I'm pretty confident that your well being is far more important to them at the end of the day. They may get mad at you for a bit but they'll get over it.Admitting that I'm lying will just make it worse. I lie to my parents every time something isn't perfect because they freak the fuck out when it's not. They're both teachers, education is life to them.
OhI have extremely intense social anxiety issues associated with disappointment, falling below expectations, or failing to manage my responsibilities, to the point where it has severely damaged my life and is probably about to do again. I failed out of college during my first year because I wasn't doing well in some classes and instead of trying to improve I just decided to stop going so I wouldn't have to face how poorly I was doing. I stayed in my room, started staying up all night and eating poorly, stopped talking to people completely, and let my life fall apart.
Ugh, seriously. I don't care if I mess up on my own, but letting someone else down is the worst.Mine doesn't sound as bad as yours, but I definitely have anxiety problems and I shut down when confronted with failure and disappointing people. If I don't do my absolute 100% best it will stick with me for a long time, especially when I think people are judging me based on it.
Went to watch a movie to calm myself down a bit, kind of amazed at the responses here when I got back. I didn't realize how many other people feel what I am feeling. I have the ability to succeed both academically and professionally, I've impressed people with what I can do. I don't feel like I have typical social issues either, I have tons of awesome friends and make new ones quickly. The only thing that ever gets me down like this is the inability to face when I disappoint people who expect something from me, and those expectations have always been so high. Things start to pile on me, then less than I year ago I discovered I had a permanent and potentially crippling medical condition, then in the last few months my relationship fell apart, I lost touch with my friends, and started building up a lot of self hate.
I guess that's all really just me feeling bad for myself instead of getting past my shortcomings, but it still makes me happy to be reminded I'm not alone.
Went to watch a movie to calm myself down a bit, kind of amazed at the responses here when I got back. I didn't realize how many other people feel what I am feeling. I have the ability to succeed both academically and professionally, I've impressed people with what I can do. I don't feel like I have typical social issues either, I have tons of awesome friends and make new ones quickly. The only thing that ever gets me down like this is the inability to face when I disappoint people who expect something from me, and those expectations have always been so high. Things start to pile on me, then less than I year ago I discovered I had a permanent and potentially crippling medical condition, then in the last few months my relationship fell apart, I lost touch with my friends, and started building up a lot of self hate.
I guess that's all really just me feeling bad for myself instead of getting past my shortcomings, but it still makes me happy to be reminded I'm not alone.
it's OK, I'm not okay either.
Man, totally feel you. I tend to define my personal worth with my work, for some fucked ip reason. I have too-high expectations of what people expect from me, I run my own design thing so I always feel like if I don't do something completely amazing I'm letting everyone down - couple that with an unrelenting schedule and it's amazing how fast that will snowball into anxiety and depression and feeling like shit. It will cross over into my personal life and relationship and it's not healthy.Went to watch a movie to calm myself down a bit, kind of amazed at the responses here when I got back. I didn't realize how many other people feel what I am feeling. I have the ability to succeed both academically and professionally, I've impressed people with what I can do. I don't feel like I have typical social issues either, I have tons of awesome friends and make new ones quickly. The only thing that ever gets me down like this is the inability to face when I disappoint people who expect something from me, and those expectations have always been so high. Things start to pile on me, then less than I year ago I discovered I had a permanent and potentially crippling medical condition, then in the last few months my relationship fell apart, I lost touch with my friends, and started building up a lot of self hate.
I guess that's all really just me feeling bad for myself instead of getting past my shortcomings, but it still makes me happy to be reminded I'm not alone.
I posted this in the confession thread initially with the thought that I didn't want to look like I was seeking attention by making a thread, but I'm still stuck in deciding what I should do. I also don't want any friends I have here on GAF to worry about me since it's not as bad as I make it out to be, no suicidal thoughts or anything.
I'm on the edge of failing again, don't want to acknowledge anyone who I owe something to, and keep avoiding my parents. I've had this issue chronically for the last 5 or so years and I feel like a stain on the reputation of my small major and get the feeling that my whole school dislikes me. Blahhhhh.
It can feel grim like that for now, but don't let yourself fully believe in that things will never be different. Things can change and you can get better if you get help.I'm in the same spot but I'm 22. I can't study anymore, my mind gets all fuzzy and shit. My social anxiety is bad but I can fake it if I have to go to the store and things like that. I'm going to take whatever job I can get if I find any and I'll then try to make money online. Once I start making enough I won't have to leave my house anymore except for buying food.
Good luck.
Finally pulled myself together enough to tell my mom and ask for help. If anyone is interested in updates I'll post 'em here. I think I'm gonna be okay.
Finally pulled myself together enough to tell my mom and ask for help. If anyone is interested in updates I'll post 'em here. I think I'm gonna be okay.
Finally pulled myself together enough to tell my mom and ask for help. If anyone is interested in updates I'll post 'em here. I think I'm gonna be okay.
Finally pulled myself together enough to tell my mom and ask for help. If anyone is interested in updates I'll post 'em here. I think I'm gonna be okay.
Success in school isn't about learning how to be better at the things you enjoy
Finally pulled myself together enough to tell my mom and ask for help. If anyone is interested in updates I'll post 'em here. I think I'm gonna be okay.
