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[Artistic]

At least I don't think so. But not too much feels enjoyable anymore. I think I need a change of scenery, routine, or just completely switch up how I live my life. I have little to no true friends I feel like and every relationship feels transcational.

Biggest thing is I either want a true friendship or relationship with someone. Just don't know how to go about it where it doesn't involve drinking or smoking.

Any advice is appreciated.

 

[Trogdor1123]

At least I don't think so. But not too much feels enjoyable anymore. I think I need a change of scenery, routine, or just completely switch up how I live my life. I have little to no true friends I feel like and every relationship feels transcational.

Biggest thing is I either want a true friendship or relationship with someone. Just don't know how to go about it where it doesn't involve drinking or smoking.

Any advice is appreciated.

Do you belong to any clubs or sports teams?

 

[Artistic]

Do you belong to any clubs or sports teams?

I don't. Essentially a loner.

 

[cormack12]

Join a hiking/walking group. Something with little pressure on being a big formal social interaction. Develop smaller more personal relationships and they will widen over time.

I'd suggest local sports teams as well but they generally descend into drinking and drugs in my experience. But you can still have solid relationships form from them

 

[Tokio Blues]

At least I don't think so. But not too much feels enjoyable anymore. I think I need a change of scenery, routine, or just completely switch up how I live my life. I have little to no true friends I feel like and every relationship feels transcational.

Biggest thing is I either want a true friendship or relationship with someone. Just don't know how to go about it where it doesn't involve drinking or smoking.

Any advice is appreciated.

I would suggest that you start training at the gym. Set a goal and an objective.

Over the years it becomes more difficult to form relationships. I would look for groups that do common activities -always oriented towards sports-

On the other hand, music is a good component to bring people together, particularly electronic music, you can find very good people and very open to forming groups.

If you ever need to talk to someone, you can send me a message and we'll chat.

You are not alone OP.

 

[Hookshot]

Cut your hair in a really shit way so that people engage you in conversation about it to improve your social networks and then when it grows out you'll be happy again to improve your positivity.

 

[Trogdor1123]

I don't. Essentially a loner.

Give it a go then. Find a sports league that you enjoy or some clubs. You would be amazed how many people are in exactly the same place as you.

 

[Rentahamster]

Just don't know how to go about it where it doesn't involve drinking or smoking.

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like those two things are way less important than they were 10 years ago. I know lots of younger people who don't do those things, relative to my millennial friends.

 

[Artistic]

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like those two things are way less important than they were 10 years ago. I know lots of younger people who don't do those things, relative to my millennial friends.

Maybe it's who I'm around or what I see on social media. But that's all everyone is on currently.

 

[Artistic]

I'm 31 currently as well.

 

[NecrosaroIII]

Get some help, OP. Reach out to your parents and tell them how you feel. They can help you.

 

[tommib]

Join CrossFit or whatever group activity. Call your parents, text your mom. Don't be afraid to go to a pub by yourself and have a drink. Stay there for 30 minutes. Things happen some times.

Don't spend too much time inside your head. Walk. Join guided tours. Nothing will happen inside a screen. Dating apps are broken. Be kind to yourself.

 

[bitbydeath]

First, work out what interests you.
There are groups for everything.
Saying that, some form of exercise would help clear your inner turmoil as well, even without an established relationship.

 

[Rentahamster]

Maybe it's who I'm around or what I see on social media. But that's all everyone is on currently.

Social media is brain poison for a person like you in your current mental/emotional state, and social status. I'd encourage you to ignore it. It will never help you feel better about your self or teach you how to interact with humans.

The way to do that is to actually interact with humans. The most common way to success is to both improve yourself and your access to people. Improve your physical fitness. When you do that, you will be more satisfied with the person staring back at you in the mirror and that will help to improve your mental health. Get out of your comfort zone and sign up for classes or workshops or clubs to interact with others and improve your skills. You're not going to be good at this at the start, but there isn't any other way besides practice.

 

[purvispisgah]

OP, don't know if you have a rock climbing gym accessible, but I've never experienced a more community oriented activity outside of organized religion. If you learn to belay, it's easy to find partners, it's quite safe, and a good way to get in shape.

Unless you're just deathly afraid of heights, big recommendation from me.

Edit: and remove social media from your life asap. Places like twitter, reddit, Instagram, they're basically engineered to serve you content that will make you isolated from humanity. No screens, touch grass, etc.

