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[The Orange]

OWNED, OWNED AND OWNED ONCE MORE

Dude, you work full time to earn less than half the minimum wage. And your other contribution to society is rapping over songs like Butterfly through what sounds like a cheap microphone from 1990 piped through an elevator speaker. Your life is the definition of owned.

 

[Fantasmo]

Look, I don't want to give you any false hope or anything...

But if she says she needs a fight, why wouldn't you fight?
Are you crying or being nice?
I'm going to have all of gaf tackle me on this, but some women, shit, people, need an argument to get out of their rut and make moves. It gets the adrenaline pumped, and gets them moving. Girl is depressed, unemployed, and has a jerk dad. But that doesn't mean she doesn't need a verbal kick in the ass to get a job and not be an idiot.

Yes I said it. She's an idiot for throwing away the relationship and a buffoon for not getting in gear and looking very hard for work. And until she gets her act together you shouldn't.. don't even want her!

Right after that, tell her "look I love you. But you are wallowing and doing nothing and letting this relationship fizzle. And until you take steps to fix that, there can't be a relationship"

This is how you need to address the situation if you still want her, now and moving forward!!!!!

Go ahead and say she needs therapy, sure, that's all well and good and helpful, but that won't get her back.

You can try it, or just listen to gaf and enjoy your tears.

I mean this all with much respect for your situation and I've been in your shoes btw.

Also, I appreciate a good argument so I know how she is. I am a habitual line stepper and when I'm wrong or frustrated, and it helps to be corrected. It sucks in the moment, but in the long run its the right thing.

In the end its your choice. It depends on who or what you are.

But let me ask you, if you had a child who wouldn't go to school or played in traffic, would you be ok with it? Or would you do the right thing?

 

[Mengy]

Look, I don't want to give you any false hope or anything...

But if she says she needs a fight, why wouldn't you fight?
Are you crying or being nice?

Well, believe me we had a fight last night when this all came to an end. I even started to get a little loud, which she isn't used to with me. She started to walk away, and I told her don't you dare leave, we aren't done here yet. But by the end, when I was saying goodbye for good, yeah we both had tears in our eyes. But I was brutal and blunt with her last night, to be honest I think she liked it a bit.

But I won't contact her again, so unless she comes to me that was it. And even if she comes to me, I don't know if I'd give her another chance anyway.

But I will say...there needs to be a healthy bit of challenging, otherwise things will get boring. So challenge her...for some no fighting is a good sign (and its rare two people who believe this will date) but for most it's a bad sign.

I don't know why but it's the way it is. The trick is make her crazy. Then make her crazy about you.

That's an interesting point. Maybe her concerns about us never fighting were really feelings about me not challenging her enough. I always thought she was intelligent and mature enough to not need that kind of high school dating mechanics in order to feel love, perhaps I gave her too much credit. Maybe I should have been more consistently cocky and snarky with her just to get a rise out of her, even if it was artificial in nature.

Too late now I guess.

 

[Stridone]

And even if she comes to me, I don't know if I'd give her another chance anyway.

Don't.

 

[Fantasmo]

Well, believe me we had a fight last night when this all came to an end. I even started to get a little loud, which she isn't used to with me. She started to walk away, and I told her don't you dare leave, we aren't done here yet. But by the end, when I was saying goodbye for good, yeah we both had tears in our eyes. But I was brutal and blunt with her last night, to be honest I think she liked it a bit.

But I won't contact her again, so unless she comes to me that was it. And even if she comes to me, I don't know if I'd give her another chance anyway.





That's an interesting point. Maybe her concerns about us never fighting were really feelings about me not challenging her enough. I always thought she was intelligent and mature enough to not need that kind of high school dating mechanics in order to feel love, perhaps I gave her too much credit. Maybe I should have been more consistently cocky and snarky with her just to get a rise out of her, even if it was artificial in nature.

Too late now I guess.

Depression is a fucked up thing. Its an inner monologue that says "I suck". It immobilzes you.

She needs assertiveness.

Depression notwithstanding... people that are stuck need someone who is assertive, supportive, and loving all rolled into one. Its NECESSARY for nearly ALL tough situations, including men, women, significant others, older people, children.. the whole spectrum. It's very important afterwards to tell that person you love them and listen afterwards also. This is called working with someone, loving them, and compromise.

