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[Aske]

I guess for me it's that I originally doubted that being gay wasn't a choice. I had a big argument with a bunch of gay people on the board on it became very apparent to me that being gay was not a choice for them, it was who they were.

...but bi-sexuality goes right up against that. I could call myself bi-sexual and never act on it...but by our definitions that means I'm straight. I could call myself bi-sexual and always get with people of the same gender...but by our definitions that means I'm gay.

Like I said, it's likely that bisexual people are ahead of the times, and that we're all somewhat bi-sexual, it's just they are comfortable branding themselves as such.

In the end as people we're all just sexual.

Perhaps my lack of acceptance of bi-sexual people is out of jealousy or something? :lol

Straight guys don't choose to be straight - we're just restricted to only finding one gender attractive. The same goes for gay people. No one defines sexuality by choices people make. A gay man is gay if he's only attracted to men. He's not straight simply because he buries his nature and chooses to live with a woman. Even the guys in prison who fuck each other are straight if they're doing it out of biological necessity and not because they feel genuinely attracted to other men - just as the gay men who father children with their wives aren't necessarily bisexual simply because they were able to copulate a few times with a female. If you choose to only be with women but are also somewhat attracted to men, you're probably a bit bisexual. Sexuality is about who you are, not what you do.

 

[Cimarron]

I think some of you misunderstood my confusion. What I don't understand is how one is able to be satisfied with with one gender when you find both attractive. the way I see it is that not only are you forsaking to be with another person but you are also forsaking part of your nature FOREVER. That does not compute for me. And I have spoken with her about my concerns and we are both really upset about the whole situation. Me because I feel that I was betrayed on many different levels. And she is upset that she still feels attracted to women. She claims that since we have been back to together she the only male she has been attracted to is me. But the attraction to other females still remains. She even goes as far as to say she thinks she feels more comfortable with lesbians than she does with men. Also that if this fails she doubts she will be with another man... just women. I don't know how to feel about that. It could just be estrogen laced BS. (she is PMSing and on top of that she has PMDD) but if it is true... I don't know... I find that rather disturbing.

 

[Tntnnbltn]

I could call myself bi-sexual and never act on it...but by our definitions that means I'm straight. I could call myself bi-sexual and always get with people of the same gender...but by our definitions that means I'm gay.

In studies of homosexuality, they use one of three definitions (depending on what is being studied)...

1) Sexual behaviour
2) Sexual attraction
3) Sexual identity

There are people who might only be classed as "heterosexual" under some categories but "homosexual" (or bisexual) under others. For example, it's well documented that there is a subset of society who consider themselves heterosexual males, yet they have sex with other men (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men_who_have_sex_with_men). On the flipside, you can have someone who is attracted to men but doesn't act on it and exhibits heterosexual or asexual behaviour.

In short, it's not just a matter of who you sleep with that determines whether you are gay, straight or bisexual.

 

[besada]

I dated a bisexual girl for a few years. It turned out badly, but that had less to do with her being bisexual than it did with her being a lying sack of shit.

My only caution would be that your girl doesn't seem to know what it is she wants. Or rather, she seems to believe she can have you and women as well. If you're okay with that, it's one thing, but she doesn't get special dispensation from monogamy and being honest just because she swings both ways.

 

[Kangaboo]

The bottom line is relationships are hard.
Figuring out your own feelings & working in those of another is hard.
Being an adult is hard.

I would say that the best thing you can do is relax. At the end of the day she is dating you & that's what you've got to work with.

One of the best things about relationships is that you have each other & can still talk. Talking to your partner is -amazing-! You can be in a committed monogamous relationship & have conversations about women that you both find attractive.

Just having open discourse is going to be healthy for your relationship.

It sounds like you already do talk to her, which is great! So maybe try to work your darndest past what is upsetting you both and seeing what happens.

 

[Shanadeus]

I always end up posting the same thing in threads like these; hopefully it's of use to the OP.

My wife is bisexual. We've been in a committed relationship for almost nine years, and been married for almost five. She had relationships with men and women before meeting me. I have absolutely no issue with it. Worrying about a bisexual woman who has displayed a sincere commitment to monogamy needing to blow off sexual steam with other women is as ridiculous as a guy who married a tall Swedish air hostess needing to cheat on her with a tiny Asian businesswoman. An ability to appreciate variety does not necessarily equate to a compulsion to experience it.

When you settle down with one person, it's because that person is who you want to spend your life with. That doesn't mean you no longer have any sexual desire for other people. If you're not in an open relationship, committing to one person means that the desire for a fulfilling monogamous partnership outweighs any desire to experiment sexually with different partners. It's that simple. If the desire to experiment outweighs the fulfillment of the partnership, you have to re-evaluate your priorities.

The girl in the OP's story doesn't sound like she's ready to settle down with one person yet. Perhaps she needs more time to play the field. Perhaps she likes the idea of monogamy but isn't built for it. Perhaps she's gay. Regardless, it sounds like she has some things to work out for herself. Either cool off and wait for her to reach a higher level of self-understanding or self-acceptance with regard to her sexuality and life goals, or move on. Right now, she's saying one thing but doing another; and that's a bad foundation for any relationship.

Great post, read this OP.

 

[Mumei]

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0195098412/?tag=neogaf0e-20

I'd definitely recommend reading this.

 

[uraldix]

Personally, I don't see where the bisexuality even comes into play. I would have a problem with the fact that she still goes to clubs to "let off some steam" whether it be that she is dancing with girls or guys. It seems that she is not ready to actually commit to a relationship with you because she is not sure what she really wants.

 

[ChiTownBuffalo]

You just have trust issues and she is not ready to settle down.

Go your seperate ways.

Also the assumption that bisexuality is a factor in adultery is messed up. Like how people for some reason equate homosexuality and pedophilia.