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[Dilbert]

There has been some good advice given already (and some truly TERRIBLE advice), so I'll keep this brief:

1) Your #1 objective has GOT to be ensuring your own safety. If you need to move out, stay with friends, live with relatives, whatever it takes...do it. Keeping your door locked whenever possible may be the best you can do today, but ultimately you need to put some real distance between you.

2) To be blunt: Your parents are part of the problem. Based on your story, they have been enabling her behavior for years and are in denial about the true extent of the problem now. You said that you're already done with high school -- you should give serious consideration about how you will get out of your house in the very near future and pursue your next steps (college, work, etc.) apart from them.

Sounds like the typical teenaged girl. Give her space and let her screw up on her own time. With any luck, one of the mistakes she makes will drastically alter her misguided way of thinking.

Do NOT follow this advice. "Typical" people don't threaten other people with knives.

 

[MrPing1000]

I think this is one of those situations wheres its ok to bop yur sister in the face then lock her in your house for a week.

She needs help

 

[UtadaBarkley]

If she's on meth, she is liable to hurt you, or something worse. Get the child in some sort of drug rehab center IMMEDIATELY. If ya can't do that, something worse is bound to happen. That's pretty messed up that you're essentially a child yourself and you have to deal with her like that. Your parents need to realize what's going on, but I don't see that happening. Since you've identified the problem, make it your business to get her in rehab somehow someway. If it was any other drug, I'd say just force her yourself, but the meth can make her want and try to kill you, foreal. Be careful with whatever you decide to do. That's a crazy situation, damn.

 

[cloudwalking]

I just wanna thank everyone for all of the advice and support, and thank you to those of you who PMed me and let me know you're there to talk. I read every single post. I've been pretty stressed out lately and didn't really know where to turn. But most of you guys had some really good advice and kind words. So I thank you for that.

You need to confront her directly and let her know you are in control. This girl has no restrictions what soever, shes spoiled rotten. She does whatever s he wants and no one lifts a finger.

You have to confront her, be strong, dont be whiny just act like an older brother. Make her understand shes fucking up and at the same time shes fucking over everyone who cares bout her. If she doesnt care, pick her ass up and make her care. You dont have to throw any bows or anything, but she seriously sounds like she needs some sort of wake up call. She cant just go out and do whatever she wants and threaten people and get away with it.

My parents and I have tried to confront her, but you just cannot reason with this girl, or try to tell her anything. She screams, throws a tantrum, and then runs away for 5 days. Call the police on her, wash, rinse, repeat.

My advice to you is to selflessly serve her. Do things for her, show her you love her in indirect ways, and don't start conflict with her. As she starts to see the destruction of her life, she'll come to the person she trusts to at least talk about it and that will be you.

This is actually something I haven't tried, but it might be a good idea. The only thing I would be worried about there is that she might think I have an ulterior motive or something, and get pissed off at me again. But if I took it gradually, maybe she'd only notice gradually.

As I'm sure you know, girls her age are emotional firecrackers regardless of drug choice --but hormone driven amphetamine use seems like something that could seriously affect her for the rest of her life.

That's what I'm most afraid of. She is my sister after all, and I can see that these drugs are taking her further and further down the drain. I hope she can recover from this as well as your girlfriend did.

To be blunt: Your parents are part of the problem. Based on your story, they have been enabling her behavior for years and are in denial about the true extent of the problem now. You said that you're already done with high school -- you should give serious consideration about how you will get out of your house in the very near future and pursue your next steps (college, work, etc.) apart from them.

I'm going to try and move out at least by July (my birthday is then). I'm still waiting to hear if I got into University of Minnesota, I guess that will ultimately seal the deal about whether I stay in Minneapolis or go somehwere else. I have a few very close friends who've offered to let me stay with them for the summer. This is really tearing my family apart and I know that I have to get away for a while.

As for my sister, at court today, from what I was told, all that was decided is that she'll be escorted to school by the police every day if she doesn't show up. So at least she will be in school now and not running the streets with her friends.