Yea man, you'll be ok. Especially if you've got family who care about you.Finally pulled myself together enough to tell my mom and ask for help. If anyone is interested in updates I'll post 'em here. I think I'm gonna be okay.
Finally pulled myself together enough to tell my mom and ask for help. If anyone is interested in updates I'll post 'em here. I think I'm gonna be okay.
OP please go get help. There is plenty of help available for things like this, psychiatrists, counselors.
Everyone falls down sometimes and deserve the help. Get it. They will help you with your life!
Stay awesome.
"What doesn't kill you gives you EXP."
Keep that in mind through all of this. Your biggest enemy is going to be yourself. You've got to learn to face your demons and fight them rather than running and hiding from them. You're much stronger than what you think you are and the biggest way to prove that to yourself is whenever you feel like running from something, take a second and consider your future and process how you feel, breathe for 10 seconds, and do the complete opposite. You have to fight back to grow from this. Being ashamed or putting yourself down for your mistakes only hinders your growth further. You're so much better than that and you know it deep down. Pull that strength out and destroy the negativity within you. You can do this, you've just got to give it your all.
The greatest thing you can do for yourself in times like these, at least from my experience (and we are the same age btw), is to go do something outside the norm for yourself. Not parties, not big social events, not banging people, I'm talking go out and do something to get in touch with yourself. Adventures are great when you feel like giving up. Go on the train and see some mountains, go hike a trail, sit out by a lake, go sight seeing. Do something outside of your daily life and take in every single moment of it. Consider your life and how this is only the beginning of it. Now is your time to kick ass and just say fuck it. When you take a moment to consider how grand life is, all the little things fade away and it truly gives you perspective + greatly helps with self reflection. None of these feelings will last forever and you will get through this.
My advice only spawns from what I did when I started college. I finished my first semester (barely) then signed up for my second and dropped out not even a month into it. I left school behind to take time to figure out what I wanted out of life. I was also attending a school for a subject I didn't give a shit for and realized, through much trial and error, what I wanted to do for the rest of my life and how living in bum fuck Florida wasn't where I needed to be. In the time period of me leaving school, I broke up with my significant other of 3 1/2 years, lost my home, left my shit job, lost all of my friends, and had a whole mass of nonsense spawn. It was beyond one of the most difficult times in my life so far. Depression and self loathing were my best friends. I felt like I disappointed my mother by quitting school, how my friends hated me because I refused to be something I wasn't and couldn't manage to ever be, and how I was basically just 50 shades of fucked up. I believed it was never going to be better and how although I had potential to do great things, I would never find the motivation to. Neogaf, gaming, smoking, and sleeping were all I had and I was just....comfortable with it for a while. Long story short, I pushed myself out of my depression. I told myself that no matter how badly or how easily it was for me to settle into negative feelings and make poor choices; I would forever do the opposite. If I felt like giving up, I would push harder (even if I felt like I was going to explode from the difficulty). It's led me to some of the great experiences I've ever had.
I learned that taking time for yourself isn't the worst thing in the world. Settling and being comfortable with mundane shit, or a hole you dug for yourself, is. If life gets too heavy, take a moment, whether its a day or a week or even just a few hours. Give yourself a moment to breathe and appreciate the little things like....you have a home or people who love you or people on GAF care about you or you're alive in general. Remembering these things really takes you back and helps you understand that although life sucks right now, this won't last forever. Why? Because you're going to get back out there and kick ass and nothing will stop you. You have so much ahead of you and you can't stop now.
So, OP, take a breather. Give yourself a little bit of time to reflect on your mistakes, shake it off, let it go, and move forward. Life's too short to look back and worry about all the negative shit, keep going forward because although you've made mistakes in the past and you will fuck up along the way sometimes, you have millions of opportunities to make things right and a million+ opportunities to prove to yourself you can do this throughout the journey. Just don't give up. Let go of negative shit, defeat your demons, and keep fighting through it. You will be okay.
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I don't know. OP sounds a hell of a lot like me and when you already have a negative feedback loop going on in your head, having more time to sit around and let that run rampant can be quite self-destructive.maybe you just need to take a break
do nothing for 6 months or do something light and manageable and clear your head and get your thoughts/priorities organized
I don't know. OP sounds a hell of a lot like me and when you already have a negative feedback loop going on in your head, having more time to sit around and let that run rampant can be quite self-destructive.
Just finished a long talk with my parents. I'm gonna seek counseling for my anxiety, and also take a break from school to decrease the amount of pressure I feel like I'm under. In the meantime I'm going to seek employment that isn't quite as intellectually demanding as advanced math and programming, and has a more structured schedule than my weird day on day off early/late day classes. I don't intend to be away from school for any longer than I need to stabilize myself financially and rebuild my confidence through getting the help I need.
I can't thank all of you enough for being the family I need and giving me advice and comfort.
Right on, man. Good luck to you, take care of yourself.Just finished a long talk with my parents. I'm gonna seek counseling for my anxiety, and also take a break from school to decrease the amount of pressure I feel like I'm under. In the meantime I'm going to seek employment that isn't quite as intellectually demanding as advanced math and programming, and has a more structured schedule than my weird day on day off early/late day classes. I don't intend to be away from school for any longer than I need to stabilize myself financially and rebuild my confidence through getting the help I need.
I can't thank all of you enough for being the family I need and giving me advice and comfort.