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[shoplifter]

NOW UPDATED

Dear friend,

With due respect and humility, I write to you irrespective of the fact that you don't know me. I got your contact through your country's trade journal here in Cotonou, Republic of Benin when I was making inquiry for foreign assistance.Please do not circumvent this information, please handle it discretely and contact me urgently if you can assist me in this transaction.

I am Mr. Abba Gidado, an International Legal Practitioner and a Consultant to Mr. Awad Essad, a Lebanese Importer of Textiles and Automobiles, based in Cotonou, Republic of Benin for the past fifteen years.

Unfortunately, my client Mr. Awad Essad and his family died in the ill-fated plane crash involving a Boeing 727 UTA chartered flight that took off from Cotonou, Republic of Benin and crashed into the atlantic ocean on Thursday, 25 December 2003.

For details of the plane crash,please visit : http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/12/26/benin.crash/index.html

Before the untimely death of my client, he made a fixed security deposit totaling US$27.4 Million with a Finance Company here. The money is due to mature by 30th July, 2004, and should be claimed by the depositor or his next of kin within 14 working days, else the fund will be forfeited to the state.

I must confess to you that if I do not find a way to bring this fund out of the Finance Company, I will be doing the greatest injustice to my late friend and his family. this is why I decided to browse extensively through the internet, in search of a relaible contact person who can stand in as a next of kin of my late friend and client so we can have this fund retrieved and invested judiciously.

There are no risks involved as I am the only person who has access to my client's documents. The Finance firm has just sent a reminder to my client through me, informing him of the maturity of his fund so I suggest we expedite action on this.

Your share of the fund is subject to negotiations.Reply urgently, as we must conclude this transcation and have this fund transfered to you within the next few days.

Sincerely,

Barrister Abba Gidado.
Abba Gidado & Associates

With a letter to a "Barrister" Abba Gidado. Hopefully hilarity will ensue.

Here is my reply:

Dear Barrister Gidado,

Let me be the first to convey my deepest condolences for the loss of
your friend Mr. Essad and his family. I am sure that while my
condolences cannot truly alleviate your sorrow and guilt, it will be
appreciated.

With that said, however, I am intrigued by your offer. The GAF (our
brand name) factory my family has owned for three generations has
recently seen some troubled times. We are soon to be foreclosed upon
by the bank which has financed our operation for so long, and are in
urgent need of funding lest I be forced to put nearly 2000 workers out
of a job. This would wreak havoc on the economy of our small town, as
we have been the largest employer here for many years. I am sure you,
with your high standing, can understand our current plight.

Our current debt is in the $12 million US range, and it must be paid
off in full on or before August 12, so time is of the essence. I am
sure that your compatriot Mr. Essad would be happy knowing that his
funds went to keep an entire city alive for generations to come, as
the full amount of his account would more than cover our operating
expenses for the next twenty years.

I am thoroughly excited by your proposition, and I am sure that my
employees will be as well. Now that I know our salvation has arrived
in the form of Mr. Essad's (God rest his soul) maturing security
deposit, they can rest easy and know their families are to be taken
care of. I could even offer each of them a hefty raise so that their
families could afford color television and air conditioning. Think of
their joy when I inform them of this! I am sure they will be eternally
grateful to both yourself and Mr. Essad, and would nearly worship you
as saviours.

I have but one thing to ask of you: could you please send us a picture
of yourself (to this address) with a sign (or some such) reading
"GAFFERS are crying"? This has been our motto for years, and it would
bring my employees great joy to know that you are serious in your
endeavours to help us keep our factory alive.

Please let me know what I need to do to secure these funds, as it is
of the utmost importance to us.

Yours Truly,

Ralph Wiggum, PhD.
GAF Inc.

 

[Doth Togo]

 

[Fifty]

Good luck

 

[demon]

I have but one thing to ask of you: could you please send us a picture
of yourself (to this address) with a sign (or some such) reading
"GAFFERS are crying"? This has been our motto for years, and it would
bring my employees great joy to know that you are serious in your
endeavours to help us keep our factory alive.

