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[SomTervo]

Like... I can empathise with my finding some people of another "ethnicity" unattractive but the idea is completely the result of structural racism

As in, if that's how you feel, with no exceptions, then there's definitely more at play than just what you do or don't find attractive

 

[GuessMyUserName]

"I don't find [actual defined characteristic] to be attractive." = good (... for you I guess)

"I'm not often attracted to [race] people" or "I haven't seen an attractive [race] person before." = fine

Technically observational facts of a pattern accounting for personal experience. Could be worded without bringing race into it but it's not wrong.

"[race] is unattractive to me." = bad

Someone's race does not describe their appearance. Try describing actual features because they differ greatly even among the same race.

"A [race] person could never be attractive enough for me to date, their race is disqualifying." = horrible

Needlessly absolutist and you should really reflect in why someone's race would be a complete deal breaker even if they weren't outright ugly and we're great people.

 

[Fenderputty]

I’m really interested in what this “””””debate””””” will look like in 40 years time when mixed race/designer babies are the norm.

I remember reading that blonde blue eyed people will eventually only exist in northern European countries lol. We're all gonna be brown / black hair, brown eyes and some skin tone between white and black in 3 generations. We'll all be running around not having the faintest clue what ethnicity someone is.

Preferences are one thing. Like I have my preferences. I find it hard to believe that preferences for or against something can be so absolute though. I'm least attracted to Asian women, but that doesn't mean I find them all unattractive or that I would never date an Asian woman. So I question someone who refuses outright. Why wouldn't you leave a little wiggle room unless you had some racial bias?

 

[Always-honest]

Based on interactions I've had with people over the year, language is more effective when you aren't nuanced and include all possibilities in your statements.

Saying "Pizza is the worst" gives me a better idea of your preference than saying "I personally do not like pizza."

Nah, i disagree. There should be more nuance. especially on Gaf and the internet as a whole.

 

[Platy]

The pics would be better if showed more variety in black people, even if they are not as pretty

for example

 

[Gotdatmoney]

He is using empathy to interpret people's posts instead of using malice.

Lol.

Always someone whose got to make an appeal to emotion.

When I have the (unfortunate) pleasure of having to discuss race with my friends, it's often me who has to trip over myself to provide context to the stupid obviously racially bias things they say.

It's not malice to know that when the discussion is about finding X race attractive, people will qualify it if they think it. I haven't met a person alive who wants to leave it to interpretation on their feelings of X race.

It also isn't poor form to expect peoplw to say what they mean when we are talking about sensitive topics. You and your friends just implicitly finish each others thoughts?

 

[Colin.]

I am latino and I don't find most latin American girls attractive.

I am racist? There are beautiful girls on all races but there are more probabilities that I am attracted to asian girls, for example.

I was raised in latin America btw.

So what you're saying is that you can find latin girls attractive, but you generally prefer Asians? Think there's a difference between preferences like that, and saying "I could never go out with a latin girl" So I'd say you're all good.

 

[Izuna]

Sexualised images of black women happened.

Hoo boy.

 

[Earthbound64]

Based on interactions I've had with people over the year, language is more effective when you aren't nuanced and include all possibilities in your statements.

Saying "Pizza is the worst" gives me a better idea of your preference than saying "I personally do not like pizza."

He is using empathy to interpret people's posts instead of using malice.

Try asking some of the people saying "I wouldn't date anyone of [race]" if there is nuance in their statement.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

It's cool for minorities here to see this thread come up practically monthly as we swipe on profiles in dating apps saying "no blacks/asians." The tortured justification of racism in all of its forms large and small continues.

 

[Temeculan3000]

Try asking some of the people saying "I wouldn't date anyone of [race]" if there is nuance in their statement.

I'm not talking about those people. But thanks for moving the goalposts.

 

[Earthbound64]

I'm not talking about those people. But thanks for moving the goalposts.

You weren't the person my initial reply was to.
The person who my initial reply was to was talking about that.
But thanks for not following a 2-post reply chain.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

Like earlier when I said I haven't seen an attractive redhead.

*flicks holy water at onivulk*

 

[mckmas8808]

So you are prejudiced against red hair or haven't looked hard enough/seen enough women

But it's fine if he doesn't want to date a woman with red hair. It's totally okay.

coconut water is not good but sometimes u gotta bite the bullet and switch to coconut water for a girl

No dude Coconut water is the worst! Don't give in.