What happens after the stuck person has processed your assertiveness is the true measure of that persons character. If she were to come back after she decided to, or achieved some good moves would show that she really feels for you. Don't let manchildren tell you otherwise.

And if she's even halfway decent looking and has an appealing personality, she'll find someone soon if she hasn't already.

None of this is your fault or necessarily hers, but it is reality. If she contacts you, you gotta wear the big boy pants now and until your last days. Its healthy, odd as that may sound.

 

[.la1n]

Oh. Well, I'm backing out of this thread now... *beep beep beep*

ok i'm sorry but this made my day, hillarious. bravo.

 

[SamuraiX-]

Commitment is a long term thing. It's not just a single action of commitment. It is literally an on going, continuous thing.

Getting married is a serious thing. It shouldn't just be a pledge of commitment, but a position arrived at after the demonstration of a long term serious commitment.

To break an actual long term commitment over the lack of a pledge for commitment, it is obvious that your ex didn't actually understand the act of commitment and marriage.

Best post of this whole topic. Hit the nail directly on the head.

Marriage has become something of a casual thing nowadays, and it's really a sad thing to see. People get married just for the sake of getting married. They believe "why not? We've been together for 2 months, might as well! No reason not to believe I can't spend the rest of my life with you! owate, in case I can't, there's always divorce!" It's just really sickening to me.

I never believe people who say that "my love just disappeared." If that happens, you should have never gotten married in the first place. Marriage isn't a challenge to see if you can actually spend the rest of your life with someone, it's the ultimate bonding of two people together.

You were right to walk away, my man. Any girl that has an on/off switch with their feelings for you like that isn't worth the heartache. Just don't do what my friends do and say you wasted 3 years of your life. Nothing is ever wasted. You learned from this. You had a life experienced that has taught you a lot about people and relationships.

Good luck, stay strong, and don't give up. As much as anyone has heard this before, there is someone out there. And in most cases, they'll find you, so don't stress.

 

[Klyka]

Have sex with her again.

Give her a creampie.

Say "Now we're even" walk away putting on sunglasses while explosion goes off in the background.

 

[owlbeak]

Have sex with her again.

Give her a creampie.

Say "Now we're even" walk away putting on sunglasses while explosion goes off in the background.

Best advice I've ever heard. :lol

 

[norinrad]

Dude, you work full time to earn less than half the minimum wage. And your other contribution to society is rapping over songs like Butterfly through what sounds like a cheap microphone from 1990 piped through an elevator speaker. Your life is the definition of owned.

wtf? :lol :lol :lol

 

[BronzeWolf]

Have sex with her again.

Give her a creampie.

Say "Now we're even" walk away putting on sunglasses while explosion goes off in the background.

best idea

 

[Mengy]

Have sex with her again.

Give her a creampie.

Say "Now we're even" walk away putting on sunglasses while explosion goes off in the background.

LOL!!! For some reason I read this in the voice of David Caruso with a big hearty YEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! at the end of it!!!!

 

[reddmyst]

Her reason? It bothered her that you two didn't fight a lot? Wtf is that shit?

She's a drama queen (and probably just wants to fuck around if she already isn't doing it behind your back) and not marriage material.

In fact, she needs to go see a therapist.

Be glad it ended, plety o'fish and whatnot.

 

[Fantasmo]

Well I guess I'm the only voice of reason. Okay. I'm not being harsh here but I'm being overshadowed and I see this time and again on GAF and few really get it right. So understand, this is as much, if not more for GAF as it is for you.

It always, ALWAYS takes two.

As much as she is guilty for not telling you earlier, and she is, and isn't without responsibility, she may be learning about herself right now. This may be a process and new understanding for her. She's told you what she needs.

There are two sides to every coin that most people just don't see. Her side is that you are letting the relationship not matter also. You have let her wallow, and you were not pushing her to better herself.

Your side. You want someone mature, independent, are not a mind reader, and don't understand what the heck is going on.

There has to be a compromise here to move forward.

The ones with longterm relationships that WANT longterm relationships, that UNDERSTAND longterm relationships and really love each other will make this happen. They will try until it's truly too late. Too late isn't always too late. It's sometimes just too late because there are too many emotions involved and things went too far and need to cool off. When they cool off, is when things can progress or evaporate.