 

[Draugoth]

The past 3 months for me has been pretty hard and i've started drinking.

Get help if you can. I think the best thing it can happen to us is working with something we truly enjoy.

 

[IFireflyl]

Edit: and remove social media from your life asap. Places like twitter, reddit, Instagram, they're basically engineered to serve you content that will make you isolated from humanity. No screens, touch grass, etc.

This is extremely good advice. I no longer use most social media, and I do not regret it. Facebook? Gone. Twitter/X? Don't use it. Facebook? Nope. Instagram? Nada. Facebook? Not a chance. TikTok? Nuh-uh. Facebook? I'd rather die. Reddit? Guilty, actually. Facebook? Not even a little bit. What's App? More like "What's That". Facebook? No way! SnapChat? I'm not a 16 year old girl. Facebook? Nah brah.

P S. One more thing I feel compelled to mention: I also do not use Facebook.

 

[Grildon Tundy]

Exercise is a cure for what ails, personally. As in all the thoughts that were filling up my head shrink and become of no concern after finishing a long run. Doesn't even have to be social.

Been making excuses not work out this week, and I already feel the brain fog and lethargy taking shape...

Fine, OP, I'll go on a run. You talked me into it.

 

[MaestroMike]

go to church

 

[drexplora]

If you can afford it, sign up for the gym and and a trainer.

 

[FunkMiller]

Join a hiking/walking group. Something with little pressure on being a big formal social interaction.

Walking is easily the best thing for your mental health, but not enough people talk about it, because there’s no real way to make money out of it.

 

[Artistic]

go to church

I go when I can, but not enough honestly. Haven't carved out a dedicated time for it in my schedule.

 

[Rentahamster]

I go when I can, but not enough honestly. Haven't carved out a dedicated time for it in my schedule.

Do you feel fulfilled when you do, and does it lead to meaningful human interaction, social activities, and opportunities for relationships?

 

[bender]

Volunteer at your local food bank.

 

[West Texas CEO]

Volunteer at your local food bank.

That's where I like spending most of my time.

 

[Rentahamster]

That's where I like spending most of my time.

 

[Artistic]

I don't want to seem like I'm complaining either but I just know there's a lot more to life than what I currently do as well.

 

[MaestroMike]

I go when I can, but not enough honestly. Haven't carved out a dedicated time for it in my schedule.

Maybe pick a sport u enjoy watching and can follow week to week to keep giving u something to look forward to. Like the others said get ur exercise/cardio/walking in consistently and eat ur veggies ur health especially heart health is the foundation

 

[Griffon]

I was in the same situation last year, but I finally caved in, joined some club and very quickly hooked up with a couple cute girls. No joke. It happened much faster than I ever thought.

The hard truth is that everybody is alone and scared. If you're nice enough, you smell good and you're not a creep they'll simply want to be around you.
The standard for good men is really fucking low.

If you're a fatty, get thin any way you can. Nobody likes fatasses.


PS: avoid dating apps, the goal of these is to never let you actually date anyone. And especially not girls who would like you.

 

[Gp1]

At least I don't think so. But not too much feels enjoyable anymore. I think I need a change of scenery, routine, or just completely switch up how I live my life. I have little to no true friends I feel like and every relationship feels transcational.

Biggest thing is I either want a true friendship or relationship with someone. Just don't know how to go about it where it doesn't involve drinking or smoking.

Any advice is appreciated.

Boxing or jiujitsu classes

Unless you're completely out of shape (out of shape like "I'm dying after a flight of stairs" or my knees are completely f*up, etc.), my suggestion is find something to work your body out to the point of exhaustion. You will fell like shit for a week or so, everything will hurt, etc.

Then, my friend, after that first week is when the magic happens.

You're welcome.

 

[killatopak]

Take up a new hobby.

The social interaction follows. Mutual hobby passion brings up social interaction.

Obviously hobbies that require actual meet ups is preferable to online ones but they can both work.

 

[The Cockatrice]

hit the gym is a gimmick most would say but its what the majority of lonely men do and it actually helps with depression. Theres also the bonus of looking better and having a better opinion of yourself which also helps in the long run, just dont expect results in a month. This takes years. Friends and relying on people is a double edged sword so be careful with that. Avoid Tinder, it's a cesspool, however I've heard and seen a lot of folks meeting someone, but again, it's very rare and it might make things worse. I think dating apps have increased depression in men more than helped.

