You're friends with Quagmire?
Yup. More men need to wake up and realize it's not the 50's anymore.
Lol please explain it to me like I'm 12 : no more 50's=no more sex?
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my friend's desperation is making him unpleasant
- Thread starter Cels
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Lol please explain it to me like I'm 12 : no more 50's=no more sex?
9:57pm
Checkpoint reached indeed
He misunderstands the concept of having a friend, especially if it's a female one - and I think it might lead to some trouble
Someone needs to stop this man's thirst
OJdaKiller
Member
While this guy sounds like he's been losing with the ladies, he has a career as a college professor in the bag.
The number of PhD's I encounter who lack a basic level of social skills, to me, is surprisingly high, but has seemed to form a strong pattern. As others said, overcompensation in one area of their life for something greatly lacking in another.
But also, guy just sounds really immature. Never really been in the real world I'm guessing..26yo academic/PhD student...Fits the profile...He'll grow out of it sometime but I think as a friend you did something really nice for him to call him on his behavior. It's an opportunity only a few people would have and you took him to task...Proud of ya OP.
The number of PhD's I encounter who lack a basic level of social skills, to me, is surprisingly high, but has seemed to form a strong pattern. As others said, overcompensation in one area of their life for something greatly lacking in another.
But also, guy just sounds really immature. Never really been in the real world I'm guessing..26yo academic/PhD student...Fits the profile...He'll grow out of it sometime but I think as a friend you did something really nice for him to call him on his behavior. It's an opportunity only a few people would have and you took him to task...Proud of ya OP.
CadetMahoney
Member
this.
He said he's "maybe" going to do just that. And, as you have observed yourself, he's visibly desperate for sex.
If he was really all that interested in self-preservation, I don't think he would constantly make an ass out of himself in front of his friends. Dude might normally be risk-averse, but he's starting to crack.
chaobreaker
Member
Between this and that other thread I think I have a good idea on what goes on the minds of serial rapists.
Feeling sick to my stomach right now.
Feeling sick to my stomach right now.
Yeah, my post was based on the original post, and not some of the extra details that I hadn't read yet. This guy sounds like there's something seriously wrong with him, and I would feel that if OP wanted to warn a particular girl he is around, he would be justified in doing so. It does seem like he's exaggerating, but his mind is not in the right place. It's a tough situation, and OP should definitely make it known to him whenever he steps out of line.
Screaming Meat
Unconfirmed Member
I saw dad browsing the internet yesterday. He was also looking at vegetables. But they were eaten the wrong way
More like a WoW t-shirt or something
Unhandled Exception
Member
Uhhh the guy is professing rapey thoughts about a girl who drinks around him. She deserves to know. These are just the things he tells you, imagine all of the shit he hasn't said yet.
Neoriceisgood
Member
He's also an idiot & seems to hope/think girls will just forget if they're intoxicated.
Rakenshi1243
Banned
As disturbing as it is, the idea of using alcohol to facilitate sexual intercourse is not exactly groundbreaking now is it?
Dude sounds like an oddball, I wouldn't place him on "rape" status. I doubt he would have the mentality to even place himself in a situation where he forces himself on someone.
Dude sounds like an oddball, I wouldn't place him on "rape" status. I doubt he would have the mentality to even place himself in a situation where he forces himself on someone.
Barrylocke
Member
Honest questions OP, for perspective. What made you guys become friends in the first place? And do you feel as if you're mainly friends with him because you've always been, or are there other more positive aspects of your friend and your friendship that you haven't really pointed out yet?
Why is it that the most misogynistic, rapey, and just plain idiotic things get said by the meekest, most socially ill-prepared people? Especially guys. It's like they have this warped sense of the world and what it means to be "manly", which would be bad enough, but then they just parrot what they see x10 instead of putting in the real work to be the men they envision themselves as...
"I'll make a joke that implies I'm gonna rape that chick! That's manly right!?"
OP, your friend is a creep. And the more you tolerate it, the creepier you seem. You are the company you keep.
"I'll make a joke that implies I'm gonna rape that chick! That's manly right!?"
OP, your friend is a creep. And the more you tolerate it, the creepier you seem. You are the company you keep.
Drop truth bombs on him.
His shitty attitude is probably by far the biggest reason he has no romantic prospects.
Oftentimes it's cripplingly low self esteem.
They view every guy in decent shape as a steroid user who spends 5 hours a day in the gym.
Every guy with an attractive woman is just a "jerk" to get lucky with women unlike "nice guys".
etc etc
Basically they are bullies who don't have the fortitude to bully someone to their face. They feel more comfortable doing it in their head where they won't get laughed at/knocked the fuck out for talking shit.