When the feelings have settled, a person is still the same person, typically. So if things calm down and she still needs assertiveness, and you can't do that. Right there is your dealbreaker.

You will say things like "She was crazy, and she needed me to father her."
She will say things like "He was a wuss, I just needed someone to push me."

Make sense?
Both are right. Neither have bad intentions in the grand scheme of things.

She needs something that you can't provide.
You need something she can't provide.

If that's the dealbreaker. That is it. End of story. The End and time to move on.

 

[Mengy]

Well I guess I'm the only voice of reason. Okay. I'm not being harsh here but I'm being overshadowed and I see this time and again on GAF and few really get it right. So understand, this is as much, if not more for GAF as it is for you.

It always, ALWAYS takes two.

As much as she is guilty for not telling you earlier, and she is, and isn't without responsibility, she may be learning about herself right now. This may be a process and new understanding for her. She's told you what she needs.

There are two sides to every coin that most people just don't see. Her side is that you are letting the relationship not matter also. You have let her wallow, and you were not pushing her to better herself.

Your side. You want someone mature, independent, are not a mind reader, and don't understand what the heck is going on.

There has to be a compromise here to move forward.

The ones with longterm relationships that WANT longterm relationships, that UNDERSTAND longterm relationships and really love each other will make this happen. They will try until it's truly too late. Too late isn't always too late. It's sometimes just too late because there are too many emotions involved and things went too far and need to cool off. When they cool off, is when things can progress or evaporate.

When the feelings have settled, a person is still the same person, typically. So if things calm down and she still needs assertiveness, and you can't do that. Right there is your dealbreaker.

You will say things like "She was crazy, and she needed me to father her."
She will say things like "He was a wuss, I just needed someone to push me."

Make sense?
Both are right. Neither have bad intentions in the grand scheme of things.

She needs something that you can't provide.
You need something she can't provide.

If that's the dealbreaker. That is it. End of story. The End and time to move on.

Good post. The thing is, I have no problem being assertive, but if that is what my ex truly wanted then she could have communicated that to me PRIOR to breaking up with me. During the breakup fight is a bit too late to really do anything about it. By her own admission she has problems communicating with people, she tends to clam up her feelings and opinions.

I simply think it was easier for her emotionally to leave rather than work on the relationship together, and that's just plain sad if true.

 

[Aquavelvaman]

I think this might be the least pathetic breakup thread. Well done

 

[Fantasmo]

Good post. The thing is, I have no problem being assertive, but if that is what my ex truly wanted then she could have communicated that to me PRIOR to breaking up with me. During the breakup fight is a bit too late to really do anything about it. By her own admission she has problems communicating with people, she tends to clam up her feelings and opinions.

I simply think it was easier for her emotionally to leave rather than work on the relationship together, and that's just plain sad if true.

I'm going to challenge your thought process again. Whether you accept or reject it, what you do (or can do) going forward is entirely your choice and your life but this comes from tons and tons of experience okay? So I can assure you it's not malicious or picking sides.

Some people know themselves very well. They know the way they work and what they want. Sometimes they're still in discovery mode and the process is slow. Sometimes, a current life situation puts pressure on what would otherwise be a well functioning relationship. Sometimes things truly change. That is rare. Because change isn't overnight unless something dramatic/traumatic/crazy/wonderful/horrible happens. Change is a process.

So maybe she knew these things about herself and dropped hints. Women may do that, usually hoping for you to pick up on it if they love you.

But maybe she didn't entirely understand it. Did you know you liked (x,y,z) before you turned 13? What did you come to understand at 21? 25?

Maybe she got it a little bit, but not entirely. That's happened to me. A lot. I have had a fucked up life because of depression and really hard life situations. I won't bore you with details.

However it beats mentioning that I have done things that I had no intention of doing... and hurt people I had no intention of hurting due to depression. I had to do tons of reading, self help, and mental work to clear out my life and my head and really get a grip on who I am.

Until I came to this level of understanding, every relationship was a crap shoot. And all those old relationships are long gone now. For most of them, that's a good thing :lol

But some only needed a little tweak and a little understanding and communication, and they'd be flourishing right now.

