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[Bebpo]

Had the biggest scare of my life last night, my fiance (whose living with me but still has an apartment because her dad is over protective and wants her to have a place "just in case") tried to go to her apartment to lock herself in (I have the key but it has two locks, one only opens from the inside) and overdose on sleeping pills and kill herself and I had to try all night to stop her from doing so.

Some backstory:
------------------------------------------------------------
My SO has always suffered from extreme depression, anxiety and severe ADHD due to genetic inherited traits and a traumatic childhood (had to drop out of school and be home schooled because of her problems; but she has a genius IQ and self-taught herself everything through college level by the end of high school). She had a real suicide attempt (not attention-seeking, was really happy suddenly in the weeks prior and was giving away all her stuff. Overdosed on pills and only survived because a friend she was IM-ing got concerned and called 911; they saved got it out of her at the hospital and she lived) about 4 years ago.

But then she started seeing a psych for the first time, got on 80mg (highest dosage) of Prozac anti-depression + some anti-anxiety and ADHD stuff and she was stable and happy for the first time and got out and made friends and met people. Started going to college.

However at the start of last year, she got in a bad car accident. Traffic stopped on a major street, she stopped with it and the guy behind her was distracted and didn't stop hitting her at 40+ mph and crunching in the front of his car and the back of hers. She froze up at a bad angle the instant before the crash and she got severe whiplash and some sort of nerve damage in her back.

Due to a bunch of misdiagnoses, bad doctors, overzealous pain doctors and odd stroke of unluck like an orthopedic doctor dying in a surfing accident the day before he was going to make a follow up recommendation for treatment, she spent a while on pain meds trying to sleep through and ignore the pain as it was getting worse.

Then she finally got diagnosed almost properly (they diagnosed the severe whiplash but doctors have still been wishy-washy on figure out what is the back pain and how to fix it) when her meds were running low and she actually needed to start dealing with the pain.

The pain has been chronic for 1.5 years. It's extremely bad between 4-10/10 pain that is constant 24/7 every.single.day. She already had a bit of insomnia, but the pain has brought it to new levels and it simply prevents her from being able to fall asleep until her body is exhausted after not sleeping for a night or two. She gets very edgy after not sleeping for a night.

Her current doctor is giving her some pain meds (vicodin) but it's an extremely low dosage (one 5mg pill twice a day) and only brings the pain down to a 4-5 for a few hours during the day and at night and isn't enough to let her sleep, so she has to take sleeping pills as well 3-5 pills (recommended dosage is 2 but she's built up a tolerance) and even then they don't kick in and overcome the pain until 4-6am in the morning and then she sleeps like a rock until 3-4pm in the afternoon.

The reason her doctor just doesn't up her pain meds is stuff like phillip seymour hoffman and high profile cases of drug addiction have made doctors scared to prescribe pain killers in moderate dosages because they are afraid to get people addicted (even if people, like my SO, have been taking them for a year+ and show no signs of addiction).

She tried going to a pain clinic but the doctor basically said "it's been a long time since you're accident, I've seen your type, you're a druggie, where did you get meds like prozac and riddilin at such high dosages? I'm going to call the DEA on you; get out of my office" which traumatized her with her anxieties and made her afraid of trying another pain clinic for fear of doctors acting like that. This wasn't the first time either, she saw another bad doctor that her parents requested she see and he said to her parents that it's been a while since the accident and she probably just wants drugs to party and is faking it. This stuff doesn't help her anxieties.

She's been doing physical therapy for her neck whiplash but it's been extremely hard because it's been so long since the accident the muscles are really shortened in the neck and it'll take a long time to repair her neck through PT. Meanwhile, like working out for the first time in years, the PT exercises cause incredible pain because they tear the muscles to rebuild them like working out and they're already incredible sensitive and painful and her 1 5mg pill vicodin does not help get her through that.

She also has bad anxiety/fear every month in the last 10-15 days as she worries that her doctor will not refill her vicodin at all because the doctor is so conservative and she had to fight to even get vicodin and the doctor planned to give it for 4-5 months before tapering off. So towards the 2nd half of the month she starts tapering off, trying to go without it and deal with the pain through other OTC in order to prepare in case her prescription doesn't get refilled and then it does get refilled.

For her back, they're still trying to figure out what's wrong. It seems like nerve pinching damage as she's in incredible pain 24/7 and it feels like she's being pinched all over her back all the time she says. But her current doctor is misdiagnosing it as a side-effect of her whiplash even though every other doctor has said it's a micro-muscle tear or a pinched nerve, but she doesn't want to go against the current doctor because she needs the vicodin prescription since it's better than nothing. So she does PT for her whiplash and we're still seeing doctors when she has time (and is up to it, all this misdiagnosing and pain and anxiety has made her afraid of doctors) to get the right one to figure out her back injury so she can get it fixed (probably surgery).

Oh and because I don't think I mentioned it, the extra pain from PT coupled with even after toughening up and pushing through the pain from 1.5 months of constant PT to her neck combined with all the misdiagnosis and her doctor not helping her get through the pain and sleep made her feel hopeless like she'd never get better and her clinical depression she had before she went on 80mg prozac came back and shes been depressed for 1.5 months now. Been doing everything I can and she moved in with me because when she was alone in her apartment she'd lock herself in for days and sleep all day.