The rapey parts are not just his unfulfilled sexual needs/desire but his unfulfilled position of power. He likely has power over noone and nothing, not his friends/work/family, in his little fantasy land he can at least have power over one person.
His shitty attitude is probably by far the biggest reason he has no romantic prospects.
Oftentimes it's cripplingly low self esteem.
They view every guy in decent shape as a steroid user who spends 5 hours a day in the gym.
Every guy with an attractive woman is just a "jerk" to get lucky with women unlike "nice guys".
etc etc
Basically they are bullies who don't have the fortitude to bully someone to their face. They feel more comfortable doing it in their head where they won't get laughed at/knocked the fuck out for talking shit.
The rapey parts are not just his unfulfilled sexual needs/desire but his unfulfilled position of power. He likely has power over noone and nothing, not his friends/work/family, in his little fantasy land he can at least have power over one person.
Groping someone who "can't tell what's going on" is sexual assault. If the woman did know what was going on she wouldn't consent to being groped.
Rakenshi1243
Banned
Well of course it is, I'm not debating that.
Okay.
It isn't clear what the OP's friend means by "taking advantage of someone a little bit" but it doesn't sound good and I certainly wouldn't be introducing him to any of my female friends.
Your friend is super creepy and you need to lay that truth on him. Something has to snap him back to reality. I'd definitely refuse to continue hanging out with him in public if he constantly stares at every woman who walks in the room. Inexperienced or not, that's not normal behavior.
mambadragon
Banned
Well it sounds like you called him out on it already and he keeps doing it, so he's probably not going to stop. It's your call whether you want to not hang out with him or not. Or tell him you'll only do things with him that are not in public if he's going to keep staring at women when you go out.
Maybe encourage him to try online dating? The guy sounds pretty awkward so I doubt he's going to meet someone in his day to day life.
Maybe encourage him to try online dating? The guy sounds pretty awkward so I doubt he's going to meet someone in his day to day life.
I hate the trend of people calling every unattractive male who gives any female the slightest notion of interest of creepy...that said
You're friend is the type of creepy that would be in the fucking dictionary, the type of guy who would be put in sexual harassment videos and the like. He's a fucking cartoon character.
You're friend is the type of creepy that would be in the fucking dictionary, the type of guy who would be put in sexual harassment videos and the like. He's a fucking cartoon character.
I feel bad for your friend. He just sounds like a really insecure person.
I would tell him to lower his standards on women a bit, and to try to talk to them without thinking about sex all the time.
After some time If he meets enough people something will probably happen, and if he have waited 26 fucking years, he can wait until he finds someone that wants his attention.
I would tell him to lower his standards on women a bit, and to try to talk to them without thinking about sex all the time.
After some time If he meets enough people something will probably happen, and if he have waited 26 fucking years, he can wait until he finds someone that wants his attention.
John Kowalski
Banned
OP.
Your friend is quite likely going through through an emotional struggle that affects his very core, and he lacks the proper coping method. That's why he behaves like that, trying to change himself through simply denying a struggle that he doesn't understand and only glimpses from time to time.
Bullies are like that too.
Your friend is quite likely going through through an emotional struggle that affects his very core, and he lacks the proper coping method. That's why he behaves like that, trying to change himself through simply denying a struggle that he doesn't understand and only glimpses from time to time.
Bullies are like that too.
i hope no one has made the connection a different thread..
What i actually wanted to say: Just because this guy has his rape fantasies and shares them with his friend doesn't mean he's on the brink to becoming a raper. These fantasies are quite common although because they have bad reputation they are usually not pronounced. We shouldn't judge OP's friend too harshly on these few words. Yes, he has trouble finding a girl friend (/ sex partner / girl he could kiss) but he is not a bad person. Only creepy.
OP has the chance to help him, although it might not work out, but he can still try to do it. The thing about OP's friend is that all his douchyness would reduce A LOT if he had a girlfriend, I'd bet. But since he doesn't have one, he's stuck with it. I had/have friends with similar troubles and there is no easy way out.
As for working out, working on self image: this could help but isn't the real solution. He has to change his mindset: He has to be able to ask a woman and live with rejection (and knowing there is a chance of success but no one-way-ticket towards it). That's the difficult path.
Good luck.
What i actually wanted to say: Just because this guy has his rape fantasies and shares them with his friend doesn't mean he's on the brink to becoming a raper. These fantasies are quite common although because they have bad reputation they are usually not pronounced. We shouldn't judge OP's friend too harshly on these few words. Yes, he has trouble finding a girl friend (/ sex partner / girl he could kiss) but he is not a bad person. Only creepy.
