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[Socreges]

I hate that any REASON in my mind knows that it would be great for me to do something

But impulses out of consciousness overwhelm me and convince me not to

I'm weak. I've got to get over this. It ain't easy.

Yeah, this is supposed to be vague. I'm thinking of particular circumstances, but I'd rather keep it general.

Anyway, if anyone thinks they've got something to say along these lines, by all means. Otherwise this is GAF serving as a public journal, as if I'll be inclined and determined to change now

 

[kumanoki]

I have no idea what you're talking about. But if it makes you feel any better, one day you will die and it won't matter anymore.

 

[McLesterolBeast]

$20 says it's about women. Any takers?

 

[Gek54]

Humanity gave you some balls, use them.

 

[Cubsfan23]

I hate that any REASON in my mind knows that it would be great for me to do something

But impulses out of consciousness overwhelm me and convince me not to

I'm weak. I've got to get over this. It ain't easy.

Yeah, this is supposed to be vague. I'm thinking of particular circumstances, but I'd rather keep it general.

Anyway, if anyone thinks they've got something to say along these lines, by all means. Otherwise this is GAF serving as a public journal, as if I'll be inclined and determined to change now

did we really need another dating advice thread?

Yeah that dying thing is starting to motivate me to do more and more stuff. Just picture your life being over (without being suicidal) in an instant and you realize how petty a lot of shit is.

 

[The Shadow]

I have no idea what you're talking about. But if it makes you feel any better, one day you will die and it won't matter anymore.

:lol

 

[tt_deeb]

I have been feeling the same way recently (I think)

There's this girl, who I really just want to talk to cause she seems interesting. (she's major shy and mysterious) I'm not physically attracted to her or anything - I'm positive of this, but I can't work up the nerve to talk to her. A.) I don't know how she's going to act since I don't know a thing about her (part of my curiosity to get to know her) B.) I'm pretty shy as it is even though I technically shouldn't be since this girl is even more insecure. C.) My friends are definately not going to understand my intentions since everything in highschool is getting the big O. I already explained the situation to one friend and he just didn't have a clue. Technically I don't either but it's just something that could be beneficial. Everyone else in my school I'm just completely sick of so why not try to get to know somebody I know nothing about?

 

[kumanoki]

did we really need another dating advice thread?

Yeah that dying thing is starting to motivate me to do more and more stuff. Just picture your life being over (without being suicidal) in an instant and you realize how petty a lot of shit is.

Dingdingding! We have a winner!

 

[NLB2]

Yeah that dying thing is starting to motivate me to do more and more stuff. Just picture your life being over (without being suicidal) in an instant and you realize how petty a lot of shit is.

When you do that don't you see everything as being petty and devoid of meaning or importance?

 

[Socreges]

Just because this is GAF doesn't mean it HAS to be a "girl problem", geez....







...yeah, kinda. I didn't think my post would make it so obvious. But it's really about my mentality in general, though the girl thing happens to fit in. Procastination is significant, too.

- I got my research paper back today (US-Sino relations concerning HR - someone here suggested it [edit - mattx, thanks. it was interesting to write]). 90%. BUT.. it was a few days late, so -15% = 75%. That pissed me right off. Especially since I knew it was entirely my fault. There was no good excuse to not get it done on time. This is one example of many. I also had my last exam today that I didn't study properly for b/c of procrastination, and I think I might have done just alright. Disappointing. I'm told that I should work on my time management and create a reward system. I think I'll do that next semester. Here's hoping it helps.

Note: this was the last day of the semester. so some bad notes to end it on

- Going from school to the train, I bumped into this girl that I talk to at school a lot. She's very cool - but a friend. As we're talking, a girl I *am* interested happens to walk by, into the station. I want to talk to her, but I'm not about to bail on my friend. So after a few minutes I get into the station and look out for the girl... can't see her. I go up the steps (it is a "sky"train) and onto the side going West. Can't see her. The train going East comes and goes (there are two in that direction that split off at a further point - they alternate). So here I am thinking I missed her. Then, as the train leaves, it leaves the girl in my vision - she's there! It struck me. It was a strong feeling. But... she's on the other side of two tracks, several meters away. I consider yelling at her, but I don't. I consider running down and up the stairs to the other side, but I don't. Seconds after I see her, my train comes. I have a huge internal struggle, but ultimately board. Then I kick myself for the next 10 minutes. Fuck.

I need to learn how to put things in perspective - step outside myself. It's pathetic.

 

[kumanoki]

Socreges- Man, there will always be another train.

 

[Socreges]

Socreges- Man, there will always be another train.

