Support NeoGAF

[GamingKaiju]

So I have a friend who is racist but I never picked upon it til recently. He would casually drop words like n** n** and black c*** or p*** bastard. So the other day we were in his car and a black guy I know cut him up on a junction anyway all these racist remarks came out but I knew this guy and I was like yo bro chill it with the racism, T (the black guy who cut him up) is pretty sound, my friend starts going on how he’s a proud racist and I’m like WTF!? You shouldn’t be pride of that and we didn’t meet eye to eye on this and he keeps coming out with all this racist stuff making feel uncomfortable.

I honestly couldn’t wait to get out of his car because his remarks were crating on me and I was ready to lay into him about his racist shit.

Now I’m left questioning my friendship to him because he’s a good guy but I don’t wanna hear his racist shit anymore.

Ive being cut up many a time and do use words like cunt and bastard but never bring their color into it because I think it’s very derogatory to use that as an insult.

Anyway Gaf just wanna share something with you guys and get some input.

X-posted from here

Update:

He called in today and I brought it up with him and I just flat out said that I don’t agree with those type of views and his language made me feel uncomfortable.

He apologised and said that he did take it to an extreme point and has promised to not to use that type of language or rants in the future. I suggested trying to look up some stuff on YT (He seemed like he wanted too) but he did agree that those type of views ain’t really ok in today’s world and he isn’t living in the 1970s now.

Idk if he’ll change his views and I’m certainly not going to try but I’ll call him out in the future on his BS and perhaps overtime he does adopt a better position and understanding.

Thanks for the suggestions Gaf.

 

[Insane Metal]

Now I’m left questioning my friendship to him because he’s a good guy but I don’t wanna hear his racist shit anymore.

If he's racist he's not a good guy.

I stopped talking to a person for that exact reason.

 

[6502]

You can't cure people and the way things are going, even if he just spouts the occasional word you could end up getting shit for it.

I would drop him or at least cut any social media ties (or just drop social media).

You can ignore insults in charged situations, but if he is upping the ante despite what you say then he doesn't respect you. And that is a red flag.

 

[JimmyRustler]

I seriously doubt that someone who calls himself a proud racist is a „cool guy“ but what do I know…

 

[GamingKaiju]

If he's racist he's not a good guy.

I stopped talking to a person for that exact reason.

Ive being friends with him for a long ass time and we have a new business together which isn’t doing too bad. So it’ll be extremely difficult to cut ties with him considering we have loans in both of our names.

I just don’t want to hear that shit if you wanna be like that then do it behind closed doors or get educated about it.

 

[mansoor1980]

So I have a friend who is racist but I never picked upon it til recently. He would casually drop words like n** n** and black c*** or p*** bastard. So the other day we were in his car and a black guy I know cut him up on a junction anyway all these racist remarks came out but I knew this guy and I was like yo bro chill it with the racism, T (the black guy who cut him up) is pretty sound, my friend starts going on how he’s a proud racist and I’m like WTF!? You shouldn’t be pride of that and we didn’t meet eye to eye on this and he keeps coming out with all this racist stuff making feel uncomfortable.

I honestly couldn’t wait to get out of his car because his remarks were crating on me and I was ready to lay into him about his racist shit.

Now I’m left questioning my friendship to him because he’s a good guy but I don’t wanna hear his racist shit anymore.

Ive being cut up many a time and do use words like cunt and bastard but never bring their color into it because I think it’s very derogatory to use that as an insult.

Anyway Gaf just wanna share something with you guys and get some input.

p*** ? means paki?

 

[Maiden Voyage]

He sounds like a massively entitled douche.

 

[Scotty W]

Could you ask him why he is racist? If he can verbalize it he can probably be talked out of it. If he can’t be talked out of it, even be talked TO about it he might not be worth having as a friend.

If you want resources, check out Thomas Sowell.

 

[GamingKaiju]

p*** ? means paki?

Yes obviously I was trying to keep it PC but it does get worse.

 

[Mistake]

Kill with kindness op. It will do him a lot better than simply cutting him out of your life. I have a close friend that got on the anti-muslim wagon back in the day because the military kind of pushed it, but I got him out of it. All it takes is some external exposure. Also stop censoring everything, we’re not 4

 

[GamingKaiju]

Could you ask him why he is racist? If he can verbalize it he can probably be talked out of it. If he can’t be talked out of it, even be talked TO about it he might not be worth having as a friend.

If you want resources, check out Thomas Sowell.

I like this and was thinking the same thing with introducing him to respected coloured political figures so he can gain a better understanding of coloured people and the struggles they have faced.

 

[mansoor1980]

Yes obviously I was trying to keep it PC but it does get worse.

that one is still used ? i thought terrorist was the new one.

