Mengy said:
OK, my turn for a girl age thread. I'm a wreck right now. I'm looking for both opinions and sympathy here, please be frank and honest.
Dude, you seem like a good guy that has been through many things in life, but maybe hasn't yet caught up with how women really work.
Mengy said:
I'll start with the TLDR version for you short attention span types:
My girlfriend of three years broke up with me two weeks ago. Her reasons are that she doesn't see us as long term anymore because if we were going to get married it would have happened by now, even though she knows full well I was going to propose this fall.
This is a bullshit reason to break up. Don't believe for one second. She probably just wanted to jump ship for a while due to NOT wanting to get married but didn't have the balls to do it until now. In the other hand, she also didn't want to lose the relationship. That's my reading though, but it's what is sounds like.
Mengy said:
She says a year ago she would have said yes in an instant, but she feels like her love has waned for me now due to time.
This is true. The problem is that you should have been able to spot it before her! Did you have any problems before the breakup?
Mengy said:
So I don't talk to her for a week, she calls me one night and tells me she baked me a pie and wants to talk. We do, kissing and makeup sex and all and I think she wants to work on things. Now, a week later again I find out she still thinks of us as broken up and not long term but she cares so much about me and wants me in her life. I tell her I don't want that. She wants to remain friends, I tell her I love her too much and can't be just friends, so I leave and tell her goodbye forever.
Classic Chick logic case...
Girls hate ending like a bad guy. They will spin situations and actions so they never fall into the bad guy territory. What she did was giving you a "consolation price". She knows she can use sex, but maybe a little bake can also make you not hate her, and worse, not tell your friends that she is a bitch.
Of course, life isn't as simple as that, but that's how she probably sees it.
Mengy said:
She is a beautiful, intelligent, awesome woman. We have had three fantastic years together. I love her so incredibly much, I love her daughter from a previous marriage, hell I even love her family. But this all started about three weeks ago, and to me it's come as a huge surprise.
She might be beautiful (which is not her fault), intelligent (which I doubt if she has a divorce) but she is not totally awesome. What she did was not awesome. Awesome is as awesome do, dude, think about it.
It also probably started more than 3 weeks ago. You just didn't notice
Mengy said:
I never knew she had a timetable for getting engaged, she never communicated that to me. In fact we both agreed from the start that we would take our time. Even still, I was going to propose this fall, and she and her whole family are aware of that.
The wedding was not the reason she left you.
Mengy said:
Her reasons confuse me. We haven't really fought much at all in three years, and she says that bothers her. But honestly we haven't had much to fight about, we get along tremendously.
Her reasons are bullshit. She is lying about the reasons. You never fought. That's probably because you failed to stood for yourself many times. That got less and less attractive to her until she finally lost all attraction to you. Fights sometimes are good, in the sense that it gives people in the relationship a chance they don't usually get, to see how much the other person is able to stand for himself.
She also sounds emotionally unavailable and suffering from girl neurosis, which is not a reason but surely heightened that.
Mengy said:
I always viewed that as a good thing, but she grew up with parents in a loveless marriage and always fighting, I think part of her equates fighting to love.
I don't think this is the reason. I don't think you should be giving it any more thought either.
Mengy said:
She tells me freely that a year ago she would have married me in a heartbeat, but she now feels like the window is closed and the moment is gone. She feels like too much time has passed and her feelings aren't the same now.
Here she is being honest
Mengy said:
She has always had a habit of putting up emotional walls around people who care for her, I think this is happening now with me. Her friends tell me she has always done this with other boyfriends before me, and with her ex husband, it just took longer than usual with me.
Without knowing what your and her exes relationships were I can't comment otherwise. Maybe they all were nice guys that let themselves go with her. It's not your fault, or theirs, because this girl is effectively leading them on on relationships she is not able to pursue completely.
It's just that maybe none of you guys are giving her what she needs, not what she think she wants.
Mengy said:
She thought she could dump me but still have me be a part of her life and even her daughter's life, but I told her I can't do that. I told her that I love her too much and that I'm way past being just friends with her. She said that this isn't black and white, it's gray. I told her that I don't fall in love easily but when I do I mean it, and that I can't just turn my feelings off because I'm upset with her. If I remain friends I'll never get over her, I need distance to move on. She said that's not the way she wanted it to be. So I told her goodbye and left.
She wants to have her pie and eat it too. A guy can be a friend to an ex-love interest perfectly fine, only if he is able to cope with not being able to get some with her anymore. I don't think that's possible in your situation. Handled it like a man!
Mengy said:
I am so confused and beside myself. And angry, and so very sad. But part of me is also thinking she did me a favor. If her love is so conditional, so shallow and so easily corrupted, then honestly I'm glad I didn't marry her. I've been happily married before, it isn't easy and it takes commitment to make it work. If I can't depend on her even before we get married, then what hope of success did it really have?
Very good and healthy thoughts. But I urge you to have the courage to look back objectively and try to find errors in your ways that could help you save another relationship. I am not saying you were the one to blame. I am just saying, make something good out of a bad situation.
Mengy said:
So, was I crazy to quit her cold turkey like that? Am I being a fool? Do her reasons really sound as silly as I think they do?
You did right man. She is not worth it because she was never honest about what she really wanted. Stand up, take the dirt off and keep on trucking