Yeah, of course. But it just seemed to be a culmination of such instances/situations. This was going to be different. But she didn't make it easy (rarely attending class and bailing quickly). I left the exam (that she wrote as well - but among throngs of others) a little irritated because I thought I would have seen her. So when, by such a fluke, I happen to see her on my way home, and then I allow nothing to come of it, it was frustrating. It kind of put a stamp on everything.

Oh, and for Cubsfan (if you remember), that girl DID have a boyfriend. Oh well. No regrets.

 

[kumanoki]

Yeah, of course. But it just seemed to be a culmination of such instances/situations. This was going to be different. But she didn't make it easy (rarely attending class and bailing quickly). I left the exam (that she wrote as well - but among throngs of others) a little irritated because I thought I would have seen her. So when, by such a fluke, I happen to see her on my way home, and then I allow nothing to come of it, it was frustrating. It kind of put a stamp on everything.

Oh, and for Cubsfan (if you remember), that girl DID have a boyfriend. Oh well. No regrets.

This is not in any way meant to be mean or sarcastic, or aimed at you specifically, but I want you to think about it for a second:

The only consistent feature of all your dissatisfying relationships is you.

It may not seem like you have any power over change, but you do. You instigate change.

 

[andthebeatgoeson]

I have no idea what you're talking about. But if it makes you feel any better, one day you will die and it won't matter anymore.

:lol :lol

Hey Mr Sunshine.

 

[Mermandala]

next time.

 

[Socreges]

next time.

If only. How impressed would she have been!

This is not in any way meant to be mean or sarcastic, or aimed at you specifically, but I want you to think about it for a second:

The only consistent feature of all your dissatisfying relationships is you.

It may not seem like you have any power over change, but you do. You instigate change.

Oh, I know. I've implied that (or said it outright) throughout this thread. I realize the problem. I realize I need a new attitude. I just need to find ways to motivate myself, besides simple acknowledgement. It's almost too bad that I do date because hitting a lonely rock-bottom might be helpful.

 

[Cubsfan23]

When you do that don't you see everything as being petty and devoid of meaning or importance?

You can spin anything, even death, into a positive mindset.

Socreges, you think too much. That's a result of caring too much about the outcome. I mean, even if you were to talk to the girl in that situation, your brain would have gotten even more overloaded, and you wouldn't have been your best self. I'm the same way, I can analyze shit to death, have 50 different scenarios going off in my head. But, I trained myself to only do that in useful situations, like school.

The worst part is when you do it without consciously knowing it, as it occurs. So, the first step is to put your best effort into recognizing it right when it happens, consistently. The good news is that I found that to be the hardest part, so after you get that handled, it's just a matter of fine-tuning yourself.

 

[Vormund]

Just because this is GAF doesn't mean it HAS to be a "girl problem", geez....






.... though the girl thing happens to fit in.

It's inescapable.

 

[GG-Duo]

next time.

:lol
Excellent.

 

[Scrow]

When you do that don't you see everything as being petty and devoid of meaning or importance?

yes, so it's not something you can practically apply in your life.

 

[olimario]

You should read P.J. Funny Bunny's 'It's not easy being a bunny'.

He doesn't like being a rabbit, so he tries to be a whole bunch of different animals.
In the end, he finds out that just being himself (a rabbit) makes him the most happy.

 

[lexy]

Socreges, would this "sky train" you speak of happen to be the San Francisco BART?

 

[Dujour]

I sometimes fell like those villainous characters that want to bring about the end of the world. I swim in my misery alone most often and I know it's not healthy, but I'd rather this disease eat away at me and not let it drown others that want to help.

 

[Fresh Prince]

You should read P.J. Funny Bunny's 'It's not easy being a bunny'.

He doesn't like being a rabbit, so he tries to be a whole bunch of different animals.
In the end, he finds out that just being himself (a rabbit) makes him the most happy.

It's not often that I laugh with Oli but dammit this is funny.

- Going from school to the train, I bumped into this girl that I talk to at school a lot. She's very cool - but a friend. As we're talking, a girl I *am* interested happens to walk by, into the station. I want to talk to her, but I'm not about to bail on my friend. So after a few minutes I get into the station and look out for the girl... can't see her. I go up the steps (it is a "sky"train) and onto the side going West. Can't see her. The train going East comes and goes (there are two in that direction that split off at a further point - they alternate). So here I am thinking I missed her. Then, as the train leaves, it leaves the girl in my vision - she's there! It struck me. It was a strong feeling. But... she's on the other side of two tracks, several meters away. I consider yelling at her, but I don't. I consider running down and up the stairs to the other side, but I don't. Seconds after I see her, my train comes. I have a huge internal struggle, but ultimately board. Then I kick myself for the next 10 minutes. Fuck.

