Am I being pathetic here

p_xavier

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I'm an extra lonely guy, like my last visitor was nearly 3 years ago. I don't want a roomate, I want a companion to have supper with, box with, do airsoft with etc. Should I put an ad saying free bedroom but you need to act as a friend? I know it sounds weird but it would be a win win scenario?
 
I'm an extra lonely guy, like my last visitor was nearly 3 years ago. I don't want a roomate, I want a companion to have supper with, box with, do airsoft with etc. Should I put an ad saying free bedroom but you need to act as a friend? I know it sounds weird but it would be a win win scenario?
How close do you live to Darkmakaimura Darkmakaimura ? Seems like he has a totally stable, very easy to get along with, plus smoking hot trans roomie that doesn't pay rent anyway. Two birds, 1 stone!
 
I don't wanna judge because I'm sort of a similar character but I push myself to be out there.... if you want to meet people you have to leave the house. Gym begets gym bros, getting your dog to a dog park you get dog owner bros, and eventually some bros become friends.... but it all starts with being out there and saying hi, which I know it's super hard from personal experience but that's the jump we have to make
 
The standard advice is to try to go to gatherings that have something to do with one of your hobbies. E.g. if you're into tabletop RPGs, maybe look if there are any meetups or sessions going on in your city. If you're into drawing/art, maybe visit some art classes at one of the art schools/art academies in your city. You meet like-minded people there, and maybe that can evolve to friendships. The thing is, and I say this as someone who is also a loner, people will not magically appear in your life. You need to get out and about.

Posting an ad for this sounds like an incredibly bad idea. There are a lot of psychopaths out there who would jump at this and make your life hell.
 
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The standard advice is to try to go to gatherings that have something to do with one of your hobbies. E.g. if you're into tabletop RPGs, maybe look if there are any meetups or sessions going on in your city. If you're into drawing/art, maybe visit some art classes at one of the art schools/art academies in your city. You meet like-minded people there, and maybe that can evolve to friendships. The thing is, and I say this as someone who is also a loner, people will not magically appear in your life. You need to get out and about.

Posting an ad for this sounds like an incredibly bad idea. There are a lot of psychopaths out there who would jump at this and make your life hell.
I live in a rural town, more difficult but I get the gist of it. I have my survivalism group but we're all Dale Gribble types.
 
I think making your relationship transactional like that will always make things kinda odd.

I believe you have said you live in a pretty rural area? So that might make it more difficult but if you can try and connect with people in person more. I believe there are different services online now where people can post about looking for friends. I mentioned this in another thread recently but a friend of mine moved to another country for work and was able to make some new friends using Bumble's friend feature so you could give that a try. Look for stuff based around your hobbies too.
 
I think making your relationship transactional like that will always make things kinda odd.

I believe you have said you live in a pretty rural area? So that might make it more difficult but if you can try and connect with people in person more. I believe there are different services online now where people can post about looking for friends. I mentioned this in another thread recently but a friend of mine moved to another country for work and was able to make some new friends using Bumble's friend feature so you could give that a try. Look for stuff based around your hobbies too.
It's same thing when I try to get dates, it's like what do you bring to the table. Some coworkers paid for an Ukrainian wife and it worked wonders for them. I see people when at the office but with teleworking it got complicated.
 
It's a peaceful life, though it has its challenges
Also, being alone and lonely aren't the same things. I like spending time with people, but I also function perfectly fine on my own, I need my alone-time to feel well. I find it fascinating how different people are, some need to be surrounded by others 24/7 to not go crazy and they can't even go to the movies alone.

I'd like to try being a lighthouse keeper for a year in total isolation just to see if I can do it. Of course with plenty of books. It might be either wonderfully therapeutic or a complete mental disaster lol.
 
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I live in a rural town, more difficult but I get the gist of it. I have my survivalism group but we're all Dale Gribble types.
Ah, OK. I hadn't considered the possibility of you living somewhere rural. My apologies. That limits your options, of course.
 
I would not put out an ad seeking friendship. Offering a free room to a stranger sounds like the worst idea imaginable.
 
I think if I saw someone offering for people to live with them for free but that they have to be friends with them, I would find it really creepy.
 
It's same thing when I try to get dates, it's like what do you bring to the table. Some coworkers paid for an Ukrainian wife and it worked wonders for them. I see people when at the office but with teleworking it got complicated.
If you're ok with it being transactional then go for it. It's your call to make. Personally I think I might find it odd if I felt like the dynamic was me looking for friendship from them and them looking for material benefit from me. Given that you're providing their housing, isn't there a risk that they might just act like a good friend and play up to that role out of concern for losing their place, rather than actually being one?

What if rather than free you listed some token amount that gives somewhat of a barrier to entry? You can then phrase it as looking for someone to help out with the bills (even if you don't actually need it) and hang out with.

How often are you in the office? Could you maybe build up some of those relationships more? Ask people if they want to go grab a drink/something to eat after work.
 
I'd like to try being a lighthouse keeper for a year in total isolation just to see if I can do it. Of course with plenty of books. It might be either wonderfully therapeutic or a complete mental disaster lol.

Willem Dafoe Reaction GIF by VVS FILMS


Your fond of me lobster aint ye
 
When men are older making new friends can offer unique challenges.

Random suggestions

Join a boxing club you can meet folk there.

