Handling strong cases of addiction how have you done it?

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Gotta go deep and examine what you're missing in your life that you're filling it with this addiction. Then the hard part is the slow methodical process of working hard...hard as hell to fill the void with something tangible.

Sounds like loneliness. The solution to that is companionship.
 
Was addicted to Destiny until I had a shit internet for a week and missed a weekly. Then I stopped caring about weeklies.

Removing internet connection really makes you reassess how you spend your time on it.
 
georly said:
At the very least you've now gained experience in talking with girls, right?
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This and the tinder is free line.

These are actually bad for your experience in talking for girls..

Here is your 100% perfect girl that is just acting smitten with everything you say, it literally is paradise if love is the strongest emotions . It totally wrecks your normal feedback system for how you actually should socialize/ what is appropriate and not.

It also kills the yes this purdy girl is actually talking to me on tinder feeling and instead makes it feel like an impossible task that I need to actually work at, I don't get any stimulus out of it or other things in life besides the clubs.

Loneliness is certainly part of the problem, been looking for that perfect girl for so long.
 
FINALFANTASYDOG said:
This and the tinder is free line.

These are actually bad for your experience in talking for girls..

Here is your 100% perfect girl that is just acting smitten with everything you say, it literally is paradise if love is the strongest emotions . It totally wrecks your normal feedback system for how you actually should socialize/ what is appropriate and not.

It also kills the yes this purdy girl is actually talking to me on tinder feeling and instead makes it feel like an impossible task that I need to actually work, I don't get any stimulus out of it or other things in life besides the clubs.
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Relationships are a lot of work, yes, but they're also worth it when you find the right person. What has led you to seeking out fake relationships? Have you been through a painful breakup?
 
FINALFANTASYDOG said:
Never had a real relationship..... alwayls been too shy.
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Why not try a dating website? You'll talk to someone online several times before actually meeting them, so it should help with the shyness. Just please don't give up the second it becomes difficult, because real relationships require work.
 
Kyne said:
did you really just advise this dude to sexually assault a girl?
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I said attempt. Just say, let's go have sex or something. Whatever will get him kicked out. Not to just start touching her all over.

But seriously OP, your biggest hangup in finding a girl is having impossibly high standards. So high, in fact, that no one real could ever hope to meet your dumb requirements which has forced you to go to these bars to "meet" someone that isn't even real and spend ungodly amounts on finite "paradise".

Let's be real, here, you aren't going to find anyone, ever, with your standards. Standards that, frankly, you can't even match yourself. So why not reassess what you actually want in a woman, not some superficial outward facing bullshit, but what would actually make you happy with someone. Because certain clothes, perfume, the school they went to, etc. Doesn't mean shit when it comes to actually liking someone.

If you can't do that, then keep spending all your money on being miserable.
 
I'm no expert on addiction OP, but one of your replies just mentioned the you've been looking for the mythical "perfect" girl for a long time. That seems to be partially fueling your addiction.

You may be obsessing over details (appearance? personality? interests?) that should not be as important as the mutual (and non-obligated by money) female social contact you are looking for.

Either way, getting yourself better is a step toward finding companionship.
 
I smoked for awhile–maybe 4 years (it was a college/social thing)—but one decided that I really wanted to quit. When you believe that you can, it's easy from there–it's 100% mental. I told myself, "The only way to stop smoking is to stop putting cigarettes in your mouth. So don't...", and that's exactly what I did. Haven't smoked since.
 
FINALFANTASYDOG said:
This and the tinder is free line.

These are actually bad for your experience in talking for girls..

Here is your 100% perfect girl that is just acting smitten with everything you say, it literally is paradise if love is the strongest emotions . It totally wrecks your normal feedback system for how you actually should socialize/ what is appropriate and not.

It also kills the yes this purdy girl is actually talking to me on tinder feeling and instead makes it feel like an impossible task that I need to actually work at, I don't get any stimulus out of it or other things in life besides the clubs.

Loneliness is certainly part of the problem, been looking for that perfect girl for so long.
Click to expand...

Jeronimo Jones said:
I'm no expert on addiction OP, but one of your replies just mentioned the you've been looking for the mythical "perfect" girl for a long time. That seems to be partially fueling your addiction.

You may be obsessing over details (appearance? personality? interests?) that should not be as important as the mutual (and non-obligated by money) female social contact you are looking for.

Either way, getting yourself better is a step toward finding companionship.
Click to expand...

OP wants to date a girl within a certain fashion scene in Japan. He has an idea in his head that this will be the perfect girl for him. He is too shy to actually talk to any of them, so he doesn't actually know if they will make ideal mates.

Obviously the bar scene is counter-productive. These women are just taking the money and telling him what he wants to hear. So he still doesn't know if this kind of girl is the right person for him. Buying an actual prostitute and telling her to dress up for you would be more productive.