There was a scare about 2 weeks ago when after living with me for a month and getting in a really much better mood and feeling back to normal-ish again, she wanted to trying going home. This ended badly as she was happy when she got there, but when she couldn't sleep that night she cried all night, was sad and felt in pain + lonely and went back into her clinical depression, locked herself in for 5 days and wouldn't talk to anyone. Finally when I saw her she told me she had scare where one day she took 13 sleeping pills and went to the local urgent care as she woke up shaking non-stop that night and her stomach felt sick all the next day. They asked her if it was a suicide attempt but she said it wasn't, that her back and neck pain was so bad that she just wanted to sleep and the sleeping pills weren't working so she took 6 in the morning and 7 later that night. The urgent care doc said she was fine and to not take more than 5 pills at a time per day and let her go. I got upset about that but tried to be supportive as I believed her story that it was her being naive and in pain.

So she moved over permanently with me so there'd be someone there for support with her at all times and in case something like that happened.

Also she's seen therapists on/off her life and she hates them. I got her to go see a new one this past week and it just made her more depressed because it was pointless and it makes her feel like no therapist will ever be able to help her. The problem is that she has a genius level IQ and is a Psychology major (to help understand herself) and hates sympathy and validation so she basically turns the therapy sessions on the therapist and they tell her "I would give you advice, but you're already doing all that" and don't help. She needs like a drill instructor therapist who is like "Cut the shit, this is what you gotta do" but don't know where to find someone like that.

-------------------------------------------

Now this leads to last night:

It was a combination of: Hadn't slept for 2 nights and was edgy + was about to start her period (started last night) + had to go to family event with her big family which was high stress (she has family issues) + she got drunk at the event because she was so nervous. All that made her go basically crazy (even with just no sleep for a day or two she jokingly calls herself Hitler-SO because she gets kind of nuts and picks fights about everything).

And she started freaking out, feeling depressed because she felt she brings me down with her mess and that she wants me to be with someone better (even though I assure her that she makes me happy) and she thinks she's a terrible wreck whose never going to get any better and everyone thinks she's a druggie and she doesn't want to be on drugs but she can't live through the pain.

Then she tells me that the incident 2 weeks ago with the 13 sleeping pill overdose was no accident and she wish it had worked. She starts talking about how tired of it all she is. How tired of not being able to sleep she is. Of living with chronic pain 24/7. Of having to worry if meds will be refilled, of having to worried if doctors will accuse her of being a druggie. She's just tired and that waking up in the morning each day is the hardest part of the day, because she just doesn't want to wake up.

I try to console her as much as I can, but nothing seems to help.

Then while still drunk and ranting she keeps saying she wants to go home to apartment and I'll never hear from her again and she'll never bother anyone again. I don't let her leave (I really wish her parents didn't give her this apartment so she had this option of locking herself away from the world and everyone :\) and she gets more mad but I spend the whole night trying to calm her down, stopping her from leaving, and trying to stall until the alcohol runs through her system and she starts to get herself together and stop being suicidal.

This is the most difficult situation I've been in my entire life. It's something I'd never wish on anyone else: having to try to stop the person you love from killing themself. I don't have expertise on this, I don't know what to do, I debate about calling 911 and maybe they need to put her in a mental hospital for a night so she can't hurt herself? I don't know. I text her closest friends that I need them to come and help me. They're all sleeping so no replies.

Eventually she calms down, the alchohol runs through her system, she has her period, she starts to become level-headed and lays on the bed and I hold her and we talk and she's sorry for everything that happened and she doesn't know what happened and she went to sleep.

She's just waking up now and I'm not sure what to do for the short-term/mid-term until some doctor can fix her pain and her sleep. I'm just not strong enough to go through more nights like last night where I'm afraid the person I love and am going to marry is about to die. It's awful.

I'm also in a position where I feel like it causes her pain being with me because she feels inadequate and that I should be with someone better. But I am very worried that if, for her sake to avoid that, I break up with her that since she really loves me strongly that the break up + BEING ALONE IN HER APARTMENT will make her depression even worse and she might kill herself.

So I feel like I'm stuck in a situation with no solution and it's scary and I don't know where to turn. Has anyone lived with an SO with severe depression, suicidal tendencies? Any advice? I think most people's advice is normally "Get her to a psych and on anti-depressants" but she's on the highest dosage a psych and the manufacture wants to give already.

Thanks, sorry for the heavy story :\

 

[Zaptruder]

I'm sorry Bebpo. Some life situations seem insurmountably difficult. Chronic pain is devastating for anyone to deal with. I have no experience with it - but simply imagining it makes me depressed.

But at least I can bump this for you and maybe someone else with a similar life experience can share some thoughts.

 

[Arksy]

It's too late in the morning here for me to flesh this out as much as I would like, and It's hard for me to know what your SO is capable of in her physical and mental state but one of the most effective treatments for depression is exercise. Here have a look at this, should be somewhat illuminating. I'm sorry for your troubles and I wish you both a speedy recovery.

 

[.GqueB.]

I have no advice, just wanted to bump this. I'm of a mindset that wouldn't be at all helpful to you. But good luck.

 

[Tenck]

Holy shit at those Doctors making your fiancee put up with the pain because they think they know shit.

I've had problems with my neck, shoulder, back, and my right leg. I've gone through three doctors that say that I should just bear with it because it's not serious. Years later and I'm still dealing with pain. I know what it feels like to have shit doctors check you out, and I hope your fiancee has some luck and finds someone who isn't trying to screw her over.

 

[Bebpo]

Thanks for the kind words and bumps.

It's too late in the morning here for me to flesh this out as much as I would like, and It's hard for me to know what your SO is capable of in her physical and mental state but one of the most effective treatments for depression is exercise. Here have a look at this, should be somewhat illuminating. I'm sorry for your troubles and I wish you both a speedy recovery.