But "I'm not attracted to people shorter/taller than me" is fucking stupid too. If your attraction to people isn't based on each individual you meet, I don't know what the fuck you're up to, because I just can't fathom how it can be any other way.

Sure, you might notice a pattern like "I tend to be attracted to skinny people" or shit like that, but when you state it in a prescriptive manner, you come off like an asshole.

It maybe stupid, but it's their preference. I'm shocked that people can't seem to understand why people have certain "STRONG" preferences.

 

[Nevasleep]

It's cool for minorities here to see this thread come up practically monthly as we swipe on profiles in dating apps saying "no blacks/asians." The tortured justification of racism in all of its forms large and small continues.

There are plenty of 'I don't date white guys' profiles too. At least it serves as a pretty good idiot filter.

 

[Doc_Drop]

Based on interactions I've had with people over the year, language is more effective when you aren't nuanced and include all possibilities in your statements.

Saying "Pizza is the worst" gives me a better idea of your preference than saying "I personally do not like pizza."

Lol, what?

Pizza is the worst - hyperbolic dickhead

I personally do not like pizza - they probably don't like pizza

 

[Captin Quacker]

A person with a similar cultural backround is more likely to understand you, and have shared experiences. Again we are talking about a preference. Not an absolute, as soon as you bring up the absolute you are twisting words.

What exactly is there to understand? Outside of religion, what part of a person culture is unattractive assuming said person follows whichever culture there race supposedly represents?

 

[Poor GRIMES]

There are plenty of 'I don't date white guys' profiles too. At least it serves as a pretty good idiot filter.

Where? I'm sure it exists, but you cannot dispute that there are a disproportionate amount of profiles that say "no PoC" over "no Whites"

 

[Royce McCutcheon]

There are plenty of 'I don't date white guys' profiles too. At least it serves as a pretty good idiot filter.

I have never seen I don't date white guys in a woman's profile.

 

[Earthbound64]

There are plenty of 'I don't date white guys' profiles too.

Turning this into that discussion now?
"White guys are discriminated against too!"
Really?

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

There are plenty of 'I don't date white guys' profiles too. At least it serves as a pretty good idiot filter.

In the US, I take those to often be something about just not having cultural/class/ideological touchstones to share rather than how it is when white people say "no blacks" primarily because they think most people with dark skin are unattractive for some reason.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

It's cool for minorities here to see this thread come up practically monthly as we swipe on profiles in dating apps saying "no blacks/asians." The tortured justification of racism in all of its forms large and small continues.

I mean, personally outside if gaf this is mostly w/e imo. We are gonna have to deal either way. I personally don't care. Those people are free to feel however they wanna feel.

But I expect the argument to be better than "can't I think dark skin is icky!!!" In a thread asking about whether it's actual racism. Which to be fair I think many people have been entirely respectful even if I disagree with some.

 

[Timbuktu]

Where? I'm sure it exists, but you cannot dispute that there are a disproportionate amount of profiles that say "no PoC" over "no Whites"

I think in the UK, a survey showed 35% of white people said they would never date a black person, whereas 10% of black people wouldn’t date a white person.

 

[Doc_Drop]

But it's fine if he doesn't want to date a woman with red hair. It's totally okay.

Did I say it wasn't? But actively discounting all red heads because they are red heads?

 

[Temeculan3000]

What exactly is there to understand? Outside of religion, what part of a person culture is unattractive assuming said person follows whichever culture there race supposedly represents?

Who said anything about finding other cultures unattractive. The point was about wanting to date someone with a similar background. Religion, upbringing, values, etc.. all play into that.

 

[Cocaloch]

What are you basing this statement on?

He is using empathy to interpret people's posts instead of using malice.

He's working backwards from the assumption that people are not racist in order to answer the question are people that are doing something being racist.

Dismissing people actually digging into what others are saying isn't dismissing malice it's dismissing critical thought.

 

[Subpar Spatula]

One guy said he would rather date people with the same cultural backround and experience as himself. But it is clear your goal here is to twist that into "I hate all cultures but my own" and accuse people of racism.

OK and? I accuse because it fits the bill.

 

[Despera]

Having preferences is one thing, outright refusing to date anyone of a certain race is another thing entirely.

And that thing is racist.

