Baker said:What is thrush? And what is Detol?
Thrush is an itchy fungal infection, commonly associated with the vagina. Dettol is an antibacterial cleaning agent.
They must never, ever meet.
Baker said:What is thrush? And what is Detol?
MrOctober said:On the last vacation that my girlfriend and I took we went to this really fancy hotel and spa to get massages. This whole vacation we'd been eating out everyday. Going out for breakfast, meeting people for lunch, huge nice dinners every night, which is more food than i usually eat so i was just brewing something fierce inside.
We got to the hotel and i took a piss and the toilet literally flushed with a trickle, like barely at all. That should have been a warning not to attempt anything serious in it. We were there about two hours before our massages and i was exhausted so i wanted to take a nap. My girlfriend wasn't so she said she was going to go down to the lobby to buy a magazine from the store and read that while i slept.
To preface the next part of the story our room was on the second floor and the windows overlooked the roof that covered the front door lobby, the place where all the cars pull in. This roof was about fifteen feet long, straight out from our window.
So my girlfriend leaves and really have to take a shit so i head into the bathroom and proceed to fucking give birth to a snow tire in the toilet. This thing was seriously like a shampoo bottle sticking straight up. It was out of the water just standing there, it didn't even fall over. I was nervous to shut the cover, it would have looked like somebody was trying to finger paint on the lid.
So now i'm stuck because i know there is absolutely no way this is going to flush. I'm trying to figure out what to do, my mind is racing. I went to the closet to see if there was a coat hanger to try and chop it up, nothing they are built into the rack and don't come off. I was trying to think of anything so make it go down but finally gave up n that idea. Nothing short of a team of Clydesdales was pulling this thing anywhere.
So i see the barrel just sitting in the corner and i grab the little plastic bag out of it. I wrapped it around my hand and reached into the toilet and grabbed the dump, yes it was that solid, and picked it up and wrapped in the plastic. I went to the bathroom window only to find out it was painted shut and doesn't open. So now my only option is to go out into the bedroom and open one of those windows. This makes me real nervous because i can picture myself taking one step out of the bathroom door in just boxers holding a bag of shit that could choke a donkey and see my girlfriend walking in. So i put shit bag down and go open the window. I run back to the bathroom and grab the bag and run out to the bedroom and i have to fucking sidearm launch this thing to clear the fifteen foot roof so she doesn't see it just sitting there when she gets back. The bag clears the roof and sails down out of sight.
I just fell over laughing at the ridiculousness of this situation and the idea of someone arriving at this fancy ass over priced hotel and spa just to see a bag of shit come flying out over the roof and splat on the street in front of them. I told all my friends when we got home and later that night told the story in front of my girlfriend. She tells me i'm disgusting but she laughs every time![]()
Now that i think about it, that story isn't so embarrassing as it is awesome.
:lol :lol :lolMrOctober said:I went to the closet to see if there was a coat hanger to try and chop it up.
MrOctober said:I was nervous to shut the cover, it would have looked like somebody was trying to finger paint on the lid.
i cannot stop laughing at this :lolMrOctober said:I was nervous to shut the cover, it would have looked like somebody was trying to finger paint on the lid.
I went to the closet to see if there was a coat hanger to try and chop it up, nothing they are built into the rack and don't come off.
I run back to the bathroom and grab the bag and run out to the bedroom and i have to fucking sidearm launch this thing to clear the fifteen foot roof so she doesn't see it just sitting there when she gets back. The bag clears the roof and sails down out of sight.
I've had the exact same thing happen. :lol :lolfistfulofmetal said:Back in 9th grade our teacher set up the desks in pairs. Everyone had a partner that they could ask for help, converse, etc.
It was about halfway through the school year, we'd switched partners every month and it was the day to switch again.
On that day my partner turned out to be a black girl that I barely knew. So we moved desks together and the class proceeded.
The teacher told us that the next assignment would require us to have our rulers and a calculator. So I turned to my side and went to each for my books that were under my chair.
As I bent over, the class erupted in the loudest, most vile rank fart I've ever let loose in a public place.
Directly in the girls face.
This reminds me of the time I passed gas in class back in 5th grade. I was holding it in forever and I just couldn't take it any more. I lifted my right thigh up just a little and let it out. I thought thank god it was silent... I even had a little grin on my face. Then I look to the right and this kid was looking at me. He had this horrified look on his face. He was really laud and flamboyant so I knew this wasn't gonna be good. All of a sudden he scream "EEEEWWW OMG HE FAAARTED!!!" "HE LIFTED HIS LEG AND WENT LIKE THIS TSSSSSSSSSSSSSS" "EEEEWWWWW".. I felt so small and embarrassed :lolfistfulofmetal said:Back in 9th grade our teacher set up the desks in pairs. Everyone had a partner that they could ask for help, converse, etc.
