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Most rididulous Star Wars Expanded Universe content
- Thread starter Fj0823
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Jizz-box
"You sound like a festerin' jizz-box. I got a festerin' jizz-box right over there in that corner."
―The assistant manager of the Wookiee's Codpiece
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Jizz-box
Sir_Crocodile
Member
Yeah, that was Zahn coming back with one of his later books. Forsaw vong, recruited Thrawn. I felt sorry for him having to navigate that cesspit.
There is good EU stuff, bur 99% of it predates the Yuuzhan Vong. That just killed star wars for me. About ten books in I stopped reading, and now I only read the occasional book written by Zahn. I've heard some really bizarre stuff about the legacy of the force line, sounds even worse then the vong stuff.
Monkey_Plunkett
Member
Some absolutely brilliant penis euphemism material with those instrument names
Clak Beepbox
Gasan String Drum
Jizz-box
Kloo Horn
Mood Synthesiser
Peel Rod
Ploong Sounder
Slitherhorn
Shadows of the Empire.
Oh, Han's frozen in carbonite! Don't worry, here's a generic Han Solo knockoff who you can idolize.
He even pilots a Millenium Falcon lookalike:
LOL You know if they use Dash in the movies, he'll be played by Bradley Cooper.
Because one day the folks over at Sienar Fleet Systems just said fuck it, we're doing everything. Shields, missiles, 6 lasers, a tractor beam that can tug a Star Destroyer, hyperdrive, and engines that are faster than anything else in the universe.
The biggest absurdity isn't even the ship itself, it's the pages and pages devoted to explaining why the Empire didn't build millions of them and conquer the galaxy.
The cloak ship from the Thrawn trilogy was handled pretty well. It's cloak came with a huge flaw that didn't make it OP and canceled it's usability out, if used wrong.
Because one day the folks over at Sienar Fleet Systems just said fuck it, we're doing everything. Shields, missiles, 6 lasers, a tractor beam that can tug a Star Destroyer, hyperdrive, and engines that are faster than anything else in the universe.
The biggest absurdity isn't even the ship itself, it's the pages and pages devoted to explaining why the Empire didn't build millions of them and conquer the galaxy.
The only thing more ridiculous is the ship made specifically to counter the already-OP TIE Defender: the Missile Boat
This guy carries a lot of missiles. How many is a lot? Try 80. For comparison, most other starfighters can carry at most 12. So it can rain death on whole squadrons from a safe distance. And once the survivors finally close the distance the Missile Boat can continue to lame it out by activating its SLAM system, basically space afterburners, to double its speed to get some distance and continue the missile spam. Also, its base speed is equal to that of an A-Wing and its shields are as tough as a B-Wing because why not?
For as much as I love TIE Fighter and feel that they nailed the inclusion of the Assault Gunboat and TIE Advanced/Avenger, things got real dumb after that in the later parts of the game and its expansion.
Escape Goat
Member
What was the flaw?
spookyfish
Gold Member
Lucas was behind Shadows of the Empire. It's a canonical story -- albeit a not very good one -- between Empire and Jedi. Now, maybe Disney has canceled it, along with the rest of the EU (good riddance, I say), but -- SotE wasn't some book that Kevin J. Anderson wrote. It was a story from all aspects of Lucasfilm and LucasArts.
The ship was put in Episode IV for a reason.
Another example: The YT Freighter you see in Episode III -- that's not just a freighter. It's supposed to be the actual Millennium Falcon. Because, you know, the galaxy is so small that the same ship you see in the OT has to show up in the PT.
If that's the attitude of the filmmakers when the movies were being planned and made, the, yeah: It's the Outrider in IV. I just can't believe they're that imaginative.
They can't see you, but you can't see anything. Thrawn's cloak blocks all detection, but also all sensory feed for the cloaked ship, so the cloaked ship is literally flying blind. This makes Thrawn's cloak completely useless in direct ship combat.
Thrawn still makes some really clever use of the cloaking device. At one point he parks a cloaked Star Destroyer right below the point where a planet's shields would activate, parks a visible Star Destroyer above the shields, and has both fire at the same time so it looks like he has a weapon that can penetrate planetary shields. This bluff gets the enemy to immediately surrender. At another point, he puts the cloaking devices on a bunch of asteroids and sets them in orbit around Coruscant so merchants would be too scared of getting hit by an invisible asteroid to leave or visit the planet.
screaming
a lurker should create an account named HorseJedi and use this as his ava.
I'm honestly fine with the Outrider, Dash Rendar, and Leebo (Though I stand by my unpopular opinion that the Outrider is an incredibly ugly ship). I wouldn't mind them showing up in the future again, maybe pitting Dash against han as a foil. It's the stuff with the movie protagonists in Shadows of the Empire that's bad.
super-famicom
Member
I am a huge fan of the Zahn Trilogy, but it was kinda ridiculous that Zahn introduced hot cocoa as an exotic drink in the first book (Luke drinks it while standing on the roof of Imperial Palace. We also find out Lando gave it to him.)
There is no way Boba Fett is staying dead; he's too popular a character and unlike other popular characters his death wasn't satisfying. Aftermath already pretty much confirms Fett got out of the Sarlacc with Jawas selling his armor.
spookyfish
Gold Member
Oh, I'm not making an argument that the Shadows story is good. (Still one of my favorite N64 games, though. The "sproing" sound when IG-88 jumps -- sublime.)
I'm just saying most EU content received a cursory "Okay." from Lucas. This was planned as a huge event/story FROM Lucas' holdings. I would be very surprised if it's not canon, as it was supposed to be from the beginning. Some people on here weren't old enough to see the re-release in the theaters in 1997. Shadows had JUST come out.