 

[Toots]

I’m gonna be a bit of a cunt but you had to hear him being racist to someone you knew to realise he’s racist?
when he was saying racist shit about random people in the street you didn’t care? That seems strange.

Anyway I think you made a mistake telling you story, T is not the black dude, F is the black dude, T is the crazy redneck, and M the expert bank robber and liar.

Also I think if someone you consider a friend does stuff you really don’t like you go ahead and tell him and from his reaction you go forward.

 

[GamingKaiju]

Kill with kindness op. It will do him a lot better than simply cutting him out of your life. I have a close friend that got on the anti-muslim wagon back in the day because the military kind of pushed it, but I got him out of it. All it takes is some external exposure. Also stop censoring everything, we’re not 4

Yeh I don’t want him out of my life just want him to gain some perspective and cool it with his BS. Imma going to start getting him to listen to some black scholars on YT.

that one is still used ? i thought terrorist was the new one.

Yes it is.

I’m gonna be a bit of a cunt but you had to hear him being racist to someone you knew to realise he’s racist?
when he was saying racist shit about random people in the street you didn’t care? That seems strange.

Anyway I think you made a mistake telling you story, T is not the black dude, F is the black dude, T is the crazy redneck, and M the expert bank robber and liar.

Also I think if someone you consider a friend does stuff you really don’t like you go ahead and tell him and from his reaction you go forward.

I guess it’s one of them where it took me a while to pick up on it but I guess I was blind to it. It’s a shame because T is a cool guy he’s cut my hair so many times over the years and then to hear my friend start shitting on him woke me up if I’m honest. Funny thing was that he wanted to fight T but I know T has got a chequered violent past and would probably fuck him up.

 

[Jaysen]

No one suddenly becomes that racist. He’s always been that way and you simply chose to ignore it. Life’s too short to be around people so full of hate. Cut him out of your life completely.

 

[GamingKaiju]

No one suddenly becomes that racist. He’s always been that way and you simply chose to ignore it. Life’s too short to be around people so full of hate. Cut him out of your life completely.

He probably was and I have being blind but I can’t cut him out of my life as we have a business together and financial commitments which I can’t afford by myself. I think the suggestions around education are the best way to go if I’m honest and hope he gains some perspective and cools it in the future.

 

[Jaysen]

He probably was and I have being blind but I can’t cut him out of my life as we have a business together and financial commitments which I can’t afford by myself. I think the suggestions around education are the best way to go if I’m honest and hope he gains some perspective and cools it in the future.

If you didn’t see it until now, you’re not the one to educate him. And no amount of education will help someone who doesn’t want to learn. He has to want to change.

 

[nush]

is OPs friend Daryl?

 

[funkygunther]

It’s a shame because T is a cool guy he’s cut my hair so many times over the years and then to hear my friend start shitting on him woke me up if I’m honest.

This black guy provided some value to me and because of that my friend being racist at him isn’t cool

congrats on going woke, good luck on your racist Eliza Doolittle project

 

[GamingKaiju]

If you didn’t see it until now, you’re not the one to educate him. And no amount of education will help someone who doesn’t want to learn. He has to want to change.

No I’m not the person to educate him. But I can point him to the people that could help educate him. I hope he’ll gain some perspective in the future and cool with that stuff.

 

[GamingKaiju]

This black guy provided some value to me and because of that my friend being racist at him isn’t cool

congrats on going woke, good luck on your racist Eliza Doolittle project

Oh wow

Dudes barbers is over the road from where I work / might be taking over soon and always comes over for chit chat or to borrow something. I’ve spoken to him for years and you think I just had my trim done by him? Gtfo

 

[nush]

No I’m not the person to educate him. But I can point him to the people that could help educate him. I hope he’ll gain some perspective in the future and cool with that stuff.

Mate, do you honestly think "Hey watch these Youtube videos to cure your racism" is going to work in any way?

 

[Toots]

Yeh I don’t want him out of my life just want him to gain some perspective and cool it with his BS. Imma going to start getting him to listen to some black scholars on YT.



Yes it is.




I guess it’s one of them where it took me a while to pick up on it but I guess I was blind to it. It’s a shame because T is a cool guy he’s cut my hair so many times over the years and then to hear my friend start shitting on him woke me up if I’m honest. Funny thing was that he wanted to fight T but I know T has got a chequered violent past and would probably fuck him up.

Seems like you have colourful friends!
Even if you like them both, the one insulting the other for no good reason is in the wrong for sure.
you know what work?
Girlfriends. You find a (non racist) girlfriend to your racist buddy, I give him 3 months top before he stop saying his racist shit.
I had a friend who did exactly that, from spewing n**** to everyone and everything that pissed him off (without caring what his friends would care), to never saying it in a matter of months when he started hooking up with a nice girl.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

Now I’m left questioning my friendship to him because he’s a good guy but I don’t wanna hear his racist shit anymore.