It was about halfway through the school year, we'd switched partners every month and it was the day to switch again.
On that day my partner turned out to be a black girl that I barely knew. So we moved desks together and the class proceeded.
The teacher told us that the next assignment would require us to have our rulers and a calculator. So I turned to my side and went to each for my books that were under my chair.
As I bent over, the class erupted in the loudest, most vile rank fart I've ever let loose in a public place.
Directly in the girls face.
Pizza Luigi said:It was the other day that this hot girl was at my place and I just walked into the toilet when she was shitting there.
I've never been so turned off in my entire life. My penis like inverted.
Pizza Luigi said:It was the other day that this hot girl was at my place and I just walked into the toilet when she was shitting there.
I've never been so turned off in my entire life. My penis like inverted.
Ford Prefect said:My actual story isn't that great, but it has a twist ending. In 12th grade I started noticing a girl in choir who had the best ass I'd ever seen. Though we were in math together as well and she had said "hi" to me a couple times at the beginning of the year, I never really started noticing her til towards the end of first semester. Well, I really wanted to ask her out, because she obviously liked me too and we'd had an awkward conversation or two, but she was leaving in a couple weeks or so to go to France for the entire next semester. I went for it anyway, looking her up in the phone book, calling her out of the blue, and asking her out via voice mail. So her whole family thought I was some kind of pathetic retard, not only leaving a message asking her out (on her home phone), but doing it when she was leaving so soon.
But it seemed to go well: she caught me in the hall in-between classes and suggested we go for coffee after school. Well, I was elated, and we met a few hours later before splitting up to drive there in our own cars. Then a bad thing happened. I could not for the life of me find the coffee shop that was literally 3 minutes away from the school. I must've driven past it 5 times, completely overlooking it each time. She didn't have a cellphone, so I couldn't call her, so I was just in a state of fucking panic. Eventually I did find it-- 30 minutes later-- and she was just sitting in there reading a newspaper. She was looking confused and glum, and I just went in and (truthfully) told her I had a doctor's appointment (which I didn't even make) and left.
Well, I've been e-stalking her on-and-off for the past few years, occasionally actually running into her and now we're friends on Facebook. She's incredibly cool, she's liberal, a fellow atheist, and still very attractive. I actually tried asking her out one time through her Xanga account or something a couple years back and she must've just ignored me.
I'd still be trying, buuuuuuut she's a lesbian now :|
Mike Works said:alright here's mine
this was back in high school, when i was in grade 9. as some of you know, i used to be really overweight. here's a picture of me taken a few months before this story occurred:
(picture)
so yeah, grade 9. it's lunch, and i'm eating in the school's cafeteria along with 100 or so other people in my grade (and around 300 people from other grades). everyone from my grade is eating at one long row of tables all connected together. everyone's talking over each other, normal atmosphere.
this guy sitting across from me, trevor, starts talking to me. calls me a dumbass or an idiot or something. standard lunchtime smack talk. i call him a moron or something back. we're half really insulting each other, half joking. that's just the way trevor was.
so after calling him retarded, it's his turn to say something to me. just as he begins to insult me, this old 65 year old teacher whom i'd never had was walking directly behind me. he hears trevor's insult directed towards me, immediately stops, and yells out, "HEY!"
everyone within ear shot stops talking, at least half of the people at my table (in my grade). all eyes are on him. i turn around just as he puts one hand on my shoulder and stares at trevor. with his other hand, he points down at me, and with everyone listening says,
"You leave this poor girl alone!"
Soka said:One day, in 2nd grade, for whatever reason, I had to piss. Bad. Really, really bad... but we weren't allowed to use the restroom unless it was a designated "restroom break" time of the day, so I had no choice other than to hold it and pray. You can figure out how this story goes of course, we were all there, sitting in our chairs, when the flood walls broke open and I just drowned the poor chair. Obviously, it was embarrassing, so I wasn't going to say a thing. A good minute or two passes and it seemed like no one noticed, but then this kid behind me, Chris was his name I think, say about as loudly as you could expect "Hey, I think your chair is leaking."
Oh fuck.
Well, this of course got everyone's attention, including the teacher's. Next thing you know, I'm saying that it wasn't piss, but that it was water. I honestly don't know if the teacher was just playing along with me or was a total idiot, I think she was playing along, because when the janitor came in, he quite literally took the handle of the mop and tapped it into the ceiling to see if there was a leak (it had been raining that day). Obviously, there was no way two gallons of piss leaked from the ceiling into my lap, but I guess the teacher was just trying to cover it up from the other kids.
A sad walk down the hallway to the attendance office, a depressing phone call to my mom, and a solid 20 minutes sitting in the office, reeking of piss, while I waited for my mom to pick me up, and I was one shitty feeling kid.
