Support NeoGAF

[JigglesBunny]

Cheaters don’t deserve second chances, it’s a lesson that I and many others learned the hard way at some point.

The good news is, things get better. It feels awful, you’ll need a lot of time to get back to normal, but time heals better than anything and you will wind up okay. Hang in there buddy.

Cut her completely out of your life and start moving forward. It’s a journey but you’ll get better.

 

[Cormano]

Dump her, i feel your pain.

 

[Transhuman]

As of now the plan is to just meet face to face and let her know that I know this and just in case she had some explanation. I wouldve ghosted but since the guy might be lying or exaggerating I just want to make sure that what I am thinking is true. The plan is to see if she still has that app and what talks she has had with this guy. As soon as I get a concrete proof that she is still using the app and/or about the chats, I am out forever.

Wait you don't live together and you're talking to her parents about getting married?

 

[Doc Holliday]

Dump her, not worth a second chance. I can almost understand if it was a one night stand right after you guys met or something, but come on. She's been seeing this dude for months after meeting him on a dating app? That means she was looking.

My evil side would say sleep with her best friend and then dump her, but we're civilized gentlemen on this forum.

Good luck man, I'm sure you'll find someone better. You seem like a decent dude

 

[Farooq]

Still have to respect other peoples privacy OP. Going through the phone is not a good look.

 

[shandy706]

Get out, you're lucky you caught it this early.

 

[curiouscharles]

hit the gym, forget that cheater, get a new life.

#winning

 

[FuriousOne]

Get out, you're lucky you caught it this early.

Agreed 110%

 

[VeeP]

Still have to respect other peoples privacy OP. Going through the phone is not a good look.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding your post, or OP's post, but he's not planning on going thru her phone with out her permission.

He KNOWS she has a dating app on her phone, she says it was nothing, he said alright.

Now some dude messaged his sister "Oh, thats the girl I'm seeing! How do you know her?" So of course OP is gonna be suspicious.

The best way (only way IMO) for her to prove this isn't true, is to open that app up and show OP. And he plans on asking her to do that.

 

[EloquentM]

Maybe I'm misunderstanding your post, or OP's post, but he's not planning on going thru her phone with out her permission.

He KNOWS she has a dating app on her phone, she says it was nothing, he said alright.

Now some dude messaged his sister "Oh, thats the girl I'm seeing! How do you know her?" So of course OP is gonna be suspicious.

The best way (only way IMO) for her to prove this isn't true, is to open that app up and show OP. And he plans on asking her to do that.

and if she says no? Or turns it around on him and complains that he’s not “trusting” anymore? It’s not worth the time or the headache. If he really wants closure find out from the other dude getting played too.

 

[Dice//]

Cheaters don’t deserve second chances, ...

I'd argue it still depends on the sitaution. In the case for the OP, probably not, but if you've invested a lot of time and heart and it's something that needs to be worked on due to a marital dissatisfaction coming between you two? Eh.

 

[EloquentM]

I'd argue it still depends on the sitaution. In the case for the OP, probably not, but if you've invested a lot of time and heart and it's something that needs to be worked on due to a marital dissatisfaction coming between you two? Eh.

That’s just setting yourself up for failure. Any suspicious action is going to be met with paranoia in the back of his mind from this point going forward. Remember she’s been allegedly cheating on him for months

 

[VeeP]

and if she says no?

And OP already said if that happens he's done. In his eyes it means she's lying and he's done.

In my eyes, she should understand. And if she is willing to throw away 1.5 years by not showing one dating app on her phone, it means she probably is cheating. At that point, you know.

 

[Ashodin]

Damn dude sounds like she was window shopping and not actually giving 100%

 

[Two Words]

I'd argue it still depends on the sitaution. In the case for the OP, probably not, but if you've invested a lot of time and heart and it's something that needs to be worked on due to a marital dissatisfaction coming between you two? Eh.

Never let your relationship ever go into “too big to fail” territory.

 

[Quonny]

Wait you don't live together and you're talking to her parents about getting married?

I didn’t live with my now-wife when we got engaged. We moved in together a month or so later. Got married 10 months later. Been great for two years.

Just because you get engaged doesn’t mean you can’t break it off.

 

[Dice//]

That’s just setting yourself up for failure. Any suspicious action is going to be met with paranoia in the back of his mind from this point going forward. Remember she’s been allegedly cheating on him for months

Naw I'm more talking about a hypothetical situation that's "years into marriage" (and 'never-ever' forgiving cheaters). I'm saying things shouldn't really always be that black and white. In kittoo's case, I'd definitely say just walk away and find something better with someone much more deserving.

 

[StarCreator]

I do plan to just keep her phone aside as soon as I meet her and then go through it to make sure. If she doesnt let me, I anyway know the answer.