This is why I'm saying all this. If she's still learning about herself, it's up to you to decide what you do with this new information. Information that may be new to her as well. Stuff that she wishes she had known sooner so this didn't happen.

Have I lost you or does this make sense?

 

[Solideliquid]

OP, I'm sorry about what's happening to you. I'm in the same situation. My wife of 7 years (know her 10 yrs) left me and moved out June 3. She at first wanted time off and left to go to her mother's 400 miles away. Two weeks later she asked for a separation and two weeks after that she says "I don't love you anymore, you need to let me go". She effectively ended our 7 year marriage over text and phone.

She gave reasons, I said I'd be willing to go to therapy, couples counseling, anything for her. I told her I'd make it my mission in life to change and be the person she wanted. None of it helped. After she told me she didn't love me anymore (yes a switch, she said she fell out of love with me over the course of like a week and we were 400 miles apart) I filed for divorce.

I feel as you feel. Exactly the way you posted reflects my feelings. I've been trying to reach out to her and find a signal. I don't want to get divorced. But it seems she's done with me. I think it's true what someone above said. When a woman is done with you, she's done with you for good. I don't think she sees me as a man anymore. So I think it's time for us both to move on. It's so hard, everyone says it'll get better though.

Hang in there!

 

[MiriamV]

First off all, OP, you sound like a really nice guy, and it sounds like she has a lot of issues. While it's likely both of you made some mistakes, since everyone does in relationships, in this case it sounds like you weren't the one in the wrong.

Her reasons confuse me. We haven't really fought much at all in three years, and she says that bothers her. But honestly we haven't had much to fight about, we get along tremendously. I always viewed that as a good thing, but she grew up with parents in a loveless marriage and always fighting, I think part of her equates fighting to love.

DON'T let this bother you!

Fighting does not equate love, it is not necessary to fight regularly in a relationship, as long as both people in it are happy.

My husband and I have been married for 11 years, are still going strong, and I can count the arguments we've had in that time on one hand.
If you get along, can talk to each other rationally when there is a problem, and you simply dislike argueing then there is nothing wrong with your relationship.
It's only a problem if you aren't fighting because one person is always giving in, or hiding their real feelings inside.

Having said that, some people like having a good argument (preferably with good make-up-sex afterwards). Maybe she's one of those, but from everything you've written I think she has a lot more issues going on, and most of them only indirectly involve you.

So don't feel that in the next relationship you'll eventually get into you'll have to force yourself to fight just to keep the relationship going.
Losing your temper can result in saying things you don't mean or in say things in a hurtful way just to spite the other, which is just as bad as hiding true feelings or not being assertive.
If you're a mellow guy, just roll with it, and find a similar minded partner who doesn't need roaring arguments to feel loved.

 

[BronzeWolf]

OP, I'm sorry about what's happening to you. I'm in the same situation. My wife of 7 years (know her 10 yrs) left me and moved out June 3. She at first wanted time off and left to go to her mother's 400 miles away. Two weeks later she asked for a separation and two weeks after that she says "I don't love you anymore, you need to let me go". She effectively ended our 7 year marriage over text and phone.

She gave reasons, I said I'd be willing to go to therapy, couples counseling, anything for her. I told her I'd make it my mission in life to change and be the person she wanted. None of it helped. After she told me she didn't love me anymore (yes a switch, she said she fell out of love with me over the course of like a week and we were 400 miles apart) I filed for divorce.

I feel as you feel. Exactly the way you posted reflects my feelings. I've been trying to reach out to her and find a signal. I don't want to get divorced. But it seems she's done with me. I think it's true what someone above said. When a woman is done with you, she's done with you for good. I don't think she sees me as a man anymore. So I think it's time for us both to move on. It's so hard, everyone says it'll get better though.

Hang in there!

Bold part are incredible unattractive things.

It sucks bro, especially for the kids.

 

[owlbeak]

Some people know themselves very well. They know the way they work and what they want. Sometimes they're still in discovery mode and the process is slow. Sometimes, a current life situation puts pressure on what would otherwise be a well functioning relationship. Sometimes things truly change. That is rare. Because change isn't overnight unless something dramatic/traumatic/crazy/wonderful/horrible happens. Change is a process.

