Mike Works presents: Let's not mess with other threads ever again

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Man I'm lounged all the way back in my recliner watching Big Brother and I swore that bottle said 'Cock Moisture.'
 
aznpxdd said:
Jesus fuck I must've took 50 pics trying to get it right.

IMG_1933.jpg


My neck hurts.

I'll be that's not the only thing that-- oh wait you had lotion, never mind then.


...right, so this thread took an odd twist. :lol
 
i think an Asian guy possibly masturbating to Ferrio definitely masturbating to an Asian girl = perfect finish really. and a GAF classic.
 
(neutral) Ferrio
real-time lotion physics
(Today, 12:43 AM)



...did Ferrio just get this tag? I wasn't paying attention earlier.
 
You Choose! ghetto print out plus webcam since I can't be arsed to get my camera out

EDIT: also PARADIGM SHIFT i am behind the photo!

Photo36.jpg


Photo41.jpg
 
Day 15 - Transport GAF Members To Interesting Locations

This thread is getting bigger by the day, but we've got about 2-3 years before it reaches the size of the 'Post Your Picture' thread. And what a coincidence, that thread just happens to be the subject of today's task!

Your job is to pick any picture- be it from yesterday or two years ago- of a GAF member from the Post Your Picture thread and draw the picture.

The catch? From the picture, you're only supposed to copy the person. Everything else you draw, be it the setting in the background, any object in the person's hands, an item in the foreground, has to be unique.

When you're finished your drawing, post both the original photo and your interpretation in this thread.

Go!
 
okay, here's my entry to the previous task:

1zdumo8.jpg


but mike, that task ended a few hours ago, what took you so long? well, to answer that question, i was preoccupied with...
 
fisheyes said:
Whats with the shirtless pic? And you really need to shave. Buuuuuut...
i'm not wearing a shirt right now because it's muggy as hell in vancouver (i took the picture right before i finished the GIF)

and you're supposed to take a picture from the picture thread!
 
I'm too lazy to go hunting through that thread. Better yet, you go stick that picture in there, then everything is all good.

I just wanted to make sure I didn't miss this one, I've missed the last few.
 
AVclub said:
...screw you guys....I'm going HOME!

(srsly: feel free to omit my pic)
Hey, for the record, my above post was supposed to be funny (Cartman quote from South Park). I too tried a couple dozen times to get the photo just right then posted the best I could. I'm trying to contribute every day but honestly it would have been no big deal if I was skipped.

Thanks for making the effort to include me though. I'll get on today's task a bit later.
 
PICT0043.jpg



2779314619_554cd5b69c_o.jpg

YEEEEeeeeaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
 
Day 16 - Change A Famous Movie's Ending

Have you ever dreamed of being a script writer? Me neither, but now you can! Today's task is simple- pick a well known movie and change it's ending. There are only three rules:

- the movie has to be more than a couple years old (so we don't get any recent spoilers)
- you have to clearly label the movie's title in bold at the beginning of your post (so people can skip over it if they haven't seen the movie and they want to)
- it must be written CREATIVELY... here's what i mean:

BAD - "the dinosaurs eat everyone at the end lawl"

GOOD - "Dr. Hammond ushers everyone in the helicopter, the roar of it's engines overmatched by the one from the T-Rex. Dejected and beaten, but thankful for the survival of his grandchildren, he looks out over the tree tops, through the mist, directly into his broken dream. His reflection allows him just enough distraction to fail to notice that Dr. Grant has unbuckled his vest and is strapped with a bomb. A child's shriek emanates from the skies a moment before the explosion. Dr. Grant's is seen relaxing in a pile of dozens of virgins. He utters the line, "Allah is great, but I love Jurassic Park." The screen fades to black."

so yeah, the idea is to either write it like you're pitching the idea to a movie exec or like you're describing the ending to a friend. whichever works for you.

Go!
 
STAR WARS EPISODE 1: THE PHANTOM MENACE

His Master has been beaten, his dying body lays crumpled on the floor. Now young Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, having been bested in battle, hangs precariously from a ledge. Above him stands a dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Maul. Maul is grinning at Obi-Wan as he clashes his lightsabre against the steel ledge, flinging hot embers at the defeated Jedi. Maul is goading him, toying with his prey. It seems as if all hope is lost, evil has triumphed over good, but Obi-Wan refuses to give up.