As for your spare room you could rent it out for money. Keep that business professional but someone coming and going may help you compared to being alone in a bigger property.

Gl
 
I find it fascinating how different people are, some need to be surrounded by others 24/7 to not go crazy and they can't even go to the movies alone.
Yeah, I find that fascinating too, especially the ones who can't be single and turn their relationship into a personality

I'd like to try being a lighthouse keeper for a year in total isolation just to see if I can do it. Of course with plenty of books
I would sign up immediately lol
 
I think if I saw someone offering for people to live with them for free but that they have to be friends with them, I would find it really creepy.
And hence this thread. I didn't know Bumble had a friends matching I just created an account.
 
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I don't want a roomate, I want a companion to have supper with, box with, do airsoft with etc.
My suggestion would be to first read How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's basically the first book about relationship / friendship advice ever written, by arguably the first person to ever study the subject. The advice there is timeless, and it's an interesting read. Just make sure that you pay attention to the section on flattery and false praise. You should never give complements that you don't really mean, which is bad for a number of reasons. I think a lot of people have the false impression or cynical view that How to Win Friends is a book that teaches you to lie to people to get what you want, and that's absolutely not the case. A lot of it is just learning to ask people about themselves and becoming genuinely interested in other people.


After that, consider finding some online friends to play games with. I wrote about this in the past, but I had an idea about this topic. I've never tried it, but I think it might work.

If you just randomly exchange gaming info over a message board or discord, it's pretty unpredictable who you're going to be adding to your friends list. Maybe you'll share a similar sense of humor or some other interests, or maybe aside from games you won't have much in common. Maybe they're the kind of player who shit talks and teabags, and maybe you're not.

My idea is to go on twitch and find a streamer who is just getting started, or only streams now and then for the fun of it. No one even slightly successful. I'd say no more than 5 or 10 people in their chat. Find someone who uses a mic, is playing a game that you have, and isn't playing in a full party. Then join their twitch chat, watch them play, and get to know them for a while. See how they interact with their chat, with their friends, and with players on the opposing team. Then if they seem like someone you would get along with, ask if they wouldn't mind you joining them for a bit.

This would probably work best in team-based games when the streamer is playing alone, or when just one or two of their friends are playing, and when they only have a small number of people in their twitch chat. Most players would rather have someone they can communicate with on their team instead of random people, and the streamer will just be happy someone's taking an interest.

A friend of mine started streaming a year or two ago, and when you're new and trying to build an audience, anyone wanting to chat or join you in a game is good news.


These seem like they'd be a couple of low stakes moves in the direction of working towards friendships, and I think they'd be much safer than inviting someone to share your home. After you've made progress in these areas and feel more comfortable talking to people, I think a better next step would be looking into some local clubs or groups of people who share your interests. And you can always take some classes that teach things that you enjoy. You mentioned boxing and airsoft, so maybe take some classes related to those things and get to know some people there.
 
Well thanks for the tips guys. I will try to make the most of it. I have a tough personality and looks so it's difficult to be seen as this friendly guy.


Kek
 
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I would say move to a metro area that has a large population and is LGBTQ friendly.

The odds of finding your ideal mate will increase exponentially.
 
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I don't see finding friends on bumble going well.

just go join a club for something you enjoy, get into something like jogging or crossfit or anything where it's a group social activity.

The only people you gonna meet on bumble are most likely gonna be scammers or users.
 
I would say move to a metro area that has a large population and is LGBTQ friendly.

The odds of finding your ideal mate will increase exponentially.
I moved from the metro area exactly because there was a LGBTQ community. I have nothing morally and culturally in common with them, if anything I regret my immorality of that time. If I would go back in time I'd work as an electrician and my hometown and never leave. Iwould probably be married with kids. /rant
 
Pets are great: loyal and good for loneliness...uh, or so I've heard.

I think the hedgehog is a good idea. Dogs are the best, but you mentioned the commute making that difficult. Cats are good company, too.
 
Too long commute plus when my pets died I was devasted. I was thinking of a hedgehog though, they're funny looking. And I don't mean Sonic movie first art funny.
Grumpy little fuckers and they can shit for days.
But they are quite entertaining once they get used to you. Takes a while though.

Sounds like you need to join a club, chap.
But don't sell yourself out like giving away a room. You're going to get nutters moving in.
You'll get somone lying to you to get the room and the next thing you know. You'll have a meth lab in your spaire room.

Find a Facebook page for your area or subreddit. Branch out.
But FFS don't sell yourself short. You don't have to buy friendship.
 
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How close do you live to Darkmakaimura Darkmakaimura ? Seems like he has a totally stable, very easy to get along with, plus smoking hot trans roomie that doesn't pay rent anyway. Two birds, 1 stone!
Hey, most beautiful woman I've ever seen as long as you don't mind the girl wand, that is.
 
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It's not pathetic to be lonely and wanting company, friend. But giving someone free access to your house in exchange for friendship is not a good idea for a multitude of reasons; your safety and security first and foremost.

It seems you enjoy activities like boxing or airsoft, perhaps you can join a crew? Join a gym?
 
It seems you enjoy activities like boxing or airsoft, perhaps you can join a crew? Join a gym?

Yup. Take initiative to place yourself into the spaces that contain the activities you like to do. Do the activities. Social interaction will occur. Be nice.

Take it from there.
 
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