This guy speaks the truth. Last October I married my live-in girlfriend of 5 years. What did she tell me in March? That she was moving out because she thinks she missed out on the "single" life (she's 24 now) and needs to "find out what makes her happy". So she still hasn't moved out but we're not "together" any more. Girls are also completely unpredictable. But, what junkster said = truth.

 

[∀ Narayan]

The mushy peas represent love.

The pie represents your relationship.

The tomato sauce represents the all of the pain she caused you.

The can of Victoria Bitter represents what you should reward yourself with for walking away with dignity.

That looks like ketchup. I hate ketchup. It's one of the most vile substances ever created. If that is ketchup, then the OP's GF must have been a horror.

 

[Calion]

Ok, here is my two cents:

But this all started about three weeks ago, and to me it's come as a huge surprise. I never knew she had a timetable for getting engaged, she never communicated that to me. In fact we both agreed from the start that we would take our time. Even still, I was going to propose this fall, and she and her whole family are aware of that.

I'll start out with the bolded statement, which leads into your next quote. From the second I read this, It seemed like communication wasn't particularly prevalent in your relationship as it should have been. Since this is the first time you've heard this statement from her, that particular thought of hers seems like something she wanted to say to you but perhaps feared a fight might have broken out because of it. Even though that was the main reason she broke up with you (And it's an illogical and stupid reason at that), that thought might have came out if there was slightly better communication.

Her reasons confuse me. We haven't really fought much at all in three years, and she says that bothers her. But honestly we haven't had much to fight about, we get along tremendously. I always viewed that as a good thing,

This is my main point. Fighting in a relationship is healthy. It sucks, but it's healthy. Without fighting, communication is hampered. Nearly every female I've talked to about this has complained that they never fought with their ex or current boyfriend (When they hardly ever fought in that relationship), and then proceed to tell me problems about their ex/current BF that they haven't actually told the actual boyfriend yet. It obviously was a concern of your ex that you two hardly fought (And the only reasonable explanation she had for ending it). From my experience, when I fight with my girlfriend, communication is established and thoughts/concerns are expressed. (i.e. "You never wash the dishes", "You never go to movies/restaurants I want to go to", "When are we actually going to get married", etc.). I know that certainly doesn't help now since you have split, but I hope that helps in your next relationship.

So, was I crazy to quit her cold turkey like that? Am I being a fool? Do her reasons really sound as silly as I think they do?

All in all, I think you did the right thing. I think it's crazy that she dumped you a few months before you two were engaged, citing engagement as one of the reasons she split (along with other stupid reasons). But you certainly deserve better. You seem like a fantastic gentleman. Don't look back and second guess yourself. Move on while creating distance between her to accelerate the healing process. You did the right thing for yourself. I wish for the best for you man!

 

[TomServo]

This guy speaks the truth. Last October I married my live-in girlfriend of 5 years. What did she tell me in March? That she was moving out because she thinks she missed out on the "single" life (she's 24 now) and needs to "find out what makes her happy". So she still hasn't moved out but we're not "together" any more. Girls are also completely unpredictable. But, what junkster said = truth.

You know what's great about you realizing that? You'll never make yourself completely vunerable again.

It's something I've seen with just about every person I know that's been the victim of someone destroying a long term relationship. Even after they've moved on and are in healthy relationships, they don't fall back into the fallacy of unconditional love. And frankly, when it comes to women there's nothing that attracts them more than knowing you'll replace them in a heartbeat if they decide they need a "break" to "discover themselves" or other such horseshit.

It's something every man from 20-35 needs to learn. We really are a generation of men raised by women, and the women we were raised with have been implanted with some of the most unrealistic expectations about love and life in general.

 

[Solideliquid]

Bold part are incredible unattractive things.

It sucks bro, especially for the kids.

WTF? When did I say we had kids?!

And unattractive? What's unattractive about trying to save a 10 year relationship?

Her complaints were that I wasn't affectionate enough, that I didn't have a good enough relationship with her mom, and I wasn't interested in her friends. These things are fixable and I simply thought she was worth it to me so I communicated that to her.