Yours Truly,

Ralph Wiggum, PhD.
GAF Inc.

LOLOL. Bravo.

 

[shoplifter]

LOLOL. Bravo.

I'm actually really curious to see how long it takes to get a reply. I may even try to string him on for $10 or something.

 

[Willco]

Haha, awesome!

 

[shoplifter]

LMAO

Let us work together for mutual benefits.

Barrister Abba Gidado <abbagidado_associates@yahoo.com> to me
More options 8:17pm (59 minutes ago)

Attn: Dr. Ralph Wiggum,

Thanks so much for your response and condolences, this I appreciate so much. I will like to assure you that there are no risks involved in this transaction, you have nothing to worry about, all I need is your maximum co-operation for us to complete this transaction for our mutual benefits.

Let me once again re-introduce myself once again, I am Barrister Abba Gidado, a legal practioner and principal attorney of Abba Gidado & Associates with offices in Cotonu, Benin Republic. I have been the Legal representative of Mr. Awad Essad for more that 15 years now and all documents that will facilitate the release of the fund to you as his Business partner will be given to you, hereby exempting you from any breach of the law.

I am ready to help your company and community with this fund, but you have to give me a breakdown of what your company 'GAF Inc.' does and how profitable it will be for me investing about US$15Million into it. Meanwhile I will like us to get to the break down of how we are going to secure the funds from the finance company with you as the beneficiary, I have tried to make the process brief so you can comprehend easily the situation.

PROCEDURE:

I will proceed to swear an affidavit of claim in the court having you as the beneficiary
and business partner of my late client.Once this is Notarized, it will be on records that
your are the bonafide owner of the fund.

These papers, will be immediately forwarded to the Finance Company for the release of the fund to you . I have in my possession, the Deposit Certificate, and my Chambers will also be issuing you with a power of Attorney which will give you rights to the claim of the
fund.

I will upon receipt of your confirmation, give you the details of the Security Company
where the Fund is deposited and also forward to you the documents that are in my possession to enable you proceed for the claim.

PROOF:

On your part, you have to proof to me that you will be capable to handle such amount of
money (ofcourse which will be invested in your company, but you will have to give me a brief breakdown) and I will definitely need a copy of your International Passport or driver's licence including any form of identification.

On our part, I shall prepare a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) and a Financial Managment Agreement and will prepare to meet with you as soon as you secure the funds from the finance company here in Republic of Benin. I am soliciting to give you 25% of the total funds as your share for assisting with this transaction of which you will also be incharge of the remainder of the funds invested in your country of which you will be fund manager. All this terms will be stated in the agreement that will be signed by both parties to protect mutual interests.

In lieu to the above, I wish you to digest and get back to me ASAP in order to enable us
expedite action on this subject matter and also please forward me your full names/contact details and a scanned copy of your international passport or driver's license. You can give me a call immediately you get this mail on my direct line 00 229 567 412.

I await your prompt response.

Best regards,

Barrister Abba Gidado
Abba Gidado & Associates
Direct Line:00-229-567-412

 

[Willco]

No picture, no sale!

 

[shoplifter]

Adequately photoshopping this Driver's License is going to be a bitch.

 

[RedDwarf]

Don't send a photo yet, you should sound a little hesitant to share such personal information without visual proof from him that you're not dealing with a fraud. Ask for visual proof again.

 

[UtadaBarkley]

LOLZERZ.

 

[Hitman]

Ooooo post Barrister's original e-mail.. I wanna get some background info on this.

 

[yoshifumi]

hahahahaha these are the best pranks ever.

 

[shoplifter]

RedDwarf: that is the plan. I'm going to try the trust game with him. I'll type up an email with our 'financial numbers' then ask once again, as I'm 'hesitant to send such important personal information.'

what I've got done so far. I still need to letter it, then blur the lettering a bit. I also need to touch up a few spots.

First post will be updated with his original email.

 

[Wario64]

Hahahaha

 

[Doth Togo]

RedDwarf: that is the plan. I'm going to try the trust game with him. I'll type up an email with our 'financial numbers' then ask once again, as I'm 'hesitant to send such important personal information.'

what I've got done so far. I still need to letter it, then blur the lettering a bit. I also need to touch up a few spots.

