Support NeoGAF

[West Texas CEO]

After watching one of Stefan Molineux videos, I came to the realization of something:

He was debating with a pretty stubborn, seemingly 28 year old woman who had massive debt and kept on going into different fields.
First, she was a history major, then did law, then ended up going into teaching and quit that and is yet again looking into going into something new.
And to top it off, she wanted to have three children and get married, yet wasn't even dating.

That's when it then hit me, that I could easily become that woman in a few years time if I don't plan carefully. I'm 25, I have $4,000 in debt, no degree (I found it was more beneficial to me not to continue my studies and rack up more debt) and I am lightly employed (making only a few dollars above minimum wage).
I got into deep thought. I don't want to look back on my 20s and realize it was spent all in vain and not going for what I really wanted.
I figured that an lumber yard job would pay a good enough salary without being in poverty or government aid, but that it would be better to give up on a higher salary.
I would have to budget more, but I would still have a livable salary that does not require a 4 year degree.

So, the conclusion I've come to is that no one really gets it all. And even with a high salary, sometimes that means sacrificing personal or family time. And sometimes money has a habit of corrupting. I still don't know where exactly I'll be 4 years from now, but it most certainly won't involve spending more time as a broke man.

 

[Deleted member 1159]

Being an adult is learning life is a series of compromises and learning to make the least bad choices.

 

[The Cockatrice]

Im assuming you're american, but can't you get one of those heavy jobs, on an oil rig or similar industry that pays so much in a year that you'd be set for quite some time? It's horrible, exhausting and mentally challenging but at least you'll be good for future, no?

 

[Artoris]

After watching one of Stefan Molineux videos, I came to the realization of something:

He was debating with a pretty stubborn, seemingly 28 year old woman who had massive debt and kept on going into different fields.
First, she was a history major, then did law, then ended up going into teaching and quit that and is yet again looking into going into something new.
And to top it off, she wanted to have three children and get married, yet wasn't even dating.

That's when it then hit me, that I could easily become that woman in a few years time if I don't plan carefully. I'm 25, I have $4,000 in debt, no degree (I found it was more beneficial to me not to continue my studies and rack up more debt) and I am lightly employed (making only a few dollars above minimum wage).
I got into deep thought. I don't want to look back on my 20s and realize it was spent all in vain and not going for what I really wanted.
I figured that an lumber yard job would pay a good enough salary without being in poverty or government aid, but that it would be better to give up on a higher salary.
I would have to budget more, but I would still have a livable salary that does not require a 4 year degree.

So, the conclusion I've come to is that no one really gets it all. And even with a high salary, sometimes that means sacrificing personal or family time. And sometimes money has a habit of corrupting. I still don't know where exactly I'll be 4 years from now, but it most certainly won't involve spending more time as a broke man.

Get your self a good skill which is needed and with what you can make money with

 

[West Texas CEO]

Im assuming you're american, but can't you get one of those heavy jobs, on an oil rig or similar industry that pays so much in a year that you'd be set for quite some time? It's horrible, exhausting and mentally challenging but at least you'll be good for future, no?

I have spaghetti thin arms, though. the best I can do is at a lumber yard.

 

[Raven117]

No. You can’t do everything life has to offer. I don’t even know “have it all” means. It’s a silly phrase.

 

[The Cockatrice]

I have spaghetti thin arms, though. the best I can do is at a lumber yard.

Theres probably more skinny guys working in heavy industry than massive dudes. Your resistance and strength matter more than how large your arms are. Sorry you're in debt, I am too, thanks to family and partially myself, but I hope youll land somewhere good.

 

[Mossybrew]

I don't want to look back on my 20s and realize it was spent all in vain and not going for what I really wanted.

Eh, I spent the majority of my 20s pretty aimless, just hanging with friends, having fun, moving out with my wife, no real goals beyond "what are we doing next weekend" and it was some of the best times of my life. You've got a lot of life ahead, don't feel like you have everything planned out at your age. 4K debt is not terrible or unusual, but I would work on slowly getting that down.

 

[AJUMP23]

All we have to do is decide what to do with the time we have.

