never communicated that to me. In fact we both agreed from the start that we would take our time. Even still, I was going to propose this fall, and she and her whole family are aware of that.
Her reasons confuse me. We haven't really fought much at all in three years, and she says that bothers her. But honestly we haven't had much to fight about, we get along tremendously. I always viewed that as a good thing, but she grew up with parents in a loveless marriage and always fighting, I think part of her equates fighting to love. She tells me freely that a year ago she would have married me in a heartbeat, but she now feels like the window is closed and the moment is gone. She feels like too much time has passed and her feelings aren't the same now. She has always had a habit of putting up emotional walls around people who care for her, I think this is happening now with me. Her friends tell me she has always done this with other boyfriends before me, and with her ex husband, it just took longer than usual with me.
She thought she could dump me but still have me be a part of her life and even her daughter's life, but I told her I can't do that. I told her that I love her too much and that I'm way past being just friends with her. She said that this isn't black and white, it's gray. I told her that I don't fall in love easily but when I do I mean it, and that I can't just turn my feelings off because I'm upset with her. If I remain friends I'll never get over her, I need distance to move on. She said that's not the way she wanted it to be. So I told her goodbye and left.
I am so confused and beside myself. And angry, and so very sad. But part of me is also thinking she did me a favor. If her love is so conditional, so shallow and so easily corrupted, then honestly I'm glad I didn't marry her. I've been happily married before, it isn't easy and it takes commitment to make it work. If I can't depend on her even before we get married, then what hope of success did it really have?
So, was I crazy to quit her cold turkey like that? Am I being a fool? Do her reasons really sound as silly as I think they do?
I'll start with the TLDR version for you short attention span types:
My girlfriend of three years broke up with me two weeks ago. Her reasons are that she doesn't see us as long term anymore because if we were going to get married it would have happened by now, even though she knows full well I was going to propose this fall. She says a year ago she would have said yes in an instant, but she feels like her love has waned for me now due to time. So I don't talk to her for a week, she calls me one night and tells me she baked me a pie and wants to talk. We do, kissing and makeup sex and all and I think she wants to work on things. Now, a week later again I find out she still thinks of us as broken up and not long term but she cares so much about me and wants me in her life. I tell her I don't want that. She wants to remain friends, I tell her I love her too much and can't be just friends, so I leave and tell her goodbye forever.
That's the summary. Now, more details to fill it out.
She is a beautiful, intelligent, awesome woman. We have had three fantastic years together. I love her so incredibly much, I love her daughter from a previous marriage, hell I even love her family. But this all started about three weeks ago, and to me it's come as a huge surprise. I never knew she had a timetable for getting engaged, she never communicated that to me. In fact we both agreed from the start that we would take our time. Even still, I was going to propose this fall, and she and her whole family are aware of that.
Her reasons confuse me. We haven't really fought much at all in three years, and she says that bothers her. But honestly we haven't had much to fight about, we get along tremendously. I always viewed that as a good thing, but she grew up with parents in a loveless marriage and always fighting, I think part of her equates fighting to love. She tells me freely that a year ago she would have married me in a heartbeat, but she now feels like the window is closed and the moment is gone. She feels like too much time has passed and her feelings aren't the same now. She has always had a habit of putting up emotional walls around people who care for her, I think this is happening now with me. Her friends tell me she has always done this with other boyfriends before me, and with her ex husband, it just took longer than usual with me.
She thought she could dump me but still have me be a part of her life and even her daughter's life, but I told her I can't do that. I told her that I love her too much and that I'm way past being just friends with her. She said that this isn't black and white, it's gray. I told her that I don't fall in love easily but when I do I mean it, and that I can't just turn my feelings off because I'm upset with her. If I remain friends I'll never get over her, I need distance to move on. She said that's not the way she wanted it to be. So I told her goodbye and left.
I am so confused and beside myself. And angry, and so very sad. But part of me is also thinking she did me a favor. If her love is so conditional, so shallow and so easily corrupted, then honestly I'm glad I didn't marry her. I've been happily married before, it isn't easy and it takes commitment to make it work. If I can't depend on her even before we get married, then what hope of success did it really have?
So, was I crazy to quit her cold turkey like that? Am I being a fool? Do her reasons really sound as silly as I think they do?