OP has the chance to help him, although it might not work out, but he can still try to do it. The thing about OP's friend is that all his douchyness would reduce A LOT if he had a girlfriend, I'd bet. But since he doesn't have one, he's stuck with it. I had/have friends with similar troubles and there is no easy way out.
As for working out, working on self image: this could help but isn't the real solution. He has to change his mindset: He has to be able to ask a woman and live with rejection (and knowing there is a chance of success but no one-way-ticket towards it). That's the difficult path.
Good luck.
Itchy//Tasty
Member
OP just described someone I know word-for-word, I just sat here reading it nodding, like 'yep, yep, he does that, and that'. I'm in the exact same situation. Except my friend is 31, and top of all of that he also exhibits some racism and homophobia/sexism on top of all his other charming qualities. Been dropping truth bombs on him for years, but he doesn't really change - like any 'awareness' of his assholery is being vastly counter-weighted by his desperation and fear.
He spent about two years ogling one particular barmaid, occasionally made some small talk with her. He then ends up stalking her on social media and never making a move. Now whenever we go to this bar she gives him the evils, like "oh it's that creep again". Here's the absolute worst thing - I'm pretty sure he might've had a shot with her originally, if he'd actually had the balls to go for it. The slight look of interest on her face was unmistakeable to me at the time when he was just a nice stranger, but now it's just been replaced with contempt.
He spent about two years ogling one particular barmaid, occasionally made some small talk with her. He then ends up stalking her on social media and never making a move. Now whenever we go to this bar she gives him the evils, like "oh it's that creep again". Here's the absolute worst thing - I'm pretty sure he might've had a shot with her originally, if he'd actually had the balls to go for it. The slight look of interest on her face was unmistakeable to me at the time when he was just a nice stranger, but now it's just been replaced with contempt.
demosthenes
Member
Help him op before this happens
http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=824698
http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=824698
There's a difference between a rape fantasy shared between two mature adults who are openly exploring sexuality with each other under a mutual banner of trust and understanding.
And then texting your friends about how you're going to molest a girl that gets drunk around you because you feel that she "owes you."
For fucks sake, between this thread and the other coworker thread, people stop making excuses for your "friends" who exhibit the most fucked up, problematic, misogynistic, rapey thoughts and tendencies. Even if you think they're just being "one of the boys" guess what? THAT'S STILL A PROBLEM.
Hate to break it to you, but considering the fact that she's not interested now even though your friend never really made a move, that slight look of interest in the beginning? Yeah, that was her putting in Dat Work for the tips.
Unhandled Exception
Member
jesus tap dancing christ
I don't understand why OP is so willing to divulge things clearly said in confidence, including posting screenshots of private conversations, to an audience of millions so Gaf can gather round and call him a creep. I mean there are people in here who are stopping just short of accusing him of being a rapist.
You say he's your friend, yet you're completely willing to throw him to the vultures. What the hell does friendship even mean to you people?
You say he's your friend, yet you're completely willing to throw him to the vultures. What the hell does friendship even mean to you people?
Little Old Man
Member
What are the chances of going into OT and seeing these two above each other :/
Uh, the second he mentioned taking advantage of a drunk woman, I would've had a face-to-face with him ASAP. If you're actually close, he needs to be told in person - not over WoW chat - that he's heading down a very bad road.
What's funny is that this associate could very well be thirsty for him, but he's too scared to make a move when she's lucid.
What's funny is that this associate could very well be thirsty for him, but he's too scared to make a move when she's lucid.
Dude has rapey thoughts and is actively considering putting thoughts to action. He's not quite there, but it's in his mind and if he doesn't figure out how to healthily express his attraction for the opposite sex, it's not a stretch to say that's in his future. OP's taken measures to protect his friend's identity and wouldn't have created this thread if he wasn't concerned for him.
Well, for starters, friendship can only really exist between people with mutual respect for each other.
That OP is coming to GAF with this leads me to believe that his friend's behavior has crossed the line, and that mutual respect is no longer there.
Now, whether or not OP does what he knows he needs to do and distances himself from this guy remains to be seen. But far be it from me to sit here and lie to him about his creepy-as-fuck friend and just how creepy-as-fuck he is.
OP's friend is like the kind of guy who would make a joke about raping a fellow coworker to another coworker while at work, and then be surprised when he gets reported.
What are the chances of going into OT and seeing these two above each other :/
Reading both of these threads has made me want to be better to the people around me.
I feel like I should start hitting up more conversations with random people - you never know who really needs that human connection.
terrisus
Member
Vermillion
Banned
It is intriguing how all three threads are related.
sooperkool
Member
You're friends with Quagmire?
Yup. More men need to wake up and realize it's not the 50's anymore.
Quagmire actually gets laid.
To get gaffers' opinions. People on here post about friends, partners, family and colleagues all the time.
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