Because of her neck/back injury she can't really jog or do exercise beyond the physical therapy exercises they ok, but we do try to go on walks in the sun each day and they help a little for sure. Thanks,

 

[Deleted member 13876]

(even with just no sleep for a day or two she jokingly calls herself Hitler-SO because she gets kind of nuts and picks fights about everything).

That sounds like a significant amount of sleep deprivation. The wording here makes it seem like this is something that occurs frequently? If so, try to make sure she gets a healthy amount of sleep because two days without it along with her other baggage (for lack of a better word) sounds like a dangerous combination.

A possible venue for relief here is going to another doctor. I know that's not evident because of what you detailed but a more accurate diagnosis and tailored approach to fixing it sounds more desirable than the short term solution of drowning out the pain as best as possible with vicodin without getting to the root of the problem. Anyway, good luck. This can't be easy for you or her and I hope you find something that can relieve some of the pressure this situation brings.

 

[skynidas]

this might sound bad, but this is not healthy for you either, she needs medical help and you really can't do much considering the state that she is in. you should try to get her to the best place possible, talk with her friends and then get away for a bit. it will be good for you.

 

[Zaptruder]

That sounds like a significant amount of sleep deprivation. The wording here makes it seem like this is something that occurs frequently? If so, try to make sure she gets a healthy amount of sleep because two days without it along with her other baggage (for lack of a better word) sounds like a dangerous combination.

She can't sleep because of the pain - until she's physically exhausted, which takes upto 24-48 hours.

It's a crazy cycle of suffering to be stuck in.

Bebpo, these doctors stone wall her even when she provides a full account of the suffering and pain that she's in?

Is there any way to locate a sympathetic ear and a prescription from that? Ask around...

 

[Kuraudo]

.

 

[Nephtis]

What state do you live in? Depending on where you're at there may be programs available to help you guys through it. Some state are also allowing for medicinal pot use. It may be an option worth looking into.

Also, does she like tea? Does she take hot showers? Things like chamomile tea and the aforementioned showers may help a great deal with the pain as they're both great muscle relaxants

 

[Deleted member 13876]

She can't sleep because of the pain - until she's physically exhausted, which takes upto 24-48 hours.

It's a crazy cycle of suffering to be stuck in.

Bebpo, these doctors stone wall her even when she provides a full account of the suffering and pain that she's in?

Is there any way to locate a sympathetic ear and a prescription from that? Ask around...

I know saying "make sure she gets enough sleep" is easier said than done. A more feasible word of advice is that it might be wise to be more on guard when you're aware she hasn't slept in a long period of time so you can intervene quicker if something like this occurs again. Sincerely hope for you that it won't.

 

[Tesseract]

she absolutely must lift weights, start with soup cans if necessary. i'm guessing several of her core muscle groups have atrophied from inactivity.

has she had an mri of her spine?

 

[Transhuman]

I'm also in a position where I feel like it causes her pain being with me because she feels inadequate and that I should be with someone better.

This part stuck with me. A lot of people with depression are too empathetic with other people and not enough with themselves and put everyone else's needs above their own, which is an incredible pity. Each person has to reach the conclusion that they're good enough for someone else themselves and unfortunately it's very hard to communicate that properly.

Things aren't going to get better on their own and I would probably broach the subject of finding a new therapist. Letting a few bad experiences colour her perception on ALL therapists is just laziness on her part, although from your description it sounds like an unwillingness to co-operate with her therapist is also a factor.

 

[SRG01]

Also, there needs to be further investigation into whether the pain is caused by a pinched nerve, torn muscle/muscle wasting, or bursitis/related inflammation. I second the MRI suggestion, but it may be pricey especially if you're in the states.

If it's whiplash, it could also be a slipped or herniated disc, which is actually quite serious.

 

[Fantasmo]

Get her a Rumble Roller for her back and a Rumble Roller Beastie for her neck. Amazon sells both.
This too: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1936608588/?tag=neogaf0e-20

 

[friday]

It sounds she should never be drinking. That is a hard situation and I really don't know what you should do.

 

[Bebpo]

Also, there needs to be further investigation into whether the pain is caused by a pinched nerve, torn muscle/muscle wasting, or bursitis/related inflammation. I second the MRI suggestion, but it may be pricey especially if you're in the states.

If it's whiplash, it could also be a slipped or herniated disc, which is actually quite serious.

We've done X-rays & MRIs, part of the problem with doctors is that the MRIs don't show anything. Some doctors think it could be a very tiny muscle tear the spine which would be extra painful but may be too small to show on MRIs. Other doctors think it could be nerve damage somewhere in her back since that doesn't show on MRIs. Other doctors think she's fine because nothing shows despite her being in constant chronic pain.

One time I was talking to a well respected doctor in the field describing her pain and the doctor basically said to me "Well, the MRIs don't show anything so I'm not sure what you are asking me to do?" Errrr, figure out what's wrong with her and help her fix it? And they're reply was seriously "I can't do anything if nothing shows up".

 

[Bebpo]

This part stuck with me. A lot of people with depression are too empathetic with other people and not enough with themselves and put everyone else's needs above their own, which is an incredible pity. Each person has to reach the conclusion that they're good enough for someone else themselves and unfortunately it's very hard to communicate that properly.

Things aren't going to get better on their own and I would probably broach the subject of finding a new therapist. Letting a few bad experiences colour her perception on ALL therapists is just laziness on her part, although from your description it sounds like an unwillingness to co-operate with her therapist is also a factor.

Unfortunately she's very uncooperative with therapists and she won't change that as it's just how she reacts, like she's being threatened.