 

[mescalineeyes]

And frankly, when it comes to women there's nothing that attracts them more than knowing you'll replace them in a heartbeat if they decide they need a "break" to "discover themselves" or other such horseshit.

the best thing I've read all my life.

 

[Fantasmo]

This guy speaks the truth. Last October I married my live-in girlfriend of 5 years. What did she tell me in March? That she was moving out because she thinks she missed out on the "single" life (she's 24 now) and needs to "find out what makes her happy". So she still hasn't moved out but we're not "together" any more. Girls are also completely unpredictable. But, what junkster said = truth.

In Mengy's case, in my mind, being depressed, out of work, and having a shitty father explains a lot of behavior. That shit's not easy, as I've lived exactly that. It's especially hard when you're young and putting it altogether, as all new information. It's hard to know WHAT the problem actually is. But I can assure you it affects every relationship, and makes you do dumb things, and usually to the people you care about most.

A breakup hurts tremendously obviously, but if you look from the outside, this doesn't look malicious. And while it shouldn't happen again, it CAN be just a blip on the radar. There's a lot of shitty people out there and it doesn't sound like his ex is one of them. Making a big mistake, misguided, needs therapy, assertiveness, arguments, love, whatever, she still sounds like a good one. Make no mistake though, it's not his place to come back at this point, he said his peace, and she is the one at fault at this current time if she's breaking up and she'd need to be more introspective from now on.

In your example though, I can't say I would have any kind words. Marriage is not something to take lightly and walk in and out of. I can assure you my reaction would ensure she'd never make the same mistake again though :lol

 

[BronzeWolf]

WTF? When did I say we had kids?!

And unattractive? What's unattractive about trying to save a 10 year relationship?

Her complaints were that I wasn't affectionate enough, that I didn't have a good enough relationship with her mom, and I wasn't interested in her friends. These things are fixable and I simply thought she was worth it to me so I communicated that to her.

Those were absolutely not the reasons why she left you

 

[Scotch]

Stop putting that pastry on a pedestal

:lol

 

[Fantasmo]

Those were absolutely not the reasons why she left you

I'd tell a woman like that, that I reanalyzed things, and that I now feel relieved that the relationship is over and that I think it'd be good for her to go on some dates, to find a better match, and also some perspective. Then I'd tell her I was off to benchpress a walrus, hogtie a hippo, that her mom is a scabby callous and that I expect dinner on the table by 6. Probably the best sex he'd ever get.

 

[Solideliquid]

I'd tell a woman like that, that I reanalyzed things, and that I now feel relieved that the relationship is over and that I think it'd be good for her to go on some dates, to find a better match, and also some perspective. Then I'd tell her I was off to benchpress a walrus, hogtie a hippo, that her mom is a scabby callous and that I expect dinner on the table by 6. Probably the best sex he'd ever get.

Okay can you edit your post so I can understand it better

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

 

[Fantasmo]

Okay can you edit your post so I can understand it better

Your fourth to last sentence in your own post that BronzeWolf first quoted is what the problem is.

Tell me what you typed and look at what BronzeWolf bolded. Put them together.

By the way my post was a joke, sort of, calling your mother in law a scabby callous is probably a bad idea 99 times out of 100. :lol

 

[BronzeWolf]

What happened is that she lost respect for you as a man.

The reasons she talked about where cop-outs. Changing yourself for the other person will actually make her lose even more respect for you. Like sand, the harder you try to grab it, the faster it goes away, the more you supplicate, the more a girl will run away fast.

I am not excusing her. One shouldn't marry a person one doesn't respect. But I am telling you what the last months of your failed marriage actually consisted of

 

[Fantasmo]

What happened is that she lost respect for you as a man.

The reasons she talked about where cop-outs. Changing yourself for the other person will actually make her lose even more respect for you. Like sand, the harder you try to grab it, the faster it goes away, the more you supplicate, the more a girl will run away fast.

I am not excusing her. One shouldn't marry a person one doesn't respect. But I am telling you what the last months of your failed marriage actually consisted of

I would go even further to say that when she had asked you to do those things, you basically confirmed to her that you would change yourself for her, which reinforced the problem she had with you to beginwith. She is dishonest and sick in the head, but it was a test and you failed.

 

[trinest]

The mushy peas represent love.

The pie represents your relationship.