Thread ended right here.

 

[Hubbl3]

Where? I'm sure it exists, but you cannot dispute that there are a disproportionate amount of profiles that say "no PoC" over "no Whites"

Yeah, I remember seeing the OK Cupid study a few years back that pretty much said that black people and asian men pretty much got the shit-end of the stick in the world of dating.

Q: Are people on OkCupid just racist?
No. I mean, not any more than anywhere else. All the dating data I've seen fits OkCupid's pattern: black people and Asian men get short shrift.

https://theblog.okcupid.com/race-and-attraction-2009-2014-107dcbb4f060

 

[Earthbound64]

He's working backwards from the assumption that people are not racist in order to answer the question are people that are doing something being racist.

Dismissing people actually digging into what others are saying isn't dismissing malice it's dismissing critical thought.

Seriously.

https://theblog.okcupid.com/race-and-attraction-2009-2014-107dcbb4f060

Q: Are people on OkCupid just racist?
No. I mean, not any more than anywhere else. All the dating data I've seen fits OkCupid's pattern: black people and Asian men get short shrift.

Q: Are people on OkCupid just racist?
"No. I mean, yes."

 

[gatling]

The pics would be better if showed more variety in black people, even if they are not as pretty

for example

Not conventionally but wow still.

 

[Barren Mind]

This seems like textbook racism to me.

 

[LordKasual]

guys, hey guys, you don't have to post a bunch of objectively mouth-watering instagram models and celebrities for GAF to know that black women are hot

of course black women are sexy, that has never been a secret, ever. I mean shit if anything objectification of black women and their bodies in the media is way more of an issue than men not actually finding them sexually attractive.

A bunch of "Hey how could you NOT wanna smash this?!" photos is not really doing anything special, i dunno it just feels embarrassing

Spoiler

....yo Seesaw bruh what's her IG tho

 

[Subpar Spatula]

This whole thing even about cultures is weird. What's wrong with another culture? Sure, if you find something morally, ethically, or philosophically offensive then sure but there are many great things about other cultures. My GF is Chinese and every Chinese New Year her parents give me a red envelope of cash. It's great. Unless yours or their culture dominates your life IE you do almost nothing else but things associated with your culture then you have don't really have an excuse do you? If the relationship glue is your culture then you may end up not liking each other long term.

 

[EloquentM]

This whole thing even about cultures is weird. What's wrong with another culture? Sure, if you find something morally, ethically, or philosophically offensive then sure but there are many great things about other cultures. My GF is Chinese and every Chinese New Year her parents give me a red envelope of cash. It's great. Unless yours or their culture dominates your life IE you do almost nothing else but things associated with your culture then you have don't really have an excuse do you? If the relationship glue is your culture then you may end up not liking each other long term.

Just another form of prejudice imo

 

[Ryuuga]

Why make dating decisions based on race?

What if this was already discussed ad nauseam in this topic?

I ask because I hear this often from friends and family and I don't hold it against them for having such preferences. Sorry if it's been answered but I didn't see this discussed in the time I had to read the opening pages.

 

[Captin Quacker]

Just another form of prejudice imo

That's my take away from this as well

 

[EloquentM]

I ask because I hear this often from friends and family and I don't hold it against them for having such preferences. Sorry if it's been answered but I didn't see this discussed in the time I had to read the opening pages.

Still NOT a preference.

 

[Naked Snake]

I think for many the "types" of people you are attracted to can expand as you grow older. At least that has been the case for me personally, and I've heard the same from others. When I was younger my tastes in who I found attractive were very narrow, and I noticed as I got older the pool of people I found attractive has been expanding and including types and ethnicities that I used to find unattractive in the past.

So I'd be interested in finding out how old some of you are who say they're mainly attracted to one race or only have a few "types". I wonder if there is a strong correlation with age or not.

I'm 39 year old gay male, for what it's worth.

 

[Onivulk]

This whole thing even about cultures is weird. What's wrong with another culture? Sure, if you find something morally, ethically, or philosophically offensive then sure but there are many great things about other cultures. My GF is Chinese and every Chinese New Year her parents give me a red envelope of cash. It's great. Unless yours or their culture dominates your life IE you do almost nothing else but things associated with your culture then you have don't really have an excuse do you? If the relationship glue is your culture then you may end up not liking each other long term.

I'm all for any culture that wants to send money in red envelopes.