Suddenly the door behind Maul opens and at the entrance stands a young boy, beside him his clumsy Gungan sidekick. Anakin and Jar Jar both spot the lifeless body of Qui-Gon and despair is etched across their faces. Jar Jar hangs his head in sorrow and a single tear begins to trickle down the young boys face. Maul turns to confront the pair, his evil grin teasing them cruelly. Anakin reaches into his robes and draws a blaster. In the blink of an eye he fires several shots at Maul, but none find their target. Maul is too quick! He ducks, dodges and deflects the shots, then he begins to laugh. Anakin begins to shake, the boy is clearly angered and Obi-Wan begins to notice a huge surge in the Force. The boy is powerful and Maul can sense it to, the Sith Lord stops laughing and readies his Sabre.

Anakin knows that he cannot hit Maul from this range, he is too far out and must close the distance. Suddenly he lets out a ROAR! and begins to charge at his victim. The midichlorians in Obi-Wan’s body scream to him, Anakin is in a rage, Obi-Wan can feel his anger, but he can also sense great danger. Obi-Wan yells at Anakin to stop, but it is too late. The boy is in full flight, charging towards his enemy with reckless abandon. Hot tears are streaming down his cheeks, he is screaming, trembling, completely consumed by his hatred. (My Chemical Romance is playing in the background) Suddenly his eyes glow red as if they have burst into flame.

Maul leaps high in the air, he twists his body a full 360 degrees as hot bolts of energy, fired from Anakin’s blaster, whiz past his face. Maul land and VROOM a single slash of his sabre decapitates the young boy. Anakin’s headless body hangs in the air for a split second before crumpling to the ground. His head roll off the ledge, hitting Obi-Wan in the face, before plummeting below. Some of Anakin’s blood trickles down Obi-Wan’s face. ‘NOOOOOOOOOOOO’ the young Jedi screams, but it is too late, the boys is dead, Obi-Wan has failed, all hope is lost.

With Anakin dead and Obi-Wan defeated, Jar Jar instantly surrenders. He throws his arms in the air and begs for mercy as Maul strolls toward him. Maul smirks before slicing off both of the Gungans arms. He then Force pushes the Gungan into a wall. Jar Jar’s armless body slams against the cold steel before flopping to the ground. The Gungan is wailing, whimpering, his body overcome with agonising pain. He lays face down but tries to clamber to his feet. He is on his knees by the time Maul reaches him.

Maul stoops down and whispers something in the Gungans ear. Terror is etched on Jar Jar’s face and he begins to beg for mercy once more. Maul inserts the blade of his sabre into the Gungans rectum. The tip of the hot blade penetrates the anus of Jar Jar and Maul slowly eases it deep into the Gungans innards. With the blade deep in the Gungans rectum Maul begins to twist the hilt and blood and shit leaks all over the floor. With the blade fully inserted, Jar Jar slowly begins to die, his eyes fall closed as the tip of the blade remerges from his mouth. It is stained with burning shit.

With Maul distracted Obi-Wan pulls his body up over the ledge and searches for his sabre. Maul senses the danger and quickly spins to meet his enemy, but Obi-Wan is not attacking. Instead the young Jedi has the lifeless body of Anakin in his arms and is weeping uncontrollably. Maul makes his way toward the Jedi and finds Obi-wan in hysterics. He is wailing like an animal, overcome with grief. Obi-Wan finally looks up at Maul and begs the Sith Lord to take his life. Maul is shocked, the Jedi is truly pathetic, and in no way a threat to the Sith. Maul decides to leave the Jedi with his pain. As Maul turns to leave Obi-Wan reaches into his robes. He pulls out a belt, a spoon, a lighter, a syringe, and a small bag of brown powder. He begins to cook up-only sweet Heroin can ease the pain now.

Outside Maul pulls out a small electronic device and punches in a code on it’s control panel. He has done well, his Master will be pleased. On the screen an image of a little green alien appears.
‘Lord Yoda I have completed my mission. The boy is dead and Obi-Wan is no longer a threat.’
‘Done well you have my apprentice. Send you your next target I shall.’
On the screen an image of a black Jedi Master appears (He kind of looks a bit like Jules form Pulp Fiction.)
‘Find Mace Windu and kill him you must.’
‘As you wish Lord Yoda.’
Maul rides off into the sunset.
 