The tomato sauce represents the all of the pain she caused you.

The can of Victoria Bitter represents what you should reward yourself with for walking away with dignity.

Noone should reward themselves with a VB- thats worse then the pain.

 

[Solideliquid]

I would go even further to say that when she had asked you to do those things, you basically confirmed to her that you would change yourself for her, which reinforced the problem she had with you to beginwith. She is dishonest and sick in the head, but it was a test and you failed.

Well she didn't ask me to change for her. She basically complained about the way I am as a person (somewhat introverted, somewhat antisocial, not as affectionate as I had been when we got married, etc) and I responded by saying I can fix these things and I wanted to because I didn't want to lose my marriage. I seem to be the only person left who feels that marriage is an actual bond, a life-term commitment to another person, and I didn't want to lose it.

She also accused that I stopped loving her a few years ago and just stayed with her for the comfort and sex. I don't see anything wrong with trying to keep your marriage, even if you have to compromise which is what marriage is actually. I basically told her I'd be more affectionate and more outgoing for her. I wasn't changing my personality for her, I think it's a matter of agreeing to go out of your comfort zone. It's something I should have recognized and attended to a year ago but oh well it's too late now. Only thing I can do is make a better effort next time.

I hate tests.

 

[Replicant]

You got out of the dodge. Thank your lucky star that you find out NOW, instead of later, of how crazy she really is.

 

[trinest]

Could be worse.

She could've given you a creampie.

Sperm Cake?

 

[BakedPigeon]

I feel for ya OP, I would be completely lost if my girl left me. You did the right thing though by holding out and not associating with her. She will most certainly try and get back with you if you do not talk to her but the relationship may already be dead. If you can work it out great but be careful man, you don't want to get hurt again.

 

[h0pper]

made me think of a story I'm sure many of you have heard.

guy gets dumped, girlfriend comes over with his favorite VHS and brownies. Eats the brownies, watches the movie, mid way into the film it cuts to his gf giving some guy a beej and then he nuts in the brownie batter.

IMA KILL DIS BITCH

 

[Solideliquid]

made me think of a story I'm sure many of you have heard.

guy gets dumped, girlfriend comes over with his favorite VHS and brownies. Eats the brownies, watches the movie, mid way into the film it cuts to his gf giving some guy a beej and then he nuts in the brownie batter.

IMA KILL DIS BITCH

What I don't even.

No, never heard that story. Like ever.

 

[Mengy]

. Girls are also completely unpredictable...

Truer words were never spoken. This is one fact about women that I absolutely need to never forget, not ever again. When my ex-wife decided that she wanted to drive trucks cross country for a living, I never saw it coming. When my ex-girlfriend dumped me out of the clear blue the other night, I never saw it coming. In both cases I thought our love was going to last forever, I thought I could depend on both of them to stand by me and work together as a couple to tackle anything that comes along.

But I was wrong in both cases. The truth, and this is sad but I feel that it is true, is that no man can truly depend on a woman to be there as faithfully as he wants her to be. Women nowadays are just too quick to quit and stop trying. Things have gotten easier in society for them, they have more options and they don't NEED men anymore, and because of that they bolt when they want to and act selfishly in relationships. In order to love, to truly and completely love, you HAVE to be willing to open yourself up to hurt and disappointment, and you have to be willing to ride out the bad moments together in order to reach new heights. Women just don't seem to want to do that anymore, it's easier emotionally to just leave.

I think from now on in relationships, I need to keep this in mind at all times and always assume the unexpected. I simply can't expect any future girlfriends to reciprocate the devotion and commitment that I think a relationship needs. I guess that goes along with "don't put the pussy on a pedestal". In my case I thought my gf was as devoted and committed to the relationship as I was, and I treated her respectfully for that. I believed in us as a couple. And I was obviously wrong.

 

[AFreak]

I dunno, blueberry or keylime is my king of pies.

keylime is damn good, too.

 

[Wanace]

What I don't even.

No, never heard that story. Like ever.

Haha.....me either. I can't imagine that ever happening but if it did....:lol

 

[Ryu1999]

Truer words were never spoken. This is one fact about women that I absolutely need to never forget, not ever again. When my ex-wife decided that she wanted to drive trucks cross country for a living, I never saw it coming. When my ex-girlfriend dumped me out of the clear blue the other night, I never saw it coming. In both cases I thought our love was going to last forever, I thought I could depend on both of them to stand by me and work together as a couple to tackle anything that comes along.