Good guy, he’s just racist?

You realize he wouldn’t be your friend if you happened to be born black?

 

[Toots]

Lots of dudes here seems to be depreciative of GamingKaiju when he’s trying to do something to help his friend even if the friend seems douchy. He cares obviously.
I’d rather have a friend like him than a friend like some of you guys…

 

[GamingKaiju]

Mate, do you honestly think "Hey watch these Youtube videos to cure your racism" is going to work in any way?

No, but harm could it do even if he still thinks that way but doesn’t it out loud is better than hearing it.

Seems like you have colourful friends!
Even if you like them both, the one insulting the other for no good reason is in the wrong for sure.
you know what work?
Girlfriends. You find a (non racist) girlfriend to your racist buddy, I give him 3 months top before he stop saying his racist shit.
I had a friend who did exactly that, from spewing n**** to everyone and everything that pissed him off (without caring what his friends would care), to never saying it in a matter of months when he started hooking up with a nice girl.

Nice quick judgement of my entire friend sphere just based of one.

He’s married but I think telling his wife to have a chat with him is another good route to take.

Good guy, he’s just racist?

You realize he wouldn’t be your friend if you happened to be born black?

Big

Lots of dudes here seems to be depreciative of GamingKaiju when he’s trying to do something to help his friend even if the friend seems douchy. He cares obviously.
I’d rather have a friend like him than a friend like some of you guys…

Thanks mate

I’m start to feel like this thread was a very bad idea though as some of these replies yikes

 

[Toots]

And sometimes one can be racist toward some and friendly and nice toward others (if your the ethnicity he likes I guess), or have qualities anyway. Humans are complex being are we not?
Céline (for my taste the greatest French writer) was hugely antisemitic. It sometimes shows in his work (almost never except when it was directly the topic of the work as in bagatelle pour un massacre) but read voyage au bout de la nuit and I dare you to tell me it’s not a masterpiece.
Perhaps trying to make people change when you see a flagrant flaw in their character is better than dumping them like trash because they don’t reach your oh so high standards?

 

[nush]

He’s married but I think telling his wife to have a chat with him is another good route to take.

Don't do this. Trust me.

 

[Toots]

Don't do this. Trust me.

for sure!
If he’s already got a girl she would have done it right away if she wanted to, and you’ll certainly break their relationship more than you’ll repair him if you push her to do anything.

 

[GamingKaiju]

And sometimes one can be racist toward some and friendly and nice toward others (if your the ethnicity he likes I guess), or have qualities anyway. Humans are complex being are we not?
Céline (for my taste the greatest French writer) was hugely antisemitic. It sometimes shows in his work (almost never except when it was directly the topic of the work as in bagatelle pour un massacre) but read voyage au bout de la nuit and I dare you to tell me it’s not a masterpiece.
Perhaps trying to make people change when you see a flagrant flaw in their character is better than dumping them like trash because they don’t reach your oh so high standards?

The really strange thing is and probably why it took me so long to pick up on it is that he’s always very nice to poc and even has coloured neighbours which he has invited round for drinks etc so was he in the closet? so to speak.

Don't do this. Trust me.

Then I’ll retreat to plan A and suggest to watch some MLK/Sowell as well as some breadtube political debaters (Destiny etc) so whilst he may not change his ways he cools it with the remarks, gotta take the little wins imo

 

[MastaKiiLA]

Find a new friend. People like that won't realize that they need to re-evaluate their life decisions until they find themselves alone and friendless. They might become more exteme then, but that's not something you're going to fix by continuing to be friends with him. If you want to continue your friendship, then you have to accept that you're okay with being friends with a racist. It is what it is. Can't play both sides.

 

[nush]

has coloured neighbours

UH OH RACISM DETECTED!

Benedict Cumberbatch: I'm an idiot for 'coloured' remark

Actor apologises for causing offence after referring to black actors as 'coloured' on US talk show

www.theweek.co.uk

 

[GamingKaiju]

UH OH RACISM DETECTED!

Benedict Cumberbatch: I'm an idiot for 'coloured' remark

Actor apologises for causing offence after referring to black actors as 'coloured' on US talk show

www.theweek.co.uk

Has the term "coloured" now been cancelled? Whoops if it has.

 

[INC]

Get better friends

I dont wanna be around cunts like that, and easily cut them off in an instance

 

[nush]

Has the term "coloured" now been cancelled? Whoops if it has.

Do you see the date on that link? You've been living under a rock my man.

 

[Kenpachii]

U said what u thought about it, stop meeting up and he will get the memo.

U are not his dad or mom or whatever else to lecture him. He wants to be like that, his choice. If he starts to call you up or whatever to meet up. Just say, u are fine with it. but u grew past the political stage / racism jokes to the point u just don't want to deal with it anymore. If he does it again, sit the day out then never go out again with the guy. Done.