 

[Captin Quacker]

Who said anything about finding other cultures unattractive. The point was about wanting to date someone with a similar background. Religion, upbringing, values, etc.. all play into that.

So it comes from the assumption people of other cultures can't relate somehow

 

[Ryuuga]

Still NOT a preference.

Then I guess myself and a great many people whom I interact with are deemed racist.

 

[mckmas8808]

I think that’s completely fine for obvious reasons.


Outside or religion or harmful beliefs I don’t really see a reasonable excuse for these differences being much of an obstacle for dating someone of a different culture than you, let alone barring yourself from dating that culture. Thinly veiling it under premise of “preference”, yeah, seems like prejudice more than anything.

Is it impossible for you to understand that someone may honestly like people of their own race and have that strong of a preference?

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Then I guess myself and a great many people whom I interact with are deemed racist.

Okay then. Is there a further point or conclusion or a rebuttal?

 

[Haly]

Is it impossible for you to understand that someone may honestly like people of their own race and have that strong of a preference?

I can understand internalized racism, yes.

 

[Subpar Spatula]

Is it impossible for you to understand that someone may honestly like people of their own race and have that strong of a preference?

Because honestly their preference is fueled by racism.

 

[Figboy79]

Skin color is not the only difference though. Culture can be very different and people also have different physical characteristics.


Ah right.

Culture? Why do people insist that all members of a non-white ethnicity have the same exact culture? We are not a monolith.

Ok, here is my culture: I read comic books, novels, play video games, grew up watching Thundercats, GI Joe, Transformers, Jem and the Holograms. We play D&D, have family get togethers, celebrate birthdays and holidays, go out to movies, regularly keep up with one another whether it be in person or over social media.

What would you classify that “culture” as?

There seems to be this notion, steeped in racial bias and stereotypes that people that are “non-white” have some mystical/magical “culture” surrounding them that can’t be penetrated or understood by the observer. It’s like people see non-whites as a species from a nature documentary. Who’s peculiar idiosyncrasies are fascinating and otherworldly.

It’s even more perplexing if you’re dealing with younger generations here in America, who have literally grew up in American culture. Their parents or grandparents may indeed have migrated to the west, but that’s not always the case. Again, it’s steeped in an overwhelming desire to generalize an entire race of people.

I’m a black dude. My family is like any other family born and raised in America. We have American culture. We aren’t living in grass huts and doing tribal dances with Spears, nor are we ghetto gangbangers, or any other preconceived notions people may have about black people based off of nothing but their own ignorance.

The same applies to other minorities living in America. I understand wanting to be sensitive and understanding of another ethnicities background, but making assumptions about “what you’ll get,” when starting a relationship with someone from a different race than you is part of the problem.

Get to know the individual first. Let them get to know you. Actively dismantle your biases and preconceived notions of people not like you.

I live in Los Angeles. I consider it a blessing. I grew up in Wisconsin in a small bubble where I had never met someone who wasn’t black, white, or Puerto Rican. Moving to LA opened my fucking eyes. I met so many people from so many different ethnic backgrounds. Some immigrants, some born and raised in the states. I shed a lot of my prejudices and ignorance after moving to LA. Now I can’t imagine ever moving back to a state with such limited diversity. Although I admit the food and the weather probably play a bigger part. XD. I love the food and the beach so much...

I don’t even know what my point is anymore, I’m just fed up with being fetishized or ostracized. Dismissed in life and love because of the color of my skin. Shit gets old.

 

[EloquentM]

You want to only date a certain race exclusively then that is your prerogative. I’m just saying it’s literally internalized discrimination and has nothing to do with what preference actually is lol. If you’re excluding an entire group of people from your dating life because of preference...pls reconsider that you don’t know what that word means.

 

[LordKasual]

You want to only date a certain race exclusively then that is your prerogative. I’m just saying it’s literally internalized discrimination and has nothing to do with what preference actually is lol

i mean it can be discrimination

but does that make it wrong? I really don't think it does.

Some people are open to anything, some people like branching out. Others aren't, it's just humanity

 

[Ryuuga]

Okay then. Is there a further point or conclusion or a rebuttal?

I wanted clarification and I got it. If what I always considered a preference is actually racial discrimination then there is nothing to rebuke. It just means I have to broaden my views. So yes, a conclusion.