Don't do this. You should not be going through her phone. You're better than that.

 

[Dice//]

I do plan to just keep her phone aside as soon as I meet her and then go through it to make sure. If she doesnt let me, I anyway know the answer.

Then don't bother; don't let it fester and build up, if you know the answer it's not worth the anger and hurt. Cut and run and focus on yourself and feeling better.

 

[Farooq]

Maybe I'm misunderstanding your post, or OP's post, but he's not planning on going thru her phone with out her permission.

He KNOWS she has a dating app on her phone, she says it was nothing, he said alright.

Now some dude messaged his sister "Oh, thats the girl I'm seeing! How do you know her?" So of course OP is gonna be suspicious.

The best way (only way IMO) for her to prove this isn't true, is to open that app up and show OP. And he plans on asking her to do that.

I just assumed OP was going to set her phone aside like he said.

I do plan to just keep her phone aside as soon as I meet her and then go through it to make sure. If she doesnt let me, I anyway know the answer.

 

[Pasedo]

Sorry man. I knew someone like that. Some girls just love the cock too much. Usually cos of some underlying issue and they crave attention. Typically they're very good at lying and manipulating. Trust me. You're doing the best thing for yourself by staying away. Eventually they figure themselves out and at times want to go back to the person who truly cared about them but at that point the guy is usually well over them. Seen this unfold too many times.

 

[Lamel]

You let her continue on those dating apps while she's with you?

Sorry for you but it's for the better I suppose.

 

[Zzzonked]

I even saw the app once on her phone a few months back and when asked she said she made some friends on it before meeting me and she still talks to them on it. I thought that was OK.

Seriously? C'mon man. Sorry to hear though. Ditch her and get back on that app!

 

[Transhuman]

I didn’t live with my now-wife when we got engaged. We moved in together a month or so later. Got married 10 months later. Been great for two years.

Just because you get engaged doesn’t mean you can’t break it off.

It's definitely not a pre-requisite, but cohabitation does make it a bit harder logistically for a SO to fuck someone else.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Man, personally i’d Approach the dude before her at this point. If anything it seems like he’s clueless. Talking to him will give you more proof than anything else. No reason to go through her phone. No reason to even hear what she has to say or see her. You have evidence and he’s just as likely to give you the proof you need if you really need the closure. This way you’re helping out someone else from falling into the same trap and yourself.


The best plan is to just dip out of the increasingly toxic situation entirely.

Oh and get fucking tested

Just ask the guy for a picture of him with "his" girlfriend. Done in one, no wriggle room.

 

[h1nch]

Congrats on dodging a bullet there!

 

[notaskwid]

Hit a shaved lawyer OP.

 

[Trike]

Did you delete your account? Couldn't you see if she was still active on it?

 

[ThisGuy]

Then don't bother; don't let it fester and build up, if you know the answer it's not worth the anger and hurt. Cut and run and focus on yourself and feeling better.

Bingo. Cut and run. Call her on her bullshit and split.

 

[notaskwid]

Did you delete your account? Couldn't you see if she was still active on it?

Thats what you usually do if you don't plan on doing what his girlfriend allegedly did.

 

[ZoltanXerxes]

Eh, that's plenty of time to know if the person you are with is marriage material (note: only if you've been living together during that time as well)

It’s too short to really get to really know someone. The “honeymoon” phase as it’s called (not at all related to the honeymoon after marriage) lasts about 12-18 months from the start of dating. It is recommended that you date someone another year or two years after the honeymoon phase. During that time you will really get to know the person after the lovey dovey stuff has stopped.

As unfortunate and painful as it is for the OP to find out his girl was cheating on someone, he’s really lucky he found out now rather than after marriage.

My advice OP, you can bring it up with her but you will be wasting your time. It may be time to call this relationship off and find a better woman. She cheated on you now, she will most likely do it again. As hard as it is to stop the relationship and move on, it is the most likely option you have to avoid future pain and suffering. Again, I can’t stress this enough. You are lucky you found out before you got married.

 

[NoRéN]

I didn’t live with my now-wife when we got engaged. We moved in together a month or so later. Got married 10 months later. Been great for two years.

Just because you get engaged doesn’t mean you can’t break it off.

2 years lol

You must know it all by now.

 

[Sygma]

As of now the plan is to just meet face to face and let her know that I know this and just in case she had some explanation. I wouldve ghosted but since the guy might be lying or exaggerating I just want to make sure that what I am thinking is true. The plan is to see if she still has that app and what talks she has had with this guy. As soon as I get a concrete proof that she is still using the app and/or about the chats, I am out forever.