And this seems similar to an episode of my life...and a couple of other movies. You can always phone her up

 

[AntoneM]

don't worry, you are not the only one that hates your being human sometimes.

 

[kumanoki]

I sometimes fell like those villainous characters that want to bring about the end of the world. I swim in my misery alone most often and I know it's not healthy, but I'd rather this disease eat away at me and not let it drown others that want to help.

You're just not going the extra mile.

Every day above ground is a good day.

Shit, you really want to hear how a villain thinks? Try this:

LUCIUS. Art thou not sorry for these heinous deeds?
AARON. Ay, that I had not done a thousand more.
Even now I curse the day- and yet, I think,
Few come within the compass of my curse-
Wherein I did not some notorious ill;
As kill a man, or else devise his death;
Ravish a maid, or plot the way to do it;
Accuse some innocent, and forswear myself;
Set deadly enmity between two friends;
Make poor men's cattle break their necks;
Set fire on barns and hay-stacks in the night,
And bid the owners quench them with their tears.
Oft have I digg'd up dead men from their graves,
And set them upright at their dear friends' door
Even when their sorrows almost was forgot,
And on their skins, as on the bark of trees,
Have with my knife carved in Roman letters
'Let not your sorrow die, though I am dead.'
Tut, I have done a thousand dreadful things
As willingly as one would kill a fly;
And nothing grieves me heartily indeed
But that I cannot do ten thousand more.
LUCIUS. Bring down the devil, for he must not die
So sweet a death as hanging presently.
AARON. If there be devils, would I were a devil,
To live and burn in everlasting fire,
So I might have your company in hell
But to torment you with my bitter tongue!

Titus Andronicus- William Shakespeare

That is some coldblooded shit right there.

 

[olimario]

You should listen to Switchfoot's 'New Way to Be Human'.
Perhaps they have the counsel you seek.

 

[Dujour]

You're just not going the extra mile.

Every day above ground is a good day.

Shit, you really want to hear how a villain thinks? Try this:

LUCIUS. Art thou not sorry for these heinous deeds?
AARON. Ay, that I had not done a thousand more.
Even now I curse the day- and yet, I think,
Few come within the compass of my curse-
Wherein I did not some notorious ill;
As kill a man, or else devise his death;
Ravish a maid, or plot the way to do it;
Accuse some innocent, and forswear myself;
Set deadly enmity between two friends;
Make poor men's cattle break their necks;
Set fire on barns and hay-stacks in the night,
And bid the owners quench them with their tears.
Oft have I digg'd up dead men from their graves,
And set them upright at their dear friends' door
Even when their sorrows almost was forgot,
And on their skins, as on the bark of trees,
Have with my knife carved in Roman letters
'Let not your sorrow die, though I am dead.'
Tut, I have done a thousand dreadful things
As willingly as one would kill a fly;
And nothing grieves me heartily indeed
But that I cannot do ten thousand more.
LUCIUS. Bring down the devil, for he must not die
So sweet a death as hanging presently.
AARON. If there be devils, would I were a devil,
To live and burn in everlasting fire,
So I might have your company in hell
But to torment you with my bitter tongue!

Titus Andronicus- William Shakespeare

That is some coldblooded shit right there.

haha, awesome. I'm feeling better already. Thanks

 

[NLB2]

When you do that don't you see everything as being petty and devoid of meaning or importance?

You can spin anything, even death, into a positive mindset.

I never said seeing everything as petty and devoid of meaning or importance isn't positive.

 

[kumanoki]

Aaron had the right idea. You have to be who you are 100%.

AARON. Ah, why should wrath be mute and fury dumb?
I am no baby, I, that with base prayers
I should repent the evils I have done;
Ten thousand worse than ever yet I did
Would I perform, if I might have my will.
If one good deed in all my life I did,
I do repent it from my very soul.


Seize the mother----ing day!

 

[Socreges]

loxy, no. I'm in Vancouver. San Francisco of the North!

Well, no, but it would make some sense.

don't worry, you are not the only one that hates your being human sometimes.

Did you just say that for the opportunity of a witty comment, or was it for real? That was harsh, and I don't even know who you are. *cry*

You should read P.J. Funny Bunny's 'It's not easy being a bunny'.

He doesn't like being a rabbit, so he tries to be a whole bunch of different animals.
In the end, he finds out that just being himself (a rabbit) makes him the most happy.

How does that remotely apply?

I know I've given you an opportunity here to get back at me for all the times I've ripped into you, but you could have done better.

-edit- I should mention, Cubsfan was actually spot on. Good words from someone I find incredibly hard to take seriously.

 

[MrAngryFace]

yay, one of these.

