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I'm going to be a father

Ingeniero

Ingeniero

Member
Hi,

I don't normally post personal stuff online, but I feel like sharing.

So, I got engaged two months ago with my 1.5 year girlfriend, everything was fine.
Girl found out that she is pregnant and freaked out, to the point of saying we are no longer engaged and broke up with me.
Now she is 10 weeks pregnant and I am very excited.
I went with her to her 9 week appointment and listened to the baby’s heartbeats in the machine, wow that was an amazing experience! I cried a bit.

She is more calm now and excited as well, but she is a bit worried because she was taking some pills to lose weight before knowing she was pregnant, the Doctors said we should not worry about this, but we are going to do a genetic echography in two weeks to make sure everything is ok.
She still says she doesn’t love me anymore.... I don't know what happened, maybe the pregnancy shock was too hard on her or the hormones are fucking with her head.... I hope she changes her mind.
But right now the top priority for me is her well-being and the baby's. I won't push her about our relationship right now, I'll give her some time.
We talk every day, we are very friendly with each other and of course I help her out with the Doctor expenses and all that.

I love her and I already love this baby, I am sure things will get better.
 
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pr0cs

pr0cs

Member
Hang in there bro, having kids was the hardest thing I ever did, hard enough that they put the final nail in the coffin for my marriage.
They are also the most rewarding thing and most proud I've been about anything. The more effort you put in the more you'll get out.
Just be prepared, the first year after birth will be the hardest, after that you can survive anything 👍
 
Punished Miku

Punished Miku

Human Rights Subscription Service
1) Engaged
2) Pregnant
3) I don't love you anymore and we should break up
4) Reluctantly having baby but still says she doesn't love you. Still engaged?

What the fuck? I have never heard of this happening quite like this.

You sound like a very supportive and kind person, but your inability to think about your own benefit is going to get you hurt and destroyed. Was the relationship strained before this? What were the previous 1.5 years like? Anyway, best of luck. Maybe it is just nerves, but usually it's the other way around and the woman is excited about marriage and the kid, and the guy is the nervous one.
 
Ailynn

Ailynn

Faith - Hope - Love
I am so sorry that she is going through whatever emotional distress that is causing her to feel so differently. I hope she changes as well, and realizes just how much you love her and the baby.

Your love is so wonderfully sweet that it brought me nearly to tears. God bless you and I pray that the three of you will be happy no matter what happens. Thank you for sharing and for being the kind person you are - I wish you all the very best in life my friend. ❤
 
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synchronicity

synchronicity

Member
Stouffers said:
Congrats but her detachment-timing is very strange. I’d get a paternity test once the child is born.
Click to expand...

Yes, as cynical as it may sound, do not assume the child to be yours and wind up footing bills for this girl/child without confirmation. Unless you just want to do it regardless. It's easy to assume the best of those we care for despite endless anecdotes in support of the opposite position. Look out for yourself op.
 
Winter John

Winter John

Member
Congrats op. I wouldn't worry about the moodswings. Women go fuckin crazy when they're pregnant and this is only the start of it. You can expect force 10 shit fits, undying declarations of love, hell, if your anything like me she'll stab you with her nail file at some point. Anyways, look, I got a favor to ask, not just for me but for every guy. When she's in one of her loved up moods could you get her to agree to call your kid Thundercat?
 
autoduelist

autoduelist

Member
Pregnancy is a hormonal tornado. So it very likely could be that. Or, as some others warned, it could be something else.

It's good you have your head on straight about having a kid. That is by far the most important thing.
 
TrainedRage

TrainedRage

Banned
Ingeniero said:
Hi,

I don't normally post personal stuff online, but I feel like sharing.

So, I got engaged two months ago with my 1.5 year girlfriend, everything was fine.
Girl found out that she is pregnant and freaked out, to the point of saying we are no longer engaged and broke up with me.
Now she is 10 weeks pregnant and I am very excited.
I went with her to her 9 week appointment and listened to the baby’s heartbeats in the machine, wow that was an amazing experience! I cried a bit.

She is more calm now and excited as well, but she is a bit worried because she was taking some pills to lose weight before knowing she was pregnant, the Doctors said we should not worry about this, but we are going to do a genetic echography in two weeks to make sure everything is ok.
She still says she doesn’t love me anymore.... I don't know what happened, maybe the pregnancy shock was too hard on her or the hormones are fucking with her head.... I hope she changes her mind.
But right now the top priority for me is her well-being and the baby's. I won't push her about our relationship right now, I'll give her some time.
We talk every day, we are very friendly with each other and of course I help her out with the Doctor expenses and all that.

I love her and I already love this baby, I am sure things will get better.
Click to expand...
Congratulations! It's great how positive you are! Sounds like you are ready to be a daddy.
 