 

[Northeastmonk]

You get what you put in. Work hard in order to play hard. Start your 401k now. Besides that, life isn’t perfect. Just because you married a hot lady or have a good job, doesn’t mean you’re happy.

 

[Days like these...]

I have spaghetti thin arms, though. the best I can do is at a lumber yard.

I have a friend who's son started working at truck stop as a cashier kid was like 5'5 maybe 140lbs he decided to work on the shop changing tires on 18 wheelers now he's training to do light mechanical on 18 wheelers. Pay starts at $25 hr plus commission.

 

[Doom85]

All we have to do is decide what to do with the time we have.

You’re telling OP to head to a fiery mountain to toss a piece of jewelry into it, and if he runs into any sketchy individual with an obvious desire for murder along the way that he should definitely take said individual with him?

 

[Bojji]

You can't. Life is like RPG game where you put stats in certain things but you can't respec and there is a time limit.

3 most valuable things are:

- family/friends/love
- money
- TIME

You have to sacrifice time and family to get money, or sacrifice money to have time for family etc.

Some people were born with ultra easy mode turned on - in rich families, they don't have to sacrifice much to have money (their ancestors did that).

 

[EviLore]

Family, career, and health are the most important things as a man in the long run. If you're single and don't have a career path figured out yet, that's okay since you're still in your 20s, but make a plan for the future so that your 30s aren't bleak and full of regret--many are.

STEM degree, or build a business, or learn a trade, or become Taylor Swift. Lot of options out there but all of them require putting in the work and thinking long-term.

 

[West Texas CEO]

Family,

When do you think is the best time to get serious about starting a family?

Would it be age specific or just when I've gotten my financials in order?

 

[BlackTron]

Not exactly on topic but I'd recommend trying to shift the CC debt into some form of interest-free debt. I have about the same amount of debt now, but I would have more if I didn't do this. 30% CC int on 4k will end up about $100/m. That's $1200 yearly...kind of a big deal. (Of course if you keep paying, the amounts would lower and the real cost would be under $1200. On the other hand, because I use free financing, I juggle a lot and total debt is maintained somewhat lol).

 

[EviLore]

When do you think is the best time to get serious about starting a family?

Would it be age specific or just when I've gotten my financials in order?

Better to have your career and financials sorted out if possible, also need to find a good emotionally stable woman so that your life isn't hell afterwards.

 

[The Cockatrice]

also need to find a good emotionally stable woman

Good luck with that lottery. I've learned to accept that most women can be unstable at times especially a week per month and you just gotta deal with it else life is going to be solo, which is also fine.

 

[NecrosaroIII]

Good luck with that lottery. I've learned to accept that most women can be unstable at times especially a week per month and you just gotta deal with it else life is going to be solo, which is also fine.

I love my wife. I think she's amazingly patient with me. Practically a saint. But ain't that the truth, brother. That week is hell lol.

Anyway OP, I strongly reccomend learning to prioritize your time. Freetime is a commodity, and should be budgeted as such. Learn to prioritize your time, so you can focus on needs and wants and cut out "dead time". How much time have you wasted idly checking social media / NeoGAF / the web? Act with intentionality.

But balance yourself too. Don't over schedule yourself either, and don't HARD LOCK things either. Instead, prioritize. It's best if you use a planner IMHO. Instead of saying "At 1 PM, I'm going to read" write down two lists. Things you need to do, and things you want to do. Needs will always supersede wants. Once your needs are out of the way, start tackling your wants, starting with the thing you want most.

For example, today is my day off. Here is what I have on my lists:

Needs:
- Morning Walk
- Go get bloodwork drawn
- Clean bathroom
- Meditate

Wants
-Watch anime (Sandland)
- Write 1000 words in my novel
- Play video games

I've already finished my "Needs" list, with the exception of meditate, which I will do in the afternoon, and have already started doing stuff from my Wants List. I've watched anime until I got bored and will soon began writing for the day.