Lol what explanation

"sorry i just wanted a wider array of dick inside of me, aswell as more attention"

Ask for pictures of her with him via your sister, dude. If anything you'll just feed her superior kind of ego by acting all offended and whatnot in person

1) get aforementionned picture
2) give one of your to the guy

He'll do the maths

 

[Mihael Mello Keehl]

Dude you better shit on her

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Thanks for all the posts and help guys. Was trying to sleep. Could only sleep for 2 hours or so.

Looks like there is some confusion about how the guy knows my sister. They are FB friends since quite some time and earlier the guy used to live in the same town as my sis and thats how they met. Then after a while he moved to where my GF lives and thats where he met my GF through this dating app. So it wasnt that this random guy was messaging my sister about a girl he was dating. He just saw the FB pic of my sis and GF together so wondered how my sis knew my GF and asked on FB.

As of now the plan is to just meet face to face and let her know that I know this and just in case she had some explanation. I wouldve ghosted but since the guy might be lying or exaggerating I just want to make sure that what I am thinking is true. The plan is to see if she still has that app and what talks she has had with this guy. As soon as I get a concrete proof that she is still using the app and/or about the chats, I am out forever.

Way too much work. You dont need to do any of this. Just dip and be done with it.

 

[massoluk]

Go on a date with the other guy, take picture, post it on her facebook.

"BUH BYE"

 

[Rktk]

This has been said and I'll say it again, get your stuff back first.

 

[Nategc20]

I dumped my cheating ass dick magnet of a girlfriend, got ripped and now she’s begging to get back into my life!

Lol

 

[KoopaTheCasual]

Not sure if OP responded but for YOUR sake, please confirm via pictures/chat logs that this guy really is talking romantically to your girlfriend.

You don't want to confront her, and have her ask for proof and you have none, allowing her to turn the tables on you and make this about you being "insecure". Get the facts, dude.

That way you're never haunted by her words as you're breaking up with her. That way you have the ultimate clean conscious when you tell her to fuck the fuck off.

Good luck, mate. This situation is awful ):

 

[Sygma]

Not sure if OP responded but for YOUR sake, please confirm via pictures/chat logs that this guy really is talking romantically to your girlfriend.

You don't want to confront her, and have her ask for proof and you have none, allowing her to turn the tables on you and make this about you being "insecure". Get the facts, dude.

That way you're never haunted by her words as you're breaking up with her. That way you have the ultimate clean conscious when you tell her to fuck the fuck off.

Good luck, mate. This situation is awful ):

Why would his sister lie

 

[Your Entertainer]

Way too much work. You dont need to do any of this. Just dip and be done with it.

Seriously.

Tell her you know what’s going on, and leave. Block her shit (by far the best way to move forward). Don’t get wrapped up in any bs.

 

[Nategc20]

Why would his sister lie

Nah, he need facts to confront her so he have the evidence right there. What could she possibly say if he have proof?

 

[KoopaTheCasual]

Why would his sister lie

It's not his sister's word. It's his sisters account of this "random guy"'s word, which will allow his gf to spin it off as some jealous guy.

His sister is the MVP, he needs his sister to talk to this dude, and explain the situation and ask for any photos or anything. This gives the gf no room to bullshit her relationship to the second guy.

 

[Mook1e]

2 years lol

You must know it all by now.

Kinda cold...
I mean, my wife and I didn't move in together until a year after we were married.
We've been together for 26 YEARS.

 

[ramuh]

Well after being with someone a while to start to see the layers that hidden underneath, as we all try to put our best foot forward first. Good that you found this out. This is part of the healing process.

 

[Sygma]

Nah, he need facts to confront her so he have the evidence right there. What could she possibly say if he have proof?

it doesn't even matter in his case, he just has to call the dude and then stuff will follow. if it was all bs, then his sister lied

 

[damisa]

I just found out my fiancée who I've been dating for 3.5 years was cheating on me while I was visiting her parents for the first time

Feel bad for her parents who were treating me like their son. My family all hated her, I should've taken that as a sign she was no good

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Wait you don't live together and you're talking to her parents about getting married?

Pretty sure op is Indian. It's pretty common actually.

 

[Mook1e]

It's not his sister's word. It's his sisters account of this "random guy"'s word, which will allow his gf to spin it off as some jealous guy.

His sister is the MVP, he needs his sister to talk to this dude, and explain the situation and ask for any photos or anything. This gives the gf no room to bullshit her relationship to the second guy.

I agree here. Confirm/corroborate with the guy through the "independent" source (op's sister) THEN ghost.

 

[ThisGuy]

I just found out my fiancée who I've been dating for 3.5 years was cheating on me while I was visiting her parents for the first time

Feel bad for her parents who were treating me like their son. My family all hated her, I should've taken that as a sign she was no good

Woof, hope you got yours.