Ingeniero

Ingeniero

Member
Miku Miku said:
1) Engaged
2) Pregnant
3) I don't love you anymore and we should break up
4) Reluctantly having baby but still says she doesn't love you. Still engaged?

What the fuck? I have never heard of this happening quite like this.

You sound like a very supportive and kind person, but your inability to think about your own benefit is going to get you hurt and destroyed. Was the relationship strained before this? What were the previous 1.5 years like? Anyway, best of luck. Maybe it is just nerves, but usually it's the other way around and the woman is excited about marriage and the kid, and the guy is the nervous one.
Click to expand...
Yeah I know, the series of events doesn't make much sense but it is what it is.... I am confused as well..... this is a fucked up situation and its gotten to me, in a bad and hard way.

About the people suggesting a paternity test, lol, its no the answer I was expecting.
The unprotected sex act and conception was during a trip we had (I confirmed this with the child age according to the echography). Also, I trust her... I was engaged to her for a reason.

Thanks for the all the supportive responses.
 
D

Deleted member 1159

Unconfirmed Member
Be prepared for some of the hardest, most tiring months of your life and know that it’ll get better and better, especially after about 6 months. Be ready for an infant to empty the entire contents of their stomach down the front of your shirt at 2 in the morning. Be ready to get poop on your hands and have snot and boogers wiped on your shirt. But also, somehow, all of that shit seems worth it. Just thinking about my kid in daycare makes me one to go pick the little one up and go have some fun. Roll with the gross stuff and night feeds, and enjoy reading to them and watching them learn and develop. There’s nothing like it.
 
The Pleasure

The Pleasure

Gold Member
I say this as a man of culture.

Pregnant sex is the best sex in the world. Pregnant sex is the basis of where hentai comes from that perpetually wet state. This is going to be one of the hottest times of your life. Enjoy it before the kid is born.
 
Stiflers Mom

Stiflers Mom

Banned
Welcome to my world.
Just that you seem to be till happy with it.. I admire that...

My horror story of this year in some short sentences..

* my girlfriend of over three years back then asked me last autumn (2018), if I could imagine having a child with here. We both had one child each from former relationships. She had told me again and again over the years, that she would have had loved getting a second child.
* I said "probably difficult", since I have had a vasectomy a couple of years ago. I look into it, though, and tell her that it's possible to reverse that, but it's an expensive and taxing operation. After that I hope she forgets about it again.
* She asks me again and again about it over the next weeks. I tell her I might consider this, but she needs to stop smoking first.
* she stops smoking, so I feel obliged to follow through with my words. And I kind of felt that I'd be happy with having a child with her.
* I tried to talk with her about it. And she acted like it will be all easy operation, and no problems. And how happy we will be.
* Long story made short, I had the reversal operation In January.
* 6 weeks later, she got pregnant.
* THE DAY AFTER she had the positive pregnany test, she started insulting me. Really hard stuff. Like she cannot have any respect for a man like me, who has never achieved anything in life. And other stuff like that (funny thing is, a few months before when we were still happy, she said everything completely on the contrary. Like how she is impressed, what I made out of my life etc)...
* That went on like two months, where she was making me miserable. She was always in a horrible mood. After a short holiday trip that went bad, we split up. I tried to talk to her again after this, but she said she doesn't have any feelings for me anymore.

A month ago our child was born, and she even told me I was allowed to be present when it happened. Which was an amazing moment.

The first two weeks after that were kind of nice, but now she is back to her horrible self.
The kid is super cute though.

Yeah, what a great year I had..
Had an operation to fulfil my girlfriends biggest wish, and got smashed into my face by her afterwards.

(Sorry for capturing your thread, but it reminds me a lot about my situation what you wrote. I just wish I had some of that stuff you are smoking to be so cool about it. )
 
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Ingeniero

Ingeniero

Member
I am sad about what happened to you man Stiflers Mom Stiflers Mom , its a similar case like mine but worse.

Stiflers Mom said:
(Sorry for capturing your thread, but it reminds me a lot about my situation what you wrote. I just wish I had some of that stuff you are smoking to be so cool about it. )
Click to expand...

I am not cool about it, I get very sad and/or mad at times... but I am prioritizing her health and the baby´s right now, and I am still hopeful.
 
EviLore

EviLore

Expansive Ellipses
Staff Member
First off, congrats on the pregnancy, OP. But sorry that things are getting so messy in the relationship.

Hormones are a hell of a thing. If your bond with her recovers in the coming weeks, then you're probably okay. If she continues acting like this, though, you absolutely need to get a paternity test.
 
iconmaster

iconmaster

Banned
Ingeniero said:
The unprotected sex act and conception was during a trip we had (I confirmed this with the child age according to the echography). Also, I trust her... I was engaged to her for a reason.
Click to expand...

