Girl-Age assemble: she dumped me, then baked me a pie, but then dumped me again...

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The Orange said:
Oh. Well, I'm backing out of this thread now... *beep beep beep*
:lol :lol


OP:
Sounds like you did the right thing anyway. I know its stupid to say but the "bitches be crazy" post is probably the best way to describe your situation.
 
Be glad you dodged a bullet because if you HAD proposed a year ago you'd just now be dealing with this issue anyway, and be getting divorced instead of having an easy breakup and a piece of pie.
 
just try to get over it. If the girl doesn't think it's a goer, then it wasnt. No matter how surprised you were, in another 3 years you'll look back on it and understand that it wasn't 'all that'.

Also, you got PIE. My girl broke it off in fucking amsterdam where we lived together. I'm a kiwi! that's mental.
 
normally if someone bakes you just a pie it is going to be sweet.. but a greater percentage of savoury pies are actually baked.. so really we can't learn anything from such vague information.
 
I had the 3 year breakup before, same thing lame excuses and (get this) taking the blame herself, it's not you it's me. That's alarm bells right away, when do women accept that responsibility othere than to baillout quickly?
Anyway she married another guy within a few months of leaving me. She never amouted to much since then so dodged a bullet there.
 
Mengy said:
My ex wife left me for a career change. I didn't want to be married to a truck driver that I never get to see.


You do know this has to be the title of your auto-biography?...or at least written on your tombstone!
 
Hope you start feeling better OP. You'll look back on this and see it was for the better, as others have said. There are other fish in the sea (or pies in the bakery, as it were).
 
OP, you did great. Pat yourself in the back, remember to find out what's up with a chick's history before getting serious with them next time and move on. Sounds like you're a cool guy, so you'll be fine.
Yoboman said:
You got friendzoned brah. She's probably fucking fifteen guys right now and shit
:lol
 
Zozz said:
Okay, looks like this girl is making it out to seem like it's your fault. It's best that you leave her but she seems like she has troubles with relationsjips, if you still love her in any way you should help her out to see that she's the one at fault here and not you. She's trying to pin the blame on you, and if you let her get away with that both of you lose out on valuable life lessons. Make her aware of the fuck up she's caused and leave her with that but don't be a dick.
Nope. Don't do this.

Let her go, clean and simple. 'Making someone understand' is not gonna help anyone in this situation. She's a loon, and OP needs to go ahead and take his little steps towards getting over her. "WHY WON'T YOU LET ME LOVE YOU?", roses, sonnets, and counseling sessions aren't gonna do any good...
 
catfish said:
just try to get over it. If the girl doesn't think it's a goer, then it wasnt.


Yeah, I keep telling myself that I'm lucky this came out before the marriage, that I dodged a bullet. But I do truly love her with all of my heart, knowing something and dealing with it are two entirely different things. I'm really going to miss her. I mean, I don't actually WANT to never see or talk to her again, but I feel like I have to do that at this point. It may be gray for her but it is black and white for me. It has to be if I'm ever going to move on without her in my life...
 
The pancake lady is a whore.

fwiw, I had the EXACT same thing happen to me a few weeks ago, relationship of 3 years, broke up, had sex, tried to make it work, she didn't "feel it" anymore.
I wish I had walked away with dignity just like the OP. Kudos.
 
eternal prize said:
I dunno, blueberry or keylime is my king of pies.

It was definetly Blueberry, the antioxidants and pilates effected his blood flow hence why they had makeup sex, what a dastardly plan.
 
mescalineeyes said:
fwiw, I had the EXACT same thing happen to me a few weeks ago, relationship of 3 years, broke up, had sex, tried to make it work, she didn't "feel it" anymore.

Yeah, but you didn't get PIE.

Yoboman said:
You got friendzoned brah. She's probably fucking fifteen guys right now and shit

That was last night.
 
Dwayne_rock_Johnson.jpg


Did somebody say pie?
 
Juicy Bob said:
436202364_482df7925b.jpg


The mushy peas represent love.

The pie represents your relationship.

The tomato sauce represents the all of the pain she caused you.

The can of Victoria Bitter represents what you should reward yourself with for walking away with dignity.
excellent
 
Poor guy :(

I'm sorry dude, can't imagine how shitty you must be feeling right now. You clearly have a lot to offer whatever woman you end up with next, so keep focusing on that. Realize that you deserve someone who is going to give you the consistent respect and love that you want, and don't settle for less

In the meantime though just try to be active, go out and do social things with friends, maybe even consider trying therapy (if you aren't over it in a reasonable amount of time). But in the long run I'm sure you can become a much better and stronger person because of this, so don't waste the opportunity to make that happen
 
This sounds like she met a guy - has a little crush or whatever, and as soon as the novelty wears off she'll be begging you to take her back.