I would say that the OP's problem is that he doesn't see potential mates as people, more like dolls. Which is why he can't talk to real women. If I'm coming off as harsh, it's because I've tried giving advice years ago and saw all of it ignored.
 
OP, try to call someone. There are free hotlines and online chat rooms (and forums) dedicated to help. It wouldn't hurt give them a try. Just try to realize, in your mind, things are worse than they really are. It's just a human thing for your brain to do that.

I wish you well.

I'm an expert said:
Hi, I am an expert on Japanese culture, am a corporate Japan employee with extensive kyaba experience, and my wife was a former #1 girl in a very famous area. I believe I have the qualifications to assess this situation.

My assessment: yolo
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What the fuck? Are you sick? Even in serious threads when someone is asking for help in life you go for a cheap laugh? What the fuck is wrong with you?
 
RiverBed said:
OP, try to call someone. There are free hotlines and online chat rooms (and forums) dedicated to help. It wouldn't hurt give them a try. Just try to realize, in your mind, things are worse than they really are. It's just a human thing for your brain to do that.

I wish you well.



What the fuck? Are you sick? Even in serious threads when someone is asking for help in life you go for a cheap laugh? What the fuck is wrong with you?
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You are some how confusing my entirely serious post with the other posts that actually take jabs at the op and even reference his past threads for a quick laugh. But nah son, you right.

In case I have to clarify, all of those things in that post are true..
 
Sho_Nuff82 said:
OP wants to date a girl within a certain fashion scene in Japan. He has an idea in his head that this will be the perfect girl for him. He is too shy to actually talk to any of them, so he doesn't actually know if they will make ideal mates.

Obviously the bar scene is counter-productive. These women are just taking the money and telling him what he wants to hear. So he still doesn't know if this kind of girl is the right person for him. Buying an actual prostitute and telling her to dress up for you would be more productive.

I would say that the OP's problem is that he doesn't see potential mates as people, more like dolls. Which is why he can't talk to real women. If I'm coming off as harsh, it's because I've tried giving advice years ago and saw all of it ignored.
Click to expand...

It's part of the defensive delusion he's build for himself. Looking for the "perfect" woman allows him to reject anyone that does not show interest in him as they are not perfect. "Don't want to date me? Fine, you're not good enough anyway". These bar girls are surrogate girlfriends for him, but stop short of actual prostitutes becuse he's too good for that and saving himself for Ms Perfect ect.. Even the comment he made in this topic that is must be so much work to trick him feeds into a superiority complex.

The answer is, get a girlfriend becuse a westerner in Asia is like dating on easy mode. There is something seriously wrong with you if you can't find a girl there.
 
I can't wrap my head around how someone would get into this, what do you talk about with these women? Is it you mostly talking or is there equal back and forth? How much time do you get with them? I think if you were to break down what goes on you can get to an idea of what to do.


So many questions
 
From my experience, I agree with everyone saying that you have to really want to quit something before you'll be able to do it successfully. It has to come from you.

Best of luck.
 
It's like smoking, OP. You need to want to do it. Once the thought of it becomes repulsive to you, you're good to go.

I didn't want to quit for a long time. Felt like I had to, but didn't want to. The day I realized "holy shit this is dirty, smelly, expensive, and not cool to other people" was the day I had my last cigarette.
 
I'm an expert said:
You are some how confusing my entirely serious post with the other posts that actually take jabs at the op and even reference his past threads for a quick laugh. But nah son, you right.

In case I have to clarify, all of those things in that post are true..
Click to expand...

I apologize. I read the beginning then saw the last word and it fed to my annoyance of the idiocy, stupidity and pathetic behavior of some that just have no social or moral filters to stop their sad existence from throwing a joke in every situation even serious ones.

Now that I read your post, it was addressing the companion bar.

Sorry again. My fault.
 
FINALFANTASYDOG said:
His advice isn't accurate- aka enjoy it till I"m broke doesn't work I"ve become broke one over this, and using $3000 in 3 days is not what to do . but his facts about the scene ring true. The people in the industry are blood thirsty for money and prey on emotionally weak people.

I've literally had a Truman show type experiences where a new girl they introduced to me at the club that seemed to be my perfect dream girl in every way(Same university, same interests etc etc) was just a girl they had set up based on all the other information they had received from other girls I talked to and she must have done some studying into those interests. She of course claimed to be new to the industry and

After many many many hours the lies started to unfold and it become clear she had been set up.

It seems like an insane amount of work and thing for them to do, but when you are a known customer that they can pull thousands of dollars from they will do it.
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That sounds like an awesome plot to a movie. Or sidequest in Yakuza.
 
Have you ever lost your wallet at one of these places?

Are you still buying expensive clothes while spending money on a woman to pour you a drink?
 