If the relationship were solid it wouldn't be an issue. But if she's distancing herself anyway, it probably won't make things any worse.

Either it'll result in peace of mind for you or you'll know the truth and can decide whether you want responsibility for the child anyway.

I greatly admire your commitment to her child, but the situation does seem a bit strange.
 
Stouffers

Stouffers

Banned
I don’t buy the hormone/mood-swing excuse. It’s not a free license to be a piece of shit for 9 months. The woman is still a human being capable of reason, logic, empathy and emotional restraint. It might be harder when hormones are going crazy, but never is the person’s actions completely out of her control. Temporary loss of control and lashing out is expected but a sustained campaign is not normal.

So that leaves guilt. I suspect she’s trying to push you away because of her guilt/shame. If she tells you she doesn’t love you, but you still stick around, it’s then on you and absolves her of her guilt while still giving her the support she needs.
 
Kamina

Kamina

Golden Boy
Stiflers Mom said:
Welcome to my world.
Just that you seem to be till happy with it.. I admire that...

My horror story of this year in some short sentences..

* my girlfriend of over three years back then asked me last autumn (2018), if I could imagine having a child with here. We both had one child each from former relationships. She had told me again and again over the years, that she would have had loved getting a second child.
* I said "probably difficult", since I have had a vasectomy a couple of years ago. I look into it, though, and tell her that it's possible to reverse that, but it's an expensive and taxing operation. After that I hope she forgets about it again.
* She asks me again and again about it over the next weeks. I tell her I might consider this, but she needs to stop smoking first.
* she stops smoking, so I feel obliged to follow through with my words. And I kind of felt that I'd be happy with having a child with her.
* I tried to talk with her about it. And she acted like it will be all easy operation, and no problems. And how happy we will be.
* Long story made short, I had the reversal operation In January.
* 6 weeks later, she got pregnant.
* THE DAY AFTER she had the positive pregnany test, she started insulting me. Really hard stuff. Like she cannot have any respect for a man like me, who has never achieved anything in life. And other stuff like that (funny thing is, a few months before when we were still happy, she said everything completely on the contrary. Like how she is impressed, what I made out of my life etc)...
* That went on like two months, where she was making me miserable. She was always in a horrible mood. After a short holiday trip that went bad, we split up. I tried to talk to her again after this, but she said she doesn't have any feelings for me anymore.

A month ago our child was born, and she even told me I was allowed to be present when it happened. Which was an amazing moment.

The first two weeks after that were kind of nice, but now she is back to her horrible self.
The kid is super cute though.

Yeah, what a great year I had..
Had an operation to fulfil my girlfriends biggest wish, and got smashed into my face by her afterwards.

(Sorry for capturing your thread, but it reminds me a lot about my situation what you wrote. I just wish I had some of that stuff you are smoking to be so cool about it. )
Click to expand...
How, sorry to hear that.

But try to see it from the other side: You never know what would have happened if you had declined. She may have had taken the same step.
 
GnomeChimpsky

GnomeChimpsky

Member
Gongrats! Hope you guys can work things out.
We are expecting a baby in may. My first and her second. We did the first ultrasound a few weeks ago but it's still hard to believe it's happening because it doesn't really show yet.
 
TindalosPup

TindalosPup

Member
Pregnancy is a pretty rough, especially on new Mom's. I can offer a different view as a lady that experienced pregnancy the first time around this time last year:

I had gone through similar feelings as to what your describing coming from her. Anger, loads of sadness, and even becoming numb (something I had never truly experienced before pregnancy) were prevalent the first few months. I made the mistake of taking a break from the father of the child thinking that it was me being a crazy, I was flipping through all sorts of thoughts and emotions,, I hadn't even known I was pregnant at the time. Then I had tried to end the break and get that relationship back again week's later, still didn't know that I was pregnant, the roller coaster of hormones was real. It felt like I was losing my mind.

I ended up losing the child in March of this year, I didn't tell the dad about anything until months after, because of the break we were only texting, I hadn't seen him in person and this wasn't something I wanted to say through text and he wouldn't take my phone calls. I was trying for months to get into a position where I could tell him. Once he knew, nothing really changed, now both the baby and him are are gone, and I'm a mess because I still love him (it's a bit funny, he introduced me to the forum).

My point is, there's still a possibility that once the hormones level, her head will level, too. Pregnancy is a temporary chemical imbalance.
Thank you for being there for her and the baby, that's all you can do right now, but that's more than enough.
 