But I was wrong in both cases. The truth, and this is sad but I feel that it is true, is that no man can truly depend on a woman to be there as faithfully as he wants her to be. Women nowadays are just too quick to quit and stop trying. Things have gotten easier in society for them, they have more options and they don't NEED men anymore, and because of that they bolt when they want to and act selfishly in relationships. In order to love, to truly and completely love, you HAVE to be willing to open yourself up to hurt and disappointment, and you have to be willing to ride out the bad moments together in order to reach new heights. Women just don't seem to want to do that anymore, it's easier emotionally to just leave.

I think from now on in relationships, I need to keep this in mind at all times and always assume the unexpected. I simply can't expect any future girlfriends to reciprocate the devotion and commitment that I think a relationship needs. I guess that goes along with "don't put the pussy on a pedestal". In my case I thought my gf was as devoted and committed to the relationship as I was, and I treated her respectfully for that. I believed in us as a couple. And I was obviously wrong.

There are good women out there, just as there are men who pull the same crap you just accused women of doing. If love and relationships were easy, the Girl-Age thread wouldn't be the size it is

 

[evala]

Have sex with her again.

Give her a creampie.

Say "Now we're even" walk away putting on sunglasses while explosion goes off in the background.

i cried out of laughter

 

[Mengy]

Well she called me today.

She got my voicemail because I was at work, but she wanted to ask about a desk for her daughter that is at my house that we were planning to move to her house. She really sounded shaky, her voice kept cracking and it sounded like she had either been crying or holding back tears while trying to leave me a message.

I took a few hours to think about it before calling her back. In the end I texted her instead of talking. I'm just not ready to talk to her yet, and I didn't want to accidentally say anything stupid or dangerous to the situation. I need more time, I mean it has only been two days.

So sometime next week she is coming over to pick this desk up. Now I have to decide how I am going to act around her as a broken up couple. I could show my anger and come across confrontational, but I am leaning more towards just acting normal and aloof. Letting her see the man that she fell in love with instead of the bitter ex bioyfriend.

Any ideas or advice on how to handle this?

 

[evlcookie]

It's a desk.

Here's your desk
Help with putting it in the car
Say goodbye
Go back inside
/end

You act normal, how you always have been. There will be few words said unless one of you feels the need to ask about what the fuck just happened. If you want to move on then don't bring up anything and just help with the desk. If she starts talking then you can either talk back or say you're not interested, go with whatever you feel like. Don't try and change to suit whatever she may try to push across, you be yourself, the same guy she has known for 3 years and leave it at that.

There's really no need to over complicate something as simple as picking up a desk. Sounds like you might just be looking for a reason to bring up the idea of getting back together, looking to see if picking up a desk symbolizes any sort of bullshit love in your relationship. It's a desk.

 

[ultim8p00]

Well she called me today.

She got my voicemail because I was at work, but she wanted to ask about a desk for her daughter that is at my house that we were planning to move to her house. She really sounded shaky, her voice kept cracking and it sounded like she had either been crying or holding back tears while trying to leave me a message.

I took a few hours to think about it before calling her back. In the end I texted her instead of talking. I'm just not ready to talk to her yet, and I didn't want to accidentally say anything stupid or dangerous to the situation. I need more time, I mean it has only been two days.

So sometime next week she is coming over to pick this desk up. Now I have to decide how I am going to act around her as a broken up couple. I could show my anger and come across confrontational, but I am leaning more towards just acting normal and aloof. Letting her see the man that she fell in love with instead of the bitter ex bioyfriend.

Any ideas or advice on how to handle this?

Keep it cool and do what you want to. You are no longer a couple so make that clear to her. Have her come pick up her shit and leave. You can talk to her if you want to about things you feel comfortable talking about, but the minute she starts crying or doing some other trickery, let her know it's over. Tell her straight up you don't want to go there because you are no longer together. That's what I'd do.

TLDR: Act normal. It's a desk. She is picking it up and she'll leave. If she says/does anything that makes you uncomfortable, let her know.