Yes, I still do love her, even though she has turned into the type of person that I hate.

 

[DrLazy]

Cloud-- You need to get a THIRD PARTY involved.

Trust me I've gone through something similar. You by yourself will never fix anything. Next time she hits you or threatens you with a weapon CALL THE COPS. All of the sudden you're parents will be forced to see that its serious once the cops are coming to the house. Don't worry about what your sister will say... she's not you're sister right now. Call the cops and keep calling until they put her in a program. If she's caught now she still has a chance to get better.

 

[sonicfan]

Damn, I hate to hear about stuff like this. My niece has gone out of control, I don't know the whole story, but it doesn't sound as bad as this.

She screams something at me so fast I swear to god it sounded like she was channeling Satan and speaking in demon tongue.

Maybe its time to make a call....

 

[Jacobi]

First : You two looked good, hehe. I'd send her into a camp or something like that. Or rehab. I've got a sister too, and I'd definitely do that. If you do nothing she could commit suicide at the end and after all your sister would be dead. So please help her somehow, she'll probably thank you.

 

[marsomega]

First and foremost, you have to get out of there. The story about your sister holding a knife in your face, well that is not your sister. You have to get out of there immediately, end of story. If you wanted your sister to go to the detention center you should have been at that trial speaking against her. I stopped reading after the knife story because that pretty much "seals" it. Your parents from the reaction you described, well that is just very disappointing.

Enough is enough; you need to see someone immediately. Since I'm from a different area, I can't tell you who. Your sister has done everything for you to not look at her as a sister at this point in time but someone who wants to do harm to you. Your parents, least in the eyes of the law, maybe guilty of some "endangerment" charge although I don't know the particular term if there is one since you are 18 which means the "child endangerment" charge won't apply. (Not sure, would have to speak with a lawyer.)

You need to see someone who you can talk to about and can help you get out of there. I don't know how much help you would get from the system versus a friend, but if a similar "child endangerment" charge applies, if there is one at all, in your case, the system will go after your sister and then charge the parents. (This is from a similar situation however that involved a female friend (16) with a dangerous 17 year brother and parents.)

Anyway, I don't agree with the get out suggestion. I agree that "Get out" is the only option at this point. You want to help her, do it from outside her confinement. Right now you are just a prisoner in your room at the mercy of a 16 year old, perhaps just sitting there waiting to die. I don't care how extreme that seems, me on the other hand, I don't play those games. I completely disagree with some of the advice as far as approaching her with kindness (olimario), and would tell you to stay away from that bullshit. In your situation, there is no choice, everyday you are with her you take a chance on your life.

Right now, you have to get yourself out of that danger. The hard part about it is that she is 16, so it will be difficult to do anything from the outside since your parents will be an obstacle. You could even show up to her school and talk to any administrative person you want, they won’t do a thing or not even mention your sisters name unless you are the parent. You would have to go against your parents in court and prove they are negligent of the situation and prove how bad she really is. For you to help your sister one of two things must happen first, your parents break out of denial or you go to court against them.

My suggestion is get out and establish yourself while maintaining communication with your parents. Hopefully they will come around, but I doubt they would in time. You sister is going on 17 with 18 in the next round. The chance for your parents to do something is really thin. In the end your best bet would be to hope your sister comes around. With you away, hopefully she’ll miss you so it can help her to at least start wanting to get out of it. (If she misses you most likely she is thinking of the old good times with you which would mean there is something left to rebuild on.)

 

[WARCOCK]

"my little bro was a terror, thankfully I was able to knock the shit out of him time and time again, now hes normal albeit a bit eccentric and funny"

Indeed, just knock the living shit out of her, give her a taste of reality. A powerful statement.

 

[Manics]

"my little bro was a terror, thankfully I was able to knock the shit out of him time and time again, now hes normal albeit a bit eccentric and funny"

Indeed, just knock the living shit out of her, give her a taste of reality. A powerful statement.

I don't think I could ever "knock the living shit" out of ANYONE let alone my brother or sister. I mean how far do you take it? Until you're breaking bones? That seems like a violent attempt at a solution that might do more harm than any good.