 

[Bebpo]

What state do you live in? Depending on where you're at there may be programs available to help you guys through it. Some state are also allowing for medicinal pot use. It may be an option worth looking into.

Also, does she like tea? Does she take hot showers? Things like chamomile tea and the aforementioned showers may help a great deal with the pain as they're both great muscle relaxants

In California. She was on the medical pot last year along with everything else in the first few months where she just avoided the pain through meds and sleeping. But her medical pot card expired and when she tried to renew it they didn't believe her and called her a druggie and kicked her out.

She likes tea. Hot showers and baths used to help, but the pain worsened around January of this year after a long drive (she can't sit for more than 15-20 mins without it hurting her back) and now she says they don't do much for the pain.

 

[Bebpo]

That sounds like a significant amount of sleep deprivation. The wording here makes it seem like this is something that occurs frequently? If so, try to make sure she gets a healthy amount of sleep because two days without it along with her other baggage (for lack of a better word) sounds like a dangerous combination.

A possible venue for relief here is going to another doctor. I know that's not evident because of what you detailed but a more accurate diagnosis and tailored approach to fixing it sounds more desirable than the short term solution of drowning out the pain as best as possible with vicodin without getting to the root of the problem. Anyway, good luck. This can't be easy for you or her and I hope you find something that can relieve some of the pressure this situation brings.

Yeah, we're trying to see different doctors. She's been through probably 3-5 at this point and it's all been disheartening.

Plus here in So CA, every decent doctor has like a 3-4 week wait before you can even get in for a first appointment. Going to do research and try calling people tomorrow to make appointments with new doctors.

 

[Bebpo]

She can't sleep because of the pain - until she's physically exhausted, which takes upto 24-48 hours.

It's a crazy cycle of suffering to be stuck in.

Bebpo, these doctors stone wall her even when she provides a full account of the suffering and pain that she's in?

Is there any way to locate a sympathetic ear and a prescription from that? Ask around...

I don't know if they stonewall her because she unreports her pain (my guess) and puts on a cheerful smiling face and makes jokes when she says them. Or whether the doctors around here are just very conservative and afraid to prescribe strong meds to young people without physical evidence of the pain (something showing in MRI/X-ray) because of liability issues.

One example of undereporting is before she went and saw a new therapist this last week who asked her to write a bio of herself to bring in she spent an entire day writing a history of her life and pain and ending with a plea for help, to help her learn to manage her pain and get out of this depression. Just writing the thing put her crying all night because it brought back a lot of bad memories/feelings.

Yet when she saw the therapist she didn't give him the paper because she was too afraid to be that open with him. So instead she smiled and made jokes and told him all the things she was aware of about herself and doing and he said "I don't know if I can help you then, you seem to be on top of things and doing well". :\

 

[oni_saru]

OP, for the therapists she's gone to has she gone to any that specialize in CBT (cognitive behavior therapy)?

If not, try finding therapists that do specialize in CBT. CBT tends to be the type of therapy that works the best.

 

[Tesseract]

be thankful her spine is fine. has she had a full blood workup, rheumatoid, thyroid, sed, so on?

what's her vitals?

taking painkillers long term with unchecked depression is not good. the combination can make pain worse, especially if you don't keep your muscles strong.

how's her posture, are her shoulders rolled forward? when she stands comfortably, which direction do her thumbs point?

 

[thekillingjoker]

I have dealt with the exact type of scenario. My current GF has attempted to take her life twice. Both times with pills. Once before we were together and once a couple months ago. I second the advice of finding her a CBT therapist. My SO just started seeing one and already reported some optimism. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me. Just figured I should post since I am intimately experienced with this. She also had "headaches" and "pain" issues for a while. She also stated that painkillers helped treat her depression. Something that I had never heard before her even though I've been around pain killer usage for quite some time. Your GF shouldn't be using them. It's a bad mix with depression imo and will only lead to further problems.

 

[condompickle]

you are doing a great job op! i feel so bad for what you've been through. but no, you have done everything right. wish you nothing but the best. wish i could give advice.

 

[golem]

In California. She was on the medical pot last year along with everything else in the first few months where she just avoided the pain through meds and sleeping. But her medical pot card expired and when she tried to renew it they didn't believe her and called her a druggie and kicked her out.

I've never heard of this happening in CA. They'll give you a card for anything.. just pick a random 'doctor' out of the back of a SFWeekly or LAWeekly.

 

[thekillingjoker]

I've never heard of this happening in CA. They'll give you a card for anything.. just pick a random 'doctor' out of the back of a SFWeekly or LAWeekly.

Yea far as I've ever heard in LA it's pretty much walk in and get a card.

 

[Tesseract]

can you upload her mriS, blood work, all that? i can't make any determinations without data. scribble out her personal information.

 

[shem935]

I have nothing to add but a bump and kind words. Whatever you determine to do, make sure to support her and let her know she is loved.(not saying you aren't) I had an ex who did a lot of the stuff of "I'm not worth your attention" and had suicidal tendencies etc...not to this degree but what I would do when she had a rough couple of days and she got in that mindset was basically hug it out, tell her that she is worth it and then try to do something fun watch a movie, massage, etc. I don't know if I have the words or experience to help you but my heart goes out to you and your girlfriend.

I just don't know. Her pain is something that if fixed could go a long way to improving her condition. Due to the poor luck in your local area that might need to be addressed by an expert not in your local area. If she is apprehensive about going to a clinic for meds then I would advise you accompany her and back her up if the doctors continue to be dicks. Also alcohol and her shouldn't mix that's just dangerous territory.

