Can't decide
Member
Hey GAF, hope you are all doing well. I just need to vent a little as stress and depression is getting a little out of hand at the moment. Strap yourselves in, it could be a long read. Firstly, I know a videogame forum full of strangers isn't the best place for this, but the sad situation is I have nobody else to talk to other than work colleagues.
My current situation is shit, I have £1.94 left to my name currently and have been rationing the cheapest food I can find (economy sausages and baked beans, pasta and frozen veg) for about 2 weeks now, leaving my body feeling absolute awful and now, I have dropped below 9st in weight. I feel as utterly pathetic as I sound and look, I used to be fit and healthy. How did I get here? Life never used to be like this for me, beforehand when I was single I had no money worries, travelled the world twice for months out of my own money and had no issue treating myself (I blew £7500 cash on a sound system, for example).
I'll quickly skip through the abusive relationship I was in prior to my last one as that was years ago, but it did leave me with NO friends or family as my incredibly dumb, simp ass back then refused to get rid of her despite all the damage she was doing to both me and them, as well as her abuse increasing ten fold if I tried to communicate with anyone. She had a few problems to say the least and was a fucking nutcase, but God damn her body and the sex were amazing. I've learnt my lesson but I've never made a full recovery. The saying "Don't dip your dick in crazy" is there for a reason. I was diagnosed with depression after this happened but I've always been a stubborn little shit who refuses medication for most things. I've never taken anything to help it as I'd rather try and fight my own battles.
Fast forward to this year - a couple of months ago. I split up with my long term partner because she too began dragging me down psychologically and financially to the point of complete ruin. I met her back in 2012 and things were good for a few years. Around 2017 is when everything started to turn to shit, after we moved to a newer, bigger, more expensive place. Almost immediately after we moved, I lost six, yes SIX jobs in a row because every single one of them suffered the same fate shortly after I started each and every one of them - business closures. These varied from running a pub and two nightclubs for Landlords who insisted on making terrible decisions and wouldn't listen to advice (I was never paid my last 3 months wages from one of these), a private broadband sales company where the tax dodging owner suddenly upped and left for Poland with all of the staff's wages, a laptop and computer repair workshop that moved to another city and finally a retail outlet (I was accepting jobs anywhere out of desperation by this point) that had enough of rampant theft and extortionate rent.
During all of this time, my partner was generally too lazy and unmotivated to hold down a job of her own for more than a month or two at a time before quitting and then spending 6+months solid sitting on her arse watching TV for 12+ hours a day. During this time I have been paying for basically everything, despite having a shitty income myself due to the above problems and the low income job I am currently in. What didn't help is that we were a couple of stoners, so that was a big money drain as well. To increase to the stress, she never learnt to cook in her life, ever, and wouldn't do any housework either other than the occasional bit of dish washing, which was so poorly done that I had to re-do it all myself along with the housework and cooking after getting home from my 10 hour shifts. Meanwhile, she continued to binge watch TV.
I had previously kicked my partner out in 2018 for similar reasons to the above but we kept on good terms and remained friends. She got her own place to rent and finally kept a job for more than a few months. In March 2019, she came crying to me about her housemates and how she couldn't cope living with them anymore due to various issues, so I thought maybe, since she kept a job and started to improve herself, things wouldn't be so bad. I let her move back in under the premise that she must contribute towards the rent and bills this time and continue to get her life in order. What a silly mistake that was.! It was 2 or 3 months later that the old cycle began again - she quit her job and did fuck all at home. I wasn't so easy on her this time and kept telling her that if she didn't get a job and stopped relying on me to do everything, I'd kick her back out again because I was fed up of looking after and paying for a 27 year old child. Amazingly after these arguments, she would get hired within days, funny that. What wasn't funny is when she would quit said job after a month or so, there was always and excuse. In the space of 2.5 years, so went through 10 or 11 jobs which amounted to about 7-8 months work in total.
We've also had issues with the house during this time which cost a lot of money too - a costly water leak which caused damage and a huge bill - and of course who has had to pay for this? Me, she hasn't contributed a penny.