 

[SF Kosmo]

It doesn't usually take me that long to clock this kind of thing. I means sometimes it might take a little while but I can't imagine just suddenly clocking this sort of overt racism in someone I would actually count among my real friends.

 

[GamingKaiju]

Do you see the date on that link? You've been living under a rock my man.

No I didn’t but soon as I started to read it I remembered Cumberbatch getting in trouble for that.

Apologies.

 

[FunkMiller]

He probably was and I have being blind but I can’t cut him out of my life as we have a business together and financial commitments which I can’t afford by myself. I think the suggestions around education are the best way to go if I’m honest and hope he gains some perspective and cools it in the future.

I would probably try to get out of business ownership with him if you can. People like that rarely make good business partners. Someone being that racist would put up a lot of red flags for me about their character, and how that might impact on my future well being financially.

I admire your optimism on educating him. In my experience, cunts like that can't be educated.

Sorry you're stuck in that shitty situation, dude.

 

[MrS]

Sounds like a bad hombre. You should steer clear of this dude imho.

 

[oagboghi2]

Lots of dudes here seems to be depreciative of GamingKaiju when he’s trying to do something to help his friend even if the friend seems douchy. He cares obviously.
I’d rather have a friend like him than a friend like some of you guys…

GAF almost always gives bad advice.

OP, just sit down and have a straight heart to heart with the guy. Your friend probably thinks you don't care or maybe even agree , because you have never objected before. Tell him flat out that isn't the case, and if he doesn't start to change, you will leave.

 

[GamingKaiju]

GAF almost always gives bad advice.

OP, just sit down and have a straight heart to heart with the guy. Your friend probably thinks you don't care or maybe even agree , because you have never objected before. Tell him flat out that isn't the case, and if he doesn't start to change, you will leave.

Thanks I'm going to. You raise a good point there that he might think I don't object to it when the opposite is true.

 

[gimmmick]

I’m sorry your boy isn’t a good guy. He might have been when you guys first met, but he has become a different person. Better to move on and surround yourself with better people in your life. Don’t be an associate to a piece of shit (being proud to hate on someone because the color of your skin is just down ight deplorable).

If you do decide to patch things up with him, my question OP is what is the breaking point? I don’t know many racist people myself but I can only. Imagine their is a tolerance level one has to put up with someone that is in the same position as yourself.

edit: added on and spelling

 

[Amiga]

Talk to him directly but don't involve his family, it may get personal and may make things worse. don't expect change if ever. but you have to try, at least for your own sake. evil must be called out.

 

[GamingKaiju]

I’m sorry your boy isn’t a good guy. He might have been when you guys first met, but he has become a different person. Better to move on and surround yourself with better people in your life. Don’t be an associate to a piece of shit (being proud to hate on someone because the color of your skin is just down ight deplorable).

If you do decide to patch things up with him, my question OP is what is the breaking point? I don’t know many racist people myself but I can only. Imagine their is a tolerance level one has to put up with someone that is in the same position as yourself.

edit: added on and spelling

I might not be able to change his world view on race (or whatever ideology you wanna call it) If he just cooled it with the language, and kept his opinions on race to himself, it would definitely be an improvement.

 

[TGO]

If you said he used that racial insult in anger because someone cut him up, maybe yeah you could probably give him the benefit of the doubt......maybe.
most people pick something to identify
ie,black paki, honkey, four eyed, ginger etc
or if it's a female Bitch, slut, woman etc.
followed by bastard or cunt or some other word.
But still no excuse for any of it.
but you've pretty much painted him out to be full on racist prick and I think you clearly know this already.
So not sure why your surprised

As for changing him, you can't.
Just like there is someone out there that just doesn't like you for whatever reason or the other way around.
It's never that simple

 

[QuantumZebra]

Racists, sexists, etc... are bad people.

They are using traits of people that they have no control over (being a woman, being a POC, etc) as a reason to further denigrate them.

As far as the business end... I do business with folks I know are prejudiced and have hate in their heart. Sometimes business requires such dealings. But being "friends" with them? Especially having to hear slander? Nah, pass.

 

[Deleted member 1159]

That’s a big yikes and a woof from me, fam.

 

[haxan7]

Did I take a time warp to 2016 neogaf?

 

[Kev Kev]

that is not it chief ....am i doing it right?

ask him if he had a bad experience or something recently. maybe there is something he isnt telling you. perhaps you can talk some sense into him slowly over time if you know where this anger is coming from. if you think hes a good guy and youve known him fora long time, maybe he really is, and he is just projecting some bad experience with 1 black person onto all of them.

i dont like the idea of just cutting people off or canceling them or whatever. if you try and he just refuses to budge, then do what you have to do. but maybe you can help guide him back from wherever he is.