 

[Liquid_Bike]

I don't want to sound like a dick but if the doctors can't find anything physically wrong with her have you considered that the pain may be Psychosomatic/Psychogenic in nature? What I mean is her physical pain may very well be the result of her depression. Until she can open up to a therapist and/or find the right mix of antidepressants she may never get better if her underlying issues aren't addressed.

 

[Bebpo]

Tbh, I don't know if she's had any blood work done in the last couple of years since she's been seeing doctors. None of the doctors have requested it. Can send redacted MRIs, thanks.

As for medical marijuana places, maybe it's easier in LA. We're in OC and I wasn't with her when she got rejected and kicked out but that's what she told me.

Will look for a CBT therapist. Thanks.


Her posture is ok I think. Not really a good judge of this. She rolls around in bed like crazy when she sleeps, presumably because of her back/neck pain and the rolling probably makes it worse but not really sure what to do. She read something about "weighted blankets" that we're going to look into.

As for pain medication making depression and even the pain worse. This is hard because she just can't live with the pain. During a gap between when her pain meds expired and when we started seeing her latest doctor and she got on vicodin; during a 1-2 month gap she was taking 5-10 extra strength tylenol at a time to sit through a class at school and 6+ advil, motrin, aleve all the OTC pain meds together. She knew they were bad for her, but she just couldn't live with the pain and stuff like extra strength tylenol wouldn't have any effect on reducing the pain to bearable levels until like 5+ pills kicked in. Her doctor wasn't going to give her vicodin but it was better than the alternative of her taking so much OTC and destroying her liver and other body parts.

She may have a low tolerance for pain so she can't just "bear it" while treating her injuries. She needs pain meds. Also she needs them for sleep because it's impossible for her to fall asleep until the pain level goes down.

We were going to try acupuncture or cortizone shots but she has needlephobia and was told that cortizone shots aren't a long term solution and so she's not interested.

 

[Bebpo]

Also for a followup, today she slept for about 6 hours. Got up, was pretty level-headed, had breakfast. We talked about her e-mailing her psychiatrist telling him about her suicide attempt last night as well as her cutting out drinking so we can try to lessen the chance of a suicide attempt like last night. She agreed and thought they were good ideas and had some breakfast, chatted for a little.

I said it'd be nice to shower and go on a walk to feel better. She got happy and smiled and agreed.

Then she went back to bed to lay down because she was feeling really crampy since her period just started last night. After a little rest in bed and redditting on her phone in bed (she has a reddit addiction) I tried for an hour to get her up to go for a walk, warm shower and get moving but it was impossible and she got upset and just wants to go back to sleep because she's so tired and sleepy (remember she didn't sleep for the last 2-3 days and then only just slept 6 hours so that's understandable). I asked her about the e-mailing her psychiatrist she said she was going to do and she said just wanted to sleep. Tried my best but ended up letting her sleep and she's sleeping right now.

Hopefully if she gets a decent rest to catch up on sleep she'll be more open to doing things and getting moving again. But it's worrisome because she has this "I just want to lay in bed and sleep and ignore everything I should be doing" thing going on :\

I don't want to sound like a dick but if the doctors can't find anything physically wrong with her have you considered that the pain may be Psychosomatic/Psychogenic in nature?

No there's definitely damage because all the physical therapists and doctors have felt something in her back and in her neck. They just don't know what it is because it's not showing up on tests.

Some people thought maybe it was a muscle knot in the back upon feeling it, others a small tear, no one yet has figured out what the weird feeling in her mid-back is.

Additionally, she did a 3 month PT for back core strengthening because one Orthopedic doctor said he wasn't sure what it was, but that core strengthening could help. She did it all and it got rid of some muscle spasms but it didn't fix anything in her back.

And the PTs working with her neck say her neck muscles have really shortened and it's going to take months to unravel. They wanted to try to push her initially to break the stuff apart in her neck and then rebuild it correctly, but even with 1 vicodin before PT she just couldn't endure the pain of heavy neck exercises so they took the slow 5-6 months of slow small exercises.

Also it's worth noting that she was doing 2 months of constant PT exercises with her neck and then she went cold turkey when her latest depression hit a month+ ago so she just stopped exercising and gave up and the pain was better at first from not pushing herself in the exercises but after a few weeks it started getting worse and is bad now.

 

[Tesseract]

i'm shocked her doctors haven't ordered blood work, def. get some done soon.

 

[whitehawk]

Still reading through the OP, but I think she should watch this video. It was made by a fellow GAF member and it's very inspiring.

http://youtu.be/O17aK8tkp9U

 

[InternHertz]

Don't really have a lot to say, even more because it's not my SO but my mom so a bit off topic...however 18 years ago when I was still 10, she tried 2 times with medication, I got to save her in time.

Fast forward to this morning, she tried again, but succeeded this time. Though not with medication.

RIP mom

 

[fabricated backlash]

Holy shit at those Doctors making your fiancee put up with the pain because they think they know shit.

I've had problems with my neck, shoulder, back, and my right leg. I've gone through three doctors that say that I should just bear with it because it's not serious. Years later and I'm still dealing with pain. I know what it feels like to have shit doctors check you out, and I hope your fiancee has some luck and finds someone who isn't trying to screw her over.

Same happened with my mother a few years back. She lived with intense back and joint pain for over 5 years before a young and empathic doctor finally diagnosed her complex combination of various ailments... and didn't rest until he found a suitable medication mix to help her.


To OP... having lived through a depressive phase last year, it was actually my fiancee (GF back then) who helped me get through it. Just make sure you don't give yourself up. Take care of yourself.

