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[West Texas CEO]

Okay, so I was at this small party / get together over the weekend. Its at this chick's place that's a friend of a friend of mines. Anyways, after chugging down a couple of Bud Light's, I needed to use the restroom. I ask the hostess where the bathroom is and she tells me there is one that is "public" and one that is "private", meaning in the master bedroom (coincidentally her room). She tells me that I can use either one.

Naturally, there being a line for the public one, I head to the "private" one. Great, but someone's in there taking a huge sh*t.
In my drunken haze, I knock on the door and tell the person in the bathroom to hurry up. Some dude screams out, "Hey asshole, give me a couple more minutes. I'm almost done."

...

So, I wait "a couple minutes" and the dude in the bathroom is STILL in there. At this point I'm getting restless. So, I'm looking around the room and I see the bottom drawer is open. Something catches my eye - IT'S A DILDO!
And the most WTF part was that there were bite marks all over it. I mean, it was BAD! Some of them were pretty deep, as if it was being used as a chew toy. I put it back and closed the drawer and waited a couple more minutes. Finally, the dude in the bathroom finishes and comes out and I do my business and leave.

What should I do? Have you ever found weird objects?

 

[Sleepwalker]

Tell her she can bite your dick, see how far it goes.

 

[daffyduck]

You know nothing, Sargent Shultz.

On that note, are you German? Or just as in German the language?

 

[Bring Back Scalebound]

Tell her she can bite your dick, see how far it goes.

Gimme that Serbian Film BJ, babe.

 

[West Texas CEO]

You know nothing, Sargent Shultz.

On that note, are you German? Or just as in German the language?

 

[NotMyProblemAnymoreCunt]

Sigh another West Texas CEO thread...

 

[John Bilbo]

I haven't found any weird objects, but I've found you OP. I've found you.

 

[Doom85]

IT'S A DILDO!

What should I do?

Stop lying, OP. We already know what you’re thinking:

 

[ThatStupidLion]

Arent you familiar with taking bites of other peoples belongings?

 

[GymWolf]

The moral of this story is, wear a double armour condom if you want some head from that chick.

 

[GymWolf]

Arent you familiar with taking bites of other peoples belongings?

 

[West Texas CEO]

Arent you familiar with taking bites of other peoples belongings?

Yeah, that's why this overly chewed-on plastic phallus caught my eye so quickly.

 

[jason10mm]

Maybe she is training to dull her gag reflex? Probably never gonna be an issue for you, but some of us appreciate it

 

[John Marston]

Anyways, after chugging down a couple of Bud Light's, I needed to use the restroom.

That's all Bud Light is good for.

 

[West Texas CEO]

Maybe she is training to dull her gag reflex? Probably never gonna be an issue for you, but some of us appreciate it

Ok , Big Dick Rick ..

 

[GymWolf]

Ok , Big Dick Rick ..

That 10mm in his name suggest otherwise.

Spoiler

 

[jason10mm]

That 10mm in his name suggest otherwise.

Spoiler

She'll never see it coming!

 

[jshackles]

What should I do? Have you ever found weird objects?

Sure have

NSFW - Ever find a sex toy on the side of the road?

So this morning while walking into my office building, I noticed a flesh colored something on the side of the road by the entrance. Took another glance or two before realizing it's a pretty big sized fake dick (with balls). Looks like plastic or... you know... rubber-y. I'm sitting at my desk...

www.neogaf.com

 

[NuncaBob]

Just tell us what it tasted like. The suspense is killing me.

 

[West Texas CEO]

Sure have

NSFW - Ever find a sex toy on the side of the road?

So this morning while walking into my office building, I noticed a flesh colored something on the side of the road by the entrance. Took another glance or two before realizing it's a pretty big sized fake dick (with balls). Looks like plastic or... you know... rubber-y. I'm sitting at my desk...

www.neogaf.com

That's a pretty weird thread, not gonna lie.

