Graphics: 1/10
Have you got a calendar to hand? I want you to take a look at it now, because when you see the screens of this game you'll need something to remind you that it's 2005. About the only thing that even tips its hat to the current century is the use of widescreen. We're looking at low colour, shoddily animated (and we're talking like single-frame shoddy, people) 2D graphics. Don't get me wrong, I'm no 3D-whore, and 2D is right for Pacman in my opinion - with the possible exception of the much-maligned PacMania. But there's no attempt to push the boundaries of what the medium offers here. Heck, there's not even an attempt to prod them slightly. And don't get me started on the attempt to bring 'attitude' to everyone's favourite yellow circle. Did we learn nothing from Prince of Persia?
Gameplay: 2/10
Well, it's not quite up there with the all-time badness of Spawn on PSX and Superman 64, but it's pretty close. It's tedious, frankly. You've got a sort of Pac-Man thing. You've got a tiny maze with a few blood drops in it, and that's it. On and on. For the whole game. It's like sitting watching paint dry, only without the benefit of actual drying paint. I'm going to give it some credit for not screwing with the legacy of Pacman through bizarre and inexplicable gameplay 'innovation', but this doesn't begin to equal the perfection of the original. Not even its numerous shoddy clones, come to think of it.
Replay value: 1/10
Doesn't get any better the second time round. No secrets. No unlockables. No respite. Just that same grating character design, same tedious maze, same set of blood drops. 'Replay value' is a slightly meaningless category to score the game on, because that implies there would somehow be merit in playing it once - a judgement that I certainly wouldn't want my name to be attached to. If, however, you were bold enough to risk your sanity and gaming taste struggling through the game once, you would be well-advised to gather up the fragments of your shattered mind and leave rather than play it again.
Sound: 2/10
There's a sort of high-pitched whining like a monitor running in high resolution, the whir of a fan, and that's it. No music (which I suppose means we at least have to be grateful for the lack of an awful EA-style licensed soundtrack, and earns it a grudging point), no atmospheric sound. Not even any sound when things happen (largely because they don't). Even the 8-bit generation had more to offer than this. The first Pacman clone I played back in the early eighties had a funky little tune when you started, pill-munching noises and all the other sounds you'd expect. Twenty years on, on state-of-the-art technology, this can't even match it.
Reviewer's tilt: 1/10
I tried to like this, really I did. Then I tried to hate it, and found that I couldn't even derive pleasure from that. Most bad games have a certain sense of appeal about them - like watching a car accident, but without anyone actually being hurt (though you can sometimes hear the scream of dying careers if you listen carefully). This goes beyond that, though, into the truly gut-wrenching badness where you just feel ashamed to be a member of the same race that thought this would be a good game. It's like watching a picture, and not a particularly good picture at that. The next time we send a probe into outer space it should have an apology of some sort attached to it, just in case aliens are out there, and they've seen this.
Overall score (not an average): 1/10
Cons:
- Awful graphics
- Repetitive, dull gameplay
- Blackens the name of the Pacman franchise
Pros:
+ I didn't have to pay £40 for it
