So I've known my friend, let's call him S, for about a dozen years now. We went to high school and then college together. I lived with him for a little bit during college. In other words, I know him pretty well.
Presently, I am working and S is still in school, going for a PhD after he got an MS. I work near his school and we live fairly close to each other so we catch a bite together once in a while. Anyway, every time we go out, he ogles women (if there are any up to his lofty standards), like an uninterrupted gaze for about 10-15 seconds. He'll just drop a conversation and commence staring shamelessly. I don't even have to look, I know what he's looking at. He tells me to look too, "look at her tight body...those tits...dang, she's just the right size" or some variation.
This has been going on for almost a year. I think it's even shaped his restaurant choices, because one time when I, a mutual friend, and he were deciding where to go eat after a movie I suggested one place, and he said "no, we have to go to X restaurant because they have hot girls." The funny thing is that we did end up going to that place but we got a male server, and of course the whole time he was whining about how we got a male server and how he could see bunch of female staff serving other customers - "why couldn't we get her....or her...instead we got this prick." The same thing happened about a month ago, we went to a different restaurant and got a male server instead of one of the pretty girls and he called that server a prick, loudly proclaiming that we should have a female server instead. Of course he ogled everyone around. We sat outside and he ogled the women walking by, he ogled the female servers, he ogled other restaurant patrons...
There was this woman at a different restaurant near where we live. We went to that location together about a year ago and we got a pretty server who had an unusual first name. Guess what he did? He went home and found her on facebook and started telling me about her (like where she lives, where she goes to school, what's in her public photos). I told him if you really like her you should just ask her for her number and see what happens. He didn't do that, but what he did do was go back to that restaurant a few times and ask for her to be his server, and he finally mustered the courage to say "hey add me on facebook."
Now I do know the reason for this behavior. He's 26 and he's never even kissed a girl, a fact he admitted to me after I (foolishly perhaps) asked him when the last time was that he kissed a girl. His reply? "You first" (like what are you, 12?) so I told him and then he revealed, "I've never kissed a girl." Basically he's desperate as hell. I tried to offer some advice to him, like stop worrying about that stuff, try to focus on doing something to improve yourself like work out, and most of all stop acting so desperate and staring cause it's rude and women can sniff out desperation quite easily. He generally agreed with my sentiment and resolved to go to the gym more, but I think S, who was already out of shape, has only gotten fatter in the past half year.
Anyway the reason I'm writing this thread is that I had dinner with S tonight after work and again he started creeping. I noticed it right away cause we were talking about something and he started staring at something to the left of me. It was a couple, and the woman was definitely a looker. After he had his fill of staring he said to me "how can a loser like that get a woman like her....there is no justice in this world." That just made me really angry because it's not the first time he's said that about someone. Every guy who is with a pretty girl is a "douche", a "prick", or a "loser". Anyone who has had more success with him (not just talking about success with women here) he tries to bring down in some way or say something mean and hurtful about them. And worst of all in my mind, he puts down a lot of women for their appearance or being overweight, when he himself is pretty slovenly, doesn't work out, and is about 20-25lb overweight. His favorite word to use for them is "fatty."
I called S out after he said "there is no justice in this world." I said, "Why are you so judgmental? Why are you calling people names, calling strangers losers? Why are you such a fucking asshole?" He couldn't look me in the eye, instead he looked down at his food and started mumbling. I continued, "if anything that guy's a winner if he's with that woman." We eventually started talking about other stuff but it's just frustrating to see him act this way. I'm not sure if he really understands if his behavior is awful cause we actually have a good rapport EXCEPT when it comes to the subject of women. Not really sure what I should do here, cause I feel like I've already offered him the best advice I could.
Presently, I am working and S is still in school, going for a PhD after he got an MS. I work near his school and we live fairly close to each other so we catch a bite together once in a while. Anyway, every time we go out, he ogles women (if there are any up to his lofty standards), like an uninterrupted gaze for about 10-15 seconds. He'll just drop a conversation and commence staring shamelessly. I don't even have to look, I know what he's looking at. He tells me to look too, "look at her tight body...those tits...dang, she's just the right size" or some variation.
This has been going on for almost a year. I think it's even shaped his restaurant choices, because one time when I, a mutual friend, and he were deciding where to go eat after a movie I suggested one place, and he said "no, we have to go to X restaurant because they have hot girls." The funny thing is that we did end up going to that place but we got a male server, and of course the whole time he was whining about how we got a male server and how he could see bunch of female staff serving other customers - "why couldn't we get her....or her...instead we got this prick." The same thing happened about a month ago, we went to a different restaurant and got a male server instead of one of the pretty girls and he called that server a prick, loudly proclaiming that we should have a female server instead. Of course he ogled everyone around. We sat outside and he ogled the women walking by, he ogled the female servers, he ogled other restaurant patrons...
There was this woman at a different restaurant near where we live. We went to that location together about a year ago and we got a pretty server who had an unusual first name. Guess what he did? He went home and found her on facebook and started telling me about her (like where she lives, where she goes to school, what's in her public photos). I told him if you really like her you should just ask her for her number and see what happens. He didn't do that, but what he did do was go back to that restaurant a few times and ask for her to be his server, and he finally mustered the courage to say "hey add me on facebook."
Now I do know the reason for this behavior. He's 26 and he's never even kissed a girl, a fact he admitted to me after I (foolishly perhaps) asked him when the last time was that he kissed a girl. His reply? "You first" (like what are you, 12?) so I told him and then he revealed, "I've never kissed a girl." Basically he's desperate as hell. I tried to offer some advice to him, like stop worrying about that stuff, try to focus on doing something to improve yourself like work out, and most of all stop acting so desperate and staring cause it's rude and women can sniff out desperation quite easily. He generally agreed with my sentiment and resolved to go to the gym more, but I think S, who was already out of shape, has only gotten fatter in the past half year.
Anyway the reason I'm writing this thread is that I had dinner with S tonight after work and again he started creeping. I noticed it right away cause we were talking about something and he started staring at something to the left of me. It was a couple, and the woman was definitely a looker. After he had his fill of staring he said to me "how can a loser like that get a woman like her....there is no justice in this world." That just made me really angry because it's not the first time he's said that about someone. Every guy who is with a pretty girl is a "douche", a "prick", or a "loser". Anyone who has had more success with him (not just talking about success with women here) he tries to bring down in some way or say something mean and hurtful about them. And worst of all in my mind, he puts down a lot of women for their appearance or being overweight, when he himself is pretty slovenly, doesn't work out, and is about 20-25lb overweight. His favorite word to use for them is "fatty."
I called S out after he said "there is no justice in this world." I said, "Why are you so judgmental? Why are you calling people names, calling strangers losers? Why are you such a fucking asshole?" He couldn't look me in the eye, instead he looked down at his food and started mumbling. I continued, "if anything that guy's a winner if he's with that woman." We eventually started talking about other stuff but it's just frustrating to see him act this way. I'm not sure if he really understands if his behavior is awful cause we actually have a good rapport EXCEPT when it comes to the subject of women. Not really sure what I should do here, cause I feel like I've already offered him the best advice I could.