Betrayalton

Wow. Awesome. For creativity like this I am following mikes thread very closely. I thought of something myself but yours is just beyond anything I would have done.

*bows*

Awesome read.
 
The Wispy Scoundrel said:
I was cleaning my teeth while I read this part and now I have toothpaste all over my keyboard, you fucker. :lol

:lol Glad you liked it

I'm surprised there haven't been any more entries, c'mon GAF there are tons of movies with shitty endings ripe for the taking.
 
I like clicking on this thread and reading the entries before reading Mike's instructions, then trying to figure out what the fuck you're up to today. :lol
 
E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial

As Elliot and his friends frantically race away from his quarantined home, government agents scramble. In the chaos of screeching tires and racing vehicles, Elliot feels a calmness nearly overwhelm him. His stomach flutters and the boy becomes lightheaded.

Shaking his head, Elliot tries to focus on peddling the bike but his muscles go limp. As the group cross a lawn in the park, Elliot crashes. The bike tumbles. E.T. is thrown clear while Elliot lands on his back in the grass. All the friends put on their brakes and swing back to see what happened. They find Elliot clutching his stomach and writhing around.

The escape has failed. Government agents quickly close in on the scene and take over. Two men in white Haz/Mat suits approach Elliot. As they bend down to lift him onto a gurney, the boy moans in pain. A quick tearing sound, like Hulk Hogan ripping his t-shirt can be heard as the kid screams again.

"We didn't even touch him yet!" one of the doctors says.
"Let's get the rest of the medical crew here, stat!" shouts the other.

Moments later a circle of medical people, with Elliot in the middle, has formed. They work at hooking the child up to their monitoring equipment.

Another scream and suddenly blood is come from under Elliot's shirt. Images start to flash before his eyes: The glowing finger, mental telepathy, longing stares with E.T., sharing candy, playing together. It must have all been some sort of alien mating ritual.

Two doctors try to hold Elliot's arms back as others try to examine him. More ripping noises and suddenly there's a large opening where the kid's belly button was once located. A gruesome brown head slowly pushes out through the stretching skin. It is the offspring of the extra-terrestrial organism. The large eyes look around as a dark red light faintly illuminates them from below. The horrified onlookers realize that this alien has planted its seed in the poor boy.

"That must have been its plan all along." Said a nearby colonel. "Prepare every weapon we've got, men. When those bastards come back to visit, we'll show them how we treat intergalactic pedophiles!"

Cut to scenes of military engaging in combat with UFOs. Heavy casualties ensue. The battle is ultimately won when the president gives the orders to use nuclear weapons.

Our world is safe once more and all seems to be okay. Then, as the credits start to roll, we see a shot of the little girl Elliot kissed in biology class. She too begins to clutch her stomach in pain.

The End
 
The Matrix.

As Neo hangs up the phone with god knows who. He takes flight. He hits an airplane and dies.
The body cannot live without the mind. The scene pulls back as Trinity pulls the plug from the lifeless body.

The End.
 
Twister

Bill and Jo speed toward the massive tornado and prepare to jump out when the front tires suddenly lift slightly. They take one last look at each other before the red truck is launched into the air.

Barely audible over the sound of the wind they try and tell each other they still love one another when Jo is sucked out the passenger side door into the maelstrom. She flops around like a doll, being knocked against massive chunks of wood and debris. Before everything goes black from the sheer speed she is flying and the terror she is feeling, a piece of fence impales her on her chest. Her body disappears into the darkness of the tornado.

Cut to Bill who is watching this from the now glass-less front window of his truck as it's slowly spinning 50 feet in the air nearly within the eye of the tornado. A sudden noise of hooves on the bed behind him makes him turn; behind him in the truck's bed is a cow, mooing and staring at him. He mutters his last words: "Well, we've got fucking cows again" and the truck is suddenly slammed into the ground.

The explosion of the truck can hardly be heard over the loud roar of the tornado some miles away, but the rest of the tornado team waits patiently for the DOROTHY IV data to appear. It never does.

Fade to black as the tornado suddenly makes a turn and heads toward the team.
 
Bit-Bit said:
The Matrix.

