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Oft hope is born when all is forlorn.
Funny how 2.5k means he isn't broke
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My ex wife is trying to destroy me...
- Thread starter ElfArmy177
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Funny how 2.5k means he isn't broke
CrocMother
Banned
I don't need citations for personal observations
I'd hope he would expect to support his children even if his relationship with his SO ended.
Shao Kahn on the Lawn
Member
Insane solutions come of insane situations. If I were staring down the barrel of losing 75% of my income to some spiteful ex partner, I'd be thinking of doing something insane. The courts couldn't care less about the welfare of men in situations like this: in the eyes of the law in this context, we're oxen that are to be driven until we collapse in the field.
This would be spun as a single man trying to get out of paying support to his ex-wife and the children. Yeah...that's a PR winner right there. The circumstances and details don't matter in the court of public opinion.
ugh_the_boot
Banned
How does a stay home mum who has no earning get custody? This doesn't sound right and if it is your judicial system is fucked.
Best advice OP leave the country, you're not seeing your kids anyways. Seriously....either that or man up and deal with the consequences of your actions. Remember that you chose to have kids with this woman.
Best advice OP leave the country, you're not seeing your kids anyways. Seriously....either that or man up and deal with the consequences of your actions. Remember that you chose to have kids with this woman.
thelastcrusader
Banned
Dude fuck that. I'd quit both jobs and tell her to eat a fucking dick. I'd rather take my chances in jail than feeding that spiteful hellspawn.
To poster above me - how can he man up exactly?
To poster above me - how can he man up exactly?
If you'd ever worked at a family court you'd know this isn't a safe assumption.
Frustrated_Grunt
Member
I hate reading stuff like this. Nothing to offer op that hasn't already be said, but good luck.
Hopefully most of these people never have children.
entremet
Member
Because she can provide immediate childcare while the ex husband works in this situation.
It's also very rare for mothers to be stripped of primary custody of young children barring issues of mental health, addictions, or criminality.
Seriously. It's scary how many people are genuinely advising the OP to just fuck his children over forever, out of spite towards his ex-wife. I mean, I guess if he left completely, forcing her to try to support three children on $30,000/ yr., that would sure show her...I mean, the kids might go hungry and end up homeless, but at least the OP would have revenge! Also, LOL at the idea he can form a relationship with his children later. I'm sure they'll really be looking forward to that.
Marty Chinn
Member
Sorry, misread. I thought you were trying to state that the happiest marriages are old people without kids.
It's because typically the mother in this situation knows how to take care of them better since she's the one who has been doing a bulk of their care.
CrocMother
Banned
I mean, I stand by that statement.
downvote downvote downvote.
Divorces peaked with baby boomers and Gen Xers. Going down with Millenials.
Helps that we're less inclined to marry thanks to horror stories like this one (and to a much greater extent, other systemic issues in modern gender relations), so those that do are more certain about it.
So maybe we should be wary of marriages - because the myth that they're all sunshine and roses is only swallowed by older generations.
ugh_the_boot
Banned
Man up by doing what he is currently doing....he is barely getting by but getting by nonetheless so he should continue on this path.
I honestly think you should only have kids if you are well off as this world is overpopulated as shit.
How can you take care of kids when you have NO MONEY?!?!
wanderingprostheyltite
Member
This is sad, not everyone is out to get you man. There's plenty of good women out there that are faithful and not looking to just use other guys up and then split. I take it you had some heartbreak in your past? If so fuck em, life is too short to let some memories ruin your potential future happiness.
entremet
Member
He mentions the budget killer is now he has to pay maintainance for the previous residence as well as child support.
thelastcrusader
Banned
OP will have no life. He won't be able to spend time with his kids. No matter what he does he is fucked. He will work himself to death for the next 18 years with no hope for escape and his kids will still resent him since he won't be able to buy them a fucking ice cream cone let alone birthday gifts or christmas gifts. His ex wife seems like the devil. I would suggest a new lawyer and quitting your 2nd job. I'd take my chances with the courts.
Shao Kahn on the Lawn
Member
The OP isn't to blame for the shit-awful situation that divorce courts are creating across this nation. No human being should be expected to pay 75% of their after-tax income to an ex-partner ever. The kids aren't going to be any better off if he, after a few years of bringing home $15,000 of a $75,000 income, hurts himself or worse because of the hopelessness of the situation.
SoRuffShoNuff
Member
Working 7 days a week and not having time to see the kids he is supporting. Thats an awful existence to wish upon someone for the next 20 or so years.
Straight Edge
Member
Yes for $700, leaving him with about $2650 per month after taxes.
Marty Chinn
Member
That doesn't mean it's a true statement. Not without citation. There are other anecdotal statements here from what people have witnessed that aren't true in their conclusions too.
ZombieSupaStar
Member
Ugh that sucks OP. I'm never having kids/marriage, just not worth the risk.
None of that is worse than three children being left in poverty, for the entirety of their childhood. So, I stand by my statement that advising the OP to run-away forever or, in your case, "quit both jobs and tell her to eat a fucking dick," is pretty goddamn evil advice.
prag16
Banned
Three downvotes? Okay, guy. Sure people are less inclined to marry. Of course that helps the divorce rate if there are less hasty marriages to begin with. That basically supports my point in a way, rather than refuting it.
And about millennials in general, it sure feels like "fuck you got mine" is at an all time high. Maybe it's perception skewed by the internet though. People definitely seem more easy come easy go about sex than ever before which probably doesn't aid in the nurturing of healthy committed long term relationships (though many would call that "freer" view on sex as a more enlightened view; that's a separate discussion).