Her logic makes no sense. What if you proposed a year ago? She'd magically still love you as much as she did when you proposed? Feeling only "wane" when you don't have a pointless and arbitrary title to associate them with?

I've been with my girlfriend for seven years and we're not even engaged. There is no rule on when it's "supposed" to happen. It's only important if you decide to make it important for some reason.

Tell her she's going to regret this and then peace the fuck out.
 
dave is ok said:
Tell her she's going to regret this and then peace the fuck out.


that will just make him sound bitter/petty... better to say "I hope you don't regret this"
 
levious said:
that will just make him sound bitter/petty... better to say "I hope you don't regret this"
You're allowed to sound bitter when the girl you've been with for three years leaves you for no reason at all and takes your de facto daughter with her.

He might as well tell her the truth, which is that she will regret it.
 
DY_nasty said:
Nope. Don't do this.

Let her go, clean and simple. 'Making someone understand' is not gonna help anyone in this situation. She's a loon, and OP needs to go ahead and take his little steps towards getting over her. "WHY WON'T YOU LET ME LOVE YOU?", roses, sonnets, and counseling sessions aren't gonna do any good...
I'm not telling him to win her back, if you can actually read. The OP needs a closure, he needs to let himself and her know why this relationship is over. It will not only help the OP get over her but it will let that girl it's her fault and maybe she can do better in her relationships.
 
Sho_Nuff82 said:
Unemployed, one kid, and a daddy's girl living at home? How old is she that she sees ' upgrading' from you a realistic proposition?
I was going to say. She probably dumped you... someone told her, do you really think you can do any better(Or she realized it). And now she wants to work back in.

She did you a favor, you don't want back in.
 
Remember, every time a Girl-age topic is posted 90% of GAF comes in screaming BAIL OUT without reading the topic because they took 7 years stalking a girl that got married to another man.

My advice is:

Pie.
 
Zozz said:
The OP needs a closure, he needs to let himself and her know why this relationship is over. It will not only help the OP get over her but it will let that girl it's her fault and maybe she can do better in her relationships.

Well, I pretty much got closure when I told her that I would never be just a friend to her, that if she didn't want to be with me then I was walking and never talking to her again. That was not what she wanted, but hey I didn't want to break up. And I did point out her pattern of pushing guys away who get to close, and especially her ex husband. When I first met her they did not get along, he would always talk down to her and be angry and act frustrated. I now totally understand why he felt that way, as I am now in the shoes he was in. That feeling of love lost and a life torn apart and the helplessness to do anything about it, it's frustrating. The difference is he couldn't just walk away, they have a daughter together. I can.

CrankyJay said:
If she's that hot chick on Ice Road Truckers I would have dealt with it.

I've never seen the show, I would laugh if it was her! Someone post a pic!
 
Mengy said:
OK, my turn for a girl age thread. I'm a wreck right now. I'm looking for both opinions and sympathy here, please be frank and honest.

Dude, you seem like a good guy that has been through many things in life, but maybe hasn't yet caught up with how women really work.

Mengy said:
I'll start with the TLDR version for you short attention span types:

My girlfriend of three years broke up with me two weeks ago. Her reasons are that she doesn't see us as long term anymore because if we were going to get married it would have happened by now, even though she knows full well I was going to propose this fall.

This is a bullshit reason to break up. Don't believe for one second. She probably just wanted to jump ship for a while due to NOT wanting to get married but didn't have the balls to do it until now. In the other hand, she also didn't want to lose the relationship. That's my reading though, but it's what is sounds like.

Mengy said:
She says a year ago she would have said yes in an instant, but she feels like her love has waned for me now due to time.

This is true. The problem is that you should have been able to spot it before her! Did you have any problems before the breakup?

Mengy said:
So I don't talk to her for a week, she calls me one night and tells me she baked me a pie and wants to talk. We do, kissing and makeup sex and all and I think she wants to work on things. Now, a week later again I find out she still thinks of us as broken up and not long term but she cares so much about me and wants me in her life. I tell her I don't want that. She wants to remain friends, I tell her I love her too much and can't be just friends, so I leave and tell her goodbye forever.

Classic Chick logic case...

Girls hate ending like a bad guy. They will spin situations and actions so they never fall into the bad guy territory. What she did was giving you a "consolation price". She knows she can use sex, but maybe a little bake can also make you not hate her, and worse, not tell your friends that she is a bitch.

Of course, life isn't as simple as that, but that's how she probably sees it.


