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Just found out my girlfriend is cheating on me

A

Arkeband

Banned
Be smart and take GAF’s advice, don’t turn this into a backfire thread where you come back and are like “okay guys so we talked and next thing you know I proposed to her our wedding is next week thanks bye!”
 
T

Therin

Member
sorry OP, that is just a terrible situation.

though im very confused as to how the new guy can still want to be with her, after learning that she's a massive cheater .. :/
 
T

Takuan

Member
Glass half-full: You found out before she became legally entitled to half your money and possessions.

Treat it as a blessing in disguise. You'll learn to trust again.
 
P

polyh3dron

Banned
Really shitty, but hey that's life. Something like this probably happened to her in the past that made it acceptable to her to do the same thing to others. You might be feeling an urge to lash out at her, but don't. She's not worth it. Just move on with your life and find someone else. And don't become the person who hurt you either.

EDIT: and yeah, it's definitely worth letting the other guy know what's going on. that's some good karma shit.
 
P

PorygonVandal

Member
OP, I know this hurts and it will hurt a lot, my ex wife cheated on my when we were dating, but I did let it pass, big mistake, while married she did it again, and who knows how many times she did it that I didn't notice.

So yeah, a cheating person never changes, talk to her, say goodbye and that's it, move on, you have all our support.
 
C

cordy

Banned
Here's what you do.

- Confront her. Let her know what's going down and how fucked up she is for doing this.
- Dump her.
- (Optional) Let the guy know because if he has no idea about you then he's just another dude. Sure you don't have to but I'd do it.

Either way you don't need this in your life. Cut her off. You're good fam.
 
R

R0ckman

Member
Zeke said:
1.5 years and already trying to get married? The fuck man? That's really not long enough to know a person especially if you haven't lived together. Be lucky you found out before you got married or before there was a kid involved hell might not even be your kid and you would have been on the hook for child support. Word of advice in your next relationship take it slow you dodged a bullet this time next time you might not.
Click to expand...

Well, to be honest, there's no telling what could happen in a relationship and more than 1.5 years won't change that unknown. Having children can alter things, and you can't really tell how that effects the base marraige.

As an example, a woman who imagines having children can sometimes turn out to be as bad as one who does not want any (compatability wise). If the reality of the parenthood does not match the fantasy it may have a negative impact on the overall marriage. Some turn out to be wonderful mothers who never planned to have children but working through the trail of raising children awakens something in them at that point.
 
A

AR15mex

Member
Bro,

You need to start seeing this on the bright side of things. You may Ask Why?


  • You avoid a bigger issue which is marrying to a cheater. Imagine if you formed a family and later with kids on the picture you found out that she was cheating. If I were you I don't want to even imagine it.
  • Also, you may need to start looking into perspective why she started cheating you. It seems that she started looking somewhere else when you guys started the "let's get serious thing". You need to confront her in a civilized manner. And find out the why? because if you don't it may come to hunt you in your future relationships (that's if you decide to come back to the game again).
  • I'm sure that you have heard this before, and only time will heal this pain. Also (and this may sound super stupid) you need to honestly forgive her and move on. Everyone is human and make mistakes, but sometimes living in anger against someone that hurt you is the worst thing you can do. See my previous point.
I hope you can move on OP. Don't give up, that's life for you and there is the beauty of it.

This will shape you into a better and wiser person.

Godspeed!
 
G

GodofWine

Member
Tell her all that you know. She'll just accept how screwed up she is. Better to get out now than later.

Then send pics of her and you to the other guy. Don't be mad at him, just let him know what she is doing, and let him decide his own fate.
 
D

dskillzhtown

keep your strippers out of my American football
Erv said:
Take her to a restaurant. Order expensive meal. After you finish eating Pour a cup of water on her head. Tell it's over. Walk out. Forget about her
Click to expand...

Real life is not some 90s romantic comedy. Actions like this have consequences.
 
S

schwabdizzle

Banned
Quit talking to her now and never talk to her again......do not even break up with her.....just vanish from her life completely. It will eat at her, and trust me, it will hurt her.
 
Q

Qasiel

Member
Dump her, OP. She seems like complete gutter trash, and I'd inform the other guy too in case she decides to keep this shit up. Probably wouldn't hurt to get checked out by a doc too, if you guys have been having unprotected fun times.
 
G

Glass Rebel

Member
Congrats OP, you found out your girlfriend was a cheater before things got even more serious! This is a day for celebration because it could have hit you so much worse and it sounds like you're an alright fella who deserves much better.

Go completely ghost on her and remove her from your life entirely. Don't concern yourself with the other dude or her family, just cut your losses and move on. Any energy you spend on this is a waste of your emotional health.
 
M

matt05891

Member
Heckler456 said:
Man, how do you prevent running into shit like this? I have massive trust issues that I don't think I'll ever be able to resolve. I really want to have kids at some point, but I don't think I'll ever be able to trust anyone enough to be able to commit to a marriage. I mean, presumably you were able to trust your wife up until the fatal point, right?
Click to expand...
Wasn't my wife(edited to claify); was planning an engagement/kids and move to San Fran with her. I can't tell you how to prevent it. I'm just glad I didn't do any of the above before I found out what kind of person she was. I did trust her immensely up until that point. Worst was it was with a "friend" of mine. The best bet is just enjoy your life to the fullest and plan your life in ways that make you happy and never place your happiness on another person. At least that was my lesson unfortunately. I can't tell you though how long it will take to trust someone again. I just hope that I meet someone so great it just happens.
 
