kittoo
Cretinously credulous
Just needed to vent GAF. Its 2AM here and dont know who to talk to.
We've been together for about 1.5 years. We met through a dating app and have been very steady (or at least I thought so). We were talking of getting married. She met my family many times. She got her family to meet me, specifically for marriage purposes.
The thing is, the week I met her parents, she was meeting someone else. She didnt know but the guy was a Facebook friend of my sister's. Somehow this guy sees pictures of my sister with my gf on FB and just asked my sister how my sister knew my gf and that he was dating her. My sister feigned that she was only a friend of a friend of my gf and asked the guy more details as part of her conversation.
The guy told that they met on the same dating app on which me and my gf met.
They've been dating for a couple of months and have met a few times. Didnt say anything about physical relations.
That my gf told him that she is single.
The guy is sure my gf likes him and that things will progress slowly and then they might think of getting married.
I am devastated. We were about to get married, I thought! I just met her family 2 weeks back! I am thinking of confronting her face to face tomorrow.
The thing is, I would think of ignoring the guy saying they both like each other etc. But why the hell is she on the dating app still and meeting guys when we were clearly in an exclusive committed relationship? I even saw the app once on her phone a few months back and when asked she said she made some friends on it before meeting me and she still talks to them on it. I thought that was OK.
I've been so trusting. I dont like doubting my partners. I never asked where she was, what she was doing, who she was with, what her plans were or anything at all. She used to say she really liked this about me- the complete trust. Now I feel betrayed and devastated.
Nothing to do other than wait for tomorrow. Just wanted vent. Thanks for listening GAF.
Update 1-
Went over to her place. Asked her calmly as to who is DK (the other guy). She says she knows him. I asked her how they met she said the dating app. On asking when she said either a little before she met me or after, she wasnt sure. She said they met twice. Once in the beginning once a couple months back when they were in the same mall and he kept asking her to meet.
She showed me the chats on Whatsapp and Fb (the first thing I checked was the app, she doesnt have it anymore). It was mostly him msging her frequently and she ignoring him, though it didnt seem antagonistic from her side either.
Her side of the story was that they met long back and she didnt like him but the guy kept pestering her about meeting and dating and taking things to the next level etc. Post that they only met once a couple of months back.
She then called the guy and kept me on speaker. It went something like this-
Her: "Hi. Did you have chat with a friend of mine?"
Him: "Yeah. Wait I will call you back."
Disconnects the phone. Doesnt call back. So she kept calling him. After 3-4 times he picks up again.
Him:"You've never called me before and now suddenly so many calls. What happened?"
Her:"Why did you tell my friend that we were dating?"
Him"We met one or two times. What else should I call it? Ok wait."
Puts us on call waiting for a long time. Then we disconnected.
After a while my sister messages me that now he is asking her why she told my gf about him claiming to date her etc. My sister tells me to call him once again and clarify everything he said, like my gf saying she is single and flirting with him etc. So we called again. Again he doesnt pick for a while but then does.
Her:"Hi. So why did you tell my friend that I was flirting with you?"
Him"I didnt say that."
Her:"Then what did you say?"
Him:"I just said that I saw her and your pics together and that I like you. Thats it."
Her:"And you said nothing like I was flirting with you or that I was single?"
Him:"No."
Her:"When I told you that I am thinking of marrying a guy and my parents are meeting him, then why are you still telling my friend all this?"
Him:"I only said I like you. Nothing else."
At this point we disconnected the call. There was no point. The guy wasnt going to accept he lied about anything.
So looks like the guy was lying. We still did have a chat about her keeping the dating app in her phone after we met, and she gave the same explanation that she used to talk to a couple of guys who had become her friends over there. Nevertheless she agreed it looks wrong and that she had deleted the app long back and had no plans of doing any such thing.
