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I have a friend who's older brother died. This happened like a month ago. It was really sudden, a rafting accident that took everyone by surprise, he was young and was close to getting married. Anyway my friend is doing better now but his fiance has moved in with the family, she was close with them. The two had moved several states away and since his death she has nothing keeping her there. She is still very depressed. For my part I've been hanging out with my friend but I really don't know how to act.

I was there last night and they had this box of cd's lying out. We were all drinking and I'm looking through the box and its great stuff. I keep commentating on it and saying I need to borrow some stuff. Finally, after like 10 minutes of complementing the collection, I ask whose it is and she gets this sad look on her face. Bam, now I fucking know! Besides screw ups like that I mostly just try to get her to talk.

I guess I'm trying to cheer her up but I don't know if thats the right thing to do. What do you guys do in these situations? I feel like I'm supporting this burden of optimism, that I can't act happy around her, like a grief mop. I can't be too happy or too comforting or too supportive. What's my role?

 

[Kabuki Waq]

givr them Time lots and lots of Time. Dont try too hard, just try to be normal.

 

[aoi tsuki]

i guess the first thing i did was try to buy things to make me happy. It worked somewhat but i couldn't help but feel extremely numb. i also drank a lot, which i probably do still on some level to alleviate the pain. In August it'll be two years since Dad died, and just a month or two ago i got past thinking about him daily.

One suggestion i have is not to make any major life changes, like a move. It's too late for that in her case, but in mine it only served to make things exponentially worse. It wasn't something i could do much about though. Mom's family lives in another state, and she had to get away from his family who harassed them both during his sickness and death. i came along, leaving my jobs, school, and friends since i knew she'd need someone.

Best thing in addition to time is to just be there for her. She probably won't feel like doing much, but encourage her to get out so that she doesn't completely isolate herself. Aside from that, just be a good friend and talk to her, do things to let her know you're thinking of her, etc.

 

[Flynn]

One of my best friends' little brothers died from a drug overdose.

I made the mistake of renting After Hours to watch with him and his mom.

There's a bit in the movie where a girl ODs.

Oops.

 

[EviLore]

Death's an inevitibility. Dealing with losing loved ones is rough, but if their consciousness has survived, then they wouldn't want you wasting away due to them. And if their spark of life is forever extinguished, then all the more reason to enjoy yourself while you're still around.

Spend your thoughts cherishing their memories for a while, and move on. Life's way too short, even if you last for the natural duration.