I've found having this locus of control has made me feel in much more control of my life, which in turn has made me feel more fulfilled and happier. It is when I started exercising this control that I started to turn my life around. I got a career, got a wife, and now live a pretty decent life that I can be proud of. There are certainly things I'd like to change, but I can work on that.

So yeah, prioritize.

 

[ForAcademicPurposes]

My parents taught me this at a young age. They are rich and they did not spoil me in the slightest (In fact they have still not given me a fucking dime despite being good boy Timmy). That;s how you fucking raise your fucking kids. Not this fucking Karen bullshit that you see cockroaching at your local fucking mall pretending to be the second coming of Jesus whilst being chased by their own shadow mini me creations.

Cunt kids.

 

[Mossybrew]

They are rich and they did not spoil me in the slightest (In fact they have still not given me a fucking dime despite being good boy Timmy). That;s how you fucking raise your fucking kids.

I dunno man you don't sound all that stable. Maybe you actually resent them not sharing their money with you.

 

[ForAcademicPurposes]

I dunno man you don't sound all that stable. Maybe you actually resent them not sharing their money with you.

I don't. They sent me to the best schools where I made graceful friends and made the best memories. I will never give that up for anything. The choices that my parents made were pretty good in hindsight and have mad respect for that. It's not about materialistic things.

I talk to majority of the kids today and fucking pity them when I listen to them speak to me about their first world problems. 90% of them need a fucking therapist in my opinion.

Oh, and about the money. I have money. Money that I have earned myself through working my ass off.. Call it a financial cushiom. Having accomplished that, I still don't care about making it.

There was a time that I used to care about making more money than my parents because that was the goal instilled into me as 90s kid.

 

[BlackTron]

Better to have your career and financials sorted out if possible, also need to find a good emotionally stable woman so that your life isn't hell afterwards.

Life ain't nothin' but _______s and ______.

 

[Bloobs]

Join the army

 

[T8SC]

 

[John Marston]

Looking back at my early 20's I wish I didn't waste my years at university.
I did a couple of years in specialized education and a couple more in criminology without getting a degree.
Going to university was "the thing to do" and I mostly did it to please my mom.

But I'm not worried about you my little brother, you're still young

Find something you're good at and go for it.

 

[Punished Miku]

Only thing I'd really do differently is just do some basic, safe investments as early as possible. Doesn't matter what you're doing, janitor, teacher, lawyer. Start putting 10% from every check automatically into a Roth IRA or something else similar right now. Even if you think you can't spare it, cut out other shit and do it. Then by the time you're ready to retire you'll likely just barely be a millionaire. It's that easy. The earlier you do it, the longer it just slowly increases. If you wait, that is not the case. If your employer matches funds on anything, max that out too.

The rest is just find whatever job, pay your bills, and go meet a girl. All are totally doable. All are variable things that can play out any number of ways. What I described above though is required, and do it early.

 

[nkarafo]

Some people not only can't have it all, they can't even have most of the standard stuff (a home, a stable relationship, stable job, kids).

I only have my own home from inheritance (got lucky there) but none of the others. And i'm 42 so it's kinda late for me. On the other hand i realized this is a peaceful life. So that's good.

 

[ForAcademicPurposes]

I dunno man you don't sound all that stable.

I know you're not attacking me on a personal level but I'm going to let you know that I work 40 hours in a week and you need to be stable to do that shit day in and day out.

 

[rm082e]

After watching one of Stefan Molineux videos, I came to the realization of something:

He was debating with a pretty stubborn, seemingly 28 year old woman who had massive debt and kept on going into different fields.
First, she was a history major, then did law, then ended up going into teaching and quit that and is yet again looking into going into something new.
And to top it off, she wanted to have three children and get married, yet wasn't even dating.

That's when it then hit me, that I could easily become that woman in a few years time if I don't plan carefully. I'm 25, I have $4,000 in debt, no degree (I found it was more beneficial to me not to continue my studies and rack up more debt) and I am lightly employed (making only a few dollars above minimum wage).
I got into deep thought. I don't want to look back on my 20s and realize it was spent all in vain and not going for what I really wanted.
I figured that an lumber yard job would pay a good enough salary without being in poverty or government aid, but that it would be better to give up on a higher salary.
I would have to budget more, but I would still have a livable salary that does not require a 4 year degree.