I

innervision961

Member
I was cheated on after almost 10 years, made me angry, made me hate, made me lose sight of myself. I became bitter and misogynistic because of it, but I’ve since turned that around.

Don’t be like me op, skip all that needless pain, just get out and get on with your life, and even if it happens again, this is their problem, not yours. Be trusting, don’t be naive, find the balance and keep yourself in check.
 
W

Wood Man

Member
Hit up the other guy and let him know she's a cheater. Hopefully you both have the sense to dump her like hot garbage.

It's only a a year and a half wasted on her. It could be much worse.
 
W

Waddle Dee

Member
Sorry to hear that OP. Best idea is to just dump her, face-to-face if you think you can keep your cool, and just leave her in the dust.

Also, I'm no expert, but 1.5 years seems awfully quick to get married, at least to me.
 
S

Spirit3

Member
Gaffers rarely provide sustainable advice but one thing has remained true after all the years since I was cheated on. Dump, gym, move on. You have all the time in the world to be a better you. Find your own happiness. Life isn't assessed by your relationship status. It gets lonely and sad sometimes but pales in comparison to the toxicity that pours from individuals that cheat. I've been careful to not use my normal colourful undertones.
 
W

WordsintheWater

Member
Sorry to hear that OP, best advice is to confront her and then dump her. Remove all traces of her in your life and that way it will be easier to move on.
 
LordKasual

LordKasual

Banned
GodofWine said:
Tell her all that you know. She'll just accept how screwed up she is. Better to get out now than later.

Then send pics of her and you to the other guy. Don't be mad at him, just let him know what she is doing, and let him decide his own fate.
Click to expand...

do ittttt. If he's talking about marrying her too, there's no way he's cool with it.

then film a youtube video where you both set her up and trash her at the same time

then brofist with the other guy after she leaves


5,000,000 views
 
S

SpecX

Member
Talk to her about it, but definitely hit the brakes on proceeding with marriage at this point. If you guys give it time to work out, then much much later, try and get down the path to marrying her if she's the one. If nothing good comes from the discussion, then cut her off and move on with your life.
 
B

Boy Wander

Member
Arkeband said:
Be smart and take GAF’s advice, don’t turn this into a backfire thread where you come back and are like “okay guys so we talked and next thing you know I proposed to her our wedding is next week thanks bye!”
Click to expand...

Take GAFs advice to end it, not to involve the other dude in some crazy revenge plot.
 
W

WordsintheWater

Member
SpecX said:
Talk to her about it, but definitely hit the brakes on proceeding with marriage at this point. If you guys give it time to work out, then much much later, try and get down the path to marrying her if she's the one. If nothing good comes from the discussion, then cut her off and move on with your life.
Click to expand...

I don't think there's any chance of working something like this out. It wasn't some one off thing, she was dating another guy for months.
 
K

KarmaCow

Member
zeemumu said:
If the other guy doesn't know, you don't think he should probably be warned that his girlfriend is cheating on him because she's dating you too?
Click to expand...

Sorry I misread it as convince the other guy to dump her as well rather than just letting him know. You're right, he should know sooner rather than later but revenge schemes are just self defeating.
 
S

#sorrynotsorry

Member
LordKasual said:
do ittttt. If he's talking about marrying her too, there's no way he's cool with it.

then film a youtube video where you both set her up and trash her at the same time

then brofist with the other guy after she leaves


5,000,000 views
Click to expand...

Seriously though. You guys could generate some money and internet fame off of this. Talk to him, make him cool with it. Play a prank on her (nothing violent or particularly mean). Get famous. This is the right thing to do.
 
W

Wallach

Member
Boy Wander said:
Take GAFs advice to end it, not to involve the other dude in some crazy revenge plot.
Click to expand...

Yeah, that shit is not worth anyone's time. You should probably at least contact him, though. And tell him to get tested, which you should probably do yourself if you haven't recently.
 
S

SpecX

Member
WordsintheWater said:
I don't think there's any chance of working something like this out. It wasn't some one off thing, she was dating another guy for months.
Click to expand...

True, but something just doesn't add up for me. Why would she go through the effort to bring him around family, meet his family, and even want to plan a marriage. I'm not saying it will work out, but definitely figure out what went wrong and what the hell was she thinking with the situation overall.
 
L

labx

Banned
Do these steps:

1. Confront her.
2. Tell her it is over.
3. Cut all bonds.
4. Don't blame yourself or seek who is to blame. It never ends.
5. Be mindful about what your feeling, it is ok to feel anger, sadness, grief, etc.
6. Once you accept that is over, move on. You will be happier because you will be wiser and stronger than this.
 
S

Squishy3

Member
Yup, dump her, but also talk to the guy about it. (or your sister talks to him about it) It sounds like he'd be disinterested in pursuing a relationship with her after the knowledge that she met and started dating him after she'd been dating you because she's already lied to him.
 
K

kirblar

Member
Definitely heads up the other guy on the way out. He deserves to know.

But end this. 100 %. This is not a recoverable situation.
 
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