At that particular time I didnt have any reason to think she was lying, until unless she is such a master liar that somehow managed the whole situation to her benefit, despite me showing up suddenly and giving her no chance of even touching her phone before this went down. The app wasnt there. The chats were clean. The guy was called and situation clarified.
Looked like things were OK.
Then, we banged.
Update 2-
She called me in the evening again and was sounding really upset. So I asked and she said she was upset because I didnt trust her, looked at her phone (I did see her phone to see if the app was still there, in front of her only. It was unlocked and I was just so angry and frustrated I couldnt help myself) and that she had never explained herself to anyone before, so calling another guy just to clear things with me was a big deal and she was feeling bad that I turned out to be a guy who doubted her.
She says that I shouldve asked her and nothing else. So basically I have two choices forever, whenever I have even a little bit of doubt- 1. Dont do anything. 2. Ask her and believe her story.
Kinda made me feel very bad for a while. I indeed felt like a doubting bf.
As others are pointing out, on further thinking I do think some things dont add up.
If she didnt like the guy in the first meet (and turns out that the guy shifted to GF's town after around 8 months of us being together, and not very early in our relationship), why did she meet him a second time? That too after such a long time? Did they meet more times in between? Also, if the guy is as big a creep as she claims, why the hell is he not blocked and out of her life forever? Why is he still sending whatsapp and FB msgs to her, which she replies sometimes to?
Finally, if she is telling the truth in saying that they met only twice and with a gap of a year or so, why the hell was this guy messaging her a whole year without meeting and why was he allowed to do so by her?
Also, I should point out, since some people are saying that I couldve known if there was anything fishy in the chats, the chats I saw only went as back as 20 days or so. Before that nothing was there. Her explanation is that he was blocked before that and hence no chats. In those 20 days of chats I couldnt gauge much, except one red flag chat where he asked her to meet some three times and she replied-
"I am going home. Lets meet after 23rd October."
She couldve stopped at "No", or "I am going home." or simply blocked him. She had no need of letting him know she will be back on 23rd. She says she simply replied as she would to any friend that she is not available and can meet after being back on 23rd.
So....story not over yet?
We've been together for about 1.5 years. We met through a dating app and have been very steady (or at least I thought so). We were talking of getting married. She met my family many times. She got her family to meet me, specifically for marriage purposes.
The thing is, the week I met her parents, she was meeting someone else. She didnt know but the guy was a Facebook friend of my sister's. Somehow this guy sees pictures of my sister with my gf on FB and just asked my sister how my sister knew my gf and that he was dating her. My sister feigned that she was only a friend of a friend of my gf and asked the guy more details as part of her conversation.
The guy told that they met on the same dating app on which me and my gf met.
They've been dating for a couple of months and have met a few times. Didnt say anything about physical relations.
That my gf told him that she is single.
The guy is sure my gf likes him and that things will progress slowly and then they might think of getting married.
I am devastated. We were about to get married, I thought! I just met her family 2 weeks back! I am thinking of confronting her face to face tomorrow.
The thing is, I would think of ignoring the guy saying they both like each other etc. But why the hell is she on the dating app still and meeting guys when we were clearly in an exclusive committed relationship? I even saw the app once on her phone a few months back and when asked she said she made some friends on it before meeting me and she still talks to them on it. I thought that was OK.
I've been so trusting. I dont like doubting my partners. I never asked where she was, what she was doing, who she was with, what her plans were or anything at all. She used to say she really liked this about me- the complete trust. Now I feel betrayed and devastated.
Nothing to do other than wait for tomorrow. Just wanted vent. Thanks for listening GAF.
Update 1-
Went over to her place. Asked her calmly as to who is DK (the other guy). She says she knows him. I asked her how they met she said the dating app. On asking when she said either a little before she met me or after, she wasnt sure. She said they met twice. Once in the beginning once a couple months back when they were in the same mall and he kept asking her to meet.
She showed me the chats on Whatsapp and Fb (the first thing I checked was the app, she doesnt have it anymore). It was mostly him msging her frequently and she ignoring him, though it didnt seem antagonistic from her side either.