 

[West Texas CEO]

Just tell us what it tasted like. The suspense is killing me.

It's basically something like a tin, just getting a metallic taste in my mouth that takes ages to go away.

 

[John Marston]

I love this community.

 

[Putonahappyface]

Did you get a good look at the gentleman after he left the toilet? Maybe he had a nibble on your friends dildo before releasing a chocolate log.

 

[*Nightwing]

Bite marks clearly did not go all the way through, tis mere flesh wounds! She is safe to play with

What should I do?

Clearly you should do her and experience the thrills of toothy BJ’s

 

[John Marston]

I admit asking girls to sometimes bite on my schlong during fellatio.

I mean nothing to tear it off or leave a mark but it feels good.
Sorry I can't explain it

Maybe that dildo was practice?

 

[AJUMP23]

It is a violation of a social contract as a guest to snoop though peoples rooms. Stealing lunches and snooping makes you out to be a serious liability as a friend or acquaintance.

 

[The Cockatrice]

What should I do?

 

[Punished Miku]

I saw the thread title and figured it was another entry in the Stolen Lunch Saga.

 

[Bloobs]

Yeah I found this in my fridge

ASSHOLE

 

[badblue]

And the most WTF part was that there were bite marks all over it. I mean, it was BAD! Some of them were pretty deep, as if it was being used as a chew toy.

First off, were they human looking bite marks or is there a chance that a dog used it as a chew toy?

Second:

 

[GnomeChimpsky]

When I was a lot younger I used to work as a personal carer for a disabled person. The government rented the bottom floor of a villa from an extremely gay man (lol)
This guy was never at home. He always slept at his mom's because the house was supposedly haunted or some shit, but that's a different story...

Anyway, we had the keys to the whole house and he always told us we could go upstairs whenever we wanted to borrow movies from his huge DVD collection, which I often did. One time I couldn't resist snooping around so I randomly opened one of his drawers. In it was about 30 home recorded VHS tapes with the text "Boy sex" 1,2,3... etc written in Swedish on them. Now, back in the day it wasn't super uncommon to have the words like "boy" and "girl" on porn that wasn't CP, but I always wondered what the hell was on those tapes...

 

[newtypepilot]

OP resorting to stealing other people's dildos now?

 

[West Texas CEO]

First off, were they human looking bite marks or is there a chance that a dog used it as a chew toy?

Yikes, I hadn't thought about it, but she does indeed own two Rottweilers...

 

[bender]

Can we change Hop's tag to Dildo Archeologist?

 

[Days like these...]

Yikes, I hadn't thought about it, but she does indeed own two Rottweilers...

The train just went off the rails. She must be making some wild porn. Interesting friends you got there bud.

 

[near]

Every West Texas CEO thread I have the same reaction.

 

[Palliasso]

Can we change Hop's tag to Dildo Archeologist?

But we can't let everyone forget about his thievery either

 

[clarky]

Dudes tag will be longer than the OP soon enough.

 

[bender]

But we can't let everyone forget about his thievery either

 

[West Texas CEO]

But we can't let everyone forget about his thievery either

I can't believe it!

How do I explain this tag to my mom, Palliasso ??

 

[Kenneth Haight]

lol at this new tag for West Texas CEO

 

[BlackTron]

First off, were they human looking bite marks or is there a chance that a dog used it as a chew toy?

Someone neuter that dog man

 

[IntentionalPun]

I think I’ve seen this movie.

 

[sono]

She has a dog

 

[poppabk]

I put it back

You took it out of the drawer? Hope you washed your hands before and after using the bathroom.

 

[Dacvak]

Lmao nice tag. 10/10 thread

 

[Bloobs]

 

[YCoCg]

Something catches my eye - IT'S A DILDO!

I just wanted to quote that part so people remember.

 

[Tams]

Wait... West Texas CEO is Hop?!

 

[Kamina]

Did the bites look human to you? Perhaps she has a dog?
Edit: i saw the Rottweiler post