 

[nitewulf]

ensuring your safety is first and foremost. realize that, you are the most important person in your life.
so you are 17, and she is 15? handling out of control 15 year olds can be very difficult, problem is, her friends are the most important people in her life right now, and she'll choose them over family.
so do whatever it takes to bail yourself out, im sorry, perhaps i'm giving terrible advice, but go to a state college, far, far away. your sister might not have the audacity to harm your parents, since they provide for her. and if your parents could gauge the situation fully, perhaps they could get her help. but you being only 17, perhaps should try not to take too much responsibility in this situation and jeopardize your safety.
fact of the matter is, she is 15, on drugs, i dont think she has any sense of long term effects that her actions might have. for instance, if she stabs you, she probably does not have the sense to realize the consequences of such an action. there is a chance that perhaps she is just being overly dramatic, but why take that chance.
like many, i also thought you are a guy, but even if you were a guy, i'd be giving the same advice. do not do anything to provoke her.

 

[michael000]

With the boyfriend she has, she's probably got a number of them.

Lol, i applaud you for taking a totally tactless and dumbass comment and turning it into pure gold.

 

[Dsal]

I just wanna say Cloud that I totally sympathize because pretty much the same thing happened between me and my younger sister at that age, although minus the knife incident and it was more alcohol abuse than drugs. My parents tried as best as they could to "get tough" and put down more and more restrictions, but if someone is willful enough none of that will work. And man is my sister the most willful person I know.

Basically, the thing that finally snapped her out of all this was getting pregnant. It forced her to be reponsible for something other than herself and for some reason or another that kind of snapped her out of her psycho trance. She couldn't keep doing stuff with her psycho friends as much either so I'm sure that was part of it.

Anyways, it all had a happy ending as she eventually got her GED, finished college early majoring in Biology, and then got her nurse's degree and has a good job now.

All through this I was wondering if there was anything I could realistically do to help her snap out of it, but the problem was the willfulness. If someone really wants to be a reckless mess no matter what their closest family members say, what can you really do about it? It's their decision in the end and they have to in turn decide to stop doing it.

The fact that she's on hard drugs and probably not herself some of the time makes things much less safe for you. You should seriously consider moving to a relative's house or staying with a friend until she snaps out of it or moves out. And for sure, as people here have suggested, talk to a counselor about this as they are trained to help out people like you in your situations.

 

[NetMapel]

Unfortunately I do not have much suggestions for this situation. However, I can tell you right now that the tactics that you and your family are using are clearly not working. Perhaps it is time to consider alternative ways of dealing with this situation. Do something that you had never done before, for example, calling the police when she threatens you with knives. My only concern is that the police can only do so much, and when they are not around to protect you, I fear what your sister might do for revenge.

Write down a list of things that you have done so far to try and help your sister. Examine and analyse that list to find a pattern. You need to break that pattern and try something different. discuss with your parents on how to approach this situation with a different perspective.

Hope this helps...

 

[Spainkiller]

Talk about overreacting. Both you and your sister. She's a teenager, teenagers go out and drink and smoke and take drugs and have sex and make dubious friends.

Pulling a knife on you is overreacting, but maybe she thinks you're interfering with her life. Just let her ride out the teenage years, she'll soon wise up.

 

[darscot]

I'm sure most of you will disagree but I would just simply end the bullshit. The second she put that knife down I would have beat her ass (If I was her sister). The whole come and go as you please thing is ridiculas. Time for your family to put its foot down. These are the rules live by them or hit the road. You have no reason to send you sister to some camp or rehab when it appears your family has done nothing about the problem. You need to take care of your own before you pass the buck to someone else. The first thing I would do is solve the punk boyfriend issue. My little girl gets mixed up with a punk and I will be taking the little shit for a nice long drive in the woods and leaving his ass out there. I'll make it very clear to him you come near my little girl again I'll be burying your ass out here.