First off, depression, feeling down on yourself. Crap like that. That's rough. What makes it rough is that its uniquely rough. One's depression is NEVER above anothers. The number of anti depressants you take is not some notch against another in some giant pissing contest. So ill refrain from giving a laundry list as to why I feel aspects of my life have sucked.

Second, I notice you take philosophy, and while you say the classes seem fun, I wonder if maybe you take them in some attempt to find meaning in your own life. If that IS the case, id recommend dropping the classes. You will never know who you are by reading books by mostly dead people.

Third. Regrets. Everyone has them. I recently was in a relationship that ended in part because of choices I made. I regret it ended, but I do not regret the choices I made, because they are mine to make, ultimately. If people are going to roll with me thats cool, if not, its a choice they make. Life IS unfortunate, but for all its bad I suppose the good can make up for it. We often forget the overwhelming feeling of happiness because its so very fleeting, and when we are in bliss, we are too overcome to be self-aware about it.

Additionally being self-aware is a double edged sword. On one hand you know yourself much better than most people know themselves. On the other hand you trap yourself within your impossible expectations. By being self aware you find yourself dissatisfied with who you are, because you are aware of the fact that at our base parts human beings are selfish animals. However we can often spend so much time trying to be above such a notion that we dont notice the inherent strengths as well.

I myself am going through another time of transition. Im getting older, my family situation is certainly not well, and im still getting over a break up. My job in addition to the previous situations mentioned have left me feeling disconnected from everything else. But I still try, because spending my time regretting or feeling bad about my situation is how I wasted my teenage years and thanks to my increasing awareness of my own mortality, Ive decided im done wasting my time caring about the things I cannot change about myself.

 

[BobbyRobby]

It is cliched as hell, but I decided to take more control of my life after a friend died recently.

So now there are six chicken I have hidden in my dorm, which shall be released into the halls tomorrow. Sure, I might catch a lot of hell for this, but I already decided that whether or not I get caught, it will be a positive experience that I'll always look fondly upon.

Now if only I was able to rationalize my girl situation so well..

 

[karasu]

It is cliched as hell, but I decided to take more control of my life after a friend died recently.

So now there are six chicken I have hidden in my dorm, which shall be released into the halls tomorrow. Sure, I might catch a lot of hell for this, but I already decided that whether or not I get caught, it will be a positive experience that I'll always look fondly upon.

Now if only I was able to rationalize my girl situation so well..

haha :lol

 

[Socreges]

I'm not depressed or anything. This was only a day of frustration. It's just that I look at a particular habit of mine (in general) that I'm having difficulty overcoming. I'm beginning to think that people are putting significantly more thought into the title "I hate being human sometimes" than what I've said besides that.

Second, I notice you take philosophy, and while you say the classes seem fun, I wonder if maybe you take them in some attempt to find meaning in your own life. If that IS the case, id recommend dropping the classes. You will never know who you are by reading books by mostly dead people.

You draw a whole lot from my posts, I find.

I take the classes because I enjoy them. I'm interested in them. And they give me perspective on things.

My brain's still relatively immature, but I know enough there is no "search" for yourself (or to a greater extent, "the meaning of life") -- it's just mental development. But philosophy definitely helps in that. Often just with language, in helping me think things through, or better express myself.

Additionally being self-aware is a double edged sword. On one hand you know yourself much better than most people know themselves. On the other hand you trap yourself within your impossible expectations. By being self aware you find yourself dissatisfied with who you are, because you are aware of the fact that at our base parts human beings are selfish animals. However we can often spend so much time trying to be above such a notion that we dont notice the inherent strengths as well.

"I hate being human sometimes"

But I agree with you. Still, I find this is a part of me that I can improve on, and I'd very much like to. That is, eliminating procrastination, and damning the consequences in general.

 

[MrAngryFace]

if youre posting this stuff to a gaming forum, well... I dont think its just 'one day'

 

[Socreges]

if youre posting this stuff to a gaming forum, well... I dont think its just 'one day'

Consider what I've said in this thread, and then what I might have meant by "one day of frustration". Of course this isn't just a one-time thing. The whole point of this thread is that it's happened several times (and so frequently with procastination). What I meant, then, was what inspired this thread - extensive frustration - is a one day thing, from accumulation. I was responding to any notion that I'd be depressed. I don't think you can be depressed for a day.

 

[etiolate]

Put on some Joy Division and have a beer.

 

[MrPing1000]

my faith in humanity is pretty low atm. Today I walked passed two primary school girls they looked about 8. One of them suggested I was trying to have sex with one of them from behind. Then I walk on and they notice a name on my school bag. They ask who is that I say a friend of mine. They say your girlfriend? She must be blind and deaf.


Northern Ireland = suck