I saw this girl at a training and had the opportunity to talk to her and she was cool and nice and everything but I found myself attracted to her. I was actually lusting after her like I would when I like a guy.
It's times like this when I'm really confused sexually... I've never with a woman and I just don't know. I think I might like women, physically, sexually and emotionally.
The idea terrifies me to be honest.
So this has happened before? You are possibly bi-curious. I mean, there is nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality and if you have some sort of attraction, you should try and go for it.. There is something special if this girl has gained your attention.
I bet you had an obsession rush when you woke up, right? like a desperation to have him right there with you.
it's pretty common that unconscious issues we have are tried to be somewhat solved while we dream, we usually don't remember those because the subconscious block them to not affect us when we awake, ohhh but when we do remember it's pretty abrasive.
to be honest Gibbs, that really tells me you are trying to move on, it might be difficult, for sure, but no one said it is always an easy path, may be try to do more things you like to do? try to find new hobbies? they usually help a lot to deal with this.
I'm very sure you can get over this situation, don't lose heart
When I woke up, it was like I was finally escaped from the nightmare of him being gone. Like he was actually there. His voice, his scent, me laying my head on his chest and just listening to his heart beat as he put his head ontop of my head(He did this before he was taller than me) and he wrapped his arms around me. Desperation is right, completely right. as I did look beside me in bed to see if he was there.... he wasn't.
The dreams are so vivid, it's scary. Like when he left, I didn't have many dreams, I'd say a prayer for him every night, and then think about him as I went to sleep, and he was the first time I still thought about when I woke up.. Perhaps just fixing a friendship so we ended on good terms. Now that I am forcing myself to move away from him, its hitting me every damn night, and they are so real.
I'm accepting he doesn't exist anymore in my world. I even tell myself he is dead, because who he is now is completely opposite of the guy I dated, the guy I loved with everything I had, and knew everything about. Everything he stood for doesn't exist anymore. It's supposed to get easier, not harder. I mean, I do what makes me happy, and I've changed and grown a ton during the past two years. I've gotten into fitness which has become my life in a sense.
As much as I try to move on and live day by day, it just gets harder and harder. I don't like sleeping because I know he'll be there, but it's the guy I remember, and not the asshole he became. Even the Universe continues to throw him in my face, with reminders, or other things that only we would get.