Don't really have a lot to say, even more because it's not my SO but my mom so a bit off topic...however 18 years ago when I was still 10, she tried 2 times with medication, I got to save her in time.

Fast forward to this morning, she tried again, but succeeded this time. Though not with medication.

RIP mom

Shit... I'm so sorry to hear this. My condolences. Stay strong.

 

[Nivash]

You have my fullest sympathy OP. I had a nasty bout of depression myself some 5 years ago that hasn't worn off yet but it was never that bad, thank God. I got off comparatively easily. On the more positive side of things I've managed to stay in med school despite this and studied psychiatry just this spring, so I might be able to give you some input on that side of things too.

First things first, I am not a doctor yet. I don't have any greater amount of experience. I'm studying in Sweden so our treatment guidelines could differ from those of the US, but general principles don't differ too much. Furthermore I haven't even met your girlfriend so I'm really split on if I'm even qualified to give you any real advice, but I get the impression that you need some so I'm going to stick to the basics that applies to any case like that of your girlfriend.

80 mg Prozac actually puts her above the highest recommended dose of 60 mg that we work with in Sweden, but a cursory search suggests that 80 mg is in fact the maximum in other countries. In either case, is Prozac the only treatment she's gotten so far? There are other options, SSRI like Prozac isn't the end-all for depression. SNRIs can have a better effect on sleep and anxiety, some doctors I've worked with have said that older tricyclics can have a stronger effect and you can escalate the treatment with augmentation drugs like litium. If that fails, you can try MAO-inhibitors or ECT.

I can't give you any advice on her chronic pain I'm afraid. That's notoriously difficult to treat. My only recommendation would be to make another attempt at getting in contact with a chronic pain specialist. I'm incredibly angry at the doctors at the clinic that accused her of being a druggie, that's something you just don't do. Ever. Even to the patients that are notorious druggies.

Finally, one bit of advice on therapy: your girlfriend appears to have a problem opening up to therapists. I understand her. I had the same problem myself. One thing that could work is if you, your girlfriend and a therapist could agree to have at least the first visit with all three of you so that you can help your girlfriend explain just how bad things are. As someone previously mentioned CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is currently preferred in studies over psychodynamic therapy in treatment of depressionso a specialist in CBT would be preferable, but right now any good connection to a therapist would help a lot.

I think I have to stress that especially much if it's true that her relation to her family isn't the best like you mentioned because that means that you are one of the few strong sources of support she has. In part because of that fact it's also obvious that this has taken a toll on you as well. This is another reason why a therapist can be important - you wouldn't have to carry this alone. On that note you might want to consider seeing a therapist yourself. This is not out of the ordinary at all: therapists and psychiatrists are required to regularly see other therapists in order to help process the burden of caring for someone that's in the situation your girlfriend is in,

I hope I didn't step out of line here. I just couldn't ignore you when you asked things I thought I could answer, even if I don't have all the information. Best wishes to you. I can't put in words how much I feel for you right now.

EDIT:

i'm shocked her doctors haven't ordered blood work, def. get some done soon.

This too, if they haven't already. I just assumed they had but considering the way some of the doctors have acted, yeah,,,

 

[Yoshichan]

Still reading through the OP, but I think she should watch this video. It was made by a fellow GAF member and it's very inspiring.

http://youtu.be/O17aK8tkp9U

wow...

 

[ShironRedshift]

Unfortunately, I have no particular advice to give you, but I really hope you two are able to find something that works and helps her to get better and wish you the best.

Don't really have a lot to say, even more because it's not my SO but my mom so a bit off topic...however 18 years ago when I was still 10, she tried 2 times with medication, I got to save her in time.

Fast forward to this morning, she tried again, but succeeded this time. Though not with medication.

RIP mom

Damn. My sincerest condolences. May she rest in peace.

 

[L00P]

Like some of the posters have said, try CBT. Her anxiety/depression is probably making the pain feel worse than it really is. CBT might help her reduce and manage the stress better. And just keep supporting her as much as you can. I wish you guys the best

 

[jb1234]

As someone who struggles with chronic pain and depression, I deeply sympathize. They just feed each other and it becomes an endless cycle. What helped me was getting the depression under more control but it doesn't take the physical pain away and it's always still a struggle, every day. Unfortunately, it's sadly common in the US for doctors to not take chronic pain seriously and worse, to underprescribe for it. I was finally able to get Vicodin after a battle with my primary care doc but it's a very limited dose for only the worst days (which is still better than nothing).

Definitely get blood work done for her. Like others, I'm astonished it hasn't been done yet.

 

[Boem]

This sounds horrific to me. Had my own issues with depression in the past, including suicidal tendencies and one failed attempt. Lots of therapy later I'm doing much better. I still have my days but never as bad as back then. A while ago my girlfriend broke down and told me she was struggling with depression herself (not suicidal), which scared the hell out of me, because, after everything I went through, I didn't notice it in her (I have been away a lot due to an insane workload the past couple of weeks). I could sort of handle my own bad stuff, as I thought it was only affecting myself (which wasn't true, but I didn't know that until later), but seeing someone I loved so much feeling like that was horrible. I can't even imagine what you're going through. I don't know if I'm able to help, but I just wanted to let you know that I feel for you, and that you're a great man for being there for her so much. There is hope for her, I honestly believe that. She just needs to find her own path, and that won't happen overnight. All you can really do is try and make her see that her life is worth something, and try and make sure she keeps giving therapy (and possibly medication, although I don't have much experience with that) a shot.