First post will be updated with his original email.

Lex Luger rules.

 

[shoplifter]

My latest reply, favorite parts bolded:

To my esteemed colleague Barrister Gidado:

Thank you for your quick reply. I can see that to both of us, time is of the essence, yet I am still hesitant to send such sensitive information until I know that you truly are who you claim to be. I have heard many stories about unsavory rapscallions on the internet, and I feel I need to protect myself. You do seem like an honest fellow, and as you are a lawyer, I am fairly sure you are quite trustworthy. Once I see this, I will be more than happy to forward you a scan of my Driver's License, but not before. I am sure you can understand and appreciate my predicament. Honoring my previous request for your image would serve to allay my apprehension.

I must apologize for not making the telephone call to you, as GAF has recently had issues with our telephone service. We have had to shut it down, doing business only over the internet via email, as we simply don't have the funds to pay for the monthly bill for business telephone service for such a large company.

I would be happy to give you some information on GAF, Inc., prior to my sending of personal information.

My family came to the United States in 1906 from the middle east and still worshipped it's most ancient and powerful deities. However, in the United States these gods were looked upon as inferior, so my family went to Christian churches only paying lip service while secretly worshipping the TRUE gods of earth, the Annunaki.

GAF, Inc., was founded in 1924 by my grandfather Clancy Wiggum, Sr., as a rubber manufacturing plant. On the side however, there was a secret agenda. As the United States had set up a Constitutional amendment prohibiting the manufacture of alcoholic beverages, Clancy Sr. has a deal with some Italian businessmen to secretly produce large amounts of whiskey and scotch.

The profits from this deal (along with the booming automobile market) helped to make the company grow into a multimillion dollar business over the next 80 years. When my grandfather died mysteriously of food poisoning in 1968, my father Clancy Jr. took over the business and guided it through the tough economic times of the 1970's. In spite of the difficult economic conditions, he managed to make several profitable deals with Japanese automobile manufacturers, forsaking the American companies based out of Detroit as he felt that their quality was dropping significantly and that this drop in quality would spell their doom. He was quite right, and those deals earned GAF millions of dollars even while other companies suffered.

My father died in 1996, and at that point I took over, mostly out of a sense of commitment. I have a PhD in English literature you see, and no practical experience working in the sector GAF operates in. However, over the past 8 years I have been able to learn all that there is to know about the company, but the first four or five years were quite brutal to our bottom line. We lost many millions in those years, mostly due to my lack of experience in the field, and even though we have been profitable over the last several years, it hasn't been enough to cover both our previous debts and to cover payroll.

I cannot bear to let any of my employees go, as it is the only employment to be found in the region, and the loss of their job would spell doom for many families here. I was priviledged enough to attend a fine university (as you have been) and I feel that I owe a debt of gratitude to these families to keep them employed as without them none of my family's success would have been possible.

Annually, we bring in revenue of nearly $23 million, however our payouts over the last few years due to refinancing and business loans have increased our annual payouts to nearly $28 million. Much of this is in the form of payroll, operating costs and interest on our business loans, which total in at around the $12 million I informed you of in our first communique. I have a feeling that the interest rate on our business loans is quite high at nearly 32% per annum, but as the people I took the loan from were the aforementioned Italian businessmen my father and grandfather worked so closely with, I trusted them implicitly. However, now I am not so sure about them.

I look forward to finally seeing your image, and may the power of Enki protect you.

Ralph Wiggum, PhD
GAF, Inc.

Hopefully he'll take the bait.

 

[Willco]

That is Federman-quality hoaxing right there, sir. Good job.

 

[Lonestar]

 

[JoshuaJSlone]

The Annunaki! That's always been my favorite of the "ancient astronaut" stories.

 

[miyuru]

lol

We just got some roofing tile samples and the company is GAF. Damn, if I read this thread earlier I could've sent a pic!

 

[demon]

Haha, you said rapscallion. Awesome.