 

[Chuck Berry]

That's where I like spending most of my time.

He said the local food bank, not the company refrigerator eyeing up people's lunches

 

[DeVeAn]

Read the Bible from front to back. That's what I did. Truly helped me get over that feeling.

 

[Klosshufvud]

I think the hardest part of adulthood is that people don't come to you for free anymore. The people you've known for years also undergo significant change and that includes oneself. So it's natural to lose old friends and unfortunately they become harder and harder to replace with time. There are many venues to meet people but at the same time, finding the time and energy for it after an exhausting work week may also be asking a bit too much. And meeting new friends may not always be difficult but then maintaining those relationships and investing time to that, that would typically go to your own rest time.

So just wanted to say that this isn't easy. Good luck.

 

[Outlier]

At least I don't think so. But not too much feels enjoyable anymore. I think I need a change of scenery, routine, or just completely switch up how I live my life. I have little to no true friends I feel like and every relationship feels transcational.

Biggest thing is I either want a true friendship or relationship with someone. Just don't know how to go about it where it doesn't involve drinking or smoking.

Any advice is appreciated.

Think of it this way:

When you've done things you've enjoyed in your past, was it the actual activity that was enjoyable or was it the sense of exploration, discovery, and accomplishments while doing the activities?

I think most get depressed from simple boredom of repetition. Trying new things is best practice, because retreading familiar grounds grants diminishing returns.

As for relationships; Most (if not all) relationships are transactional, on some level.
The important thing to focus on is if they are mutually beneficial relations.

Find an interest, then people who share that interest, and help each other grow, around it.

 

[Outlier]

Cut your hair in a really shit way so that people engage you in conversation about it to improve your social networks and then when it grows out you'll be happy again to improve your positivity.

Lol. Don't do this.
If people don't like/care you they will stay quiet, as if they don't notice.
That and/or it could make people look at you more negatively.

 

[John Marston]

Take up a new hobby.

The social interaction follows. Mutual hobby passion brings up social interaction.

Obviously hobbies that require actual meet ups is preferable to online ones but they can both work.

Gold for killatopak because awesome Christmas Avatar.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

Maybe it's who I'm around or what I see on social media. But that's all everyone is on currently.

Social media is poison for the mind, everyone on it is successful, more accomplished than you, living a dream life. It's fake, everyone is hustling to make it big, "fake it till you make it".

Exercise is a cure for what ails, personally. As in all the thoughts that were filling up my head shrink and become of no concern after finishing a long run. Doesn't even have to be social.

Been making excuses not work out this week, and I already feel the brain fog and lethargy taking shape...

Fine, OP, I'll go on a run. You talked me into it.

Yeah, going out for a run is a great idea for most situations actually. Gets a bit harder if you have family that judges you for that.

I go when I can, but not enough honestly. Haven't carved out a dedicated time for it in my schedule.

It's a question of priorities - you will never have time till you make time. It simply means this is not a priority for you, and that's fine.

I don't want to seem like I'm complaining either but I just know there's a lot more to life than what I currently do as well.

Think about it this way - I understand you are single? Or at least without kids? There are people here 10 or 20 years older than you, with wife, kids, stuck in a rut as well.

 

[Peggies]

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like those two things are way less important than they were 10 years ago. I know lots of younger people who don't do those things, relative to my millennial friends.

I know, right? When I was young, we would get drunk and smoke all the time and make fun of how we're all alcoholics and will die of lung cancer.

Today it seems young people are obsessed with being healthy, drinking at least 3 litres of ionized water and eating their glutenfree lunch at the fairtrade organic coffeeshop.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

Today it seems young people are obsessed with being healthy, drinking at least 3 litres of ionized water and eating their glutenfree lunch at the fairtrade organic coffeeshop.

Because being healthy is the new "rich".

 

[Kenneth Haight]

At least I don't think so. But not too much feels enjoyable anymore. I think I need a change of scenery, routine, or just completely switch up how I live my life. I have little to no true friends I feel like and every relationship feels transcational.

Biggest thing is I either want a true friendship or relationship with someone. Just don't know how to go about it where it doesn't involve drinking or smoking.

Any advice is appreciated.

I was diagnosed with anhedonia at one point in my life.

Don’t take those bullshit SSRIs you will inevitably be offered.

Do exercise, cold immersion. Eat as healthy as you can afford. This will raise your baseline dopamine levels to a “normal” persons level.