It might be worth considering talking to a therapist yourself. They're not just there to help the people having trouble, but also for people with loved ones struggling with depression. I think they might be able to offer some advice on how to handle this. They deal with stuff like this every day. Also: don't ignore your own mental health.

Best of luck. I sincerely hope you guys find the happiness you deserve.

 

[Wazzy]

OP I'm really sorry you have to experience this. Helping someone who is suicidal can be very difficult and frustrating. The doctors also sound terrible so I really feel for your fiance.

Try your best to help her as much as you can. What she's going through sounds awful and I really hope the doctors can figure out how to help the pain.

Don't really have a lot to say, even more because it's not my SO but my mom so a bit off topic...however 18 years ago when I was still 10, she tried 2 times with medication, I got to save her in time.

Fast forward to this morning, she tried again, but succeeded this time. Though not with medication.

RIP mom

Christ I'm really sorry. This is one of my biggest fears with my mom.

My sincerest condolences.

 

[silenttype01]

Because of her neck/back injury she can't really jog or do exercise beyond the physical therapy exercises they ok, but we do try to go on walks in the sun each day and they help a little for sure. Thanks,

Bebpo, I have back pains of my own which prevent me from working out on machines/exercises that put a strain on my back. If I use the treadmill for too long, my back and neck start to hurt from the shock. I recently came across an Arc Trainer at a gym which simulates walking/hiking without putting any pressure on the spine. I recommend looking into it as it may help with your significant other's exercise.

Here's a video from from Cybex that explains how the Arc Trainer works http://youtu.be/7L8t8c_-xzs

I'm sorry I'm not able to help out in any other way and I offer my condolences to you.

 

[Anion]

Oh my. Good luck OP and your a saint. I really mean it. Reading something like this is incredibly sad at how many tragic events have happened in her life as well as yours, but knowing that there are people like you who do their best to help is something amazing.
OP, hang in there. You've done it this far, just stay strong. I can't fathom the pain you went through or the life you live - but all I can say as a guy reading your story is that you are an amazing person.

 

[Bebpo]

Thanks everyone for everything, there's been a ton of great advice here and I'd always been iffy about posting something really personal like this, but I'm glad I did because it's motivated myself and my fiance-

(I told her I posted this to an anonymous forum with no personal information and at first she was apprehensive but when I started mentioning some of the ideas in this thread she became relaxed about it and then she even started to be happy because a lot of the ideas were re-assuring and made her feel less hopeless. The biggest thing was me telling her that everyone was appalled that a doctor called her a druggie and kicked her out and that it was totally not normal doctor behavior and that really made her feel better because she's been so scared to be seen as a drug-seeker by doctors these last few months since that happened as she thought doctors regularly do that kind of thing.)

-to be even more pro-active and work to help her get better. She ended up getting up and we went for a walk, got a late lunch, went shoe shopping and grabbed some snacks on the way back. She was feeling a lot better after that (apparently shoe shopping is a great emotional booster for some girls) and she's hanging out on the bedroom floor drawing right now to distract herself from her neck pain. She e-mailed her psychiatrist telling him everything that happened last night so we'll see what he thinks.

Now that we're motivated we're going to do this stuff this week:

-Make appointments to see a new orthopedic doctor about her back and at a pain clinic to get a new medical marijuana card.

-Make an appointment at a new CBT therapist (most of the ones she's been to have been CBT she said, didn't help) and I'll go with her to the first appointment and help her explain how bad things are.

-Look into gyms or places with arc trainer treadmill machine, to see if she can try exercising.

-She has her next appointment with her current pain doctor whose referring her to PT, she's going to request having a blood test done and she'll get that and we'll see how all her levels are after 1.5 years of all kinds of medications and sedentary lifestyle.

-I'm sending her links to the youtube videos in this thread and the pain management books.

-Cutting out alcohol.

We'll keep working at it and not give up. She had a professor at school last semester (she pushed herself to take 2 classes at school, 2 online last semester while doing PT because she loves school & academia [especially since she was home-schooled and never got to experience it] so it motivates her and keeps her mind off her pain...but it also was very very difficult and caused a lot of stress and finals happening at the same time she was 1 month+ into PT and really in sore pain with no noticeable improvement was a big part of her going into her current depression. She's not taking summer classes so she can concentrate on getting better and in the fall she wants to try to just take 1 class in person at school and a couple online) who actually was really understanding because he was in a car accident 10+ years ago and had the exact same pains and struggled with it and problems sleeping while seeing doctors and doing every treatment for 8 years until a doctor finally did an oddball test that showed a piece of his spine had chipped off and drifted a bit in his body to land crushing on some nerve and none of this showed up in X-rays or MRIs and it wasn't until an electromyagram? that is showed up, he had a small surgery and all of his 8 years of pain instantly went away. So this gives her and me hope that if we can just keep fighting we'll find the right doctor and the right test and her pain will go away (at least her back which is 65% of her pain, and PT can help her neck whiplash).

Thanks everyone. I'll respond to some of the individual posts now.

 

[Bebpo]

You have my fullest sympathy OP. I had a nasty bout of depression myself some 5 years ago that hasn't worn off yet but it was never that bad, thank God. I got off comparatively easily. On the more positive side of things I've managed to stay in med school despite this and studied psychiatry just this spring, so I might be able to give you some input on that side of things too.

First things first, I am not a doctor yet. I don't have any greater amount of experience. I'm studying in Sweden so our treatment guidelines could differ from those of the US, but general principles don't differ too much. Furthermore I haven't even met your girlfriend so I'm really split on if I'm even qualified to give you any real advice, but I get the impression that you need some so I'm going to stick to the basics that applies to any case like that of your girlfriend.