I have heard many stories about unsavory rapscallions on the internet, and I feel I need to protect myself. You do seem like an honest fellow, and as you are a lawyer, I am fairly sure you are quite trustworthy.

:lol

GAF, Inc., was founded in 1924 by my grandfather Clancy Wiggum

ROOFLES

 

[maharg]

Love the prohibition angle.

 

[shoplifter]

I'll have to think of something for this one.

Attnr. Ralph Wigum,

I am in receipt of your email, thank you very much for the brief business history of your company, I really appreciate that. I will be sending you a scanned copy of my international passport later today or by tomorrow at the latest so you can have the identity of whom you are working with. I must inform you that this business is genuine and do not consider me for any irresponsible enthusiasts you see on the internet these days.

You must understand that you have to keep this transaction highly classified, I need your assistance to claim this fund and retrieve it from the security company where it is lodged, that is why I am offering you 25% of the total sum as your own personal share, and will also like to invest a major part of mine in your company.

I must inform you that this fund is lodged in CASH with the security company here in Benin, which has affiliate company in Amsterdam. Although the officials do not know the actual contents of the consignment (the contents where only known to me and my client), it was labeled as expensive photographic materials. I will like to know if you will be able to travel down here to the Republic of Benin or to the security company's affiliate office in Amsterdam, De-Netherlands to recieve this fund.

Why I need your details is for me to proceed to court to process the needed documents and also procure a letter of administration from probate. I will like you to inform me if you would be disposed to travel down to africa next week or Europe. If you are going to receive this fund in Europe, the security company here will arrange the funds to be delivered to their affiliate office via Diplomatic courier.

Imediately you recieve the funds, it will be lodged in a domicilliary account in your name after which it will be moved for onward transfer to your account in the United States. I believe we can conclude all these under 2weeks as long as I have your maximum co-operation.

Awaiting your soonest response confirming your capacity to consumate this transaction so we can proceed forward to conclude this deal in a timely fashion.

Regards,

Barrister Abba Gidado.

 

[shoplifter]

The reply, not my best work but I worked with what I had.

To the Honoable Barrister Gidado:

May Enki, Enlil and Ninhursag shine upon your glorious face! I would
be happy to fly to Amsterdam, old chap. I've always heard that the
whores there are quite exquisite and I'm in need of a thorough
fucking.

I do feel the need to take issue with the distribution of funds,
friend. US law prohibits foreign investment in non-public companies
(and as we are not traded on the stock market, we are one) so we will
need to reconsider the percentages and how this will be done legally
on paper.

I was under the impression that this would be 'no strings attached'
money for my company. It's not that I don't trust you, but you must
understand that the IRS (our tax agency) will be wondering where this
influx of money came from. Also remember, that I will need to pay
income tax on every last cent of the money. Were I to only receive a
25% share, my final take would only be in the $3 million range. I need
at least 75%, possibly 80% of the cut to make this deal work.

Please do not forget that I do not want to cook the books, else I may
be arrested and sent to Guantanamo Bay on global terrorism charges as
specified by the USA PATRIOT ACT of 2001. I shudder to think of what
the interrogators there would do to me. I've heard stories of men
(with families) who went there and never came back or came back
drastically different.

I would also request that you send along with your scanned passport,
the original "GAFFERS are crying" image I asked of you. I only ask
because legal documentation can be doctored up, a newly-taken image
upon request cannot. This way, I could also show my workers that we
are truly blessed by Enki, and saved by your divine providence. I'm
sure you would not feel comfortable with me providing such sensitive
information to my employees, though I am sure they would not betray my
trust.

So duder, what do we need to do to make this deal work? Those Italians
came by this morning, and they sounded kind of angry. I'm starting to
wonder if they'll hurt me...

Snooguns,

Ralph Wiggum, Esq., PhD

 

[Lonestar]

 

[UtadaBarkley]

LOL omg if this works it will be the funniest thing in the history of NEO GAF.

 

[Ghost]

Careful what you say, i think you've already said enough to be hung under the patriots act.

 

[JoshuaJSlone]

Too bad Hillary Duff can't call Nigeria.