I've kept tabs on the few payments she did make last year and the ones she hasn't for this entire year. I kicked her out when she quit her last job in July after just 5 weeks of work which is when she also reached £3000 in owed payments towards the house and bills alone, NOT including her travel costs to see her family and friends, her phone bills, her weed and paying off the loan sharks she so stupidly went to behind my back. What did she buy with that loan shark money? Fucking wedding clothes for us when I had no intention of marrying her, alarm bells started ringing immediately. Obviously my love for weed had to come to an end too as I was beginning to run out of money - I know I should have quit this earlier but it was the only thing that could de-stress me. My stress levels had become so high that huge chunks of my hair have fallen out, my chest feels tight and the feeling of popping candy going off all across the front and inside of my skull.
It's been 2 months with narey a word from her on the money that she owes me, she has me blocked everywhere with the last message I received being her family threatening my with violence if I ever speak to her again, because apparently I was supposed to put up with this shit, even though her mother kicked her out for the very same reasons years ago. Her stuff is still here clogging up my house for crying out loud. I haven't yet thrown it away or sold anything, not that she had anything valuable anyway, just in case it is something she could use against me later.
Luckily for me though, I have text messages of hers where she apologetically admits that everything has been her fault and that she will "pay back" everything that she owes me (including the specified amount owed), but like I said, this was over 2 months ago now with no communication and no payments on her part (despite knowing she received over £1000 for her job in July, while she is back at her mum's living rent free). Payday is on Tuesday for me so I'll be taking these down messages to the small claims court along with other evidence such as her late payment debt letters and bank statements with money transfered from my account to hers.
So yeah I think that's most of it, I have been too forgiving and easy on those that trampled all over me, taken advantage of my nature and helped to ruin my finances, my health and my well being. It will be a long and slow road to recovery as there's still debt on the house which needs to be cleared by years end, but I know I will get there, it's not the first time I've had to pick myself up from absolutely nothing. Take care GAF, don't let people shit on you and don't be irresponsible like I have, living like this is not fun.
My current situation is shit, I have £1.94 left to my name currently and have been rationing the cheapest food I can find (economy sausages and baked beans, pasta and frozen veg) for about 2 weeks now, leaving my body feeling absolute awful and now, I have dropped below 9st in weight. I feel as utterly pathetic as I sound and look, I used to be fit and healthy. How did I get here? Life never used to be like this for me, beforehand when I was single I had no money worries, travelled the world twice for months out of my own money and had no issue treating myself (I blew £7500 cash on a sound system, for example).
I'll quickly skip through the abusive relationship I was in prior to my last one as that was years ago, but it did leave me with NO friends or family as my incredibly dumb, simp ass back then refused to get rid of her despite all the damage she was doing to both me and them, as well as her abuse increasing ten fold if I tried to communicate with anyone. She had a few problems to say the least and was a fucking nutcase, but God damn her body and the sex were amazing. I've learnt my lesson but I've never made a full recovery. The saying "Don't dip your dick in crazy" is there for a reason. I was diagnosed with depression after this happened but I've always been a stubborn little shit who refuses medication for most things. I've never taken anything to help it as I'd rather try and fight my own battles.
Fast forward to this year - a couple of months ago. I split up with my long term partner because she too began dragging me down psychologically and financially to the point of complete ruin. I met her back in 2012 and things were good for a few years. Around 2017 is when everything started to turn to shit, after we moved to a newer, bigger, more expensive place. Almost immediately after we moved, I lost six, yes SIX jobs in a row because every single one of them suffered the same fate shortly after I started each and every one of them - business closures. These varied from running a pub and two nightclubs for Landlords who insisted on making terrible decisions and wouldn't listen to advice (I was never paid my last 3 months wages from one of these), a private broadband sales company where the tax dodging owner suddenly upped and left for Poland with all of the staff's wages, a laptop and computer repair workshop that moved to another city and finally a retail outlet (I was accepting jobs anywhere out of desperation by this point) that had enough of rampant theft and extortionate rent.