80 mg Prozac actually puts her above the highest recommended dose of 60 mg that we work with in Sweden, but a cursory search suggests that 80 mg is in fact the maximum in other countries. In either case, is Prozac the only treatment she's gotten so far? There are other options, SSRI like Prozac isn't the end-all for depression. SNRIs can have a better effect on sleep and anxiety, some doctors I've worked with have said that older tricyclics can have a stronger effect and you can escalate the treatment with augmentation drugs like litium. If that fails, you can try MAO-inhibitors or ECT.

I can't give you any advice on her chronic pain I'm afraid. That's notoriously difficult to treat. My only recommendation would be to make another attempt at getting in contact with a chronic pain specialist. I'm incredibly angry at the doctors at the clinic that accused her of being a druggie, that's something you just don't do. Ever. Even to the patients that are notorious druggies.

Finally, one bit of advice on therapy: your girlfriend appears to have a problem opening up to therapists. I understand her. I had the same problem myself. One thing that could work is if you, your girlfriend and a therapist could agree to have at least the first visit with all three of you so that you can help your girlfriend explain just how bad things are. As someone previously mentioned CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is currently preferred in studies over psychodynamic therapy in treatment of depressionso a specialist in CBT would be preferable, but right now any good connection to a therapist would help a lot.

I think I have to stress that especially much if it's true that her relation to her family isn't the best like you mentioned because that means that you are one of the few strong sources of support she has. In part because of that fact it's also obvious that this has taken a toll on you as well. This is another reason why a therapist can be important - you wouldn't have to carry this alone. On that note you might want to consider seeing a therapist yourself. This is not out of the ordinary at all: therapists and psychiatrists are required to regularly see other therapists in order to help process the burden of caring for someone that's in the situation your girlfriend is in,

I hope I didn't step out of line here. I just couldn't ignore you when you asked things I thought I could answer, even if I don't have all the information. Best wishes to you. I can't put in words how much I feel for you right now.

Thanks so much for all this help.

Re: Medications other than prozac. My fiance tells me that during the 3+ years she's worked with her psych, they tried every combination of every anti-depression, anti-anxiety, ADHD medication and there were a lot of bad side effects and in the end the only thing that worked without a ton of side effects was 80mg prozac + something for her anxiety (don't remember) + ridlin for her ADHD. Her psychiatrist has been very reluctant to change any of her meds because of all the bad experiences she had when they tried other things. I know this because we were looking for alternatives to prozac when we first started going out since it has a side effect of a hugely decreased libido. But in the end we didn't change anything because her psych just felt it wasn't worth the risk. Maybe after the e-mail she just wrote him about last night he'll try to change things, we'll leave it to him and see; my SO's been really happy with him and she really feels like he made her life stable like 4-5 years ago when she first started on meds.

Re: Therapist, I actually do see a therapist myself to help me with all this. I see her once a month (because it's expensive since USA insurance hates paying towards therapist ><) and I talk about everything and she just kind of nods and usually approves of everything going on and sometimes helps me see things from a new angle. She's very hands-off but it's nice to just be able to talk to someone about all this.

 

[Bebpo]

Don't really have a lot to say, even more because it's not my SO but my mom so a bit off topic...however 18 years ago when I was still 10, she tried 2 times with medication, I got to save her in time.

Fast forward to this morning, she tried again, but succeeded this time. Though not with medication.

RIP mom

I am so deeply sorry for your loss Internhertz. Try to stay strong

 

[Bebpo]

Things were improving this week and then everything fell apart. She basically wants to either kill herself or at least since I THINK I've talked her out of that she wants to be institutionalized at a mental hospital so they can sedate her and she won't be in chronic 24/7 terrible pain and can sleep (which I don't want her to do either as A) I don't want to lose her, B) I don't think it'll be mentally good for her and C) I doubt they would help diagnose and fix her physical injury, but she's not accepting any other answer and if its either her death or her being alive in an institution for a year...I just want her to live...)

But she also realizes that if she's institutionalized there goes her grad school career in psychology, and she has this weird hang up on wanting to own a gun (YES, I KNOW THIS IS A BAD IDEA and I've been completey against it) and realizes she won't be able to buy one. That being institutionalized will have an effect on everything (assuming she survives it intact, my best friend in high school tried to commit suicide and was institutionalized and now he's a completely different person) and I don't know what that will do to her mental state.

I don't know what to do and this is the hardest thing in my life. She is in so much pain, but she refuses to take any pain meds and never wants to take another medication in her life, refuses to see another doctor again, has given up all hope that she will ever get better and doesn't want to live with this constant terrible pain and lack of sleep.

She is sooooo smart, gets straight As 4.0 and has a clear goal in life to become a psychiatrist at a top-security prison and work with serial killers because she finds them fascinating. She's only 21, she has her whole life ahead of her. I want her to live. I love her with all my heart and I just want her to live. Part of the reason why she is doing this is she loves me and she hates seeing me in pain from all this and she doesn't see a solution. We both, after being through a handful of bad relationships, met the right person, proposed and were ready to get marred next year and....

She says the only person she trusts anymore is her Psychiatrist (who hasn't done anything to help her since she got in the accident a year and a half ago, and has just kept all her meds the same). After she e-mailed him last weekend after the episode (without mentioning the suicide attempt) all he did was say he'd write her a prescription for Ambien so she can sleep next week. That's it. She wants to leave a voicemail for him saying she's suicidal so he'll institutionalize her. Apparently he's already warned her that he might have to.