Mengy said:
She is a beautiful, intelligent, awesome woman. We have had three fantastic years together. I love her so incredibly much, I love her daughter from a previous marriage, hell I even love her family. But this all started about three weeks ago, and to me it's come as a huge surprise.

She might be beautiful (which is not her fault), intelligent (which I doubt if she has a divorce) but she is not totally awesome. What she did was not awesome. Awesome is as awesome do, dude, think about it.

It also probably started more than 3 weeks ago. You just didn't notice

Mengy said:
I never knew she had a timetable for getting engaged, she never communicated that to me. In fact we both agreed from the start that we would take our time. Even still, I was going to propose this fall, and she and her whole family are aware of that.

The wedding was not the reason she left you.

Mengy said:
Her reasons confuse me. We haven't really fought much at all in three years, and she says that bothers her. But honestly we haven't had much to fight about, we get along tremendously.

Her reasons are bullshit. She is lying about the reasons. You never fought. That's probably because you failed to stood for yourself many times. That got less and less attractive to her until she finally lost all attraction to you. Fights sometimes are good, in the sense that it gives people in the relationship a chance they don't usually get, to see how much the other person is able to stand for himself.

She also sounds emotionally unavailable and suffering from girl neurosis, which is not a reason but surely heightened that.

Mengy said:
I always viewed that as a good thing, but she grew up with parents in a loveless marriage and always fighting, I think part of her equates fighting to love.

I don't think this is the reason. I don't think you should be giving it any more thought either.

Mengy said:
She tells me freely that a year ago she would have married me in a heartbeat, but she now feels like the window is closed and the moment is gone. She feels like too much time has passed and her feelings aren't the same now.

Here she is being honest

Mengy said:
She has always had a habit of putting up emotional walls around people who care for her, I think this is happening now with me. Her friends tell me she has always done this with other boyfriends before me, and with her ex husband, it just took longer than usual with me.

Without knowing what your and her exes relationships were I can't comment otherwise. Maybe they all were nice guys that let themselves go with her. It's not your fault, or theirs, because this girl is effectively leading them on on relationships she is not able to pursue completely.

It's just that maybe none of you guys are giving her what she needs, not what she think she wants.

Mengy said:
She thought she could dump me but still have me be a part of her life and even her daughter's life, but I told her I can't do that. I told her that I love her too much and that I'm way past being just friends with her. She said that this isn't black and white, it's gray. I told her that I don't fall in love easily but when I do I mean it, and that I can't just turn my feelings off because I'm upset with her. If I remain friends I'll never get over her, I need distance to move on. She said that's not the way she wanted it to be. So I told her goodbye and left.

She wants to have her pie and eat it too. A guy can be a friend to an ex-love interest perfectly fine, only if he is able to cope with not being able to get some with her anymore. I don't think that's possible in your situation. Handled it like a man!

Mengy said:
I am so confused and beside myself. And angry, and so very sad. But part of me is also thinking she did me a favor. If her love is so conditional, so shallow and so easily corrupted, then honestly I'm glad I didn't marry her. I've been happily married before, it isn't easy and it takes commitment to make it work. If I can't depend on her even before we get married, then what hope of success did it really have?

Very good and healthy thoughts. But I urge you to have the courage to look back objectively and try to find errors in your ways that could help you save another relationship. I am not saying you were the one to blame. I am just saying, make something good out of a bad situation.

Mengy said:
So, was I crazy to quit her cold turkey like that? Am I being a fool? Do her reasons really sound as silly as I think they do?

You did right man. She is not worth it because she was never honest about what she really wanted. Stand up, take the dirt off and keep on trucking
 
I think she lied, she wouldn't have married you then. She knew that marriage was coming up, she had a bad last marriage and her parents fought a lot. The closer marriage got to reality, the more she felt like she was falling back into the same trap, and the stress compounded on itself. She was probably freaking out.

It's entirely possible that if you said you were the sort of person that doesn't ever want to get married, she would have sympathized with you as a fellow divorcée and you could have been happy forever.
 
BronzeWolf said:
Very good and healthy thoughts. But I urge you to have the courage to look back objectively and try to find errors in your ways that could help you save another relationship. I am not saying you were the one to blame. I am just saying, make something good out of a bad situation.

You know, I've given some thought to the whole no fighting thing, and while we did have a few small spats there just weren't many moments that merited a real fight. We pretty much saw eye to eye on most things.

Looking back on things I may have done wrong though, I did often times put my own needs and chores aside to help her out. She is a single mom with alot going on, so I naturally wanted to help lessen the burden on her shoulders, so to speak. Maybe I was too kind to her? Maybe she resented the fact that I was always there to help her while she was never able to reciprocate equally? Maybe she resented the fact that she needed more help than I did, that I was strong on my own.