So, the conclusion I've come to is that no one really gets it all. And even with a high salary, sometimes that means sacrificing personal or family time. And sometimes money has a habit of corrupting. I still don't know where exactly I'll be 4 years from now, but it most certainly won't involve spending more time as a broke man.

When I was in my early 20's, I had a pretty simple checklist of things I wanted to eventually build towards:

• Marry a pretty girl who I get along with well, who was stable and reliable, who also wants to start a family and really be a team at raising kids.
• Have at least 2 kids and work to provide a more comfortable life for them than I had growing up - college funds, nice clothes, plenty of toys, etc.
• Have a comfortable house in the burbs - nothing fancy, just reliable heat/AC, plenty of space, two bathrooms, stocked fridge, and a back yard for the kids to play.
• About 6 months of my salary in the bank so I don't have to stress and worry when cars break down or life inevitably happens.
• Comfortable retirement account so the wife and I don't have to stress when we get old and stop working.
• A job that I don't hate, with people I appreciate, doing work that makes me feel decent about myself. Also a big enough salary to make the above list happen.

Long story short, I got all of that by the time I was 38:

• I didn't go to college. I started working in a call center and just worked my way up the corporate ladder. I'm now a manager over about a dozen people, and I have some specialist tasks that I fell into along the way. My job really makes me feel satisfied, and I make more money than I every thought I would.
• I work for a small company that is fully remote, so I do my job in my PJs in my own home. When it's slow, I can just turn 90 degrees to my right and play games. I also know very clearly I have about as much job security as a person can have.
• I'm in decent shape (weights, cardio, meal plan), I have no health issues, no debt other than my house (we own both cars), and I've never had any trauma or major drama in life.

I have achieved more than I thought I would and I know full well I am living in the top 0.01% of humans who have ever lived.

With all of that, when I was a young guy, I thought my daily life would be a sort of constant ecstasy. I thought all of those things would force me to be super happy all of the time. But each step of the way, it was like anything else - joy at getting the pretty girl, joy at having my kids, joy at getting a great job with people I like, and joy when the company went fully remote. But then each of those things just become "normal" and they don't force me happy anymore.

The reality is, each day I have to work to be happy. I have to choose to be positive and thankful for everything I have. I have to work at being positive inside and out, because the natural instinct is to take all of it for granted.

I completely understand the idea of the "mid-life crisis" now. I'm not going to experience one myself because I am choosing to value what I have while I have it. But I can understand how some people (particularly men) get everything they always wanted, it doesn't force force them to be happy, and they sort of freak out over it.

 

[Mossybrew]

I know you're not attacking me on a personal but I'm going to let you know that I work 40 hours in a week and you need to be stable to do that shit day in and day out.

Hmm, yeah ranting about "fucking Karens" and "cunt kids" just all comes off as weirdly hostile, like you have some anger issues boilin' under there man. I don't know you, just saying how the text comes across.

 

[ForAcademicPurposes]

That's just reality mate. Look around you. What do you see? Exactly that.

Sorry, but I'm a fucking realist.

 

[jason10mm]

Better to have your career and financials sorted out if possible, also need to find a good emotionally stable woman so that your life isn't hell afterwards.

I see you minored in creative fiction writing whilst getting your degree

 

[NecrosaroIII]

I see you minored in creative fiction writing whilst getting your degree

They exist. Just have to look for them.

 

[West Texas CEO]

They exist. Just have to look for them.

 

[Bloobs]

 

[EviLore]

I see you minored in creative fiction writing whilst getting your degree

It’s all relative! There’s drama and then there’s waking up in jail, your reputation ruined, your car keyed and tires slashed, without half of your organs, faked pregnancies, etc.

 

[West Texas CEO]

faked pregnancies

This blows my mind, but I guess it's better than an actual pregnancy with the child belonging to another man.