 

[Rei_Toei]

Maybe you, your sister and your parents should watch this. Your story actually sounds like what happens in that movie. I think Android and Jotaro already gave some sound advice, better than I can anyway. Whatever you decide, I hope it works out, not just for you but for your parents and sister as well, you've gotta think long-term here, it's your family after all .

 

[Strike East]

I don't think I could ever "knock the living shit" out of ANYONE let alone my brother or sister. I mean how far do you take it? Until you're breaking bones? That seems like a violent attempt at a solution that might do more harm than any good.

You would be surprised at the effectiveness of an old fashioned ass-whoopin, now granted, if its your sib, then there is no need for broken bones. On the other hand, if shes pullin knifes on you and sticking them in your face, you have to protect yourself. Sometimes, just the fact that a family member bombed on you with a right hook that sent you to the floor is enough to help you realize you fucked up. This prolly wont apply to you tho because you are sisters, brothers handle things differently.


As far as her BF, I saw your pic, you prolly know a few strong dudes that wouldnt mind re-tooling his face. Who knows, maybe she will see there is no future whit some punk ass drug addict, and that will help kick start her recovery.

But most importantly, You have to figure out a way to communicate the fact that you FEAR FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL SAFETY in you home to your parents. Anybody whos got any sense wil realize how severe the situation is, if you can make them understand that fact that you fear your own sis!

 

[NLB2]

I agree with -jinx-. Your safety is the most important thing, and if that means moving out, do it. But your sister seems liable to hurt herself or your parents as well. Ger her help any way you can. She needs to goto rehab; problems like hers do not just go away. If your parents are in denial, force them to see your sister for what she is. Prove to them that she's acting violently or that she is on meth. Or you could just bail out, live with a friend, and just forget about your sister (which is probably the safest idea), but you have to do something. If you continue to live with your sister the way she is, she's going to hurt you.

 

[human5892]

Talk about overreacting. Both you and your sister. She's a teenager, teenagers go out and drink and smoke and take drugs and have sex and make dubious friends.

Pulling a knife on you is overreacting, but maybe she thinks you're interfering with her life. Just let her ride out the teenage years, she'll soon wise up.

:lol

 

[Spainkiller]

What?

 

[NLB2]

What?

Your advice was probably the crappiest of the thread. Even demi's advice was better, junior.

 

[Azih]

Yeah JetSet, this is hardly marijuana we're talking about here, this person is running away from home days at a time and puking all over the bathroom when she comes back.

 

[shuri]

Sell her to your local Haitian street gang, you might get enough to put a downpayment on a car or on a psp or two.

 

[Spainkiller]

NLB2: Sorry.

Azih: Yeah, I did that as a kid too.

 

[human5892]

What?

I did some things I'm not proud of as a kid, but nothing even remotely close to that. Furthermore, the few kids I knew who did take things that far wound up in very, very poor states of life.

You might have an odd kid here or there that can correct themselves, but overall it sounds like this girl, unless she's an exceptional case, will likely end up pregnant/OD'd/in jail/white trash/etc. unless something is done.

 

[Spainkiller]

I did some things I'm not proud of as a kid, but nothing even remotely close to that. Furthermore, the few kids I knew who did take things that far wound up in very, very poor states of life.

You might have an odd kid here or there that can correct themselves, but overall it sounds like this girl, unless she's an exceptional case, will likely end up pregnant/OD'd/in jail/white trash/etc. unless something is done.

Well it sounds to me that she comes from a fairly well-off background and is more than likely to simply grow out of this rebellious phase. Hell, my best mate's little brother used to throw kitchen knives at us, and one time shoved a blowtorch in my face. He's over it now.

 

[human5892]

Well it sounds to me that she comes from a fairly well-off background and is more than likely to simply grow out of this rebellious phase. Hell, my best mate's little brother used to throw kitchen knives at us, and one time shoved a blowtorch in my face. He's over it now.

Sure, that's possible, but the point is is that they're far better off trying to help her than to sit back and assume it's all part of being a teenger, since 1.) it's really not, and 2.) odds are she'll end up in a really bad position in life.