 

[shoplifter]

Still waiting for a reply. I expect one tomorrow when the driver's license will be done.

 

[shoplifter]

Dear Abba,

I am still waiting for your information, I am quite desperate to
finish this deal. Please contact me ASAP.

Hugs,

Ralph Wiggum, PhD.

Attn: Mr. Ralph Wiggum,

Good day, sorry for the late update. I will agree to give you a 40% share that is the best I can go. You will have to assist the diplomat with the sum of 36,000Euros on arrival in Amsterdam for diplomatic courier frieght and insurance of the consignment from Benin here, Everything is handled by the security company and will be released to you as the beneficiary on your arrival in Amsterdam next week.

I am working on finalising the paperwork with the security company here. Please I will like you to confirm your anticipated arrival date in Amsterdam to enable me finalise documentational procedures.

I will like us to conlude this in a timely fashion.

Regards,

Barrister Abba Gidado.

Holy hell, now it's starting to get a little creepy, as he hasn't even asked for money for 'paperwork reasons', I just need THIRTY SIX FUCKING THOUSAND EUROS when I arrive in Amsterdam.

 

[Fifty]

Hope you haven't bit off more than you can chew

I think he's ignoring your request for the picture.

 

[shoplifter]

I think so too, on the picture issue. I'll toy with him a little more and tell him when and where I'll meet his associate. Then maybe I'll call Interpol or something :lol

 

[Lonestar]

How can the other party still go for this scam, after the word "rapscallion" was used.

Honestly!!!

 

[shoplifter]

Dear Abba,

Hugs and kisses from GAF, Inc.! I suppose that I could settle for a
50/50 split on this, after all, I have to fly to Amsterdam. I have
booked my flight on Continental Airlines Flight 70 from Newark NJ on
July 28.

Ralph Wiggum, Esq., PhD.

I have no idea how he plans to scam me unless he's in the 'people trade' or plans on harvesting my organs.

 

[mightynine]

May Enki, Enlil and Ninhursag shine upon your glorious face! I would
be happy to fly to Amsterdam, old chap. I've always heard that the
whores there are quite exquisite and I'm in need of a thorough
fucking.

How THIS slipped by, I will never know.

 

[Fifty]

So what're you trying to do now, Shoplifter?

 

[Mr. E. Yis]

You better be careful- if you mess around, they'll kill you when their group meets up next time for their anniversary.


http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/07/19/419ers_murder_incorporated/

 

[Ecrofirt]

Where's the fucking picture?

 

[Lyte Edge]

What's the name of that site with the 419 baiters? You need to post this there, Shoplifter.

 

[shoplifter]

I'm waiting till this is over, then I plan on it Lyte. I'm hoping I can drag more hilarity out of this, but he's not making it easy.

 

[Baron Aloha]

This pic always cracked me up. Here is a link to the story behind it:

http://www.419eater.com/html/kothapalli_rao.htm

There are more pics at the link for the same guy. The dude managed to bait him for months!!!

 

[Fifty]

See, that's what you need to do! Forget about meeting him ;p Get the pic!

 

[Baron Aloha]

One more...

 

[mashoutposse]

I have to say that the Nigerian 419'ers possess a suprisingly good handle of the English language.

 

[Chipopo]

"The Tale of the Painted Breast"

LMFAO. 419 baiting kicks ass.

 

[SFA_AOK]

"The Tale of the Painted Breast"

LMFAO. 419 baiting kicks ass.

That went on and on and on... Best of just grabbing the mp3 at the end for the highlights

 

[demon]

This GAFFER is crying......that he's not taking the bait.

 

[shoplifter]

Attn: Dr. Ralph Wiggum,

Greetings, I am in reciept of your email, we will deal on a 50/50 split. I am still in the process of finalising all necessary documents needed. Will update you tomorrow.

Regards,

Barrister Abba Gidado

I suppose I can type up a funny response tonight. I find it hilarious that the driver's license has been completely forgotten.

 

[Neo_ZX]

Pardon my ignorance, but can someone explain how this scam works? I've heard about the princess thing but only know the general jist of it.