The ship isn't the same as the Outrider, this ship is supposed to BE the Outrider. It was Lucas connecting the dots to Shadows of the Empire.
What is Star Wars Aftermath? A book written while under Disney license?
Yea but some of his adventures I read on Wikipedia sound pretty awesome as well. I mean he could still pull off an Antihero role with limited talking. Conan the Barbarian pulled off a whole movie with a mostly silent protagonist.
Except he's already been shown as a kid with his dad, revealed as a "special" clone, and more of such nonsense.
He hasn't been the silent badass character for over a decade now.
I'm fine with Fett surviving, the problem with Fett is what happens afterwards. After that experience and humiliation he should be a battered wreck and not still the best bounty hunter in the galaxy, which is why "Last One Standing" is my favorite Boba Fett story: Instead of being an all powerful eternally youthful badass who beats Jedi and is better than everyone, he's crippled and sick and yet still tries to hold on to who he was. Even with a missing leg he keeps on going. A badass isn't someone who can beat anyone in a fight, a badass is someone who can be beaten down hard and get back up to spit in your face.
Yes. Part of the new canon.
depends on what star wars you've been watching
Doesn't change that he's basically just someone to stand there and look badass. He should stay dead, make new characters that actually do something.
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Which is exactly why we shouldn't explore Boba Fett any further
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
He's getting his own stand alone anthology live-action film, I thought.
Rumored but not confirmed. It was probably what Trank was working on, since the Marvel guys said they have been told by Lucasfilm that they can't do much with Fett (the implication being because they've got plans).
The only confirmed spinoffs so far are Rogue One and Han Solo, with the rumored ones being Fett and Obi-Wan.
Tertullian
Member
This is reminding me why I decided to sell all my Fantasy Flight Games Star Wars X-Wing Miniatures Game™ stuff. I can't keep up with all this dumb shit.
He's not special.
He's just an unaltered clone. In fact that means there's nothing special about him. Besides his inherited talents
DiipuSurotu
Banned
Final Fantasy VIII?
mcz117chief
Member
Because one day the folks over at Sienar Fleet Systems just said fuck it, we're doing everything. Shields, missiles, 6 lasers, a tractor beam that can tug a Star Destroyer, hyperdrive, and engines that are faster than anything else in the universe.
The biggest absurdity isn't even the ship itself, it's the pages and pages devoted to explaining why the Empire didn't build millions of them and conquer the galaxy.
C'mon, Tie Defender is the best star fighter in sci-fi history. I love the design, so cool. Besides, it only has 4 lasers the other two are ion cannons. So basically it is a x-wing with ion cannon and slightly better tech.
That also costs an assload of points in X-Wing Miniatures.
I agree, especially after what the original EU did with him.
I could get behind bringing Fett back if he becomes a running gag and never does anything of interest or value, ever, periodically being defeated accidentally by a tremendously handicapped protagonist. Basically just triple down on his portrayal in the original films.
Because one day the folks over at Sienar Fleet Systems just said fuck it, we're doing everything. Shields, missiles, 6 lasers, a tractor beam that can tug a Star Destroyer, hyperdrive, and engines that are faster than anything else in the universe.
The biggest absurdity isn't even the ship itself, it's the pages and pages devoted to explaining why the Empire didn't build millions of them and conquer the galaxy.
This and all the awful T-things that were added from games and all these stupid game special forces. Just use standard Stormtroopers and give them different weapons.
Rex Griswold
Member
Pretty much all the special "this is super rare and expensive, but we have lots of it" equipment that the Rebel Alliance has in the EU.
Special Forces and commando units? No problem. But the Rebel Alliance wasn't that well funded, so it made no sense to have a bunch of troops with cortosis-weave armor.
Special Forces and commando units? No problem. But the Rebel Alliance wasn't that well funded, so it made no sense to have a bunch of troops with cortosis-weave armor.
To be fair, Fett did track down Han Solo (And in the new Star Wars comic told Vader Luke Skywalker's name).
He's just completely useless in any fight he's had past the age of 15. Daddy would be most ashamed.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Because one day the folks over at Sienar Fleet Systems just said fuck it, we're doing everything. Shields, missiles, 6 lasers, a tractor beam that can tug a Star Destroyer, hyperdrive, and engines that are faster than anything else in the universe.
The biggest absurdity isn't even the ship itself, it's the pages and pages devoted to explaining why the Empire didn't build millions of them and conquer the galaxy.
Speaking of wacky Imperial vehicle designs...
"Fuck it, just put some treads on it and call it a day!"
"What if ships could fuck and an Imperial shuttle fucked a TIE bomber?"
"Isn't that just a spider?"
"No! ...it's got lasers on its knees, stupid..."
PeskyToaster
Member
The Tales of the Bounty Hunters book was pretty cool if I remember right. Granted I was a kid back then so everything Star Wars was cool.
While a lot of this stuff is laughable this one downright offends me.
Aww, this cartoon was charming.
We're the E-E-E-E-EEEEEEWOKS!
C'mon, man, the ysalamiri are force-repellant furry lizards.
Speaking of the Thrawn trilogy, someone should mention Ralrra, the Wookiee with the speech impediment that allows him to speak basic, but with elongated 'R's like Tony the Tiger.
L.B. Jeffries
Member
Gotta love Imperial design philosophy. Because if it doesn't have a spherical cockpit, how will they know we're the Empire?
As silly as the original EU was, I still enjoyed it for the 15-20 years it was around. There are still great moments and a lot of wasted potential but it was a fun ride.
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