 

[Teknopathetic]

Rebellious phase != pulling knives and going into violent fits.

 

[Manabanana]

Wow, my family is great. I'm really sorry you have to go through this. It makes me feel blessed with my siblings and parents. My brothers and I get along fantastically and if any of us had tried any of this shit when we were younger we would have gotten fucked up hard by our ex-bodybuilder father and older siblings respectively. I know boys sometimes need a good fucking up to set them straight. I don't know what to do with girls, though.

 

[evil ways]

Like everyone else said, your own safety is what's important right now, especially after the knife incident. As for the cops, don't play that card yet unless you can manage to have your parents finally open their eyes and realize their daughter is a harm to herself and others. There would be nothing worst than you calling the police, and your parents siding with her and making you look bad in front of the cops, like you overreacted or made everything up.

I'm sorry to say that your sister seems like the kind that's already quite lost into her current lifestyle and will probably only react when she hits a hard wall and fucks up so bad to the point that she has no choice but clean up. Hopefully that will happen before she ends up being HIV positive or overdoses.

 

[Spainkiller]

Sure don't just sit back and watch it happen, I was just saying that this is all a bit of an overreaction. *shrug*

And I hardly imagine that Cloudwalker's sister is going to knife her out of the blue.

 

[BooM235689]

have her arrested

 

[Piecake]

I'm going to try and move out at least by July (my birthday is then). I'm still waiting to hear if I got into University of Minnesota, I guess that will ultimately seal the deal about whether I stay in Minneapolis or go somehwere else. I have a few very close friends who've offered to let me stay with them for the summer. This is really tearing my family apart and I know that I have to get away for a while.

Well since the advice i would have given has already been said ill just say that going to the UofM is an excellent choice Yes, obviosly i go there as well. The dorms do kind of suck, but i guess thats common anywhere you go. Also, the campus Connector buses are sweet. Really useful when you are trying to save time and get out of the cold. Also, if you get off campus housing its really easy to get into campus with either a metro bus pass, theyre really cheap, or a bike. Ive really enjoyed my stay so far, and the classes ive taken have all been really good and rather small as well.

Just thought id contribute something positive to this depressing topic

 

[Gek54]

My little sister and girlfriend(now wife) went through similar phases. Mom was too scared to go off on my sister in fear she would lose all communication and so mom would always ask me to talk to her. Talking turned in to an all out bitchfest were I broke her down and made her cry, it was really hard to do that to my once sweet little sister but it seemed to have woken her up. She now has better priorities/values and seems to be doing better. Father of my wife let her get away with everything from letting her bitch him out hardcore and not ever really teaching her how to be...well...not spoiled. Basically he likes to throw money at her problems instead of putting his footdown. At the time I met she was wanting to get away from the drugs and her so called friends who only used her. It has been a little rough but slowly she is realizing her emotional problems and she is working them out and finaly starting to grow up but not after several sessions of me breaking her down to the point of crying. I tried talking to them in a calm, civil and supportive manner but they did not want to listen and would storm off. It took shoving it down their throat for them to see.

My sister made a comment about wishing I was there for her earlier on so hopefully someone with balls will be able to knock some respect into your little sister asap. Respect for herself and for others especialy family.

 

[Warm Machine]

I'd just get really tough on her. Gek's suggestions are pretty spot on. I'd also suggest removing her entirely from the environment. Last thing you want is to have her sucking dicks for crack. Your parents sound extremely apathetic about the whole ordeal

I'd also take her to the doctor and get her tested for everything.

She's what, 15? 15 year olds don't know anything about the real world. Girls especially are only attention seeking idiots at that age and the more reserved/shy and quiet they are the more they crave that attention and will take it from whoever gives it to them. This of course always turns out to be the complete dregs of society.

I know a sister of a friend of mine. She was raised in a fanstastic and semi strict home. Her father is a respected doctor and her mother was a community leader. Boo Hoo for her, she sought to rebel against a household most people would envy and fucked her life up substantially in a similar way you have described.