 

[Ass of Can Whooping]

Should have been born a protagonist like me west

 

[Dural]

Join the army

Honestly, if I had it all to do all over again I probably would have joined one of the military branches straight out of High School. Put in 20 years and have full retirement benefits at 38yo. I have a cousin that joined the Air Force after getting her 4 year degree in nursing, went in as an officer and will be retiring within the next couple years. She's been all over the world, lived in Hawaii and Germany for many years.

I have a pretty good life now, but didn't get married and start having kids until I was 33. I'll be almost 60 when my youngest graduates from High School. Wish I would have started earlier so I'd know all my grandkids.

 

[AJUMP23]

You’re telling OP to head to a fiery mountain to toss a piece of jewelry into it, and if he runs into any sketchy individual with an obvious desire for murder along the way that he should definitely take said individual with him?

That is one decision.

 

[jason10mm]

It’s all relative! There’s drama and then there’s waking up in jail, your reputation ruined, your car keyed and tires slashed, without half of your organs, faked pregnancies, etc.

Oh yeah, forgot all about that 'drama'.

You win sir, you win.

 

[ForAcademicPurposes]

Unless you are drowning in fuck you money, then you can have it all. This life is pay to win.

 

[TwiztidElf]

Lots of really good, wise advise in this thread. My story is similar to rm082e's above with a few variations.

Two things that you have no choice over:
1) You have to live somewhere.
2) If you want to have any shiny things you have to work/have a job.
There is very little to no escape from the debt-mortgage-wage slave system. Always keep you debt profile in check. Don't over-commit.

80%+ hate their job. I'm one of them. Corporate will consume your soul if you let it. Just gotta get through them 40-50 hours a week as best you can. Trade that time to live the happiest life you can outside of work. You don't need everything to be happy.
I'm not a risk taker, so I've achieved through slow and steady consistency. At 45 I finally visited Japan, something I wanted since the 90's, I just always had other priorities. At 50+, I'm finally getting the car I want.

It's a meme because it's true: Touch grass (trail run/hike in the forest). Lift bro. <These things will make you happy cheaply.

 

[John Marston]

I also don't want it all because I don't need everything.
What would I do if I had it all?
Probably be bored out of my mind like King Conan on his throne

 

[Mistake]

You can make all the plans you want and go into mountains of debt doing it, but in the end you won't find what fulfills you without putting yourself out there. I do recommend getting a type of labor job for a while. It sucks at first, but the exercise and connections you make at them are worth it. Also they pay pretty good. Make some trail mix yourself with peanuts and mixed berries to bulk up. Only $10 at walmart and will last you a week. Once you're stable, looking good and feeling good, you'll start to notice things become a lot easier and you have more time to devote to studies or whatever you're interested in....as long as you're single lol

 

[bitbydeath]

I don’t agree at all.

Yes, you can have it all. But you have to be realistic about what having it all means.

You can have an amazing family, a really nice house, the perfect job and be happy.

 

[John Marston]

80%+ hate their job.

I had the urge to quote this because it's important.
So many of us tolerate our jobs because well, "it pays well".
I've been there & it's a shit reason.
My first thought when waking up was "Shit" & my last thought when going to bed was "Ugh Motherfucker".
I was on my way to a heart attack in my early 40's but I turned it around.

I'm not saying you absolutely have to adore your job but at least do something you like

The long term rewards are so much better for your overall physical & mental health.

 

[TwiztidElf]

Yeah, mine pays well, and to be honest, I do like what I do. It's just all the corporate bs and the office psychopaths that bring me down.
I worked a labour job back in the days and I absolutely preferred it, but where I live it gets fucking hot. I couldn't face another summer.
To quote Peter Gibbons before he finds he's happier in blue collar work "I don't think I'd like another job."

 

[Jsisto]

Live within your means. If you’re not seeking a degree you should not be in debt unless something catastrophically unexpected happens. 4k is not that bad though. Try to get that in order and work on your credit. You don’t need half the shit that our consumer culture tells you that you need.

Another lie is that you need a job that you love/are passionate about. Sure if it turns out that way great, and you should absolutely work hard and be good at it. But a job is a means to an end to support your family, friends, interests and hobbies.