She is kind of a feminist, real big on woman power things and equality with men, especially in the work force. One of the reasons she left her husband was because he couldn't hold a job and was kind of a bum. Maybe she resented me for being the one with a solid job while she didn't?


God, who the hell knows. I need to stop analyzing this, it's over and I'm done wasting time. I think I'll go see Inception tonight and enjoy myself for a bit.
 
Din't sweat it man. Most likely it wasn't any of those reasons. It doesn't matter now.

Maybe try not to give so much when the other person is not reciprocating? Besides that, no way to know for sure
 
Wes said:
3.14 years?


Ah shit, we were together 3 years and 6 weeks, almost exactly. Which is 3.107 years!!!!!! That's freaking me out!!
 
I don't know if I can contribute anything to this thread, but here it goes. Please excuse my grammatical and spelling errors, since English is not my native tongue.

OP, I feel you, I really do. In fact, I was in the same boat as you. I met the most wonderful girl two years ago, who just got out of another relationship. We started a relationship and I was planning on proposing to her this August, if it weren't for the fact that she left me in March. Her reasons? She wanted to be alone and she couldn't commit herself to us. And she probably wanted some different cocks, but whatever.

I felt like shit for quite some time, until I smelled the pie, so to speak. Dude, it's not your fault that she left you, it's hers, totally hers. You sound like a genuinely nice guy who has a lot to offer and with some real life experience under his belt. Some women would kill for a guy like you, you just haven't met them yet. You're awesome and she is stupid for not recognizing it.

The best advice I can give you is to love yourself and use your time alone to work on yourself. Read some good books, listen to the soundtrack of The Fountain while drinking a fine single malt, work out, learn to cook, travel some, do whatever. Above all; be confident and believe in yourself. That might sound cheesy as all hell, but it is really the best advice I can give you. The love you give to others will always be reciprocated, it always will, in some form or another. You'l see.

Best of luck!
 
OK, I'll try to give you real advise.

I've kinda went through this but to the extreme. Gf of 7 years, cheats on me, that's that. She was my first real love so I was crushed. Did some fucking around for half a year, she too of course since she didn't care anyway :lol

Then after half a year we get back together. How could I be so stupid? She cheated on me! But still, my love for her was still so strong... and I felt like I needed her in my life. So we actually move in together, living together for over a year... then I get cheated on again.

After a few months we start fucking AGAIN, but she instantly makes it clear that it can't ever work with us. Yes, I was a big fat pussy for doing the same girl twice (and then some more after that) even though she cheated on me. So I'm the only one to blame.

Don't make yourself go through this man. When a woman is done with you, she's done with you. You can get back together because she might have some weak moments were she misses you, or the security your relationship brought her, but in the end she'll run. Because once she has ran off once, she'll never be fully into it anymore.

It can take a good few months getting over this shit. You'll feel terrible, and might try to get over things by being the slut, and using too much alcohol and drugs. I've went through that. But once you get out of that, you'll be a better person. You'll be free again, ditched the chains she had around you. Then you'll notice you can fall in love again with other girls, girls that are worth your time.

Never go back man, never go back. You'll feel dumb as hell when the shitstorm comes around for the second or third time.
 
Mengy said:
I am so confused and beside myself. And angry, and so very sad.

sorry op but this part got me. :lol

But honestly it sounds like you did the right thing man. Don't beat yourself up. But I will say...there needs to be a healthy bit of challenging, otherwise things will get boring. So challenge her...for some no fighting is a good sign (and its rare two people who believe this will date) but for most it's a bad sign.

I don't know why but it's the way it is. The trick is make her crazy. Then make her crazy about you.
not necessarily in that order
 
Silicon Knight said:
I felt like shit for quite some time, until I smelled the pie, so to speak. Dude, it's not your fault that she left you, it's hers, totally hers. You sound like a genuinely nice guy who has a lot to offer and with some real life experience under his belt. Some women would kill for a guy like you, you just haven't met them yet. You're awesome and she is stupid for not recognizing it.

The best advice I can give you is to love yourself and use your time alone to work on yourself. Read some good books, listen to the soundtrack of The Fountain while drinking a fine single malt, work out, learn to cook, travel some, do whatever. Above all; be confident and believe in yourself. That might sound cheesy as all hell, but it is really the best advice I can give you. The love you give to others will always be reciprocated, it always will, in some form or another. You'l see.

Best of luck!

Yeah, I know, I had to learn all of this when I got divorced, so I know the drill even though it's hard to accept it. I was in the middle of remodeling my house for her and her daughter to move in, so that's what I'm going to focus on for now. Although the little girl's room might now become a theater room...
 
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