I think he left because he was found out, honestly.

Be doesn't actually want advice just like he hasn't wanted it in the past. Sho_nuff is right about him. He doesn't think he actually has a problem.
 
dreamcastmaster said:
So this looks like a charity drive to feed his addiction now,

http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=1062266
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This thread has wound down but want to reply to this point:

No, that was not for the addiction that was seriously my wallet/bag was stolen. Even for the one person that lent me $12 that said I don't need to pay it back, I paid it back...

I have enough self-control in this situation not to go beyond my absolute limits(obviously stuff getting stolen is not factored in). I just don't do fun stuff anymore because they cost money and they get less pleasure from the other place.

/////
There is body image etc in this, I was hospitalized for a month and a half for being anorexic 8 years ago.
 
FINALFANTASYDOG said:
This thread has wound down but want to reply to this point:

No, that was not for the addiction that was seriously my wallet/bag was stolen. Even for the one person that lent me $12 that said I don't need to pay it back, I paid it back...

I have enough self-control in this situation not to go beyond my absolute limits(obviously stuff getting stolen is not factored in). I just don't do fun stuff anymore because they cost money and they get less pleasure from the other place.

/////
There is body image etc in this, I was hospitalized for a month and a half for being anorexic 8 years ago.
Click to expand...

Do you see a therapist/someone?
 
FINALFANTASYDOG said:
This and the tinder is free line.

These are actually bad for your experience in talking for girls..

Here is your 100% perfect girl that is just acting smitten with everything you say, it literally is paradise if love is the strongest emotions . It totally wrecks your normal feedback system for how you actually should socialize/ what is appropriate and not.

It also kills the yes this purdy girl is actually talking to me on tinder feeling and instead makes it feel like an impossible task that I need to actually work at, I don't get any stimulus out of it or other things in life besides the clubs.

Loneliness is certainly part of the problem, been looking for that perfect girl for so long.
Click to expand...

But they're not your 100% perfect girl and you know that, because you said they're all essentially playing a character while they're on the job. It's exactly the same issue as those guys who "marry" 2D characters or Realdolls or even people who fall in love with famous actors.

I don't really know what your reason for it is, but for the people I just mentioned I think it's either fear of being hurt or rejected, or just selfishness that's the cause. Because fantasy characters can never hurt or reject you, of course, and they also aren't real people with their own needs and feelings and problems. In your case, you're interacting with real humans but you don't really know their true selves. All you know is the fantasy.

So basically I think your only option is therapy and maybe a real relationship once you've sorted yourself out, or just staying in your current situation forever.
 
There has to be better usage of my money where I can hang around with the type of people I`m intersted in at less then $75 an hour.

I`m in no way ugly but I suck socially especially with new people.

In parties I just dance away and too shy to talk to people.
I don`t drink alchool because addication problems in family, maybe I should start


I'm an expert said:
Unless he's gotten into the world of escorting the girls outside of the club. Then he's in for a ride.
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I`ve seen glimpses of this world but happily eating ice cream and drink bars at dennys appeals to me far more then going to high class places. The moment the girl is like let`s go to have a $400 dinner plus you can pay me $100 for my time, I`m just like okay no.....
 
FINALFANTASYDOG said:
There has to be better usage of my money where I can hang around with the type of people I`m intersted in at less then $75 an hour.

I`m in no way ugly but I suck socially especially with new people.

In parties I just dance away and too shy to talk to people.
I don`t drink alchool because addication problems in family, maybe I should start


I`ve seen glimpses of this world but happily eating ice cream and drink bars at dennys appeals to me far more then going to high class places. The moment the girl is like let`s go to have a $400 dinner plus you can pay me $100 for my time, I`m just like okay no.....
Click to expand...

Do you want a real relationship? Or do you want a meaningless one that you can buy?
 
FINALFANTASYDOG said:
I`ve seen glimpses of this world but happily eating ice cream and drink bars at dennys appeals to me far more then going to high class places. The moment the girl is like let`s go to have a $400 dinner plus you can pay me $100 for my time, I`m just like okay no.....
Click to expand...

My wife still has tens of thousands worth of shit she received all those years back. I remember when I first met her and we decided to take a trip, she said she'd have one of her fans pay for it. I was like nah.. that's alright.. but she went to her closet, grabbed some random Hermes bag, took it down to a spot in ShinsaiB, and bam our trip was paid for lol. Now that's gangsta. For her, not the fan. You don't want to be the fan, paying for my vacations with 'your' girl.
 
I can definitely see the appeal of this and now I want to set up a service like that in my area
 
If I didn't understand something wrong why didn't you ask your "perfect girl" if she wants to hang out with you outside these bars? And explain her your situation if you like her? Why not being honest? That you want to know who she really is? Isn't that a possibility?
 
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