We've been together six years now. He's a lot more to me than his career.
Sorry, that's not what I meant. I am just talking from personal experience and being a "creative type" and ultimately disappointing people who thought I was more stable than I actually am. I probably shouldn't give you advice on this, since I'm in sort of a similar place to your boyfriend. Except I've become resigned to jumping into any job I might find, even if it takes time away from my projects.
Ah, I'm sorry >< I think it's kind of reaching the point where he is going to have to take what he can get anyway. I'm quite worried about his mental health but I think once he's able to earn some money he'll be able to do more and eventually find something suitable. It's just getting him started..
It's definitely going to be a mixed bag. On one hand, the job might make him unhappy or depressed if he feels that he isn't getting any further into his career of choice. On the other hand, not making any money and being a burden on others is equally stressful. It's a lose/lose situation and I can definitely sympathize. I think the only thing you can do is encourage him to search for employment, but also help him work on things that will further his career. That's just as important as getting a paying job towards alleviating stress.
Surround yourself with friends and family, try not to let yourself be alone. Stay busy: join a rec sports team, write some open-source software, learn the ukulele or harmonica. In a while, have a few one-night stands.
Man, in a 5+ year. We're in that lull where things feel a bit doomed in love but OH LET'S GET MARRIED WE'RE SCARED COOL.
Going to have to make some decisions sooner than later. Hard talks ahead and I really hope we find a good meeting point. Hopefully with each other.
Ended a 7 year relationship one month ago. I worked a lot and she never got to see me plus she wanted to get married and I didn't. Basically the entire thing was my fault.
Ah, I'm sorry >< I think it's kind of reaching the point where he is going to have to take what he can get anyway. I'm quite worried about his mental health but I think once he's able to earn some money he'll be able to do more and eventually find something suitable. It's just getting him started..
If you're in a lull, don't get married.
I've been with my wife for eight years, married for four, and we never pooled our money. I have my accounts and bills, she has her accounts and bills, and they're totally separate. I probably pay a little more than her each month, but I also make a little more than her. The closest we come to a joint expense is our mortgage, which is in both our names, but it comes out of my account and she gives me a cheque every few weeks. Even when we go on vacation, we try to make sure everything evens out in terms of who pays for what.
That said, it's not as if our finances are completely separate or hidden. We both know, roughly, how much the other person has saved up, how much they're saving each month, etc. We have similar financial philosophies, too -- neither of us ever wants to take on debt, we boh pay off our credit cards in full every month, we're both committed to paying off our mortgage as quickly a possible, and so on. We trust each other completely when it comes to money (and everything else, too), but we've never seen a need to put everything together.
I should probably add that we don't have kids, and don't have plans to ever have kids. If we did, then we'd probably have to rethink our financial approach. It would be a lot harder to break things down into my expenses and her expenses if you add a new person into the mix. Unless you could get a baby that paid its own way, of course.
As soon as we moved in together, we opened a joint account to pay for rent (and now our mortgage) and to transfer money back and forth.
No offense, but you have no idea what you're talking about and I find this incredibly insulting.
Interesting. When we got married [...] I can see how being dual-income (and without kids) might change the thought process, though it's still a strange concept to me. Thanks for sharing.
Interesting. When we got married, I didn't think twice about pooling everything, all our stuff is joint. But then, after we had our first kid, I was the only income earner in the household, so it made sense that we'd be on both. I can see how being dual-income (and without kids) might change the thought process, though it's still a strange concept to me. Thanks for sharing.
The GF and I celebrated our 9 year anniversary this year. Time flies.
The GF and I celebrated our 9 year anniversary this year. Time flies.
Once I finish grad school and move back to baltimore we will figure out this wedding thing.Congratsbig one next year. Got any wedding plans in the pipe?
Hmm think its 13 years in october. Not married though. That mega post is pretty much on point![]()
Once I finish grad school and move back to baltimore we will figure out this wedding thing.
It is definitely somewhere in the pipes.
I've been with my wife for 13 years too, married only 2. Seems it's super common for decade+ courtships these days.
No offense taken. You're right, I have nothing to work with but the context of your post. No offense was meant on my part, either.
My question was genuine, however. Has he sought help for his depression?
People will probably disagree but I think always making urself attractive to other ppl is important. Knowing that ur so is attractive for someone else will keep u on ur toes. I'm seeing too many couples stop tryin in the looks in Long term relatinships. Then that shit leads to bad sex. Having fun is important but not being boring is important too
I actually agree.
But then again I am very self conscious about how I look so there's that![]()
Sweetit's great, highly recommend it. Although, I found getting married after so long together to be a bit odd - it's kinda an anticlimax in a weird way, although I have found that the relationship does feel a bit different these days - in a good way!
Thirded.
People will probably disagree but I think always making urself attractive to other ppl is important. Knowing that ur so is attractive for someone else will keep u on ur toes. I'm seeing too many couples stop tryin in the looks in Long term relatinships. Then that shit leads to bad sex. Having fun is important but not being boring is important too
To the people who have been in long term relationship for 5+ years. Why haven't you and your significant other gotten married yet?
What are the trade offs or what has impacted the relevance of marriage for you?
Sorry for the insanely late reply!
He hasn't, and he doesn't seem like he willHis family has drilled into him that it's a "fake illness" and so he doesn't like talking about it.
Just bumping this up. Seeing how people.
so LTR-GAF, how do you keep your sexlife healthy* after the first couple of years?
open the relationship? keep trying new stuff?
(*at least twice a week, with plenty of kisses, handjobs and touching/cuddling in between)
Why did you get married after all that time?
so LTR-GAF, how do you keep your sexlife healthy after the first couple of years?
Some days we finish up and feel like fuckin ninjas.
My partner moved in a few weeks ago, finallyJust bumping this up. Seeing how people are.
oh noooo! Now you tell me D: Well, so far there are haven't been any issues in that department, except maybe making time for other things...I found that until we lived together it was no problem, even several years into it.
After you shack up, sometimes you simply have to make time for it; there's not a lot of missing the other person, and if you just find yourself together in bed you can easily be too tired.
oh good.But it is totally possible to have lots of hot sex after years together.
My partner moved in a few weeks ago, finallyGoing pretty well so far. Only problem so far is that I'm very busy with exams and while he tries to give me space sometimes he just wants to hang out. oh noooo! Now you tell me D: Well, so far there are haven't been any issues in that department, except maybe making time for other things...