But hey, I've never since had a piss that felt so great to let out.
Mike Works said:i cut my hair short a week later
It wasn't already? Seriously?agrajag said:Kind of takes the phrase "stick it in her pooper" and makes it gross.
pakkit said:It wasn't already? Seriously?
When I was 5 in preschool, I collapsed into the toilet. I was going to the bathroom off to the side of the cafeteria during lunch and was making Lincoln Logs and lemonade. I'm a pretty damn small person, barely past 5 foot 1, and back then I was probably like 3 foot something. Not only that, but I was wiry, and bony-butted.
Thanks to Five Guys, I've now got a substancial amount of junk in the trunk, but back then to sit on the potty was basically a balancing act. For some reason, that day I finally threaded the hole and fell in. So now my ass was wet in a vile concoction of my own waste, my arms were pinned above my head and my flailing legs were locked in front of me.
I sat there in misery for a few long minutes, and then decided that there was no way I was going to get out of this predicament myself, so I proceeded to scream like a little bitch until a teacher heard me and helped me out. My luck, it was a woman. I was really nervous after that, I told people I had vomited if they asked what had happened, and I once punched a kid in the nose who kept pressing for more information.
E-stalking, in this case, is a facetious term for reading the website of someone I know IRL. Not that embarrassing.agrajag said:The most embarassing part of the story was that you've been e-stalking her for the past few years.
Linkzg said:First thing that comes to mind is something that happened back when I was in preschool. I was walking with a friend and talking about something so involved that I continued walking and talking into the bathroom. For some reason as I was talking to him, my mind believed that I went there to take a poop, so I went into a bathroom stall and sat down. The problem was that I still had my pants on, and that there was no bathroom seat, and that whoever was there before me didn't flush. I basically walked backinto my classroom with shit stained pants (none of which was mine) and a red face.
Ventrue said:At least the other guy fell in. You just sat down on someone else's shit.
Linkzg said:No, no. He pooped like normal. I fell into the water, the shit, the piss, and the whole mess with my pants on.
Guybrush Threepwood said:A while ago I was in Niagara Falls on vacation with my family, my brother's friend, and his mom.
One morning (I think it was the second or third day of the vacation), they all decided to go on some raphids ride. It cost $50 per person and I really didn't feel like going anyway, so I decided to stay at the hotel until they came back.
So everything was going fine. I was watching some TV when I felt a monster shit coming on. When I had finished, I flushed the toilet to get rid of the smelly shit, but it wouldn't flush properly and the water level rose almost to the top. Luckily I didn't need that much toilet paper, so I thought I would be fine until everybody else came back.
Then I made a grave mistake.
For some reason I decided to flush the toilet. Now I clogged the toilets at my house several times, but the worst that ever happened was the water reaching the edge of the toilet bowl.
Then it happened. Water started pouring out of the toilet. I moved to a corner of the bathroom but the water didn't stop. So I ran out of the bathroom and tried to do everything I could to stop the water. I tossed towels and clothes into the toilet, and after the water reached the carpet, I eventually forced layers of bedsheets into the toilet and under the bathroom door to stop the water flow But nothing worked.
Eventually I heard the hotel phone ring. I knew I was in some deep shit at that point and I decided not to answer it. But when a lady who worked at the hotel knocked at the door, I knew I had to answer it. I watched her walk through about six inches of toilet water and turn some silver knob on the toilet and the water just stopped... that's all I had to fucking do from the very beginning.
All I could do was sit and watch as some maintenance guys brought huge water vacuums into the room to remove the water.
Later I found out that I had flooded at least part of my brother's friend's room and the hotel restaurant.
I ended up costing the hotel hundreds of dollars in water damage.
Mike Works said:Day 14 - Take A Photo Of You In Front Of A Photo Of Someone In Front Of A Photo
You ever see two sets of opposite mirrors that repeatedly show a reflection of a reflection of a reflection, etc? That's what we're going to try to recreate today.
I'm going to post a picture of myself at this end of this post. I want the first person to reply to this task to take a picture of yourself in front of my picture. So basically your face leaning in front of your computer/laptop monitor with my picture on the screen and post it in the thread.
The next person to post would then take a picture of themselves in front of that picture (the one of a guy leaning in front of my picture).
This will continue on throughout the day, when eventually we would have (in theory) a picture of someone leaning in front of a picture of someone leaning in front of a picture of someone leaning in front of a picture of someone leaning in front of a picture of someone leaning in front of a picture, etc.
Curious to see if you guys can pull this off. Here's the starting picture:
![]()
Go!
Danthrax said:http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b55/Danthrax40/IMG_2054.jpg/IMG]
am i doin it rite?[/QUOTE]
Nope, its meant to be a picture of you.
Mike Works said:Curious to see if you guys can pull this off.