First off. Some life lessons. 17-year-old girls should not be allowed on cruise ships. At least those who look like they're my age, sneak into the nightclub and tell me they're 19. Bring an empty carry-on to carry all the fucking awesome and cheap booze, or you'll end up carrying tons of shit, like me, in a heavy duty $20 beach bag around the airport for hours, killing the blood supply in your hands.
And most of all, never fly Spirit Air.
... Also, Jamaica is a shithole.
Sometime after we left port, I realized that cruise ships exist for only three reasons: drink, eat and sex. Packing a bunch of 16-21 year-olds on a ship with an endless supply of booze and 24/7 food is a recipe for several guys being called in four months about "... that thing that happened on the Star Princess."
I probably should chronicle my adventures by day, but it was insane and I doubt people would want a lengthy breakdown. I became buddies with the DJ, who is a good person to buddy with, had whirlpool adventures with sexy (and legal!) Canadian broads, met some new friends, had the same friends thrown into the brig, broke up a fist fight (caused by of all things -- me) on my last night, then broke up a fist fight between GIRLS right afterwards, got prank called, was propositioned by teenagers, befriended a lesbian waitress, had to sneak out of the crew deck and the list goes on. Seriously, this was one of the most insane trips I ever made. My folks, who were honeymooning on the same ship, would make the effort to meet up for breakfast just so they could hear what happened to me the night before. A couple of times they found me passed out on the deck.
I will say that my travels gave me a newfound appreciation for Canadians. You guys breed some nice ladies. I fucking hate Jamaica now though. And I love Mexico, specifically because Cozumel was so great and I'm already forming a trip back there in October. Although, I'm sure all of Mexico is not like Cozumel.
... so did I miss anything while I was gone?
And most of all, never fly Spirit Air.
... Also, Jamaica is a shithole.
Sometime after we left port, I realized that cruise ships exist for only three reasons: drink, eat and sex. Packing a bunch of 16-21 year-olds on a ship with an endless supply of booze and 24/7 food is a recipe for several guys being called in four months about "... that thing that happened on the Star Princess."
I probably should chronicle my adventures by day, but it was insane and I doubt people would want a lengthy breakdown. I became buddies with the DJ, who is a good person to buddy with, had whirlpool adventures with sexy (and legal!) Canadian broads, met some new friends, had the same friends thrown into the brig, broke up a fist fight (caused by of all things -- me) on my last night, then broke up a fist fight between GIRLS right afterwards, got prank called, was propositioned by teenagers, befriended a lesbian waitress, had to sneak out of the crew deck and the list goes on. Seriously, this was one of the most insane trips I ever made. My folks, who were honeymooning on the same ship, would make the effort to meet up for breakfast just so they could hear what happened to me the night before. A couple of times they found me passed out on the deck.
I will say that my travels gave me a newfound appreciation for Canadians. You guys breed some nice ladies. I fucking hate Jamaica now though. And I love Mexico, specifically because Cozumel was so great and I'm already forming a trip back there in October. Although, I'm sure all of Mexico is not like Cozumel.
... so did I miss anything while I was gone?