TindalosPup

TindalosPup

Member
Stouffers said:
I don’t buy the hormone/mood-swing excuse. It’s not a free license to be a piece of shit for 9 months. The woman is still a human being capable of reason, logic, empathy and emotional restraint. It might be harder when hormones are going crazy, but never is the person’s actions completely out of her control. Temporary loss of control and lashing out is expected but a sustained campaign is not normal.

So that leaves guilt. I suspect she’s trying to push you away because of her guilt/shame. If she tells you she doesn’t love you, but you still stick around, it’s then on you and absolves her of her guilt while still giving her the support she needs.
Click to expand...

I agree and disagree. Pregnancy is a chemical imbalance to the mind and body, one that lasts a better part of a year, turning a/your female into a terrifying wild card (to everyone, including herself) for 9 months. It's not an excuse however.

OP is doing the right thing regardless of this perceived guilt exchange. He's there for his baby, he just so happens to love the incubator. He can hope she'll come around, don't try to crush that, faith has many forms and this world could do with more of all of them
 
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Stiflers Mom

Stiflers Mom

Banned
It's not that easy to love your child when it's kind of the course for all of that mayhem.
I feel very very conflicted about this.
I know I am supposed to love that boy unconditionally, but after one of the worst years of my life it ain't that easy, I can tell you..

I know off course that it's not his fault.
Still...
 
Last edited:
triplestation

triplestation

Member
The Pleasure said:
I say this as a man of culture.

Pregnant sex is the best sex in the world. Pregnant sex is the basis of where hentai comes from that perpetually wet state. This is going to be one of the hottest times of your life. Enjoy it before the kid is born.
Click to expand...
I heard of a dude who loved pregnant sex so much that after his wife had the baby he couldn't even get it up anymore unless she became pregnant again
 
The Pleasure

The Pleasure

Gold Member
triplestation said:
I heard of a dude who loved pregnant sex so much that after his wife had the baby he couldn't even get it up anymore unless she became pregnant again
Click to expand...
Pregnant pussy is essentially real life hentai. Them Japanese people just modeled regular women after pregnant women. Slide in and slide out. It done fucks up the brain because you aint never had it so good. That pussy keeps you awake at night tossing and turning like an addict.
 
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GHG

GHG

Gold Member
Gonna be honest and say that if she tried to break up with you when she found out she's pregnant then something is off. The following might come across as harsh but these are my thoughts - Either she doesn't see you as father material or the kids not yours. If it's the former then you can fix it, if it's the latter then she's actually trying to do you a favour.

I say this because very few women are willing and want to bring up a child all on their own, especially not from the position of a seemingly stable relationship.

Just my two cents, hope you get it all worked out whatever it is, but regardless be positive and if you love her then be there for her.
 
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SpartanN92

SpartanN92

Banned
I had my first three months ago and it’s a remarkable thing. When the doctors handed her to me I sat there and cried like a baby. I’d never held anything more perfect than her in my life.

It will change everything, in a good way of course. Congrats OP.
 
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Soleil rouge

Soleil rouge

Member
Does she normally wear the pants in the relationship? Can't help but get the feeling that you're used to her walking all over you. Tell her that you want to get a DNA test eventually and see how she reacts.
 
V

Vicetrailia

Banned
Honestly maybe if you two can't figure it out, get a counseling session or two to get her to talk. You just need her to open up and be real with you. She can do that with pregnancy hormones.
 
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highrider

highrider

Banned
Stouffers said:
Congrats but her detachment-timing is very strange. I’d get a paternity test once the child is born.
Click to expand...
.

Yeah, you sound like a good dude op, sometimes there’s some fuckery going on in these kind of situations. Be very observant, supportive, and magnanimous about her. But I would pull back about a country mile if I were you, be there but also treat your interactions with her as strictly business. Don’t be a dick, but don’t drop everything when she calls.
 
Doczu

Doczu

Member
Congrats OP! As a freshly made parent (6 weeks old boy here) you are in for a humongous change!

Don't worry about the mood swing and her sudden "i don't love you" for now. If it's the hormones then it will change to "i never loved you so much" in some time.
Don't worry about the pills she took. I"m not going into details, but before we knew my wife's pregnant we had a few parties where weight loss pills would be served as apetizers downed with a cold beer. The child lives off his own stuff before it starts leeching of his mom - you are most likely just (in a good way) overreacting 😉

I'd say relax and... Enjoy. To help her with the mood swings and get back together on good tracks try doing some activities like swimming or hiking.

Oh and you won't forget the first kick you'll feel. Trust me on that.
 
DragoonKain

DragoonKain

Neighbours from Hell
Congrats. And of course if you want your child to grow up to be the next Nobel Peace prize winner, this forum is the place to be. :messenger_winking_tongue:
 
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