As Neo hangs up the phone with god knows who. He takes flight. He hits an airplane and dies.
The body cannot live without the mind. The scene pulls back as Trinity pulls the plug from the lifeless body.

The End.
:lol
 
AVclub said:
E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial

As Elliot and his friends frantically race away from his quarantined home, government agents scramble. In the chaos of screeching tires and racing vehicles, Elliot feels a calmness nearly overwhelm him. His stomach flutters and the boy becomes lightheaded.

Shaking his head, Elliot tries to focus on peddling the bike but his muscles go limp. As the group cross a lawn in the park, Elliot crashes. The bike tumbles. E.T. is thrown clear while Elliot lands on his back in the grass. All the friends put on their brakes and swing back to see what happened. They find Elliot clutching his stomach and writhing around.

The escape has failed. Government agents quickly close in on the scene and take over. Two men in white Haz/Mat suits approach Elliot. As they bend down to lift him onto a gurney, the boy moans in pain. A quick tearing sound, like Hulk Hogan ripping his t-shirt can be heard as the kid screams again.

"We didn't even touch him yet!" one of the doctors says.
"Let's get the rest of the medical crew here, stat!" shouts the other.

Moments later a circle of medical people, with Elliot in the middle, has formed. They work at hooking the child up to their monitoring equipment.

Another scream and suddenly blood is come from under Elliot's shirt. Images start to flash before his eyes: The glowing finger, mental telepathy, longing stares with E.T., sharing candy, playing together. It must have all been some sort of alien mating ritual.

Two doctors try to hold Elliot's arms back as others try to examine him. More ripping noises and suddenly there's a large opening where the kid's belly button was once located. A gruesome brown head slowly pushes out through the stretching skin. It is the offspring of the extra-terrestrial organism. The large eyes look around as a dark red light faintly illuminates them from below. The horrified onlookers realize that this alien has planted its seed in the poor boy.

"That must have been its plan all along." Said a nearby colonel. "Prepare every weapon we've got, men. When those bastards come back to visit, we'll show them how we treat intergalactic pedophiles!"

Cut to scenes of military engaging in combat with UFOs. Heavy casualties ensue. The battle is ultimately won when the president gives the orders to use nuclear weapons.

Our world is safe once more and all seems to be okay. Then, as the credits start to roll, we see a shot of the little girl Elliot kissed in biology class. She too begins to clutch her stomach in pain.

The End

:lol Brilliant!

I was tempted to do an ET one in which he dies instead, but this is beyond what I had in mind!
 
Braveheart

William Wallace stands before the crowd, being tortured more than any normal human being should be allowed to.

They stretch him using horses...

They hang him, but won't let him die.

They spit on him, and laugh.

They castrate him...

Just as they are about to finish him off with an Axe, a Man from behind the stage comes forth.

"SIR SIR, An asteroid is on it's way!"

The executioner asks "Well, how big is it?"

"It's the size of Wales, Mr. Executioner"

"GREAT RICHARDS APPARITION! What we will do?"

"Our only hope, is to send the bravest, Heartiest, Jew Hating, Scotsman we can find! Send him to space, and throw a huge sword at it, to knock it out of the way!"

William: "Sword throwing, eh"

TO BE CONTINUED

On to Braveheart in Space
 
Mike Works said:
"Dr. Hammond ushers everyone in the helicopter, the roar of it's engines overmatched by the one from the T-Rex.
NutJobJim said:
Suddenly he lets out a ROAR! and begins to charge at his victim.
bengraven said:
The explosion of the truck can hardly be heard over the loud roar of the tornado some miles away, but the rest of the tornado team waits patiently for the DOROTHY IV data to appear.
apparently i forgot to mention the rule where every story has to use the word roar :lol
 
Citizen Kane


As the camera pans towards the workers, a man carries a large snow sled towards the flames.
Suddenly a large boyish woman comes running towards him.
"Stop! Don't burn anything!" she/he says.
The worker raises his eyebrow and lowers the sled.
"We can't burn any of this! He left all of it to me, I will be taking it back to my home." She picks up the sled and turns.

The workers look at each other and shrug their shoulders. One steps forwards and says something
"Mister.... er... Ma'am.... may I ask what your name is?"


The manly woman turns her head and smirks.
"Honey, they call me Rosebud."

The End.

edit:
Then a dinosaur roars into the scene and eats them all, lawl
 
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