During all of this time, my partner was generally too lazy and unmotivated to hold down a job of her own for more than a month or two at a time before quitting and then spending 6+months solid sitting on her arse watching TV for 12+ hours a day. During this time I have been paying for basically everything, despite having a shitty income myself due to the above problems and the low income job I am currently in. What didn't help is that we were a couple of stoners, so that was a big money drain as well. To increase to the stress, she never learnt to cook in her life, ever, and wouldn't do any housework either other than the occasional bit of dish washing, which was so poorly done that I had to re-do it all myself along with the housework and cooking after getting home from my 10 hour shifts. Meanwhile, she continued to binge watch TV.
I had previously kicked my partner out in 2018 for similar reasons to the above but we kept on good terms and remained friends. She got her own place to rent and finally kept a job for more than a few months. In March 2019, she came crying to me about her housemates and how she couldn't cope living with them anymore due to various issues, so I thought maybe, since she kept a job and started to improve herself, things wouldn't be so bad. I let her move back in under the premise that she must contribute towards the rent and bills this time and continue to get her life in order. What a silly mistake that was.! It was 2 or 3 months later that the old cycle began again - she quit her job and did fuck all at home. I wasn't so easy on her this time and kept telling her that if she didn't get a job and stopped relying on me to do everything, I'd kick her back out again because I was fed up of looking after and paying for a 27 year old child. Amazingly after these arguments, she would get hired within days, funny that. What wasn't funny is when she would quit said job after a month or so, there was always and excuse. In the space of 2.5 years, so went through 10 or 11 jobs which amounted to about 7-8 months work in total.
We've also had issues with the house during this time which cost a lot of money too - a costly water leak which caused damage and a huge bill - and of course who has had to pay for this? Me, she hasn't contributed a penny.
I've kept tabs on the few payments she did make last year and the ones she hasn't for this entire year. I kicked her out when she quit her last job in July after just 5 weeks of work which is when she also reached £3000 in owed payments towards the house and bills alone, NOT including her travel costs to see her family and friends, her phone bills, her weed and paying off the loan sharks she so stupidly went to behind my back. What did she buy with that loan shark money? Fucking wedding clothes for us when I had no intention of marrying her, alarm bells started ringing immediately. Obviously my love for weed had to come to an end too as I was beginning to run out of money - I know I should have quit this earlier but it was the only thing that could de-stress me. My stress levels had become so high that huge chunks of my hair have fallen out, my chest feels tight and the feeling of popping candy going off all across the front and inside of my skull.
It's been 2 months with narey a word from her on the money that she owes me, she has me blocked everywhere with the last message I received being her family threatening my with violence if I ever speak to her again, because apparently I was supposed to put up with this shit, even though her mother kicked her out for the very same reasons years ago. Her stuff is still here clogging up my house for crying out loud. I haven't yet thrown it away or sold anything, not that she had anything valuable anyway, just in case it is something she could use against me later.
Luckily for me though, I have text messages of hers where she apologetically admits that everything has been her fault and that she will "pay back" everything that she owes me (including the specified amount owed), but like I said, this was over 2 months ago now with no communication and no payments on her part (despite knowing she received over £1000 for her job in July, while she is back at her mum's living rent free). Payday is on Tuesday for me so I'll be taking these down messages to the small claims court along with other evidence such as her late payment debt letters and bank statements with money transfered from my account to hers.
So yeah I think that's most of it, I have been too forgiving and easy on those that trampled all over me, taken advantage of my nature and helped to ruin my finances, my health and my well being. It will be a long and slow road to recovery as there's still debt on the house which needs to be cleared by years end, but I know I will get there, it's not the first time I've had to pick myself up from absolutely nothing. Take care GAF, don't let people shit on you and don't be irresponsible like I have, living like this is not fun.
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. Only kidding, I have a small field at the back of my house which I take a stroll around. As for family, I'll set up a new Facebook account and try and find them on there.