Go and get serious medical help though, speaking to someone is the way forward.

I hope you get some comfort, that’s all of us are looking for in this life.

 

[Kenneth Haight]

Walking is easily the best thing for your mental health

100% this as well.

Hiking and being out in nature cannot be understated. In this 21st fast pace technology ridden world, getting back to nature can be very important.

 

[YCoCg]

I'd even suggest taking a break from here, even though GAF is more level headed than most places on the internet it's still one that often thrives in negativity which is a real mood killer (though it has been better recently)

 

[Hot5pur]

We are your true friends here on GAF, OP.

What is your life philosophy? Have you done any soul searching?
People often try to treat their down moods with things outside of themselves, but the only way to have lasting happiness is by forgoing happiness altogether and focusing on finding the truth to this life that we are living.
- You didn't ask to be born
- You haven't controlled most of what happened to you
- Who you are as a person is largely a function of how your childhood went
- There is no real reason or meaning behind us being here
- Your being is a bunch of electro-chemical impulses giving rise to a consolidated consciousness that is under the illusion of being a singular "self"

If the above bullet points are not the most fascinating list I don't now what is. In my own journey, I came to the conclusion to just go along with whatever arises naturally, sometimes I'll get sucked into a game, a TV series a hobby, just go with the flow. You don't control what you find exciting, and it can change randomly with time. The key is to expose yourself to as much as possible and find what sticks, so you can pass the time. You do however have agency, and sometimes it's worth considering pushing through things that are not always the most interesting to get to the more interesting stuff (the "delayed gratification" idea). Eg. starting out playing an instrument is painful, but when you reach mastery it can feel like a version of enlightenment.
People can be very fun, but they can also be unreliable and hurtful, relationships are not the silver bullet to being content, but they can certainly play a big meaningful role.

 

[Branded]

We are your true friends here on GAF, OP.

What is your life philosophy? Have you done any soul searching?
People often try to treat their down moods with things outside of themselves, but the only way to have lasting happiness is by forgoing happiness altogether and focusing on finding the truth to this life that we are living.
- You didn't ask to be born
- You haven't controlled most of what happened to you
- Who you are as a person is largely a function of how your childhood went
- There is no real reason or meaning behind us being here
- Your being is a bunch of electro-chemical impulses giving rise to a consolidated consciousness that is under the illusion of being a singular "self"

If the above bullet points are not the most fascinating list I don't now what is. In my own journey, I came to the conclusion to just go along with whatever arises naturally, sometimes I'll get sucked into a game, a TV series a hobby, just go with the flow. You don't control what you find exciting, and it can change randomly with time. The key is to expose yourself to as much as possible and find what sticks, so you can pass the time. You do however have agency, and sometimes it's worth considering pushing through things that are not always the most interesting to get to the more interesting stuff (the "delayed gratification" idea). Eg. starting out playing an instrument is painful, but when you reach mastery it can feel like a version of enlightenment.
People can be very fun, but they can also be unreliable and hurtful, relationships are not the silver bullet to being content, but they can certainly play a big meaningful role.

What a bunch of pseudo-philosophical gobbledygook. I like how your conclusion is basically "Everything is random, just go along with it, don't stress, you have no agency or control over anything".

whiteguyblinking.gif

 

[Hot5pur]

What a bunch of pseudo-philosophical gobbledygook. I like how your conclusion is basically "Everything is random, just go along with it, don't stress, you have no agency or control over anything".

whiteguyblinking.gif

You're just not there yet bro. Takes time

 

[Kenneth Haight]

What a bunch of pseudo-philosophical gobbledygook. I like how your conclusion is basically "Everything is random, just go along with it, don't stress, you have no agency or control over anything".

whiteguyblinking.gif

Valuable contribution

 

[Trogdor1123]

Volunteer at your local food bank.

This is a fantastic idea, especially at this time of year. Volunteering is incredible rewarding.

Maybe join a snow angel program? I did that and we used to sit around and chat with folks we did it for and then get together as a group afterwards. The results were great.

 

[Rentahamster]

I know, right? When I was young, we would get drunk and smoke all the time and make fun of how we're all alcoholics and will die of lung cancer.

Today it seems young people are obsessed with being healthy, drinking at least 3 litres of ionized water and eating their glutenfree lunch at the fairtrade organic coffeeshop.

The reason is because we're either more depressed and trying to compensate, or less depressed and trying to compensate.

I haven't decided which is right lol.