I have never seen the critically acclaimed but often unwatched series Arrested Development. The reason is because every time the show is mentioned anywhere on the Internet Arrested Development fanboys show up and start talking about how it’s the greatest show ever and that it’s going to get cancelled because the general public is too stupid to get the jokes and blah blah blah. They start telling you when it’s on and how great it is and I’m sick of it. You don’t even have to say the words “Arrested Development” in the same sentence. All you have to do is somehow get the words “development” and “arrested” on the same page somewhere and a fan of the show will show up without fail and berate anyone who does not watch it.
I was reading a thread on our very own Something Awful Forums about some random topic, probably Terry Schiavo the human carrot since everybody is talking about that stupid woman who literally vomited herself into a coma, and someone happened to mention Arrested Development. I think they were saying something like, “I don’t have much time because Arrested Development is coming on soon but blah blah blah.” The thread wasn’t even about television and it only took a couple more replies for someone to show up and start the “HOLY FUCKING SHIT ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT IS THE BEST SHOW EVER” nerd spiel. He posted this short essay on why the world is so unfair that excellent shows like Arrested Development are beaten into submission like a red-headed step child (or one of my children) and yet shows like American Idol prosper.
You know how when you say “Beatlejuice” three times Michael Keaton is supposed to show up? You only have to say “Arrested Development” once and someone will show up and suck your dick in the hopes that you watch this dumb show. Give me a fucking break. I’m sick of hearing about it and because everybody is praising the show so fervently I have decided to never ever watch it for as long as I live. I was mildly interested and was probably going to catch it eventually but because of all the Arrested Development lunacy you lost a potential fan. That’s it. You pushed too hard. You scared me away. And I’m sure you scared a ton of other people away as well. No show is so incredible that you have to buy a goddamn banner ad on a web site for it. Isn’t that the kind of thing the marketing department at Fox is supposed to do?