Her side of the story was that they met long back and she didnt like him but the guy kept pestering her about meeting and dating and taking things to the next level etc. Post that they only met once a couple of months back.
She then called the guy and kept me on speaker. It went something like this-
Her: "Hi. Did you have chat with a friend of mine?"
Him: "Yeah. Wait I will call you back."
Disconnects the phone. Doesnt call back. So she kept calling him. After 3-4 times he picks up again.
Him:"You've never called me before and now suddenly so many calls. What happened?"
Her:"Why did you tell my friend that we were dating?"
Him"We met one or two times. What else should I call it? Ok wait."
Puts us on call waiting for a long time. Then we disconnected.
After a while my sister messages me that now he is asking her why she told my gf about him claiming to date her etc. My sister tells me to call him once again and clarify everything he said, like my gf saying she is single and flirting with him etc. So we called again. Again he doesnt pick for a while but then does.
Her:"Hi. So why did you tell my friend that I was flirting with you?"
Him"I didnt say that."
Her:"Then what did you say?"
Him:"I just said that I saw her and your pics together and that I like you. Thats it."
Her:"And you said nothing like I was flirting with you or that I was single?"
Him:"No."
Her:"When I told you that I am thinking of marrying a guy and my parents are meeting him, then why are you still telling my friend all this?"
Him:"I only said I like you. Nothing else."
At this point we disconnected the call. There was no point. The guy wasnt going to accept he lied about anything.
So looks like the guy was lying. We still did have a chat about her keeping the dating app in her phone after we met, and she gave the same explanation that she used to talk to a couple of guys who had become her friends over there. Nevertheless she agreed it looks wrong and that she had deleted the app long back and had no plans of doing any such thing.
At that particular time I didnt have any reason to think she was lying, until unless she is such a master liar that somehow managed the whole situation to her benefit, despite me showing up suddenly and giving her no chance of even touching her phone before this went down. The app wasnt there. The chats were clean. The guy was called and situation clarified.
Looked like things were OK.
Then, we banged.
Update 2-
She called me in the evening again and was sounding really upset. So I asked and she said she was upset because I didnt trust her, looked at her phone (I did see her phone to see if the app was still there, in front of her only. It was unlocked and I was just so angry and frustrated I couldnt help myself) and that she had never explained herself to anyone before, so calling another guy just to clear things with me was a big deal and she was feeling bad that I turned out to be a guy who doubted her.
She says that I shouldve asked her and nothing else. So basically I have two choices forever, whenever I have even a little bit of doubt- 1. Dont do anything. 2. Ask her and believe her story.
Kinda made me feel very bad for a while. I indeed felt like a doubting bf.
As others are pointing out, on further thinking I do think some things dont add up.
If she didnt like the guy in the first meet (and turns out that the guy shifted to GF's town after around 8 months of us being together, and not very early in our relationship), why did she meet him a second time? That too after such a long time? Did they meet more times in between? Also, if the guy is as big a creep as she claims, why the hell is he not blocked and out of her life forever? Why is he still sending whatsapp and FB msgs to her, which she replies sometimes to?
Finally, if she is telling the truth in saying that they met only twice and with a gap of a year or so, why the hell was this guy messaging her a whole year without meeting and why was he allowed to do so by her?
Also, I should point out, since some people are saying that I couldve known if there was anything fishy in the chats, the chats I saw only went as back as 20 days or so. Before that nothing was there. Her explanation is that he was blocked before that and hence no chats. In those 20 days of chats I couldnt gauge much, except one red flag chat where he asked her to meet some three times and she replied-
"I am going home. Lets meet after 23rd October."
She couldve stopped at "No", or "I am going home." or simply blocked him. She had no need of letting him know she will be back on 23rd. She says she simply replied as she would to any friend that she is not available and can meet after being back on 23rd.
So....story not over yet?