Steeped in a Sea of Games
Member
Dude, you have kids, you make a commitment. It doesn't matter if they fucking hate your guts when they grow up. Your kids owe you nothing. YOU decided to bring them into this world, they didn't ask you to do it.
People should take care of their goddamn kids, quite literally at any cost. You have a kid, you commit to putting your own happiness aside if you have to and they come first until they're of age. End of story. Anything else makes you a seriously selfish piece of shit, I'm not going to sugarcoat it. It's possible to be happy and also have kids, but if push comes to shove, your kids should come first because they can't do it themselves, nor should they be expected to.
entremet
Member
Actually older generations had a more realistic view of marriage since this was before the wedding industry began.
Marriage was also a primary economic union without the romantic trappings until recently in human history.
ugh_the_boot
Banned
But he doesn't have a choice = it's man up time. Man enough to get married and have kids.
CrocMother
Banned
this guy gets it
How does this justify advising the OP to run away and abandon them? The kids are not going to be well-cared for, if the mother is left to support all three of them on $30,000 a year. Yeah, if the OP can run away completely, he might be better off, but his children are going to be hungry and possibly homeless...
Marty Chinn
Member
Is it? Going by the OP, it seems more about be smarter about who you marry and not get blinded by emotion.
entremet
Member
hey_monkey
Banned
Things are bad enough for the OP without sending this spinning into extreme hyperbole. Not only would not not have to pay child support for 20 or so years, but the extras -- the maintenance -- are temporary.
THIS. THIS. THIS.
I'm also disheartened at how quickly threads like this become gendered. Suddenly all women are gold-digging bitches and whores and every marriage is a trap. Suddenly everything is MAN UP and abandonment and deadbeat dads. Honestly, there are people who have no idea how to handle relationships, marriage, children, and that happens all along the gender spectrum. It's individuals, not groups.
Shao Kahn on the Lawn
Member
His ex makes 30K per year: that isn't poverty. Even if it was, there are social programs for poverty. There aren't social programs for a guy that is only allowed to keep 15K of the 75K he's earning.
It's incredible to me that some of you people see this as his fault. How many of you people would be saying that if the OP were a woman whose abusive husband was trying to take 75% of her income despite making 30K and being perfectly capable of sustaining themselves with child support assistance?
prag16
Banned
This is a valid point too. Society nowadays seems to teach people that good or great is the enemy of perfect. People have a hard time putting things into perspective sometimes, and can't just be grateful for what they have when they have is perfectly decent.
Spark is faded after a decade or more with young kids at home cramping your style? Time to go have an affair obviously.
Why even take the risk though?
Straight Edge
Member
OP, how old are your kids?
I wouldn't advise anyone to completely abandon their children to poverty, because that's a really shitty thing for any human being to do. Also, $30,000 is not enough to support 3 three children and, frankly, it doesn't matter whose fault that is. The important thing is that the children are cared for.
thelastcrusader
Banned
That's IF he gets 75K. He said 20k of it is conditional on hours. Plus his ex has a new bf so I'm sure he can help support that hellspawn.
Al-ibn Kermit
Junior Member
In this situation I would suggest working together with both sides of the family as it sounds like everyone would view you as the rock in the kids' lives. In these types of proceedings, I have seen the father end up getting really, really upset and depressed during the period when they can't see the kids much and have difficulty meeting the financial obligations but it'll get better as you adapt to what work/life changes can keep you sane. Even if losing a part-time job is what it takes, you still have your kids and hopefully she'll be pressured by her family to be more cooperative.
You're a 27 year old who has never been in a relationship. Understand that you are probably under-experienced and hang out with people who are like you.
A lot of people make mistakes in early relationships but it sounds like you're just sitting around justifying to yourself not having a girlfriend because bad things happened to other people. Try to understand that this guy is going through a real life crisis and that you should gtfo of the way rather than throw in your opinion.
You're a 27 year old who has never been in a relationship. Understand that you are probably under-experienced and hang out with people who are like you.
A lot of people make mistakes in early relationships but it sounds like you're just sitting around justifying to yourself not having a girlfriend because bad things happened to other people. Try to understand that this guy is going through a real life crisis and that you should gtfo of the way rather than throw in your opinion.
entremet
Member
Everything has a risk, though.
Driving a vehicle is a risk. You could get killed by drunk or texting driver.
.
Going outside is a risk. You could get killed by stray bullet, motorist, mugger.
Befriending someone is a risk. They could be a serial killer.
You can't live life in a metaphorical hazmat suit. We will never reduce risk. That's life.
Shao Kahn on the Lawn
Member
Which is why the OP is perfectly willing to pay child support based on a reasonable amount of working hours, if you'd bothered to read. It's the arbitrary percentage for both child support and ridiculous maintenance based on unreasonable working hours that has him in turmoil.
He makes 75k only if he continues to work weekends, which he does not want to do. And also, may not be able to do, as he mentions the hours he has previously gotten are drying up. His take home, not working weekends, is 3k, I think it was? 1500 for the kids, 700 for the ex, leaving him 800.
Skellig Gra
Member
That is a huge cop out. Why leave the house? You might get hit by a car. "Risks" make life worth living.
Steeped in a Sea of Games
Member
The OP is actually sounding very reasonable in the way he wishes things would work out.
Those sentiments are for the people who are telling him to flee the country and never send her or his children a dime.
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