I have no tolerance for people who take their good fortune and completely squander it.

 

[Unresponsive Bee Victim]

Its too abd but I'm 14 and I always see kids like this, I always avoid them. You are in a different situation, seeing as how shes your sister you should stick with her much like Oli said. You can't let her go even more downhill, its too bad because she looked and sounded like a great kid but thats how life goes.
Good luck

 

[Groder Mullet]

While admittedly I have zero experience with what you are going through, it sounds like your parents have to wake up and realize that, if they continue to do nothing, your sister will end up dead. It is as simple as that. She will either get AIDS, overdose, pull a knife on the wrong person, etc. I would say, as an extreme, you may want to look into one of those Teen Bootcamps. Doesn't sound like rehab will fix her if she is threatening to kill you over a pop. If the bootcamp fails, then you need to remove yourself from the situation. Ultimately, your parents have to step up and make the tough choices, not you.

 

[ScientificNinja]

I think there are three things you must bear in mind to move forward:

1. Your personal safety
2. You cannot give up on your sister
3. Don't let the full weight of responsibility fall on your shoulders

My sister (2 years my junior) went through an odd rebellious phase of her own and I answered a lot of the problems with force - I threw various people out of the house, beat up her now husband and (at a guess) broke her toe.

In hindsight, none of it really worked in anyone's favour. She eventually came around on her own and she's all but devoted her life to some hardcore Christian community, but she's still by and large as clueless as ever.

It's obviously very different for you because, and I don't mean to presume, as a woman you're not as inclined to run around punching people. As someone said earlier, you need to be as loving and charitable as you can to her. Don't confront her with disapproval and angst, just give her a comforting smile and use every opportunity to make her feel included and loved without making her feel like she's obliged to do anything. This is treating the relationship as starting from scratch again, and it's a process that'll require a lot of patience and perseverence. Hopefully she'll come to see you, in her own way, as someone she can go to if she needs to. You need to lure her back.

Obviously you need the help of your parents, too, but if you can't gain their support, you shouldn't oblige yourself to putting your entire life on hold. There are certain realities you have to face and you've got your own future to forge. Then again, nobody wants to look back and regret the fact that they gave up on their little sister - I've been doing it for 8 years and the only reason I can forgive myself for it is that she ended up turning out okay. Can't say I have the same outlook on your own sister, though. Good luck with it - for what it's worth, you'll be doing a noble thing if you choose to stick it out with her.

 

[Cubsfan23]

Wow your family is fucked up. I wouldn't spend another day in that house

I would also call the cops/protective services if my parents didn't do shit about it. Unreal.

 

[Polari]

(cloudwalking check your pms)

I found that funny in an immature, tired after a really long day, way.

I'll add my two cents since I'm posting. Get out of the situation. Seriously. Drugs, especially amphetamines can have really serious effects on someone's behaviour (I too have seen this first-hand). I don't want to be overdramatic here, but when she threatens to kill you and picks up a knife that is some really bad news and if I was you I would be _very_ concerned for my own personal safety. So go and stay with an aunt or an uncle (or perhaps grandparents?) for a few months. If you don't have family you can stay with, go overseas for a few months on a working visa.

There's nothing you can do for your sister right now. As much as that sucks, it's the harsh reality of the situation. Eventually, hopefully she will decide she wants to help herself (and you'd also have to hope that this was before she wastes her life away) and that is where you can step in. However, until she wants to help herself the best thing you can do is remove yourself from the situation. If you do decide to go away for a bit, send your parents and your sister each a letter telling them how you feel. As cheesy and lame as it sounds, it might do more good than a face-to-face conversation. Plus it sounds like your parents are in dire need of a clue, and maybe that .will actually make them sit up and take note.

I wish you the best of luck, I really do, and make sure you stay safe.

 

[BooM235689]

Ok inorder to win this battle u must set up a defense to protect urslef, mabey some trip wire attached to bells so if she comes u will wake up. buy some non-lethal weapons such as pepper spray, tasers and air guns.